I want to start by saying that I had every intention to finally tell the whole TRUE story of "The Book" after this final episode. I even had it written out weeks ago but I was unable to post it until now.
After really thinking about it I have changed my mind. I am TIRED of talking or even THINKING about this book. It was NEVER about the book in the first place. I am also writing this blog without watching the second half of the reunion show. I kind of know what went down because I was there. But you never know how things could be twisted to look a different way.
So what I am about to give you is what is in my heart.
I have never in my life been in such a bad place than I was during the filming of this show. I signed on for this show shortly after I read a book called The Power of Now. This book completely changed my life. I was quite honestly the happiest that I have ever been. I am not saying that I was unhappy before I read this, but I was not at peace with certain areas of my life. I had everything to be happy about, a beautiful healthy daughter, a husband that I love, a thriving career and a foundation for sick children that was so rewarding. But some things would bug me. I have always dealt with my fair share of negative comments mostly from people who didn't know me. To me this was mind-boggling. I woke up every morning with the intent to do nothing but good for myself and everyone around me. So to hear these CONSTANT comments and rumors were hurtful to say the least. I would always let that get to me...until I read this book. I am not saying that I am perfect, far from it, but I never would want to intentionally hurt ANYONE ever. I am sure that I made mistakes and said and did the wrong thing here and there but it was NEVER done with ill intentions. So WHAT'S my point in all this? I'm getting to it...LOL.
When Danielle and I had the initial falling out, it was the way in which she spoke to me that freaked me out. NEVER in my 36 years of life has anyone ever spoke to me like that. When I hung up the phone I sobbed. Not because of the content of the conversation, because she managed to bring out someone inside of me I didn't even know was there. It was a side of me I have never seen or heard. It was in that moment I decided this girl is NOT for me, she was toxic... I never want to go to that place again, and that is what I TRIED to do from that moment on.