An Epiphany

Well folks, we all survived another challenging season together. Holy crap life can get sticky at times, but I have learned to live by the saying "This too shall pass," and it ALWAYS does. This is my last and final blog of the season. I wanted to write about the reunion as a whole and not divide it into two parts. I want everyone to understand that we filmed for 12 hours, but you are only seeing two hours of it. There was a LOT said at the reunion that may have answered some of your questions, but there was also a LOT that got cut out! Not everything got to air in the two hours that you saw. I think it's because a lot of what was going on between everyone wasn't aired during our season, a lot happened behind the scenes, and what really needed to be addressed and discussed was what the viewers had actually seen. Try and understand that please.

Not going to lie, my intention was to go into the reunion swinging. I was ready to go to battle and win. I wanted to call Danielle out on every lie that I have caught her in. I wanted to hurt and embarrass her with all the truths that I had learned about her and expose her with all of my collected facts. I wanted her to feel the pain that she had inflicted on me and onto others with the lies she had told and for her to answer to the danger I felt she had put all of us into on many different occasions, in many different forms and levels. My dislike for her had grown so much since the end of filming. I had become bitter and angry toward her. I figured that this was my last chance to put it all out there and make it all known. I came fully prepared and loaded.

A lot of things were brought up that you did not get to see. It had been a long day, and I was getting worn out from spewing my venom. We took a long break after one of the few times Danielle had stormed off the set. What had we accomplished by this point? Nothing! Nada! It turned into a big "he said, she said" game, and it wasn't getting us anywhere! Danielle was not admitting to ANYthing! Even with the proof in front of her! If you're going to lie, lie to the end, I guess? I was feeling increasingly  frustrated! The game was getting old real quick.

During the break, we all went back to our corners. I wanted to come back in the game mimicking her just to piss her off. I had enough by that point! I found myself pacing back and forth and swearing. Then I got to thinking some more while I was drinking a Bellini to calm my nerves. I called my husband to vent. I had some time to put out the fire under my ass and reflect on this past year. That's when I had an epiphany!

Why were we here? What was the point of all of this? Why am I allowing someone get me this angry? I was CHOOSING to react. How did it get to this point? What am I gaining by fighting back? Temporary satisfaction maybe, but WHAT does that do for me long term? Why did I feel the need so bad to prove to the viewers the truth that she and I already know? Why was it so important for me to expose her? I don't know. After I expose her, then what? Do I walk away feeling good about myself? No! What would I  really win? Nothing! Is the way I am acting a step in a positive direction? No, it's all negative and only feuling the fire. Is it making me a better person? No, I'm becoming bitter and mean. What is my ultimate goal and why? Peace of mind, safety for my family, drama free. I just wanted all of this nonsense to stop. I wanted us both to get to move on in our lives peacefully in our separate directions. I wanted to end the war. How do I achieve this goal?

It didn't matter to me anymore how we got to this point or who was right or wrong or who did what to whom. It needed to end! Period! There was a time we were friends, but somewhere along the way we both got hurt and it turned to anger and made us bitter and it just kept escalating. Each trying to one up another to hurt each other. It was immature but unfortunately that is what it came to.

Caroline tried her best to stay out of the drama. She advised us not to respond to her and to just avoid her at all costs. That was very hard to do as time went on because I was hearing and seeing more and more attacks on us. Caroline stepped in at the finale for an attempt to put an end to all the craziness. I love her for that. She wasn't looking for an apology or to make an apology. She just wanted to make a deal to agree to disagree, move on and end the war. As you know, the result of that sit down didn't go as well as we had hoped. It was worth a shot. Thank you again Caroline. We all appreciated your efforts. We love you. XXOO!

Teresa, I love you too my fiesty little Italian friend! XOXO! I love your entire family.

All I knew is that I just couldn't continue living in this negativity and darkness that I was sinking deeper and deeper into. I told Danielle that because of my anger, I was actually starting to take pleasure in retweeting articles that were exposing her for the lies she had told or the troubles that she was in, that had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. I was becoming this horrible person that I wasn't really enjoying. I found it to only add more stress to my life when I should have just focused on all the positive and good in my life. It was one thing for me to be upset with the things she had done to me or my family but the rest of it was absolutely NONE of my business. I just took pleasure in spreading her misfortune because of my strong dislike for her. That was kind of sick,huh? It really didn't make me much better of a person did it? I was only inviting more negativity into my life and keeping the feud going. I should have taken the high road all along but I got caught up in the game. Shame on me. I should have listened to my parents who taught me to always do the right thing, and you will never have to answer to anybody. I finally decided to let it ALL go and move away from it. Some of that conversation you did not see, but you got the general idea of it. I explained to Danielle my feelings of how I was hurt by her and how I was not understanding why she did some of the things she said and did. I gave my thoughts on how I thought we all got to this point and what my intentions were for the reunion. I told her it wasn't healthy for any of us and it had got to a point where it had to end. When you have cared about a person and they hurt you or even if a stranger hurts you in some way, that hurt turns into anger and bitterness and there is NOTHING good that can come out of that. I told Danielle that after this reunion that I will no longer speak negatively of her on Twitter, Facebook, in the media, etc. I meant that. I was sincere in everything that I said. Everyone has the right to live their life in peace. I feel that lack of communication between people can be one of the biggest causes of misunderstandings and conflicts. I also feel that the way you communicate is key. Your approach is also very important. To make it clear, Danielle and I are not friends, we will not speak, it's just an ending to the war, and acknowledgement of wrongdoings on both ends, and for us both to move on in separate directions peacefully. It was a decision to let go of all the anger and agree to move on.

A special thanks to Sirens Media and Bravo for this great opportunity to be a part of their family and giving us the pleasure of allowing others to be a part of ours. XXOO!

Thank you to all of our fans that support our show and gave us the incredible record breaking ratings that we have. We sincerely appreciate you all. Sometimes the truth is hard to take, but I appreciate all of your words of wisdom and advice. Sometimes having your worst moments thrown back into your face over and over again teaches us good, valuable life lessons. I'm grateful to have the show to allow me to see myself as others see me. I hope you understand that we open up our lives for you to see the good and the bad so that you may relate to us in some way and know you are not alone with your own issues that you may be dealing with. I think it's brave of all of us to share our lives with you. Not everybody is willing to open their lives up to the public like we do. Whatever you are afraid of and what ever you are hiding, I'm sure there are more people out there in your same situation than you think. We are all here on earth to help each other. Don't knock us for having the guts to be real and open about our flaws. Nobody is perfect, and there is not one person out there who does the right thing in every situation, every time and in every aspect of their life. Enough with the throwing stones unless you are willing to let me analyze every aspect of your life. Constructive criticism is always accepted, the insults are not tolerated. On Twitter, I will block you. Talk to me like a friend. When a friend screws up, you want to help lead them down the right path. We are all human and we all make mistakes. We all learn and grow from our experiences and not everybody learns at the same pace. Learn patience with others.

Thank you to my family, friends and babysitters (Nettie, Sarah, and Mom when you were in town) for your love, understanding and support during our busy and stressful times and for always being there. I love you all very much.

For those interested on where I buy my clothes... I shopped mostly this season at Posche in Wayne,NJ and Maluka in Wyckoff, NJ. I also stop in Neiman Marcus from time to time.

For Nicholas I shop at www.babyrockapparel.com, www.littleshowoffs.com, www.theretrobaby.com, www.punkrockbaby.com , www.ritzybaby.com . For great blankets www.Tutimnyc.com for adorable binky holders. Sweet Lullyby in Wyckoff, NJ also. Check out www.turtletoppy.com for infant seat and stroller covers and www.animaLoos.com.

Thank you Dr.Kassir in Wayne, NJ for clearing up Ashley's deviated septum and at the same time giving her a beautiful new nose and great lasers for great skin. I'd also like to thank Dr. William Song in Oakland, NJ and Michele, my Esthetician, at Omni Health Spa for helloooo ... my Botox, microdermabrasion, hair removal special lasers and for selling Medifast! Thank you Dr.Allen Rosen and his great team in Montclair for my breast reduction. Loving it!

Thank you my niece Lauren Manzo for the fabulous job you did on my makeup for the reunion show. I am so proud of you! XoXo!

See you all again next year! Follow me on Twitter under JacLaurita. I can't wait to see the Beverly Hills Housewives. It looks good. Take care, God Bless! Love to all! XoXo!