Ask Caroline

Caroline Manzo tackles questions on parenting, relationships, and self-esteem.

on May 16, 2011

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Jennifer from Manahawkin, NJ says: Hi Caroline - Love the show but most of all I love the kind of mother you are. My question is this. I have three children, two boys (12 and 10) and one girl (5). I really, really want another baby, but my husband says absolutely not! He's concerned about finances, room in our house, etc. He is an amazing father, and I think we do such a great job as parents that we are exactly the type of parents who should be having more children. I know too many people that pop out kids, and then don't take care of them. It breaks my heart, because I just want to be a mom, that's all I ever wanted. How am I supposed to deal with not having another baby. I'm only 32, but the clock is ticking. We have discussed this topic for years and hundreds of times. He's a definite no and I'm a definite yes! Help!

PS: Should I get him drunk and take advantage or what?

Caroline says: Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer... Count your blessings! You seem to have a wonderful family life that includes a doting father and three beautiful children, be happy! 

I have to agree with your husband on this one. It isn't easy raising a family today, and I can understand where he's coming from. Think about college tuition, clothes, extra curricular activities, medical bills, and whatever other surprises pop up along the way. You tell me that he is a doting father and a great provider, so why would you want to put unnecessary pressure on him? It appears to me that this is a true sticking point in the relationship. I can understand if you've discussed having children and never did, that's a promise broken, but you've got three children so he's kept his end of the deal.

I can promise you this as sure as I know my name, if you keep up with the "argument," it will eventually strain your relationship and in doing so will ultimately affect the children.

Another thing that seems to be screaming at me as I read in between the lines; I know the feeling of being a mom, there's no greater joy in the world. However, you cannot let being a mother define who you are. Yes, it's a huge roll that you will play until your dying day. Having said that, you are also a wife and an individual. Never lose sight of that, remember to keep the spark alive between you and your husband. Being a mom and dad are very important roles, but being a husband and wife is the glue that holds the family together.  

Now let's talk about getting him drunk and taking advantage. Hey, I'm all for it, but for the right reasons! Having children is a life-changing situation and should be discussed and agreed upon by the two of you. There's no room for joking.

Jennifer you seem like a loving, devoted mother, and I commend you, I really do. You have three healthy children that live a blessed life. Love your children and your husband with all of your heart and realize how lucky you are to have them. BE HAPPY.