Ask Caroline

Caroline Manzo tackles questions on dating, friendship, and watching your children mature.

on May 23, 20110

Got a question for Caroline? Send it.

Malerie from Lynchburg, VA says: How do you tell a best friend to grow up without coming across like a total b---- or ruining your friendship?

Caroline says: Good question Malerie.

If I had to define what true friendship means to me, it would be a person that sticks with you through the good times as well as the bad. A true friend will tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. A true friend will understand where I'm coming from and won't stay mad or judge me for who or what I am. With true friendship comes acceptance for who you are, not what someone wants you to be.

If your friend is behaving in a manner that is becoming a sticking point in your relationship, it needs to be addressed. Sweeping your feelings under the rug will only produce negative feelings towards her and get you nowhere fast.  

First and foremost you need to stay calm and state your case clearly without making her feel as if she's being attacked. Her natural instinct will probably be to "hit" back. If she does, hear her out, listen to what she has to say, try to understand where she's coming from and respond in a calm, positive manner. Yelling and screaming at each other only makes for an ugly catfight and will ultimately have no resolution. Make your friend understand that you're only having the conversation because you care about her and value your friendship.

Stay the course and don't get caught up in the drama. It's never easy to hear something negative about yourself, but sometimes the truth hurts. Hopefully your friend will understand where you're coming from and thank you for it later. If not, then so be it. I'd rather be the best friend I know how to be, and I would want my friends to feel the same way in return. True friendship is a rare gift that usually will stand the test of time. Good luck, Malerie!

19 comments
Lagoute
Lagoute

I'm on neither side to be heosnt-Teresa wrote a poorly humourous quip about Caroline, even though it was unmalicious it still offended another person, also I doubt she seeked out Caroline's permission to have her named used in the book.However, Caroline is making a mountain out of a moehill, Teresa made one iffy remark but it wasnt that offensive. Teresa apologized to Caroline, Caroline should have accepted it and ended it.If your asking who I like more as a person, hands down its Teresa- Sure she can say cruel things in the heat of the moment and sure she has a big stubborn streak BUT shes genuine, she's loyal to her family and friends, she doesnt meddle in other people's affairs, she's an extremely hard worker and just an all around decent person.Caroline on the other hand I cant stand her, she comes off as very controlling, "my way is the highway, and if you dont like it get off the road" type attitude. I also hate how she meddles in other peoples' business and looks her nose down upon others as well when they dont live up to her standards. I couldnt stand it when she called Danielle garbage, downright uncalled for. Now if someone called Caroline that, she'd be screaming mad and probably getting her husband to order a hit on you lol.I heard a rumour that Caroline and Jaqueline were told by Bravo that if they didnt start bringing the drama for Season 4 then they would be fired. I'm wondering if Caroline is just playing this up in order to keep her job, because really I cant see someone being THAT worked up over a quote like this "Caroline is 1/16th italialian".

Shannon Adamson
Shannon Adamson

Hi Caroline, I had a relationship with the best guy in the world and my mom ruined it by saying that he was making me sick when he wasn't, controlling me when he wasn't, that he was bad for me and he was not. I was so broken hearted that my mom did this and so did my therapist. I am not going to tell my mom who I am dating anymore. I want to move out of the house because I am sick and tired of being treated like I am a 2 year old. I want the man that I went out with back so badly please. I'm crying in tears and I miss him so much and I love him so much. I just want him to know that I love him and miss him. I am sorry for lying to him and everything. I want him back. Caroline please help me! I am such a single loser and I hate it. I'm 24 years old and I want the man I fell in love with back and he was my first love. My mom does not understand anything at all. Please help me. I want out of my house!

PLHogan
PLHogan

OMG, I can't believe anyone would criticize you for your sons!! I think they are two great guys and WORK to make their way in life and deserve all the help you give them. Love, Pam

Rebecca Langenfeld
Rebecca Langenfeld

You are such a fair minded individual BUT when are you going to let your boys be adults? I watched Sunday night and there your boys sat by you and all the women while the men were out on the deck having a ball. Skeet shooting. What is wrong with grown men doing that? And why didn't they get up and go out with the men instead of having to listen to y'all? Don't tell me because they respect their mother.....I raised a wonderful boy who has grown into a fantastic man. Doing all the things boys and men do.

Julie R
Julie R

Hi Caroline! First off, I just want to let you know how amazing you are! My mom comes from a big Italian family of 12, 8 girls, 4 boys. I am also full-blooded Italian! Whenever I watch your show, I recognize the little things in our culture like the authentic deli's around New Jersey, The canoli's, The christenings, etc. I was born and raised in Boston, MA, but now live in Austin,TX. I miss the Italian culture I was surrounded by as a kid!! Anyways, you and all your sisters are EXACTLY like my Motha and auntiees (lol). Everything from the light eyes to the nose shape and ESPECIALLY the shortness! My tallest auntie is 5'6, and my tallest uncle is 5'8! I watch you, and hope I can be half as good as a mother one day as you are :). Sincerely, Julie

sammyclaud.
sammyclaud.

Caroline,

You honestly represent the best italian mother that this world can bring us. You know the TRUE meaning of a family and BEING a family. You dont take any nonsence people say or do to your family/friends and you take charge. For your kids, they are in an amazing position to see you taking charge in whats right and what u believe in because you are shaping them to make this world strong and positive. Most people try to act like you being this way, but the reason they dont suceed in being as great as you is because they cant try to ACT like you. What you have isnt an act its real. Mothers everywhere should take the time and care you do to everything around them because everything around you is in the right ballpark.

ManhattanGirl100
ManhattanGirl100

Hello,

Just wanted to say that I was at the STOP CHILD TRAFFICKING NOW walk, this past October, at which you spoke.

You are a great woman! You remind me so much of my own mother, and I always wish that everyone could have a mother like mine. God Bless you and your family!

Texan
Texan

My 14 year old son likes you. Well first he gets mad at me for watching these shows he says mom they're faking for ratings. But then he goes off to say " I like the red headed lady she doesn't get into any arguments or take crap from anyone."

Melanie furey
Melanie furey

Caroline, I just wanna say that i think you handle every situation with class and maturity. And you are a Fantastic Mother and friend to those you love . It is very refreshing to see and I do not know you personally but i have a great deal of respect for you. Keep up the good work and i look forward to seeing what ya do next !!

;) Melanie

Viewervimar
Viewervimar

Hi caroline ,why bravo put kahty and melissa in the show,we no need them in the show,you guys are so good mothers and super good friends,we love you guys so much,but we no needd more danielles in the show.we love you and your family and the others girls,god bless you so much.

joza
joza

I think you have a lot of wise things to say and you are not into the drama which is nice but sometimes I feel like you have tooo much to say sometimes you just need to step back and listen instead of always having some sort of "advise", sometimes friends just want you to listen or to understand them, it seems like your always telling them what they are doing wrong. You are a wonderful mother and wife but I think you lack on being a good friend, I don't think you would ever let someone give you advise but you give it to everyone else. So my advise to you is to be a little more positive and understanding to your friends and LISTEN to what they are really saying. God Bless you and your family!

MARY ANN
MARY ANN

hey caroline, love love love you. you are so level headed. your skin is so flawless. i was wondering what kind of foundation do you use? powder on top of it?

vallybutterfly1981
vallybutterfly1981

If I were in the trench's, I would want Caroline Manzo to have my back! You have the eye of the tiger and words of wisdom to go with them. It's different with women are age when it comes to making new friends. We've been there and done that. We're at the stage the family and friends we have in our lives is enough. I get a sense that's where your at. Unless someone makes a huge impression, you're in a good place and don't need it.BTW, Kim G looks old enough to be your Mom. I don't believe she's only in her 50's. No way. She looks much more in her late 60's to early 70's. I understand Teresa. That woman seems so desperate to be on TV. The fact that Melisa and Kathy didn't defend Teresa spoke volumes on their character. Melisa showed up with an entourage at the fashion show. Of course when she walked out feeling confidant she was in a differnt stratosphere she had all her sisters and friends cheering her on. The look on your face was classic. I had the same look.Hopefully peace will come soon .

EricainWA
EricainWA

Your advice to Angie was spot on! I don't have children - but my aunt is "step-grandma" to her stepson's children. Stepson was a total schmuck after he and his former wife divorced, and was not very involved with his young children. My uncle naturally wanted to defend his son (while he was privately very disappointed). My aunt wisely told her husband that they and the kids had nothing to do with his son's marriage, and if the ex wife was really a bad wife to her husband's son it didn't necessarily mean she was a bad mother. My uncle realized that yes, his son's ex was NOT a bad mom. My aunt had already approached the ex before they were divorced and told her if she ever needed help with the kids, she was there. Both my aunt and uncle basically agreed to NOT discuss my uncle's son with either the ex or his kids - and focused on their relationship with the grandkids and offered free babysitting anytime she needed it.

The ex remarried - her current husband must be pretty understanding as he really took on the role of "Daddy" without alienating his new wife's former in-laws. Several years later when the ex and her husband had to move because of jobs, they invited my aunt and uncle out to visit for a couple of weeks - granted, my aunt and uncle stayed in a rental to make it easier on the new husband, but they got some quality time with the grandkids and got to know their stepdad even more.

Plus.. when the kids became older and naturally had questions about their biological father, they had grandparents that their mother knew and trusted to go to for answers... answers that didn't badmouth their mom or stepdad (who was there for them)... and who were there when they wanted to meet up with said biological father.

Monica
Monica

I love this show. I'm Italian from Naples but I live on the west coast. Not very many italians here in Seattle. I like Caroline and her family, they are awsome. I also like Teresa and her family. Teresa is beautiful and really nice. I love everything about her. Great show!

vieweridaho
vieweridaho

Caroline, I agree with you when you say you've done a good job raising your 3 children. But there is something I'm wondering about. The first episode of this season showed both your sons surprising you with an apartment they are leasing together. It's overlooking the New York skyline and the Hudson River, 2 bedrooms, no small place. I know what rent would be on a place like that. It was mentioned that Chris would no longer be working at the Brownstone and Alby is no longer pursuing a law degree. So, in this bad economy and shortage of jobs, I found it strange that it wasn't mentioned what they are doing for work, to be able to pay for a place like that. Usually you like to talk about how well your children are doing. Anyone else wondering about that?

Mrs Schnurmacher
Mrs Schnurmacher

You are the BEST! Love the Manzos.the Laurita's and the Guidices....You guys make this show worth watching. Your the only part we can let our teenagers watch....you show what families should be...Thank you. Hugs to you & Al

yaddy
yaddy

Dear caroline,

You are a beautiful perosn inside and out... You being different is the best thing ever

Larucci
Larucci

Caroline, you are one classy woman and make me proud to be Italian. Don't ever change your beautiful personality. God bless you and yours!!