Ask Caroline

Caroline Manzo tackles questions on dating, friendship, and watching your children mature.

on May 23, 2011

Got a question for Caroline? Send it.

Malerie from Lynchburg, VA says: How do you tell a best friend to grow up without coming across like a total b---- or ruining your friendship?

Caroline says: Good question Malerie.

If I had to define what true friendship means to me, it would be a person that sticks with you through the good times as well as the bad. A true friend will tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. A true friend will understand where I'm coming from and won't stay mad or judge me for who or what I am. With true friendship comes acceptance for who you are, not what someone wants you to be.

If your friend is behaving in a manner that is becoming a sticking point in your relationship, it needs to be addressed. Sweeping your feelings under the rug will only produce negative feelings towards her and get you nowhere fast.  

First and foremost you need to stay calm and state your case clearly without making her feel as if she's being attacked. Her natural instinct will probably be to "hit" back. If she does, hear her out, listen to what she has to say, try to understand where she's coming from and respond in a calm, positive manner. Yelling and screaming at each other only makes for an ugly catfight and will ultimately have no resolution. Make your friend understand that you're only having the conversation because you care about her and value your friendship.

Stay the course and don't get caught up in the drama. It's never easy to hear something negative about yourself, but sometimes the truth hurts. Hopefully your friend will understand where you're coming from and thank you for it later. If not, then so be it. I'd rather be the best friend I know how to be, and I would want my friends to feel the same way in return. True friendship is a rare gift that usually will stand the test of time. Good luck, Malerie!