Ask Caroline

Caroline Manzo tackles questions on wedding planning, having "the talk," and keeping the spark alive.

on Jul 26, 2011

Susan from Iowa City, IA says: Caroline – My husband and I have grown apart over the years and have become less intimate since our daughter was born a year ago. Is this normal or have we lost that spark? He is struggling to find his feet and get a job while I'm running the house, and that has added a considerable amount of stress. I do feel that my love for him has lost some of its passion and now we're merely trudging along. Can you tell us how to find each other and bring that fire and passion back?

Caroline says: Don't get discouraged, Susan. It seems that you and your husband have a lot on your plate. Navigating your way through new parenthood is hard enough, but you also have the added pressure of financial security looming over your heads. First things first -- realize that you have to work as a team and there's no room for the blame game. Be grateful for your daughter, and as long as your husband is actively looking for employment, you need to remain positive and supportive; attitude is everything.

It's not unusual to feel a bit disconnected right now, your role in the relationship has changed and you need time to adapt. Stress levels are high and understanding is low. 

I think it's important for you and your husband to find yourselves again. Make an effort to reconnect. Spend time together and leave your issues behind for a few hours. Don't make the mistake so many women make after having a child -- they forget to be a wife to their husband and somewhere along the way the magic gets lost. No grand gestures needed, just give your undivided attention to each other, hold hands, laugh, and enjoy the simplicity of the moments you share together. Believe me a little bit of love and attention goes a long way.

You just have to get used to wearing a few different hats. Keep a positive attitude and don't give up so easily. Marriage can be back-breaking work, but anything worth keeping usually is. 

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