Jacqueline Laurita

Jacqueline clarifies some things about the Ashley intervention.

on Aug 26, 20110

I honestly wasn't trying to be negative about her plan (or lack thereof), I just wanted her to be reasonable and realistic about it before going there and getting in over her head. She is begging for her independence. I don't know if I'm kicking my little bird out of the nest or if she's jumping out. I do know that my little bird has been attached to a bungy this whole time. Time to cut the cord and set her free.

I was almost feeling sorry for myself while watching me cry in my interview until I wiped my tears with a long stream of toilet paper. I then had to laugh. I had a box of tissues in the bathroom. Who the heck gave me that? LMAO!

As far as Teresa and Joe go, they are human, and sometimes good people make bad choices, but as long as people can learn from their mistakes, then something positive can come out of a negative situation. All they can do is move on from it in a positive direction. 

Woohoo! Thank you, Kathy! I needed a girls night out goddess party! Fun, family, friends, food, and a stiff drink or two or three! Never mind smudging Kathy's house, I need the smudging!

Kathy is an amazing cook! She is no joke! I admire that. She even has a way with presenting her food beautifully. I wish I could do that. I can cook, but my presentation could use some fluffing. Putting it in pretty serving dishes doesn't always do the trick. I need to learn to garnish and set a pretty table. Maybe Kathy can give me some tips. I love Mediterranean food.

When I was laughing with Teresa about the parsley, it wasn't to insult Kathy. It was partially a nervous laugh, because I couldn't believe what Teresa was saying out loud. She always cracks me up, but it was also because I had a moment when I purposely put some parsley in-between my teeth. You didn't get to see that. I wish you had. I'm goofy like that. I was in no way making fun of Kathy's food. I loved everything she made. It was delicious and a nice change from the usual Italian food I eat. I like everything when it comes to food. I love trying new things. I thought it was really sweet for Kathy to invite us over for a lovely evening to cook for all of us and she was so gracious and thoughtful with her goddess bracelets and her compliments that came with them. It was, overall, a nice evening minus a tiny bit of cattiness that I'm sure you all noticed. Girls will be girls. I think, for the most part, we all got along very well. 

443 comments
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Fresh Eyes
Fresh Eyes

Wow, I can't believe all the comments here that sound like they come from a place of hurt. It breaks my heart. So much love is being lost in pain, I sincerely hope everyone here finds a way forward with their children or their parents that is easier and more loving. I honestly think your issues with Ashley come from a number of places, one of which is that she is overwhelmed with the responsibility of owing you for all you have done for her. You made such great sacrifices and did so much - she can't even take care of herself, how can she ever repay you. I know you say all you want is for her to be respectful and nice, but you've done so much clearly that's not going to be good enough. I really think the weight of this has paralyzed Ashley and she has no way out. Not reasonable from an adults point of view - but Ashley isn't able to look at it from an adults point of view. I would pray that someone professional comes into your lives and helps you find your way through this, because I clearly see that Ashley loves you and wants things to be better. You are a wonderful mother and she is a wonderful daughter - you just need to find each other again.

AlwaysLearning
AlwaysLearning

Dearest Jacqueline, What courage it takes to share your life so candidly on air. You have so many great qualities, including your desire to help others, and your love for your husband and children. It shows. I want to comment on you and Ashley, if you would let me. It always tugs at my heart strings - probably because I also had a tough time with my mom. I am now the mom of a 21 yr old son - I know boys are different. It's been a long road of learning, or maybe re-learning things that I learned wrong. That always stretches me, but it always pays off. I wonder if one of the root issues I see is that you still struggle with feeling undeserved guilt? You don't deserve it because you are a terrific mom, but you still struggle with feeling guilty over whatever happened when Ashley was younger. I think it's a common issue with moms who had big dreams, but regreted how something worked out. I have wrestled with it myself - wish I could share more details, but let's just say addiction and cancer invaded my family in a way I did not plan or expect. My son was very young. For a parent - that guilt will make you spoil. Or it will make you harsh. It can make you inconsistent. It can leave you unable to really hear your child, because the guilt voice nags silently in the back of your mind. It can make you say things you didn't really want to say, and eventually you feel like you can't say anything right. The guilt consumes your love, without you knowing it. The guilt is a lie. It is usually based on someone else's voice that you have internalized. But internalizing someone else's voice is not the same as having your own inner voice, which God gave you. The truth is - your inner voice knows the unconditional love you have for that child (even an adult child), and that love can trump everything if you let it. Let go of the guilt voice - it's probably not yours, anyways. If you have to forgive yourself, so be it. If you need to share that with Ashely, do it. This is a heart issue - not an action issue. Actions and words reveal the workings of the heart. Love trumps everything, and you have wonderful love - let the love consume any guilt voice. Spend time talking to someone if you need to. Is Ashley stuck because you are stuck? Is Ashley waiting for you? She may be a young adult, but she still loves you like a child, or she never would have tried to defend you - even willing to attack someone else on your behalf. I don't know why I see this, but I do. I don't know if I'm right, but I know I feel for you...Blessings as you go forward...

touchdownsgal
touchdownsgal

Jacqueline-

I seen first hand how a young teenager/newly twenty year old can treat their mother. My sisters daughter is just as disrespectful if not more than what Ashlee is. That little girl is just lucky she has you and your husband to back her up when she keeps falling. She is twenty and should be responsible for her own actions, and to be perfectly honest she is playing the "crying, poor me" card way too often. I truely hope when she looks at these episodes she really see's just how much she is hurting you and Chris, not to mention those other babies you have that have to hear her talk to you the way she does.

Take care of you

KT

Destiny Duecker
Destiny Duecker

Dear Jacqueline, My name is Destiny. I am 19 and living on my own. I just want to say it really hurts me to see you going through this. My mom was pregnant at 17 and I was the last baby. By the time I finally grew up we had gone threw hell, and when I went to move out she finally realized for the first time since 17 she would be alone (shes 50). I still talk to her everyday and she is one of my closest friends. However, we went through the same kind of tiffs you and Ashley are going through. We ripped each others heads off at times and said some really harsh stuff. All I can say is that if it hadn't happened it wouldn't have made us stronger. We may have hated each other in the moment but afterwards (years later) we were able to meand the wounds and have the relationship we do now. I'm currently living on my own, have my very first job, and go to school. I pay my own way but I know if I ever needed it my mom would be there for me. Ashley is so lucky to have the life she has. Just keep faith...one day everything will work out for the best!

momtoo
momtoo

ive found the situation with ashley familiar. kids of this generation dont know when to stop expecting more and more material goods and asking for more and more "stuff". i have a daughter too and its so hard to deal with their disrespect and their feeling of entitlement. they want everything their friends have but with no requirements of payment on their parts. they think they dont have to go to school or work but hey they still think they need a car. for what!? to party and get in trouble. if they have a car and dont behave we have the right to take the car from them. i told my daughter she owns the car but i own the key. thank god, havent had a recent problem but i guess i should hold my breath for tomorrow.

llori
llori

jacueline you are just sweet and thats that. i am now 55 and when i was 25 i had my daughter and raised her pretty much on mine on to. what i see is exactly what i went through which makes your position almost impossible to manage with ashley. that is she has 2 homes and 4 parents and probably grandparents to. my daughter now 29 @ i are just now starting to get along and that on a serious note. she always was able to run to meme and her pawpaw when things got hot at home and showed me no respect. she is my 1 and only so it kept me dying inside constantly with the comments and rejection she showed me all the time. my girl was and still is my daughter but i had to walk away and give her space to grow enough to come back to me. its very difficult because the guilt and grief keeps us begging for their love when what they give us is rejection. so i took that rejection and walked from the situation long enough to have her walk back in my life with respect and love. good luck with her. in my case i no longer let her lead me around the guilt path anymore i explained to her my mistakes are paid for and you need to focus on you and what and how to approach me or don't call. i'm your mother and no more abuse i will not put up with it and if i have to live without you in order not to allow you to come to me and make me feel bad then i'll do that. i also let her know she was my Gift from God and thats the bottom line mistakes or not i'm her mother and if thats not good enough go find one that will have your back 24/7 and defend and love you until my dying breath so deal with it....promise you will be surprised.

Teresa Poland
Teresa Poland

I felt you did the right thing with Ashley. She will learn that life is harder than she thinks,when she is on her own.You turned out to be my favorite housewife this season. I was sad for you and the dealings with Ashley,I remember what I had with my mother and now I wish I had her back. She has been dead for 21 years,she died when I was 34. It made me realize a lot of things. I think you have a sense of humor also. I found myself laughing at little things you would say,about your belly button and just silly things.I used to just love Teresa and tweeted her a lot,but this year it was hard to watch her.I don't know if she and Melissa will ever get along,I think she is jealous of Melissa. My brother and I have had our disagreements in the past and not talked for long periods of time and it is hurtful to everyone involved. I hope that things between you and Ashley get better and she learns to appreciate and respect you. Someday she will regret that she ever made you feel the way you did.I had heard that you were not returning next season and I wish that wasn't true,but I can understand if you don't. Take care and I will pray for you and of course for Ashley. You and her need to have a good relationship and I know that it will happen someday. A lot of love and a million hugs for you.

Viewer Debora Dixon
Viewer Debora Dixon

I don't know if you will see this, but I am a older mom of a 30 yr old daughter who thanks me almost every day for kicking her sorry ass out of the house when she was 18. I thought most the time she was doing fine but found out later things were much worse than I expected. She shared a room (closet) with another girl and half the time was sleeping in a car, even though she had a job. Her father and I had divorced and living here in California I can tell you its rough just to get by so we couldn't afford to even help her. She made her bed and slept in it and it scares the holy crap out of you thinking something bad or worse will happen to your child you did everything for. If you kicked her out now, I doubt she could even make it to California and times are hard everywhere and the big beauty school is like 2 blocks from the worst of the worst area in LA you could be you might want to let her know that too. Hang in there.

Betty Iosefa
Betty Iosefa

I think Jacqueline you are a great mom. I am sorry to say I also have a daughter like Ashley the know it all and disrespecting everything I am trying to teach her. I have 5 beautiful kids and I am proud of all of them even my brat. She left at the age of 18 to go to America because she could not stand what that I wanted her to finish her two years of college. I love my

Betty Iosefa
Betty Iosefa

I think Jacqueline you are a great mom. I am sorry to say I also have a daughter like Ashley the know it all and disrespecting everything I am trying to teach her. I have 5 beautiful kids and I am proud of all of them even my brat. She left at the age of 18 to go to America because she could not stand what that I wanted her to finish her two years of college. I love my

cindy13810
cindy13810

i just think that u r a great person, a lovely and wonderfull mom and u r donig the right thing .. God Bless u and if i could choose my mom i would like to have a mom like you (and i love my mom so much ) :D

tnlady
tnlady

Jacqueline, you are most definitely not alone in your struggles with your daughter. I am going through the same things with my son right now. It is a very similar situation as yours - A father who lives in another state and a stepfather who (like Chris) has been absolutely wonderful to him. Remember it is easy for others to be critical and give "advice" when they are not in the same situation as you. EVERYONE's situation is different! I think even Caroline needs to remember that. Her children all belong to her and her husband. They have NO experience in a stepfamily situation.... It is different and I think people tend to forget that! Caroline seems like she means well but I think some of her comments about you and Ashley are uncalled for....just my opinion. Keep your chin up and stay strong. This too shall pass. That is what people keep telling me! LOL

SaraPhnx
SaraPhnx

Jacqueline, You're doing a great job raising your family. Tough love is hard to deal with.You want to do everything you can for them but there's times that you just have to let go and let Ashley just fall on her face. She's strong too and will learn from it.

In the end,she will thank you for it. Take back the vehicles,cellphone and anything else and make her work for it.Then she'll learn to appreciate you!!

Stay strong!

jerseygirl6657
jerseygirl6657

You said you were angry at Teresa and exploded... It's OK to fight with friends but to blast them on a blog that millions of people read is just not OK. If I was Teresa I could never forgive you.

Steven Brandt
Steven Brandt

Don't worry they usually get smarter as they get older.

phillysusan
phillysusan

Jacqueline, I can relate sooo well to what you are going through with Ashley, I was in tears watching it. I have gone through the same thing with my son who is now 22. The same rudeness, the same disrespect, the same ungratefulness, lack of direction, squandering every advantage that has been given to him, same attitude that no rules apply to him. Ashley seems like the female version of my son. Plus my son got himself into some legal trouble, somewhat more serious than Ashley's. For years I beat myself up and blamed the whole situation on myself - he had to be like that because I was a bad mother. I was wrong. I am a good mother, one of the best I know. My 16 year old daughter proves that. AND, though I never thought it would happen, my son has finally started to turn the corner. He voluntarily started going to the local community college and is getting decent grades, he has managed to stay employed for the last two years (part-time), he has learned how to control his temper and the tone of voice better and is more respectful. There is still plenty of room for improvement, but he is moving in the right direction - I never thought I'd see that. Jacqueline, you are a GOOD mother, a very good one. Ashley is just one of those kids for whom the adjustment from childhood to adulthood is extremely difficult, toxic even. It has nothing to do with you. You are doing the right things. I believe that you will find that as Ashley gets older you'll see positive changes when you least expect them. Don't give up and stop beating yourself up. You are a wonderful, loving person. Have faith, she'll eventually come around.

dlso
dlso

Jacqueline, Where do you get those cute hats for your sweet baby? Your fertility struggle was so tough, cuz I was like you. I tried for 5 years. You gave me hope. I just had my baby 6 weeks ago. You look amazing! hope you will see my question, I never have read these blogs or emailed, but being home with my little guy till works starts again, I watch more tv. Your season is the best!!!!!

Loraina
Loraina

Hi! It's very obvious that you are a very decent mother. From the outside looking in, I sense that maybe you and Chris enable Ashley far past your role as the parents. We see her act kind and courtesy when asking for money to go out with friends but unless it's benefiting her, she usually starts a fight with you.

Call her bluff! Help her pack her bags and let her go. She will be back in less than 6 months! And quit trying to please her. She senses this and uses it to her advantage. Against you!

Phyllis Carlo
Phyllis Carlo

I think you are very nice person and have cute children. I think you had to get tough with Ashley.

Charlotte in Texas
Charlotte in Texas

Jacqueline,

I have a daughter who is my best friend. We work together as well. I am the person I am today because of my daughter and I feel very blessed to have her in my life. But, it wasn't always like this.

When my daughter was exactly your daughter's age 20, I had the exact problems. Her father and I divorced when she was only a baby. And as she became a teenager, she was acting out more and more for the worst. At the age of 20, all she wanted to do was sleep late, party, refuse to work, avoided helping around the house, she wasn't dependable enough to help watch her younger brother. Although, she had plenty of energy to give me attitude. My daughter put the spect in disrespect. I thought I was going crazy. So, I completely understand what you are going through. And I know that frustration to want to scream, pull my hair out, then pull her hair out, stomp my feet, kick the cat, then kick her, scream some more but instead shut yourself off from everyone and cry until you pass out feeling. Did I leave out holding your breath until you turned blue?

If I had it to do over again, I would have not taken things so personal and settled for a puppy. (just kidding) I would have done a few things differently.

First, a young woman her age coming into adulthood is going through a me-ism stage. In other words, kids her age generally only think about what they want and rarely do they ever consider their family. In fact, they will be more thoughtfull of their friends or the absent parent (who's hardly ever there). Unfairness is a bitch. This part of their develement. But there is a silver lining.

However, before I go to that ... this is what I feel you need to do ... Don't get her anything she can't afford. Which is nothing! Promblem solved. Just kidding.

Okay for real, an example: buying this child (yes, she's a child until she is supporting herself independantly) an expensive car to make her love you, isn't going to win her over. Or get her to respect you and straighten up. Oh, she'll love the car but she's still going to give you trouble. Nothing is going to change except higher gas charges to your credit card and later nights out hanging with her drinking friends and the next day, sleeping all day.

What you need to do is shake her up. Buying a car isn't how to do it. Take the car back. She hasn't earned it. She doesn't deserve it. Remember this is the child who tells you to shut up and calls you a bitch in your own house.

To get respect, you have to enforce it. Not kidding! And Not arguing with her. She doesn't hear you. She has shut herself off from any reasoning. When you get upset at her (rightfully so) all she hears is the screaming. She doesn't want your advice. She doesn't want any part of the real world. This is very typical of a 20 year old. Haven't you heard, their grown. Ha! We moms know better. She thinks she's a grown up. Then she needs to face grown up problems.

If she has to have a car then put her to work to earn a car. A car, she can pay for herself. I had my daughter go to the tote the note lot and buy her car. It was ragged and worn. But it was what she could afford. Your daughter wants to go to college in California. Let her go! But don't pay her way. She'll never be able to afford the gas or plane ticket. (Mom, you don't even have to say a word. Just let her dream, because that's all she's going to be able to do.) Unless you give her the money, she's not going to have ALL the money to go to California. It's not logical but she's a grown up. That's why you won't pay for her expenses to go. Remember, she's a grown up. You're no longer obligated to even keep a roof over her head. Much less pay her way to Cali. So, let her finance her own way. After all she's a grown up.

If she wants money, don't give it to her. Reward her when she's earned it. Other words, if she wants things like clothes or whatever material thing, tell her she has to finish a semester of a local college before she can get one thing from you. (excluding money for California) Charge her rent and food if she's not in college. Don't spend any money on her. Take whatever clothing or material things from her that you have bought. When she starts behaving and only then shall you give back her things. Which really in truth, it's not hers since you bought it.

Start with taking the phone away, TV in her room, the computer etc. Anything you have bought for her. Tough love is tough. It's tough on the parent because we don't like seeing our children do without. But it just might wake her up to reality. She's going to hate you for it, but at her stage and behavior level now, she hates you anyway. (just kidding ... sorta) She doesn't really hate you, mom. It's the development stage she's going through. But this never excuses bad behavior. Remember, she's grown and grown people buy their own things and pay rent, utilities etc ... Mom, take her advice ... she's grown. So, let her be grown. Meaning: stop supporting the grown up!

Bottom line is, let her know she's loved, not her behavior. And buying her material things doesn't make her love you. Setting your foot down and keeping to your stand will be most effective with this young girl. In the end, after she becomes older, she will straighten up. And your relationship will mend. But when she does, without any judgment or correcting ... listen to her and what faults you have made, own them by letting her know. You'd be surprised how far an apology will go. But only do that when she is ready for it and deserving. But always keep your door open to her. Meaning: regardless of what she's done, you will always love her and you will listen to her. And the best person to talk to is Caroline. She's raised kids and she can give you great advice. Or turn Caroline loose on Ashley for a week. Not Kidding!

In the end, it doesn't matter who's wrong or right. What matters is ... your daughter and you have met each other in the middle and the only thing that counts is the now. Right now, you have a heavy heart and the pain is overwhelming. But when she gets older, she's going to make you very happy. In the mean time, do something for yourself. Enroll yourself in college. Take an interest in art as your daughter. You never know how much this may influence Ashley. When I went back to college in my early 40's, my daughter was encouraged and she started going. In fact, I got my whole family inspired. We are all real estate agents. And my daughter and I work together and we are planning to have our own company together. I have my daughter back but it wasn't an easy road. There were times I truly thought I wasn't going to live. Or even if I wanted to. I was single and alone raising my children. I had no one to go to. But thankfully we pulled through it. Today, it has made me a stronger person and I have the very best relationship one could ever dream of having. I trust my daughter with my life and she in return. Love is very strong, spiritual and magic. After all it heals the heart. There is a saying my daughter uses and it's ... Through bad things, good things come.

Jacqueline, you're a great mom. Keep your chin up keep your stand and stay true to who you are and one day you're going to look back at all the hardships with Ashley and it's going to make you even a better person than you are now. And I think you're a pretty great person now. Just stick to your stand. Be tough. Let yes mean yes and no mean no. What you're going through is something that most moms go through with their daughters. You'll get through this, I promise. But do something for Jacqueline. Take art or get enroll in college. Do something for you. It will help you to cope and keep you healthy as well. You're an amazing mom and don't let anyone tell you differently. I wish you the best!

hwatcher
hwatcher

Just to let you know, there is hope for the both of you. As hard as it is, sometimes, we have to step away and let them fail in order for them to learn the lesson to success. My aunt had a daughter at the age of 18...she and her husband gave this child everything which led to problems. My uncle was some yrs older and could well afford to give her everything...what she gave back was so much pain and grief until she was around 30. At that time, she turned her life around and has made them very proud. She now has her own family and is a wonderful mother and wife. It may have been a long road to get there, but she did and they are all so united and happy. Never give up as I know you want, even when it looks like nothing is changing...there is always hope. Good luck to both you and Ashley. You seem to have a loving, supportive husband in Chris as well as two beautiful boys to fill your life while you wait for Ashley to grow into the woman you know she can become.

Dezi
Dezi

Hi, Jacqueline, I just wanted to say that I think you're a beautiful person inside-out and very classy lady. I hope things work out between you and Ash. Sometimes letting her go is the best thing to do and hopefully then she'll realize her mistakes and become appreciative. Hang in there, Girl! Stay strong and far away from Teresa or her negativity and ugliness will rub off on you.

LindseyNJ
LindseyNJ

Dear Ashley, I saw your art and i think you would be smart 2 put it up for sale on your myspace facebook ect smart girl nows the time 2 make your money Tere doing her cookbook Melissa singing just cuz your not a HW yet people would love your art cuz they know your face and you have a gift use it!! PS or get a website and make a link 2 ur myspace facebook ect goodluck!!!!!!! from Lindsey in NJ xoxoxo

LindseyNJ
LindseyNJ

Dear Ashley, I saw your art and i think you would be smart 2 put it up for sale on your myspace facebook ect smart girl nows the time 2 make your money Tere doing her cookbook Melissa singing just cuz your not a HW yet people would love your art cuz they know your face and you have a gift use it!! PS or get a website and make a link 2 ur myspace facebook ect goodluck!!!!!!! from Lindsey in NJ xoxoxo

reginaern
reginaern

When are you going to blog again? I miss reading your blogs. Come back soon.

tny_ledford
tny_ledford

Jacqueline, What a beautiful person you are....inside and out! You are a wonderful mother and how lucky anyone would be to have you as a friend.your ways and beliefs inspire me to continue to give people a chance and to never give up on my 5 children. You are truely a wonderful and real person. Tanya

reginaern
reginaern

Are you ever going to blog again? I miss reading your blogs.

Steve from MI
Steve from MI

funny now being older .i can see both sides. parent/child. If kids only knew how to speak to their parents when they r 20 years old.( an age when they know everything! 20 yrs old is an age when all u want to do is party! 25 is when u have to grow up! but,,not these days! At 20..u better know where u r headed. I hope Ashley wakes up fast. I think living outside the home will speed things up.. Good Luck!

mclynn
mclynn

Jacq , You are gorgeous and you are a wonderful Mom to Ashley and your boys...it's easy to see! keep your head up doll and ignore the haters , guess what "their" not perfect either ! what? what?

your friend ,S.M

lovely2c
lovely2c

@motherteresa, your post exemplifies all that is wrong with humanity. Mature adults are able to dialogue without insulting one another. When someone says something that may be offensive to your spiritual beliefs, the adult thing to do would be to ask them to refrain. Jacqueline is under no obligation to change her language to satisfy me (or you) for that matter. We teach our children to use words, and tell someone if they are hurt by their words or actions. What makes it any different for adults? Jacqueline may not realize how taking the Lord's name in vain could be offensive to a viewer, now she knows. If she chooses to continue to do so, I will still love her and support her.

As for you "motherteresa" - I learned a long time ago that you can't argue with STUPID.

Lauren Price
Lauren Price

Jacqueline where did you get the Zebra hat? So cute!

Inacala
Inacala

Jacqueline I watch the show and have deja vu because I feel like I have been having those same conversations with my daughter for years. This generation is so disrespectful. It is sad. I appreciate how you share your life on TV, it helps me know. I'm not the only mom with these problems. So thank you

StephanieG
StephanieG

First off i want to start by saying i am OBSESSED with your zebra hat, too cute! And i also want to thank you. Watching your and Ashleys relationship on tv is like putting a mirror to my relationship with my mom. I am also 20 and i often think "im an adult, i can do what i want" So wrong! I may be legal, but im far from being an adult. My mom would do anything in this world for me yet i still was disrepectful, lazy, and blind to how amazing she was. Watching Ashleys actions made me realize thats how i look, and thats not how i want to be. It's so clear you love her more than the world and i know my mom feels same because alot of the things you tell Ashley, my mom tells me. I latley have cleaned up my act. Started focusing on school, helping around the house and letting my mom know how much i love and appreciate her. I think my mom and i would have gotten to this place eventually, but watching you and Ashely on TV pushed us to this awesome place sooner. We still have our moments but those are becoming less and less. I know you and Ashley will get here too. Thanks so much!

Judd2010
Judd2010

Hi, I saw the episode and I have to say I am very suprised that your daughter treats you the way she does. She has it alot easier then alot of kids, and she seems very ungrateful! I have to say I was a little taken back by the comment about being pregnant at 20. She is still a child in so many ways and I was there at being a mom at 17. She should look up to you for getting to where you are in life at being a young mom. Whether she was planned or not that should encourage her to do something with her life seeing what you have had to do to get to where you are and getting her to where she is. As far as the letting her go or not to CA I say do it. My mom and dad let me do it when I was 18 and it sucked but I have a heck of alot more respect for them now then I ever do. Seeing how hard it was to pay bills and not have someone to support me made me get a reality check on how hard they have to work. Keep your head up and know that this too shall pass. She will look back one day and wish that she hadn't let all these years go by because of her attitude. You're a great mom and I am praying for you and her relationship! Good luck

LongIslandmom
LongIslandmom

I am watching the episode of "the intervention" yet again and sit here amazed at how similar our lives are. I am going through almost the EXACT same thing with my son. You and I have the same fights with our kids. We say the exact same things. From being a single mom, getting remarried and my husband treating my son like his own and giving him everything, sacrificing, infertility and several miscarriages (and finally having a baby in my 40's, we even gave him a Jeep and took it away! I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I tell him to leave the home every day. We argue pretty much every day. I'm tired. I'm emotionally exhausted. I told my husband almost exactly what you said, about putting so much into him and not being able to reap the rewards. All I want is for him to be happy and find his place in this world. Be respectful and appreciative and stop taking us for granted, and let me be proud.

So, believe me when I say that I totally sympathize with you and pray it works out for both of us (before we lose our minds). Stay strong.

Jessica H.
Jessica H.

Jacqueline, I am a young mom myself;I had my daughter when I was 21. My mom had me when she was 20. The way I raise my daughter is based on my childhood cause thats all I know. Luckily for me, I had a great set of grandparents who uplifted me and raised me to be who I am today, so I can give my daughter the love and support she needs. My mom was never around. Her work was and will always be her first priority in life. Watching the show and seeing how hard and much you love Ashley makes me jealous. I wish I had a mom like you. Ashley is so incredibly lucky to have you in her life. It would be an honor to meet your dynamic family and see what a real family looks like(though I know impossible). Just now, that your in our prayers and be blessed!

Alexis
Alexis

Let's give Ashley a break; I think you guys are missing the mark on this one. While Chris is probably an ideal Stepdad and Jacqueline is a great mom, Ashley is surrounded by "Manzos". The pressure to behave like a Manzo has got to be a bar that is set way to high for her right out of the gate. Her only identity or connection to "self" lives in Texas with his own family. Ashley feels like a surrogate family member in all Manzo gatherings, she is lost and confused by her feelings and thus, is set up to fail because she is expected to fail. The Manzos are Jacqueline's "In-Laws" and although Chris is amazing and seemingly from an amazing family, Ashley knows that she is not a Manzo and is very aware of the elephant in the room (no real ties or affiliation with the Manzos). I see no real bond with her psuedo cousins, Alby, Chris, and Lauren. In fact, the interaction she does have with Lauren what she is used to in this family unity, a subservient one. I think once its recognized that this is playing a huge part in Ashley's attitude and behavior which is being completely ignored by her mother, you will see the all of Ashley's relationships change. Allow Ashley to be Ashley and let her know that she is still a significant person in this family scheme apart from the Manzos, Ashley will flourish. Think of the role Ashley is forced into in this picture and you will get why even Ashley can't articulate her feelings. Foster Ashley's individuality from the Manzos and watch her go!!!!!!

Chrisy58
Chrisy58

I can relate to you and your daughter. My mom and I are like oil and water. We love each other, but we dont' always like each other. We too say terrible things that we don't mean. We are both so much alike, but we are different because we are of different generations. I know it is tough, as it is tough for my mom and I.

My mom is 89 and is not in good health. I am single at this time in my life so I live with her and take care of her, as if I didn't she would have to go to a nursing home. I promised my dad that I would keep them both out of the nursing home for a long as I can. Yet, it is difficult because we are like oil and water and don't mix.

It might not be a bad idea for her to be with her dad right now. It will give you a chance to build your relationship long distance through phones, email, and visting each other for a few weeks at a time. I know my mother and I do really well when we take breaks from each other, because we miss each other.

Just remember that it isn't forever. Being away for a time will give Ashly a chance to miss her wonderful family in NJ. She is very blessed to have two families who love her and want her to be the best she can be. Once she is married and becomes a mother, she will understand a mother's love better then she does now.

You are a great mom. You have to think of your two boys. Do you want CJ to see how disrespectfully Ashly treats you?

Mothers/daughters always have their problems, and that is why I think the saying is true. Daughters are closer to their daddy's and sons their mother.

I wish you the best and will continue to pray my rosary for you and your family.

Chrisy

Jennifer Postel
Jennifer Postel

I am sure you have heard this before but your situation with Ashley seems so familiar to me. My mother had me at 18, divorced my father when I was five. She was an amazing mother, like you, who sacrificed so much so that I could have the amazing opportunities that she didn't have. Despite that I grew up angry. Angry that my father was not around as much, angry because I felt I was mistake that threw a wrench in my mother's life plans. When I was Ashley's age I was doing the same thing. A college dropout who spent my nights partying and slept my days away. I was angry, and my relationship with my mother was a constant struggle. But then, as I grew up, things changed. I started to see my mother and my family in a different light, I started to respect them. I started to respect myself and saw what my mother saw in me and jumped on the train to improve myself and my life. I am now 29, two semesters away from a degree in journalism and a successful copy editor at a large newspaper. My mother is now my best friend, whom I can't imagine not talking to everyday. She's who I go to with all my accomplishments, worries and problems. I guess what I am trying to say is that there is hope, things can change. It just takes a little faith on your part and maturation on her part. I, like Ashley, was very lucky to also have an amazing supportive step-father who was there for me every step of the way despite what I put him through. I also have a great step-mother, like Jodie, who I can go to with anything. You and Chris are amazing parents and look to the future because things will get better.

Chatta
Chatta

Hi Jacqueline, Just wanted to let you know that my whole family loves you and Chris! You two are the best couple ever! I also wanted to let you know that you are a great mother, your daughter has issues that pertain to herself worth and compares herself to you. Seeing how beautiful and playful you and being her mother makes her feel she needs to compete for everyones attention and for her being as concided as she is, you can tell she wants all eyes on her! I have a 24yr old daughter, I couldn't even imagine her ever talking to me the way your daughter talks to you. I'm not saying my daughter is perfect, becuase I am the first to admit that she is not, but she still would never speak to me so disrespectful in front of people or even if we were alone; that is so not right. Please take some advise and let her go find out first hand what struggling really means and if you're anything like me you still would want to pertect her no matter what she does and wouldn't want her to be all alone in LA, so if this is the case, have her go live with her father! And don't let her come back for a least a year or 2 if she calls you crying saying she wants to come home! She will be safe with her father and you and Chris and the boys can have a break from all her selfish drama!!!! Take care and see you soon ; )

Tiffany Rogers
Tiffany Rogers

So I have always watched your show since the beginning and I love it. I love all the family orientatedness you all have even when things are rough for some. I just watched the 13th episode of the 3rd season and I want to start off by saying that I'm so glad to see that both parents are involved. I love that Chris backs you on everything you guys are very level headed and try and guide Ashley in the right direction. When I seen this episode I cried, I was hurting for you. To watch how you are tiring to help your daughter and how she is non responsive is so sad. I just want to tell you I think you and Chris are great parents and that I feel as though you guys are doing very well. I'm only 27 and have two girls ages 2 & 4 and I hope that I'm as good a mother to them as you are to your children. I enjoy watching and keep up the good work!!!!

maria gigante
maria gigante

I myself have a 20 y/o daughter and at times the drama seems to never end. Be strong and stick to your guns ..allow her to move on and hope she comes back unscathed. I have been there done that. Good luck!!!! Love you and the show....Teresa is getting a little "full of herself" lately...tell her to go back to her nicer self. Maria

Freda.L
Freda.L

hey Jacqueline, Firstly i just want to say that you and chris are wonderful parents. In season 3 im so shocked to see the way Ashley is behaving! You know she is being very selfish and very ungrateful. If she only knew how lucky she actually is to have such amazing families around her that try and support her as much as you guys do! When i was 17 i made some bad choices and didnt listen to my family but i learned from my mistakes & now realise why my family was so tough on me & now know that they were trying to help me not be against me, but at that age you think the whole world is against you if things dont go your way. At the age of 18 i found myself two jobs, i worked 7 days a week, I was renting an apartment on my own, I would walk, hail rain or shine to the station 30min away, then travel by train to go to work 1hr every single day for 2yrs! I was struggling but held strong and by then i was very independent! At 20 i bought my first new car all on my own, I slowly paid it off with nobodys help. I had nobody. But it was tough goin out on my own, its not as easy as Ashley thinks! Paying bills like rent, petrol, car payments, insurance, rego, greenslips, groceries, well you wouldnt get much left for anything else. If i was smart i should and wish to have listened to my family & stayed at home, worked hard & saved all my money. I could of bought a car and still saved and have a life. But as Ashley i didnt listen. At least you guys are still there for her, my family left and went overseas to teach me a lesson, so i can do it on my own and see how much fun it is. Boy did i get it! lol but let me tell you i do not regret it as it made me very strong and independant person. I learned responsibility. I worked very hard in my life to have what i have now & it didnt come from anybody, you cant just expect all these things from your parents & be lazy and just not care and be disrespectful when they are giving you so many things! I wish i had that much support, my parents were old school & i had it very tough. Anyway in the end i worked in accounts, PA, etc for 8.5yrs, then i met my hubby & went and studied at the Academy of makeup to finally live my dream as a makeup artist & have done alot of fashion shows, tv etc. So its good that you guys are not giving her everything on a silver platter, she may not like it but its for her own good so she can learn some responsibility in life and ssee how hard pple have to actually work to have what they have. I didnt agree in seeing Chris buying her a car, her expression and what she said in interviews was like "whatever" like she wasnt very grateful or even thanked chris enough for what he helped her with. And at the dinner with you, chris and your ex hubby and wife, the things that were coming out of her mouth. If my daughter spoke to me that way so out of control i would kick her out too. Do not feel bad or think your a bad mum cause your not. She just does not get it, how much you have sacrificed for her & chris accepting her as a daughter & she doesnt give a hoot. ITs almost sickening seeing how much she doesnt care. Unbelievable. I think if you just kick her out, i wouldnt help her anymore with the car payments & no help for renting a place, let her learn responsibility & hopefully that will teach her not to be so selfish. Jacqueline just know you have done everything you can to support, love & bring your daughter up the right way. Dont feel you done something wrong, there will be the day when she will snap out of it and realise how much you guys actually done for her and she will be sorry. Like i said i wish i had so much support when i was younger, I would of stayed home, omg i would of done anything, looked after my brothers, cooked, help clean up, if i got a car omg i would love my parents so much and appreciate it, i would go to work & know that i have support behind me. Who the hell has all that and knocks it. I feel for you guys, cause it would drive you mad that your child can not see how much good you do for them. And your husband is amazing, so calm and got to give him credit for his patience. I feel so sorry for him, that Ashley cant show him love, she is so cold, honestly she has no idea how good she has it im speechless. Well wish you guys all the best. May god help Ashley to take the right road & help her see how much she has & how full her life is & appreciate it. There are so many pple out there that dont have a family & even have support for anything they accomplish in their life and see Ashley and what she has in her hands & she just throws it away... WAKE UP ASHLEY YOU HAVE IT SO GOOD, YOU NEED TO GROW UP & SEE HOW MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU HAVE AROUND U! I wish i could turn back time and place you in my shoes so you can see the real deal and how bad it can actually be, you would be so grateful and appreciate your mum and dad. Your mum wants the very best for you, its what she lives for to see her children take the good road and succeed in life. I would have done anything at your age to have what you have, a loving caring family, great cousins and uncles and unties. Pple that do not appreciate what they have in life can loose it all one day and it will be too late. Listen to somebody who has been there in your shoes and wishes somebody could of told me all this. Anyway wish you all the very best for your families, GOD BLESS. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX FREDA

Viewer S.
Viewer S.

I have to say...your husband is super super sexy!! You guys make a very cute couple!

hulali
hulali

Love Love Love you! You are so funny and sweet and an absolute breath of frest air on the show! Enjoy life, your hot husband, beautiful children (even Ashley) and just keep doing exactly what you have been because its all good!

SummerBreeze
SummerBreeze

So happy that you addressed two items - (1) the toliet tissue scene and (2) the parsley scene at Kat's house.

Lindsay
Lindsay

Hi Jacqueline, I wanted to comment on how lovely you look this season, it's hard to believe you have a daughter Ashley's age! Ashley will be fine, you've done all you can, and for whatever it's worth, I completely agree with the way you and Chris handled the situation. Concentrate on the problems you can actually fix, Ashley has to find her own way now, and I believe she'll make you proud one day! She will appreciate the sacrifices you've made for her one day, she really will!

C.B.
C.B.

Jacqueline, I must say when i saw the episode of you and your family confronting your daughter, I thought I was watching my daughter and I on T.V. I cried, I got angry, My heart broke. I know exactly how you feel and I want you to understand, You are a great mother who has done the best she can, who tried many times to make things right, but needed to stick to her guns. The respect factor is exactly all I have been talking about, its really sad to see that this generation of kids are not honoring their mother and fathers and appreciative of what they have. It really saddens me to see my own daughter doing the same thing. So, I want to thank you for doing this episode and really showing that this is going on in many households regardless of income, race, religion, political party, or status. Because of you it made me feel better about the choices I was making as a mother and to stick to my guns. The hardest part is tough love especially when you never thought it would be you in those shoes. I love my daughter with all my heart and pray that she ends up turning out ok, but for now its up to her to decide what that is, not me the mother. I have raised her well with morals respect and made a lot of sacrifices for her as a single mother. My husband her step-dad has made sooo many sacrifices for her and has always been there for her, but now she is on her own, and we pray for her safety, her health, and her success. We love our kids try to teach them right from wrong, life lessons and give wisdom, sometimes we just have to let go and let them learn the hard way on their own. Doesn't mean we love them any less, but that we love them more because we want to see them bloom. So I wish you and your daughter luck, I pray for you two to work things out, get closer and for her to appreciate what a good person and mother you are. Have a great rest of the year!