At Kathy’s house, Joseph opens one of his gifts, which I think is a snow vest from the planet Hoth in ‘The Empire Strikes Back.’ He says “sick” but I think he means, “A vest? You guys make me sick.” Kathy has given Richie a wedding band. Richie apparently has “lost” his wedding band several times. Maybe the bands keep coming off since his fingers are shaped like Lombard Street. Did you guys catch that? Richie’s fingers are all gnarled and broken and squiggly. Instead of a wedding band, Kathy should have gotten him a splint. Joseph and Victoria have pooled their money together and have gotten Kathy a laptop to help her with her new catering business. Richie and Kathy begin to cry when Victoria reads Kathy her card. It is with her moist eyes that I think Kathy looks the most like an Italian Susan Sarandon.
Albert and Caroline are driving through the suburbs of Jersey when suddenly Al pulls the car over to the side of the road under a Route 80 over pass. I freaked out because I thought, “CAROLINE’S GETTING WACKED!” Instead of a gangland murder, something very beautiful happens. Albert goes to the other side of the car, gets down on one knee and proposes to Caroline. This all happens at the same spot he did it the first time thirty years ago. If you put that into Melissa math, they got married when Jesus was thirty. Albert hands Caroline Michael Strahan’s Super Bowl ring and somehow makes an under pass in Clifton look like the most romantic place on earth. I hope that in thirty years I can do the same for my wife. A very touching scene and a very real scene. A special Manzo Mazel!
Back at the Gorga’s, somehow Joey has given Melissa a completed recording studio as her big gift. Let’s face it. Isn’t this a gift for all of us? I’d like to think so. Joey Gorga is a magical man. How did he sneak an entire recording studio into the basement without Melissa knowing? He probably pulled a hat over her eyes and yelled, “Who turned out the lights?”
I love you Jay!! So freakin hilarious!!! Laughed out loud several times, you have all of these people on point!!
Love reading your take on the episodes....it's only 11:15pm on the east coast...bravo must likey what you writey...
OMG! Ithought the same thing when I saw the drum set!! Too funny! Thanks for another very entertaining and spot on recap!
Seriously....Not to mention it..I wouldn't mind being one of the kids and I definitely wouldn't mind being Papa Joe Gorga....That Melissa is smokin'! Talk about opening up a Christmas present!! Hey Jay! Follow me please! @pajamaMOUTH on the Twitter machine thing-ah-mah-Jigg! I'm just glad I'm not the only dude who is obsessed with the Housewives series....its like heroin.
I miss your show!!! (Gary Unmarried) - I look forward to your blog each week right after the show - keep them coming! Xoxo
JAY-I almost love you as much as I love Andy! Great Blog, but you forgot to mention the crappy cross on a ball chain that Teresa bought her hubby.
The girl that you saw that kissed Joey on the cheek was Victoria, Kathy and Richie's 16 year old daughter. Get your eyes checked.
You are so damn funny Jay! I look forward to your blog posts every week. I live in the wilds of NC and being a former Jersey girl, you and the RHONJ are my only link to civilization. Keep up the good work you funny b@st@rd!
He probably pulled a hat over her eyes and yelled, “Who turned out the lights?” Oh my God that was beautiful, but I've really got to stop reading your blog at work. There's just no good cover story for laughing hysterically at your desk in this office. Thanks for kicking off my week with a lot of laughs, Jay!
I feel like its Xmas morning, opening up your shiny, new blog--almost as good as a gold Rolex, or a sparkly man bracelet with mom and dad anchors?! Also, did you notice Melissa's arctic fox sleep mask? Is that her special Christmas one? Does she have a bunch to choose from? Why did she keep it on her head? How about a Christmas morning shirtless Joe (Guidice)? Dontcha put a shirt on for Jeezuses birthday? His energy (lying on the couch, sorta holding the camera in the kids' direction without looking), compared to Joe Gorga's cute enthusiasm made me kinda sad!
Haha, so I just rewound to the lady in black negligee moment and I believe that was Victoria, Kathy's daughter. But I'll stick with your version of the night.
Did anyone else find it weird that Joey and Melissa's daughter (Antonia?) didn't know about Christmas being Jesus' Birthday? I live in a very Catholic city and I am very close to a few very Catholic Italian families and let me tell you, if those kids didn't know by the age of 5 that Christmas was about Jesus, they would have been doing major penance! Seriously, I noticed that with all the little kids over the past couple of weeks. They all mention typical kids things; presents, family, being nice, etc., but not a one mentioned Jesus. I guess it really bothered me with Melissa. She is always going on about Jesus, you would have thought she would have mentioned the Christmas connection to her kid before now!
Once again, a great recap- I seriously love that I can read this and laugh all the way through! Hilarious! And I want to be a Manzo too!
MERRY CHRISTMAS JAY, and yet it is YOU giving us the gift, of your blog which is hilarious and now I get your free podcast...woop woop.....
I seriously can't say anything but I love you, you're funny, I love you, please don't ever stop writing for Bravo and I love you
Merry Christmas to me! I was watching the episode, but anticipating your blog with joy and excitement, and then, my very favorite Jay Mohr movie came on, "Picture Perfect." When you gave Jen her Cinderella watch, it was like watching Joe Guidice give Teresa a diamond necklace while doing the splits.
Your a riot. I love how you catch the not so nice things along with the awwwww moments. Good stuff. I think BRAVO needs to create a show for you too. Then who is going to comment on your show? You?
Nothing but love for u Jay.
Perfection as always Jay! Loved what you said about Melissa and Joey seeing something shiny, what a hoot! You missed ragging on Melissa for having the nerve to complain about her mic not being blinged out with crystals though. I would love your take on that! Oh, and do not get me started on that ingrate Ashley, you were too soft on her!
LOVE IT!!! I still have tears running down my face from the laughter!! Love the line "Caroline is getting WHACKED!"!!! Thankfully she wasn't, I just love her!
You are the best.. I was laughing out loud.. co-workers think I'm crazy.. Thanks for making my morning!!!
You watch and dissect the show like I do. Although, you get paid to mock. Me? I just confuse the dog as I offer my mock by mock. MAZEL!
You're the best Jay. I'm always catching myself while watching saying "Well, Jay is going to have a field day with that one". I too, want to be a Manzo, if for no other reason than to eat with them. Love to you and your beautiful family. I listen to your podcasts too. I'm a true fan of yours.
FANTASTIC BLOG, AS ALWAYS-THANKS AGAIN! YES, I TOO THOUGHT THE ALBERT/CAROLINE/UNDERPASS SCENE WAS FANTASTIC-IT WAS SO REAL AND I AM SURE THAT'S ONE OF THE BEST SCENES EVER--SO THANK YOU BRAVO! TOO FUNNY, YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS GETTING WACKED-THAT'S WHY I CAN'T READ THIS AT WORK ANYMORE!!!! FOR JOE GORGA TO CALL YOU B/C IT'S LEGAL NOW---BRILLIANT! THE REST IS JUST AS EXCELLENT!!!! YOU ARE TRULY GIFTED!!!
I definitely think it was rude of Joe and Melissa to duck out with out telling Teresa that was their plans BEFORE they got there. I also think that it would have been more appropriate for them to drop by Melissa's first and eat dinner with the immediate family...but they are all trying, and it shows! :)
Jay, your blogs are hilarious!! Bravo needs to pair you up with Andy Cohen and have you both host the "Watch What Happens" clubhouse! And I want to see you with all the wives at the reunion show -- now THAT would be funny! The only thing better would be to have you simulcasting along with each RHONJ episode (bring on the split-screen, I say!) Bravo to you -- keep those blogs coming!
OMG! JAY YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD. CONGRATS ON THE BABY. HOPE YOU COME BACK TO GOVENERS IN LONG ISLAND SOON. WE MISS YOU.
Jay, I love you! I was reading this during my lunch break and almost chocked on my Jimmy Johns sandwich! Keep doing what you're doing!
Funny, funny, funny! Thanks for filling in the parts I didn't see...I only watch some of it now that it's become the "Teresa v. Melissa" show (boring!). I think I actually miss Danielle...
Hi Jay! I love your blog! The girl in the negligee kissing Joe Gorga on the cheek is Victoria Wakile, the daughter of Kathy and Rich!