Jay Mohr

Comedian Jay Mohr gives thanks for Joe Gorga... and his many hats.

on Jun 6, 2011

At Chris and Albie’s new apartment, Albie asks Chris to stop wearing his jeans. It seemed so weird to me, but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why. Oh, now I know! It’s because seconds later in walks “Miss Personality” Ashley. Ashley is so annoying and drippy that her attitude infected a scene moments before she walked into it. It’s like smelling bread before it comes out of the oven… except with a spoiled brat instead of bread. Ashley is wearing a cross from Madonna’s “Like A Prayer” tour and the first freaking thing she says is, “I’m stressed.” Me too, Ashley. Me too. I had to commute to four different states in five days to do stand-up comedy shows. I had to wake up at 5 a.m. to do local radio to promote the gigs then find time to nap at my hotel with a newborn baby with me. Wednesday night I have to take a red-eye flight to Detroit to perform at The Motor City Casino, then Friday morning I have to get on the first flight back home to pick my eight-year-old up from school. Why are you stressed? Were the elevator buttons not bright enough? Forgot your middle name? Can’t figure out socks? (I really will be at the Motor City Casino Thursday. Please come see the show if your close by and we’ll talk a lot about the RH!) Thankfully, before she can drip too much annoyance on the screen, Chris and Albie tear into OSHLEY about her dreams of moving into Manhattan. These two boys have never had a day off of work in their lives so Ashley’s complaints are falling on deaf ears. When they tell her as much she begins to cry. Then she quickly recovers by saying, “I’m PMS-ing." Eeeww. If by PMS-ing you mean,  I like to sit on my ass all day with my hand out and complain about everything,” then I totally understand.

The boys tell “Miss Personality” that she needs to put in more effort at home towards being, you know, a person. Ashley takes their advice. Chris and Jaqueline get home and discover that Ashley has cleaned her room and cleaned the kitchen. Their reactions are as if they just found out Ashley has the gift of flight.

In her interview, Ashley says, “I just want to be Carrie Bradshaw.” You mean have awesome friends, drink your way across Manhattan and have sex with Chris Noth? Hell, so do I! Carrie Bradshaw had a job, Ashley. Another thing (judging by your interview) that Carrie Bradshaw had that you don’t is conditioner. I think Ashley is more like a Terry Bradshaw.

We cut to Teresa’s “Friendsgiving.” I was disappointed at this because there was no Chandler, or Ross, or Rachel. Not even Phoebe showed up to Casa de Giudice. We watch as Teresa does all of the Thanksgiving work as Joe is hibernating upstairs. I wouldn’t want to ever have to be the person that has to wake up Joe Giudice. He is a big scary bear that has to be woken up with a jar of honey and Ed Hardy t-shirts. 

At Melissa’s house, Joe Gorga and his crew are drinking beers and banging down shots. This should end very, very well considering no food is on the table yet. In all fairness, Kathy brings her desserts to the Gorga house and they look amazing. I mean AMAZING. Countdown to the Kathy Wakile's dessert cookbook starts now.

Joe Gorga comes into the kitchen where Melissa is preparing and announces, “I have a surprise for you! It’s in the driveway!” Melissa freaks out and asks, “Is it diamonds?” Not quite. It’s not diamonds and it’s not a new car in the driveway -- it’s a freaking mechanical bull with a bouncy house. What beautiful wife and mother of three doesn’t want a mechanical bull and a bouncy house in her driveway on Thanksgiving? 

Joey climbs up onto the bull first and does a pretty good job staying on. Next is Richie who for some reason inexplicably takes an S&M mask out of his pocket and puts it on to ride the bull. This Kathy-Richie relationship is now starting to come into focus. Their storyline will end in either a bank robbery or a murder. Kathy gets on the bull and Richie digs deeper into his pocket and pulls out a cat o' nine tails whip and uses it on Kathy's bottom as she rides the bull. Wait, WHAT?!?! What normal couple doesn’t stop at the ole S&M shop on the way to your friends' house for Thanksgiving? Is it just me or is one of Kathy’s sisters Susan Boyle? I swear I saw her at the table eating soup. Go back and look at the game tape. I need to know I did not imagine this! Susan Boyle right there at the Gorgas' table and no one even makes a big deal out of it.