Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr expounds upon the magnificence of Joe Giudice's splits.

on Jun 26, 2011

Across town, Melissa and her sister Lysa are getting ready for Antonia's ballroom dancing class. At one point in their conversation, Lysa has on so much eye shadow that when she goes to roll her eyes, she has to stop and start over again. Lysa is just starting to get some camera time, but she has made it very clear that she is ready to jump eye shadow first into this fight. At the end of the discussion, Melissa says that she’s afraid this might be "the final draw." Why can't any of the Housewives get an expression right? I hope it's not "the final draw," because I want to see what happens when Teresa isn't "calm as a whistle."

We find Kathy sitting at her desk going over all of her recipes. Kathy explains to Richie that she may want to use her recipes to open a catering business. Richie tries to get her to think big and maybe open a restaurant. This would be a good idea. The Housewives would always have a place to have their meetings. Just make sure if Teresa and Joey are coming by that you pre-order extra tables and set up a hat check. Richie wants a big restaurant and says to Kathy, "I'm not talking about just pigs in a blanket here." Why not? That would be the greatest restaurant in the world. "Kathy's House of Piggies in a Blanket" right off of Route 3 near Giants' Stadium. Piggies in a blanket by the way is also what they call it when you tuck the Kardashians in at night.

I have to take a time out here and give some respect to Richie. For a Lebanese guy, he is the most Italian guy I have ever seen. He looks like a handsome Andrew Dice Clay, if Andrew Dice Clay went to college. Also is anyone else worried about Richie's peripheral vision with those enormous sides he has on his glasses? He looks like a carriage horse wearing blinders.

When the gang arrives in the Catskills, the house looks like an immigration check-point. Teresa is wearing Chewbacca boots and has also dipped into the Blossom wardrobe with her bizarre knit hat with a flower in the front. There are lots of deer mounted on the walls, there is a mountain lion stuffed above the television, and Joe Giudice is having a cocktail out of a Nyquil cup. The house looks like something out of a Coen brothers' movie. Joe's father is making sauce in the kitchen, and people are showing off machine guns in the bedrooms. It's like The Untouchables meets the cantina scene from Star Wars. As they toast, Joe Sr. says, "Welcome to the country club." Yes, the country club where you pay dues with Drakkar Noir cologne and acrylic nails.