Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr offers a comedian's take on Episode 1.

on May 12, 2011

Meanwhile in the quieter confines of the Manzo family, Caroline finds out that Albie and Christopher are moving out and getting their own apartment. The idea of being an empty nester makes Caroline cry. At least I think that's why she's crying. Maybe she's crying because Chris' stripper carwash never took off. Secretly I think she's crying because of anywhere in the United States, her sons' decided to rent in Hoboken. That would make me cry too. On a side note Al Senior and Caroline must be drinking from the fountain of youth, because they have never looked better. It's nice to see a family that is so close and so in love with one another. I wish I knew the Manzos personally just so I could sit in on their family dinners. Everyone always looks so relaxed and happy. Bravo (pardon the pun) to Caroline and Al for raising such great kids.

Speaking of great kids, Jacqueline's daughter, Ashley, has a new job at a public relations firm in the big city, and she is as full of "personality" as ever. Holy smokes, this girl makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons! Jacqueline decides to visit Ashley at her job (she is working for the uber-talented publicist Lizzie Grubman). The visit gets uncomfortable quickly when Ms. Grubman explains to Jacqueline that it would be just super if Ashley decided to come to work, you know, like, every day, like everyone else. Miss Personality protests and says, "It's hard to come everyday, because, like, I have to commute." Lizzie Grubman calmly explains to her that so does every other person in the office. The cut away shots of Ashley's co-workers is priceless. They obviously think she is as full of team spirit and can do attitude as I do. I'm glad that's not my publicist. I would hate to think that I didn't receive my free 'The Book of Mormon' tickets because Lizzie Grubman had to take a day explaining to Ashley all the different ways to commute. "You can take the train, or a bus, or ride in with a co-worker, or a bicycle, or use your feet." Ashley storms off out of embarrassment and later complains to her mother that she's being treated like a five year old. Well maybe that's because Ashley acts like a four year old.

Also in the premiere we are introduced to the lovely couple Kathy and Rich and their children. They have a son named Joseph, who likes to play with knives while laying in bed, and they have a daughter named Victoria, who looks eerily like Princess Fergie's daughter that wore the antler hat to the royal wedding. These two seem to be madly in love with each other, which is nice, but I can't help thinking I would like them a lot more if they kept their noses out of the Gorga/Giudice family business. The Kathy and Rich dynamic took an odd turn for me when Kathy asks Rich what he wants for dinner, and he tells her he wants clams. Cut to Kathy on a ten-speed bicycle on her way to the market. Huh? Don't they have cars? Don't get me wrong, I am all for keeping it green, but a bicycle on the Garden State Parkway is suicide. You can hear cars honking at Kathy as she manically peddles her bike like Mrs. Gulch from The Wizard Of Oz. Also isn't it super important for shellfish to be refrigerated? Personally I like my clams to come home from the market in a 68 degree Mercedes S500, not in the basket of a bike as the sun beats down on them, ensuring my family fresh salmonella once I get home.

In the "thank goodness there was no second take department," Melissa praises her husband's "work ethnic." Moments later Joe expresses how much he loves his wife because of her incredible "worth ethic." Outstanding.