Meanwhile in the quieter confines of the Manzo family, Caroline finds out that Albie and Christopher are moving out and getting their own apartment. The idea of being an empty nester makes Caroline cry. At least I think that's why she's crying. Maybe she's crying because Chris' stripper carwash never took off. Secretly I think she's crying because of anywhere in the United States, her sons' decided to rent in Hoboken. That would make me cry too. On a side note Al Senior and Caroline must be drinking from the fountain of youth, because they have never looked better. It's nice to see a family that is so close and so in love with one another. I wish I knew the Manzos personally just so I could sit in on their family dinners. Everyone always looks so relaxed and happy. Bravo (pardon the pun) to Caroline and Al for raising such great kids.
Speaking of great kids, Jacqueline's daughter, Ashley, has a new job at a public relations firm in the big city, and she is as full of "personality" as ever. Holy smokes, this girl makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons! Jacqueline decides to visit Ashley at her job (she is working for the uber-talented publicist Lizzie Grubman). The visit gets uncomfortable quickly when Ms. Grubman explains to Jacqueline that it would be just super if Ashley decided to come to work, you know, like, every day, like everyone else. Miss Personality protests and says, "It's hard to come everyday, because, like, I have to commute." Lizzie Grubman calmly explains to her that so does every other person in the office. The cut away shots of Ashley's co-workers is priceless. They obviously think she is as full of team spirit and can do attitude as I do. I'm glad that's not my publicist. I would hate to think that I didn't receive my free 'The Book of Mormon' tickets because Lizzie Grubman had to take a day explaining to Ashley all the different ways to commute. "You can take the train, or a bus, or ride in with a co-worker, or a bicycle, or use your feet." Ashley storms off out of embarrassment and later complains to her mother that she's being treated like a five year old. Well maybe that's because Ashley acts like a four year old.
Also in the premiere we are introduced to the lovely couple Kathy and Rich and their children. They have a son named Joseph, who likes to play with knives while laying in bed, and they have a daughter named Victoria, who looks eerily like Princess Fergie's daughter that wore the antler hat to the royal wedding. These two seem to be madly in love with each other, which is nice, but I can't help thinking I would like them a lot more if they kept their noses out of the Gorga/Giudice family business. The Kathy and Rich dynamic took an odd turn for me when Kathy asks Rich what he wants for dinner, and he tells her he wants clams. Cut to Kathy on a ten-speed bicycle on her way to the market. Huh? Don't they have cars? Don't get me wrong, I am all for keeping it green, but a bicycle on the Garden State Parkway is suicide. You can hear cars honking at Kathy as she manically peddles her bike like Mrs. Gulch from The Wizard Of Oz. Also isn't it super important for shellfish to be refrigerated? Personally I like my clams to come home from the market in a 68 degree Mercedes S500, not in the basket of a bike as the sun beats down on them, ensuring my family fresh salmonella once I get home.
In the "thank goodness there was no second take department," Melissa praises her husband's "work ethnic." Moments later Joe expresses how much he loves his wife because of her incredible "worth ethic." Outstanding.
he.... Buddy! you a funnymudderfugher!
Somebody give this guy a National syndicated RADIO SHOW!!!!
Jay you were fabulous on WWHL last night. Andy should always have you on with the RHNJ. Or any of the RH!!! You were hilarious. Love the blogs. Just a comment that has nothing to do with RH. How would George Castandsa feel about the Beckham's naming their new babygirl, SEVEN. Wasn't that his idea of a name for a girl ....or a boy after his idol, Micky Mantle's number? What do you think, Jay? This Jersey girl wants to know.
Just watched you take over for Andy reviewing RHNJ while he's on vacation...call me crazy and others may not agree, but you were SO much better at it. Andy better watch out. If you took over I would watch that show more often!
OMG, Jay, you are so freaking funny. I've been searching for your blog after Andy mentioned it on his show when Jacqueline was a guest. And now after watching you last night, I realize it was on Bravo's page. I wet my pants after reading this first excerpt...and there are so many more. Heaven help me. Praise Jesus!
IToo Funny. what? you laughing at me? do I amuse you? hell to the Yeah! just found your blog after you hosted for Andy. I am rooting for Theresa and am not into Melissa and her mean ol' sisters. what a bunch of haters wanting to laugh at other people's (ESP. Family) misfortune. those kids will grow up one day and see their parents for rude adults (very sad). Pride is the real sin in this clan. every family has it's poor Me and I'm the one wronged here sibling. Keep the blog going. it was a good time to read. You are having too much fun writing this and it shows b/c everyone is having too much fun reading it too.
You are soooooo funny U had me crying I love Andy and the HWNJ Jay r u going to what Danielle on Famous food thanks Carole
Jay~ lovelovelove RHONJ, I am looking for the name of the Italian music that was played at the start after each commercial of the 1st episode of season 3, which was a bang! Please Help?
You are my savior! A couple of weeks ago, you were on Andy's "Watch What Happens Live". You mentioned that you had panic attacks and how you wrote about this in your book "Gasping for Airtime". I immediately bought the book because I, too, suffer from panic disorder. Reading about your panic attacks really helped me understand that I am not alone and not going crazy or dying. Also, I had my doctor switch my medication to the one you referenced...it works GREAT! Along with my "exercises," the meds really helps take that extra edge off. I really want to thank you for sharing your experience and, in a way, having saved my life. (If you get a chance, I would love to hear from you; I don't have Twitter but I am sure Bravo can give you my email address. If I don't hear from you, best wishes to you for good health!)
I've been a fan of RHONJ since the beginning, but you add a whole new dimension to it....and I love, love, love it!
Jay, you iz hilarious. Perfect recap. Don't even need to watch the show. The thing about Ashley is spot on, never quite knew what is was that bugged me but YES - Eeyore fer sure!!!
Jay: You are the best guest Andy Cohen has ever had on Watch What Happens. I have been trying to get my husband to watch The Real Housewives (any of them).My recent cajoling, "Jay Mohr is a good husband, he watches it with his wife," seemed to work. Luckily, the New Jersey season premiere really brought the crazy.Praise Jesus! i know the fans would love to see you recap each episode (and do your hilarious impressions) on TV. Bravo...we want to see more Jay Mohr!!!!
Jay, your a gift from baby Jesus!! I've loved you for a long time and I only watch Bravo's reality shows, now both of you together? GENIUS!!! Thank you and your brilliant!!!
Wow that was funny!!! I actually laughed out loud reading the part about no ones house being Baby Proofed! The part about Adrianna walking down three flights of stairs and making herself a pot of coffee...This is really funny stuff. I can't wait until your next Blog!
OMG this was hilarious. You captured it all. The good, the bad , and the ugly. I laughed through the whole blog. You were so spot on with Ashley!!!!! Bless her little heart. All I can say is Praise Jesus for your entertaining blog!!!
Very Very funny!! Love the blogs!! Can't wait for the next! I love reading your blogs after the episodes air because you have a hilarious view on what just happened even though it was completely heartbreaking!! Keep them coming!
P.S. I have to admit Bravo did make a mistake translating Joe Gorga's words into "Mom your cold your cold!" What he really said was "I am your son, your only son!
I LOOOOOVE that you are doing a blog, I died laughing when you were on an episode of "watch what happens live." Your blogs are hilarious and so true!
OMG!...Jay, I can't stop laughing. Thank you so much for your hysterical reviews of the RHONJ. Your humor has the perfect "ingredientzes" to sum up these guilty pleasure television shows. Some have commented that you should get your own Bravo show recapping all the shows on the network. I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! I am Italian, born and raised in New Orleans and between the RHONJ and those shore kids from that other network,...they're killin' me Jay. I appreciate your humor. Keep up the good work. I hope to be watching your recap show soon. I'll be following the blogs.
you're run down of that episode was phenomenal! spot on and hilarious...
when you were on Watch What Happens Live... you were friggin' hilarious...
one of my favorite movies EVER is, Mafia!
I would marry you in a heartbeat if I could man... you're awesome, and I love you!
Everything about ur blog is so true! The only thing that disappointed me was that the history of the joes and the father issue wasnt explained so vaguely!! and by the way why did they need to tell us about joe having the runs? Was the necessary? yuck lol
You are so right jay, about everything. The only thing i wish about this episode is that a little more history regarding the joes and the father issue, not much is explained! It is breifly touched on but very vague!! oh by the way u forgot to comment on how they felt the need to expain joes tummy hurting and having the runs>>>what the heck???
You need to comment on what the housewives blog about not just the show! Love your sense of humor just like mine....I'm gonna have to show this to my husband, he's gonna love it thanks for the laugh
Fantastic. I especially appreciate the part of the recap about Caroline since the second she comes onscreen, I slip into a deep coma.
But I was happy to see that this season she got a daughter! Mazel tov!
This is the BEST BLOG EVER!!! I loved every word of it from beginning to end. I still can't believe how you could manage to use the word "crescendo" in this blog. So well written and HYSTERICAL!
Absolutely hysterical posts - you are so right about everything. Please blog on every episode. Love it, you are the best!! Praise Jesus.
OMG JAY MOHR!!!!! You are friggin' freakin' fraggin' hilarious!! I literally laughed out loud a number of times and have never done that before with a blog (and I live alone!). I just texted my best friend to tell her that she MUST read your blog...As everyone else has stated, you've hit the nail on the head, cut through the BS and drama with an extra helping of a good 'ole belly laugh. Most excellent! Keep up the good work and I am muy, muy, muy looking forward to your future blogs.
I now know what pee-in-your -pants funny is - Jay - I knew you are a comedian but I never read anything that made me laugh so hard - every sentence in both blogs is a gem! I have become a Real Houswives of NJ fan - there is so much yelling and screaming - it makes all other family life look tame! Their dysfunction is my salvation
I would love to see a NJ Housewives vs Mob Wives (representing Staten Island) Beatdown one day. Although those Staten Island dames are mob born and bred, Ithink those housewives might give them a run for their money!