Caroline tells Jacqueline that if Lauren ever spoke to her the way Ashley speaks to Jacqueline, Lauren would be holding ice to her lips. Sounds scary, Momma Manzo, but last week we all saw how you punch. The only way Lauren holds ice to her lip is if she bumps her head on a cabinet.
Teresa shows up fashionably late to Kathy’s house. She tells the gang about a storm in the area and warns everybody that, “ A Norwegian is coming.” Kathy then says in her interview, “I guess intelligence is a different language to Teresa.” I am now so confused by this group. Kathy invites Teresa to her house for an “embrace your inner goddess party,” and then takes a huge shot at her. Caroline keeps telling Jacqueline to punch Ashley in the face. Melissa is nice to Teresa, but then says that holy water would make her melt. Kathy makes love to her food. Even by Housewives standards this is getting nutty.
Teresa spends the next ten minutes complaining about everything. When I say everything, I mean everything. Teresa STARTS by complaining that there aren’t any naked men serving the ladies the food. (Didn’t I say we needed more Greg?) The more everyone gets along, the crazier it makes Teresa. When Caroline compliments Kathy’s food, Teresa turns into Kristen Wiig’s Penelope character and blurts out, “We’re opening a restaurant!” Really, Teresa? How did the Bravo cameras miss you and Joe planning that? For crying out loud, they have footage of your daughter vomiting, I’m pretty sure they would have picked up on you and Joe planning a grand opening of a restaurant.
I’m starting to get worried for Teresa. I would love to sit down with her for one of my “Real Housewives Therapy” sessions. Good luck on opening your new restaurant, Tre. Nothing ensures a great grand opening more than a $260,000 debt.