Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr shares his thoughts on Kathy's hookah and Joey's drag performance.

on Jul 10, 2011

Welcome back, my friends. If you were like me, the week off was nearly lethal. I was having major Real Housewives of New Jersey withdrawal. The symptoms of which are having the shakes while wearing a wife beater and doing diamond push-ups and the splits in the middle of Chess King. It’s official. I am addicted. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you’re powerless. Well, I am powerless over The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and I don’t ever want to be saved. I’m riding this addiction out. When I die they will find my body outside the Tick Tock Diner smothered in turkey gravy muttering, “Joe Giudice did the splits. Joe Giudice did the splits.”

It’s Christmas time in New Jersey and hopefully that means Richie dressed as Santa Claus and lots of Melissa Gorga caroling in other people’s neighborhoods. The episode opens in Jacqueline’s house where there is going to be a Christmas cocktail party with both the Giudice family and the Gorgas. Jacqueline says in her interview, “It could either be a beautiful thing or a disaster.” Someone has already gotten into the eggnog. A beautiful thing? Yes, it should be a beautiful thing for the viewers, because it will be a disaster. This cocktail party will be a bigger disaster than the Titanic. That is if the Titanic was an IROC and it sank in the Passaic River.

Am I the only one that has noticed that the RHONJ children are the cutest of all the cities? It’s not even close. Between Giuseppe, Antonia, G to the ia, and C.J., I swear there must be something in the water near Route 23, because this is a ridiculously beautiful crop of kids. C.J. is the dark horse here to run away with all time cutest. He is incredibly polite, plays Xbox 360 while wearing a suit and tie, and this week makes Christmas cookies with Grandma while wearing snowman pajamas. A-Dor-A-Ble. Jacqueline and her family are sitting around the table making Christmas decorations when Ashley questions whether or not her mother should be causing drama. Pot, meet kettle. Jacqueline jumps all over this in her interview and basically calls Ashley out for being the all-time drama starter between her and Chris. Personally I am just wondering why Ashley is dressed like a Crenshaw Mafia Blood and how much of the paste actually went in her mouth? I have the over under on paste ingestion with Ashley at four tablespoons.