Jay Mohr

Jay thinks he may have stepped into RHONJ bizarro world.

on Aug 7, 2011

Melissa takes the high road (figuratively, I think she’s on Route 23, which last time I checked, was at sea level) and calls Teresa to try and get the kids together. Teresa acts like she doesn’t know who is calling and then tells Melissa she had a stomach flu. She also says that she is “munching on everything.” Which is it, Tre? I have been banging on Melissa all season and now you’re making me look bad. She is calling you to mend fences and you’re acting a little snotty towards her. Melissa doesn’t even have to call you anymore, she has more diamonds than Candy Spelling. Two more rings and she’ll be Liberace. I mean they’re both musicians, right? Someone from Bravo get Melissa Gorga some candelabras STAT!
 
It’s obvious that Teresa is very unhappy with, well, everyone. I don’t know how Teresa could ever be unhappy. Joe Giudice can do the splits! At one point she asks how much farther Melissa and Kathy can get up each other’s asses. Probably not that much, but it really depends if Richie is going to let them use any of the weird S and M toys he brought to the Gorga’s house on Thanksgiving. If he does, I’ll guess they are working with about an extra foot and a half.
    
Albert Manzo is getting ready for work. He is in a bathrobe shaving with a straight razor. That is about as O.G. as you can get. Who is this guy, Sweeney Todd? Who uses a straight razor when it isn’t 1849? I hope after Albert got done shaving, he stomped out the campfire, got on his horse and lead his posse into town to see the marshal.