Jay Mohr

Episode 13: Jay thinks L.A. might be the perfect place for Ashley.

on Aug 14, 2011

In Hoboken we see Christopher Manzo working as a bartender. You just cannot stop a Manzo from working hard. Jacqueline, Chris, Lauren, Albie, Greg, and Ashley all come in to visit Chris. They all do shots while Ashley plays with her hair. As I watched I was hoping Albie and Ashley would trade hats. I’d love to see Ashley in a baseball hat. More so, I would love to see Albie rolling through Manhattan with Alexa Rae Joel on his arm and a potholder on his head. That’s how you boss a move through the boroughs. I almost got my wish. Albie and Christopher’s roommate, Greg (We need more Greg!), puts Ashley’s potholder on his head and does an Ashley impression, which basically consists of saying, “You guys,” a lot. When Greg wears the oven mitt on his head, he actually looks pretty cool. He resembles a stoned French guy.

Ashley’s dad surprises her and sits down next to her at the bar. The first thing I noticed was that this man is a giant. He makes Big Chris look like Emanuel Lewis. The second thing I noticed was that Ashley’s dad looked alarmingly like UFC president Dana White. The third and maybe the most important thing I noticed about Ashley’s dad is that he has a scar running across the back of his head that stretches form ear to ear. That isn’t the kind of scar that comes with a funny story. I truly hope the man is okay. To further prove what incredible parents they are, Chris and Jacqueline are the ones who hug Ashley’s dad and stepmom hello in the parking lot and walk them into the bar. As luck (for the viewers) would have it, Ashley’s dad and stepmom aren’t in town from Texas on a social visit. They came to New Jersey in the dead of winter to sit down with Ashley, Jacqueline, and Chris to have a sort of intervention for Ashley. For what? Lazy pills and bottle after bottle of self-entitlement? Whoa! “Ashley, you behaving like a creepy drippy person has affected my life negatively in the following ways.” This family means business.

The following day, as snow falls on New Jersey, the pot stirring continues in Melissa Gorga’s kitchen. Her sisters Lysa and Kim (another Kim!) are there, and Melissa is back to doing her Teresa/Urkel impression. To be fair, Teresa was so negative the last time they were together that I will cut Melissa some slack. Lysa and Kim tell Melissa that they went to a medium, who said that her father was looking down on her and told her she is going to be successful. This makes Melissa cry and then in her interview she explains to us that she has never spoken to a “median.” Neither have I considering a median is the cement barrier that runs across a highway. If Melissa does ever decide to speak to a median, I hope it’s when the roads are closed. I wouldn’t want her to get run over by Ashley in her new Jeep. I love how Lysa and Kim mention that they saw a medium so flippantly, like it was just something they do on Thursdays and Mondays after the gym. Jacqueline went to a psychic earlier in the year and now Kim and Lysa are dropping in on the medium. Am I missing something? Do most people do this? Does most of New Jersey grab a couple of pops at the Verona Inn and then stop in for a quick visit to the medium to check in with the after life? I can’t think of that many people I want to talk to that are alive. I can’t imagine letting the dead into my instant message rotation.