Jay Mohr

Episode 13: Jay thinks L.A. might be the perfect place for Ashley.

on Aug 14, 20110

In Hoboken we see Christopher Manzo working as a bartender. You just cannot stop a Manzo from working hard. Jacqueline, Chris, Lauren, Albie, Greg, and Ashley all come in to visit Chris. They all do shots while Ashley plays with her hair. As I watched I was hoping Albie and Ashley would trade hats. I’d love to see Ashley in a baseball hat. More so, I would love to see Albie rolling through Manhattan with Alexa Rae Joel on his arm and a potholder on his head. That’s how you boss a move through the boroughs. I almost got my wish. Albie and Christopher’s roommate, Greg (We need more Greg!), puts Ashley’s potholder on his head and does an Ashley impression, which basically consists of saying, “You guys,” a lot. When Greg wears the oven mitt on his head, he actually looks pretty cool. He resembles a stoned French guy.

Ashley’s dad surprises her and sits down next to her at the bar. The first thing I noticed was that this man is a giant. He makes Big Chris look like Emanuel Lewis. The second thing I noticed was that Ashley’s dad looked alarmingly like UFC president Dana White. The third and maybe the most important thing I noticed about Ashley’s dad is that he has a scar running across the back of his head that stretches form ear to ear. That isn’t the kind of scar that comes with a funny story. I truly hope the man is okay. To further prove what incredible parents they are, Chris and Jacqueline are the ones who hug Ashley’s dad and stepmom hello in the parking lot and walk them into the bar. As luck (for the viewers) would have it, Ashley’s dad and stepmom aren’t in town from Texas on a social visit. They came to New Jersey in the dead of winter to sit down with Ashley, Jacqueline, and Chris to have a sort of intervention for Ashley. For what? Lazy pills and bottle after bottle of self-entitlement? Whoa! “Ashley, you behaving like a creepy drippy person has affected my life negatively in the following ways.” This family means business.

The following day, as snow falls on New Jersey, the pot stirring continues in Melissa Gorga’s kitchen. Her sisters Lysa and Kim (another Kim!) are there, and Melissa is back to doing her Teresa/Urkel impression. To be fair, Teresa was so negative the last time they were together that I will cut Melissa some slack. Lysa and Kim tell Melissa that they went to a medium, who said that her father was looking down on her and told her she is going to be successful. This makes Melissa cry and then in her interview she explains to us that she has never spoken to a “median.” Neither have I considering a median is the cement barrier that runs across a highway. If Melissa does ever decide to speak to a median, I hope it’s when the roads are closed. I wouldn’t want her to get run over by Ashley in her new Jeep. I love how Lysa and Kim mention that they saw a medium so flippantly, like it was just something they do on Thursdays and Mondays after the gym. Jacqueline went to a psychic earlier in the year and now Kim and Lysa are dropping in on the medium. Am I missing something? Do most people do this? Does most of New Jersey grab a couple of pops at the Verona Inn and then stop in for a quick visit to the medium to check in with the after life? I can’t think of that many people I want to talk to that are alive. I can’t imagine letting the dead into my instant message rotation.
  

311 comments
FlorenceFigueroa26
FlorenceFigueroa26

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krisczer
krisczer

Your blog is the best thing on Bravo! You are a funny bas*#%d who always makes me laugh. Your words of compassion at the end of this blog brought tears to my eyes, you must have been a Mom in a past life. (maybe you can check that out with a "median") Keep up the good work!

mimi tholsted
mimi tholsted

OMG Jay - I am laughing out loud of your comments .......fantastic ......right on I could not do it better ......

ViewerH
ViewerH

Obviously u have never been a pregnant woman. OJ is great for nausea.

Viewerlinj
Viewerlinj

I haven't been watching the show lately but I still love reading your blog! It's like really funny crib notes. You should do a commentary as the show is running. Like the do on DVDs or Mystery Science Theater. Now that would be entertainment!

ILoveNJHousewives
ILoveNJHousewives

Not the kind of scar that comes with a funny story... SO FUNNY!!!

Really liked what you had to say about J, I feel for her too

DB
DB

two words - you rock. i look forward to your blog more than the show:)

moz1317
moz1317

Your blogs are so entertaining!!!OMG I couldn't stop laughing!!!

EC
EC

I think it would look better on me! But if I had to choose, I like the dress on Pippa. It fits Pippa perfectly. Lindsey looks like she's trying too hard. Cute dress tho.

Christy123
Christy123

Jay, you are hilarious! However, I am shocked you didn't pick up on the poor Jackie is wiping her eyes with a trail of toliet paper. WIth all the housewifes money and Bravo's backing, couldn't Andy supply the poor girl with a box of kleenex? She has obviously has endured enough hardhsip!

scarlett reynolds
scarlett reynolds

Jay, you just don't get it. If you're a wench, you need a median......Just saying.

Mich1971
Mich1971

I think the parents went about confronting Ashley in totally the wrong way. I would feel ganged up on too if all four parents were talking at once telling me that I'm no good and need to have a plan. As it turns out, Ashley's plan is to go to school in CA. They asked her to come up with a plan and she did. It wasn't good enough. Maybe they should have said, "Come up with our plan" or simply just told her, this is what we want you to do and you have no choice in the matter. I agree that Jacqueline and Chris are doing what they know how to do and their best. But buying her trucks and phones is not doing her a service. I think we don't see everything that goes on. Ashley is disrespectful and unappreciative. However, we don't know how she heard her mom's words, like Jay said, over the years telling her how much she sacrificed for her. Also, I never hear anyone complimenting her on anything good that she does. Even if it's, "You're a loving big sister." No matter what Jacqueline and Ashley's issues are, I've only seen her be nice and hug and love her brother. I feel bad for this family. It seems like they are between a rock and a hard place. But maybe the best thing is for Ashley to get away from the toxic dynamics of this mother/daughter relationship, and just maybe she won't fall on her face in LA. Did anyone consider the possibility that she just might succeed when everyone gets off her back for one millisecond? The fact that no one did, sheds a lot of light on what's happening here. Think about it.

sally n.
sally n.

Every time I see this episode I wish Jacqueline would just smack Ashley, she DESERVES IT!!

ViewerKay
ViewerKay

I don't know why Ashley keeps saying that everyone is against her and no one agrees with her....stop right there....no one agrees with you...well child maybe there is a reason...what makes you think that you are the ONLY one who is right and the entire rest of the universe is WRONG!!! REALITY CHECK HONEY!!! It's for your own good....you are losing something so precious and it might be too late when you realize it...think, think, THINK, THINK, THINK!!!!!! I will be praying for you and know that God does loves you just like all four of your parents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and brothers do. They don't love what you do or how you act....they love you ....but respect is something totally different....respect is something that you have to EARN and you haven't even begun to earn any....you have a long hard life ahead unless you make some radical changes. No one is going to keep you on as an employee with your attitude...man you even put your own cousin in a bad spot and then got angry at her....ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS...

rhofw
rhofw

I too was impressed with her dad and wife. The four showed a united front and I was impressed that they got along so well and it is obvious that they all care for Ashley and want the best for her. It is too bad she doesn't see that. I watch this show because it is a fun getaway from my ordinary life and I love watching a train wreck. However, in all the time of watching this series, this is the first time I actually cried. My heart ached for Jaqueline and I cried along with her as if it were happening to me. One day, Ashely will have her own family and maybe then, will she appreciate how lucky she is to have not two, but four parents love her.

Laurmac
Laurmac

Jay you are so RIGHT on with the Ashley situation and so frigin FUNNY! I'm from Jersey and the next time you are doing a show in the area I will be there!!

chris mcdermott
chris mcdermott

Jay, every time I take off my poise pad I read your blog and pee my pants. My timing sucks. You're blogs do not! I swear, I am still laughing from the earlier posts and then you remind me about Teresa tasting blood and Melissa speaking to a median from last Sunday. I'm starting to look forward to your blogs more than the show (well kinda sorta iffy maybe but you understand I'm sure) --- but you're right it's starting to get painful watching Teresa just not LET GO! And pain isn't even close to the words necessary to explain what it feels like watching Jacqueline deal with Ashley. But back to you...seriously, I'm signing off now to go listen to the most recent (Jennifer Anniston) edition of your podcast. I love them all (even when there's sports names I have no idea exist) but you and Barry are a winning pair. I actually skipped over to you and Barry and plan to go catch up on the episode with you and your wife afterwards. (No offense Nikki) - really Barry is star power - "B to the arry" - keep up the good work. I just put two of your books on hold at my local library. Sorry I don't have Joe Gorga dough to buy them. Can't wait to read your take on tonight's episode. You rock - more rockin' than Melissa's fingers to be exact!

SlvrSprg7
SlvrSprg7

Jay, your blog about this episode was dead on. For the 1st time watching this show I shed years for Jacqueline and how Ashley treated her. Many children would LOVE to have a mother, father, stepmother and stepfather that love Ashley the way hers do. She's selfish to take that love and stomp on it. I hope Ashley takes her selfish butt to LA and find out just how hard the real world is.

susanp
susanp

Jay thanks for a funny and touching review of this episode. You bring a whole new perspective!

pcc
pcc

Jay,

First time reading your blog- you brought it. Agree w/most but you're too nice on narcissistic Terrible Teresa! Keep up the good read! Thanks

JNLNJAKN
JNLNJAKN

You are HILARIOUS! (miss your show) I love your blog, almost like you were story telling in person..you're the best. I definitely need to pick up your books!! Yes and very true, LA won't care, just like Ashley.

tonitoni
tonitoni

jay, you are hilarious! you really tell it like it us. please show up at the reunion show!

Viewer
Viewer

My sentiments exactly!!!

Keryn Young
Keryn Young

BRAVO! Well said Jay about the Ashley situation. Little Miss sure needs a reality check. Most kids on the planet would give their eye teeth to have not one but two sets of parents that love and care for them. Many parent should take note of this episode and see how co-parenting is done the right way!

tootypatootie
tootypatootie

Jay, you are right on. Ashley needs to go somewhere where the real people live, and see what life really is. As for Jaqueline, she can only make Ashley stronger by seeing what she is really capable of doing. So far, I haven't seen much. So - Ashley, time to prove us all wrong! Go to Cali and become the person you want to be. Do it. You need to do it. Grow up, girl. I hope you don't expect someone to pick up your messes when you are 30, because that isn't real life.

A fan
A fan

Best rhonj blog yet. Love you!

Jammanew64
Jammanew64

JAY, THANK YOU FOR MY WEEKLY LAUGH OUT LOUD --- P**** MY PANTS FUNNY!!!!

Tishy
Tishy

Freaking love you man....

CfromBoston
CfromBoston

Wow Jay. Love the way you write. Your Los Angelas not caring paragraph was almost poetic. Soo good I might pick up your book today..very coool

Pat G
Pat G

Jay I love your sense of humor and boy do we need it during our lives with teenagers. God love Ashley, she is young and inexperienced, everyone telling her what she does wrong. I can't remember the last time anyone said something wonderful to her without the word but!. Give the kid a break. Young adults are more of a challenge than toddlers. Ashley will figure it out, she needs love for who she is; postive thinking, not constant criticisms. Jacqueline is a great mom, but maybe Ashley needs to live with her dad for awhile, alot of daughters clash with their moms at this age. Ashley doesn't need to live under this limelight she is way to young and vulnerable. Pick on adults only.

April 8
April 8

Jay, you're awesome and spot on.

Ashley is driving me nuts. I have three sisters. We all went to college and after we graduated, our parents charged rent $100 a month to move back home. BTW, a job was required too. They didn't need the money, but it was so we could get used to paying. Life isn't a free ride, as Ashley seems to think. She has all the advantages in the world and she acts like a victim. It's disgusting. FOUR great parents who actually care. She needs to stop with the faux pity party and work for a change. She's acting like she deserves to be treated like some accomplished artist, when she hasn't done anything. It's off putting to say the least.

rhscottsdale
rhscottsdale

Your blog is fabulous. Not only can you write really funny stuff, but what you wrote about Jacqueline was touching and actually pretty remarkable. What the hell did the comment about CJ and Nick mean--it was only said to hurt her mother. I think Ashley should stay in NY preferably in Bellevue--Am I the only one who sees that this woman (not kid) is crazy. She's a sociopath who needs an entire team from Vienna. Can you imagine anybody else calling Jacqueline a "bitch"??? I find her very disturbing to watch and would like them to take her OFF the show.

Eviewer
Eviewer

Once upon a time I was a brat just like Ashley. I hope I didn't treat my family as badly as she does hers, but my wake up call was on the opposite coast from where I believe Ashley's lies. I moved to New York and you know what? New York kicked my ass. It didn't hold anything back and when Mommy and Daddy weren't there to pick up the pieces, I FINALLY had to grow up. Hands down the best thing that happened to me. I wish Jacqueline all the best in life. Her and Chris are amazing people who only show love. One day, after Ashley is left penny-less and lonely in LA, she will realize this too.

gill skeete
gill skeete

Jay I like what you had to say about all the people from this episode. I especially liked your comments on Ashley. She needs to learn some hard life lessons. I hope if she ends up in LA that her parents do NOT help her in any way financially.. of course that won't happen..they will most likely set her up in a great apartment and pay her rent for her and give her money to spend on herself.. but I hope they won't. She is a nasty selfish young woman who has way too much and a rotten attitude. she needs to see what life is really like without all the pampering from her parents!

TwistTurn
TwistTurn

Fabulous blog post! Your comments about Melissa and the median were too funny. I had to get up an leave my cubicle because I was laughing so hard. Also, thank you for expressing our support, love, and admiration for Jacqueline. She is a fantastic mother!

ART1984
ART1984

Jay,

Thanks so much for this blog. I hope one day Ashley realizes the obstacles her mom had to overcome in her life and how it hasn't been easy.

JerseyRocks
JerseyRocks

I agree with you! Send Ashley to LA with a dollar and a dream and let her grow up on her own because it is the only way it is going to happen. This is serious! I know people like her in their 40's who still act like defensive bratty teenagers who can barely take care of themselves. It is a horrible life. Give her the gift of independence Jacqueline, Chris, Matt and Jodi! CUT HER OFF!!!

Viewer4
Viewer4

anyone else notice whenever Jacqueline was talking to Ashley at the table, her husband always seemed to interrupt, talk over her and not let her finish. at one point she shot him a dirty look for doing so.(or maybe just editing - watch the scene jay!). there are two sides to every story. Ashley may be at fault, but maybe not totally to blame.

Zanabee
Zanabee

Your blog is comedy plus heart -- I love it and I LOL through all of your posts

Gina Dixon
Gina Dixon

Hi Jay! Love your column, and just wanted to say that Gary Unmarried was my absolute favorite comedy during its tenure!

My fav episode was when you wanted to date your daughter Louise's "hot" teacher and not the nerdy, dowdy one, all the while trying to stress that goodness and beauty come from within.

Can't wait for your blog each week, and hope to see you on a regular series soon!

Lisa M
Lisa M

Jay once again I love your blog! As for your books not making the bestseller lists, maybe you should have had SoulDiggaz help you? If they can get Melissa's song released, they can help anyone! But seriously, right now I am going to look for your books online because if they are half as funny as your blog, I know they will be amazing!

empress 05
empress 05

Home run again, Sir Jay. Sadly, this episode confirms all we have worried and talked about. My suggestion a few weeks ago was to make sure Ashley reads everything being written and take some time to think it over. I guess it hasn't happened. So.....here's my next plan: go to LA, no car (unless she purchases one and returns the Jeep to Chris). Uses her savings while looking for a full time job - which will include 5 unknown roommates in a 2 BR apt. Starbucks will look good. After eating ramen noodles for months, perhaps the family will help tuition costs for beauty school. BTW, Ashley, regarding the T-shirts for Lauren, whether its T-shirts, makeup or hair......what the CLIENT wants is ALWAYS what you give them.

susanMary&Joseph
susanMary&Joseph

Your best blog to date. Thank you for telling Jacqueline how we feel and doing it so sweetly. Ashley will inevitably get her wake-up call; let's hope it wakes her up, speaking of which, does she know that make up artists have to rise early?

Emily Jones
Emily Jones

Jay, my mother raves about your blogs and I read to make her happy, I am so hooked! You say what I'm thinking when I watch the show. I adore Jacqueline, she is in fact a wonderful mother and I hope she reads what you have to say!

Sheltielady
Sheltielady

Jay, Loved your comments about Jacqueline and how right your were regarding Ashley. Maybe instead of California they should send Ashley to live with Caroline. Would love to see what working at the Brownstone and having to follow the Manzo house rules would do for the Ashley. Maybe you could suggest that to the people at Bravo.

9rectums??lol
9rectums??lol

Jay, you had me at "eating like they have nine rectums" this week. LOL

Sylvia77584
Sylvia77584

Jay- I just wanted to simply say you are "GREAT"! Your right on about everything, and it's the way you put into words! Keep up the great works. Love, love, love your blog! Xoxo