Every time a Real Housewives cast goes on vacation, it ends in disaster. Here's hoping that the Jersey Girls keep the streak alive.
The show opens with Joey Gorga and his singer/songwriter/entertainer/recording artist/honorary Souldigga wife, Melissa Gorga, getting ready for the trip to Punta Cana. Joey Gorga loves the smell of fresh laundry. You can tell because he keeps picking up singer/songwriter/entertainer/recording artist Melissa's bikini bottoms and smelling them. I can't blame him. Personally I love the smell of Downey combined with Dreft. There is nothing like that fresh laundry smell. It was sweet to see the kids and his mother-in-law in the room with him to watch him enjoy that fresh laundry smell.
Even though the trip is only going to be four days, Teresa is filling a suitcase with more bikinis than you see at The Miss America pageant (which by the way is hosted by a very handsome up and comer named Andy Cohen). As Teresa packs, Gia has squeezed herself into one of the suitcases. Milania instantly starts jumping up and down on it in an attempt to crush Gia's bones. I guess she didn't like her song last week. I think baby Audriana has a new single dropping soon too, because Milania gets in the crib with her and puts her in an armbar and body slams her. This may very well be the world's strongest family. Teresa keeps asking Joe Giudice if, "We're gonna have a good time together." Joe's answers are super evasive and vague. I get the feeling that Joe is thinking that fourteen people are going to Punta Cana, but only thirteen are coming back.
Melissa didn't ignore Teresa's comment about Albie and Chris! She gave a dig at Teresa's Mother, by saying Caroline raised her boys right! Come one Jay, why are you being so easy on Melissa this week! I guess the twitter war scared you!!
"This proves that there is an actual human alive that enjoys Melissa's voice" hahahaha hope Melissa thickened up her skin since her Twitter breakdown last week...don't get your Greg love, he's a bit too stereotypical gay for me..but i still love your blogs!
hahahahahahaha!! you are so funny I can't stop laughing!!! oh that Joe Gorga and his poison! LOVE your blogs!
I disagree with you here, for the first time. Kathy was saying that she couldn't detach herself from her children enough to own and run a restaurant. In other words, that's the nature of the business. It was a jab at how Teresa was willing to do that. Why go there? And as for her children being unattended at the party - it was a family party in which Joe Gorga started the fight. People were terrified of what was going on and all heck broke loose. I would love to see how Ms. Kathy would react if it was her brother doing that to her. It was a terrible night and you don't accuse someone of leaving their children unattended when something like that was going on. I'm sure Teresa didn't mean for any of that to happen, but it did. Why tell someone who is a great mother that they left their children unattended? Most mothers would take offense to that. Come on, Jay.
Too funny...The Andrea True Connection had it right - How do you like it? How do you like it? Mohr Mohr Mohr!!!
I see your disdain for Melissa, rightfully so. She's always spewing venom behind peoples back but to their face acts like a 1st grade teacher. I'm tired of the bull everyone is saying about Tre, but then in the next scene there is someone talking about her. So basically, they all want her to shut her mouth but they are allowed to bash her? The Manzos are the worst of the 2 faced clan. Aren't you too old for this nonsense Caroline? Not cool. They're making Danielle look like her statements have merit (scary I know)Don't even get me started on Greg, why is he on this show? Fame whore. If he could pull his cock out of Melissa's ass long enough, he might actually get to see who she really is. A shit starting, gold digging, Britney Spears auto-tuned loser with self esteem issues. But with that face, I guess her options are limited. BTW- when a persons ENTIRE family is there your kids aren't unattended. Period. Ever been to a wedding with kids? Yeah, when they're on the dance floor with their little cousins and their parents are sitting at a table, does that mean they are unattended? No. You people act like Teresa left the building and headed to the mall leaving her kids behind. Non Italians don't get that, and Kathy saying that makes her look "new" Considering she was the one watching the kids, duh. I'm sure Bravo had her stand aside so they could film the baby alone for good TV. What a load of BS
Now that's more like it! Another great recap, Jay - I giggled from beginning to end. (I love your obsession with the Souldiggaz.)
I usually love your blog, but this week i am disappointed. Your twitter war with Melissa last week has made you amp up your insults of Teresa and Joe this week. No mention of Albie's rude comments when joe and tre were leaving??? Every single person on the show from the manzo's, wakiles, gorgas and even passavely the laurita's are against TRe...so guess what ...i would be defensive as well. Albert sumed the reason's for Teresa's outburst. Although i don't agree with what Teresa did to Kathy...i get where she was coming from. However, i don't believe kathy meant any harm in her comments....the conservations and snide remarks afterwards by many of them there were disappointing.
OMG, another great and entertaining recap of the show. I only watch now to see what your commentary on all the ridiculous events will be. Keep it up!
That is really messed up what you said about North Carolina I guess that is how the rest of the world views us. Double wides and meth cooking, nice.
I see Melissa got to you with her name-calling and she now gets a free pass. I see you also are kissing Greg's behind because he tweets nicely to you. In case you didn't notice, he acted like a complete jerk this entire episode.
If you are going to write your blogs based on who has influenced you the most, then please don't bother.
I did not enjoy this at all! Greg has talked crap about Teresa and stirred the pot for 2 weeks and you're not calling him on it- but condoning it. Melania is a child, and should be off limits. You made a big deal about Teresa's period, but it was okay for the Gorgas to have sex in bathroom with 10 people around. GROSS! Caroline had the migraine before Teresa did the tasteless fashion show. How about you comment on how Caroline is a Debbie Downer? How Lauren is the most negative person in NJ?
How about instead of focusing on Audrina in the stroller, why would Kathy even mention it at the fashion show? I believe that Teresa was trying to end the argument on the beach, but Kathy wanted to keep it going. I see that the Melissa got the best of you in yor twitter war!
Ummm, becareful calling Dominican Republic a poor country... Have you ever been there. It is a rich country...rich with culture, traditions and beauty. Becareful!!!!!!!!
I think you're making a huge deal out of the "butt buddies" joke. I honestly didn't even hear it, or think twice about it.
Jay....you never fail to have me hysterically laughing while at work. AWESOME and very accurate blog. Please Please Please start blogging for all the RH shows. You tell it like it is. Teresa is still singing the song that Audriana was not "unattended" but the video shows the truth. I don't even remember Kathy using the word "unattended" at the fashion show when she confronted Teresa. Teresa remains the most dillusional person ever!!!! Keep posting Jay....you're the best.
Jay, Love your commentary! I'm with you on Greg, wish Bravo would have a little more of him, he is a character! The only thing, I think we are watching Teresa unravel on TV, like a slow version of Charlie Sheen. I loved the Wonder Pets comment last week about Melissa's running outfit. Don't these people have any mirrors?
Jay, I love your blogs, you are killing me Professor Paine !! If I heard one more women state they were having their 'ladies days' I was going to hurl. The only thing that could possibly top that and go down in reality TV history is Cromag Joe, the lucky hubby of singer/superstar Melissa smell the crotch of her bikini, with his kids and mother in law in the room. I could not help but wonder, what does he sniff in private?? Yes, it makes your brain bled to think of the possibilities !! The men stating in formation to urinate was also another highlight to a delightful vacation, glad it was captured on film for all of us to enjoy. The only thing I have to disagree with you on is groupie Greg, sorry, not feeling the love for him. The only thing the episode was missing was vacation crashers Kim G and Michael Lohan to make it a complete disaster. I hope you are going to help that up and comer Andy Cohen host the NJ reunion show, I think he is going to need extra muscle to control this group of women once the season ends. If you do, don't forget to bring a club to beat them off one another and Andy. LOL
I am laughing so hard as I read your blog each week - you put in writing EXACTLY what we are thinking as we watch the show - HILARIOUS (tears from laughing so hard) - keep'em coming! ha ha ha
You are simply, hys-ter-i-cal! Who can take goldfinger on the beach seriously? I was waiting for someone to acknowledge the tape of the lone baby stroller. Are the participants contractually prohibited from referring to the video proof? I'm hoping to watch you on WWHL in the near future as your take on the housewives makes me laugh out loud.
See? If Melissa had waited just one more week to see your open minded niew of what happened, she wouldn't have had to start that twitter battle. You were equally nice and mean to each of the cast, one of the reasons I love your blogs!
Jay man, You crack me up.I don't get the Greg thing but whatever.Love the dig about Melissa's voice,seriously right?! The woman cannot sing.Please give it and us a rest!
You have got to really give it to Melissa next week after her concert, after she gave it to you so bad! Otherwise, this wannabe celebrity is going to think she's even more above you than she already obviously does. Then, just for fun, please throw out some compliments to Teresa. It would be a nice change & would really burn her. Love your blog & we love you!
FREAKING HILIRIOUS!!!!! IMMA NEED you to do a recap of the whole Housewives franchise!
Andy please get on that ASAP!!!!!!!!
Spot on, as usual! Between reading your blog this afternoon and listening to your latest podcast this morning, you have officially made my day. You might be the only person who loves Greg more than I do!
I have never read your blog before, and I must say that I have been missing out. You had me hooked when I read this line:
"These gals are bringing so much clothing to the Dominican Republic that I think they are going to open a Forever 21 store there."
Okay...That is really funny stuff.
Its official, I now only watch the New Jerset Houswives so that I can fully appreciate your brilliant blogs. Oh please write a book - Please!
Jay, you are hilarious and you make me laugh. This is one of my favorite blogs ever. Word to the Gia!
I love reading things that make me laugh out loud and your blog always does that. Love your line about Juicy Joe doing the splits and spitting a broken tooth at someone. My eyes are watering.
Love you and you never disappoint! Well, you kinda do because it doesn't look like you're coming to south Florida for an appearance...Other than that, you never disappoint!
OMG- I was dying of laughter as you described the men all peeing on the side of the road. Hilarious as always!!! Freaking fantastic blog every single time.
Ha! I love your synopsis... Any word on if you will be on the RHONJ reunion playing the part of the Therapist.... Hey, if Melissa can play singer, Teresa can play a writer and Caroline can play a DJ, why cannot you play a therapist! I'm just sayin
Jay, I absolutely love your blogs! This was the BEST one ever and I kept laughing out loud joyfully at every insanely on point comment you made. How on earth do you come up with these brilliant one liners?
Best line was about Joe Gorga and his poison. I nearly passed out laughing at if Joe was on viagra, he'd have a stroke! Genius!
I seriously have to stop reading your blogs at the office. This was the BEST one yet. Hilarious! But so true!
Hilarious!! Love your comments about the show. Expecially loved the one about Melissa's voice. Too funny.