Jay Mohr

Episode 17: Jay explains how a guy packs for a trip and proclaims his love for Greg.

on Sep 19, 2011

As Teresa looks for her bag, the guys retire to the bar and have a few ice-cold beers. Caroline says, "We didn't come to Punta Cana to hang out at the airport." Why not? There's cold beer and dancing. Chris seems to be having a hard time adjusting to his new surroundings. I am basing this on the fact that he is walking around the Dominican Republic in blue jeans and a Ferrari jacket. I guess he is wearing the jacket in case the temperature dips below eighty-nine.

The cast drives to their hotel in a presidential-like motorcade. Teresa and Joey are sitting together in an Escalade and decide to call their mother. After the introductions, Teresa asks her mom to say a prayer to St. Anthony to help her find her lost luggage. It's a good thing it's the slow season for St. Anthony. I would hate to think that a family didn't find their missing child or a long lost loved one didn't turn up because St. Anthony was tracking down Teresa's jewelry filled leopard luggage. Joey Gorga tells his mom not to waste the prayer. You don't hear the mom's response. Maybe she can't talk because Milania has her in a figure-four leg lock.

In a different car in the motorcade, Joe Giudice tells his "amigo" to pull over so he can go "pee pee". Joe sounds like a Spanish pediatrician. After Joe gets out to urinate, every guy on the trip follows him out and they do the same. Suddenly the woods of the Dominican Republic are filled with New Jersey men and their penises. How amazing would it be to have a documentary film crew stumble upon our men in mid-stream. They would have a very difficult narration. "Here we see the New Jersey, Italian man relieving himself. This is a fascinating discovery, because no one ever knew they would travel so far from the Mall at Short Hills to do so. Before today, we didn't know they peed in groups. This one must be the leader because he is wearing a Ferrari jacket." It's probably never a good idea to urinate in public in a foreign country. Isn't that how you get caned? It wouldn't matter with this group, because as soon as the local cops went to put handcuffs on the boys, Joe Giudice would drop into the splits and spit one of his broken teeth at them.