Jay Mohr

Episode 17: Jay explains how a guy packs for a trip and proclaims his love for Greg.

on Sep 19, 2011

Caroline's Teresa migraine is so bad that she can't even go out on the boat ride with the rest of the gang. Something about this group of people being in the middle of the ocean seems like a horrible, horrible idea. Gilligan's Island started with a boat ride, and those people all liked each other. Regardless of my trepidations, the gang starts oiling up and get ready to hit the seas.

Once on board, Albie has come up with a drinking game for third graders. He has called it "La Cucaracha." In this drinking game, there is a plastic cockroach that shimmies it's way across the boat's deck and whomever it touches has to take a shot. When I was drinking, we had a much more fun drinking game. It was called, "Hey! Let's all take a couple shots!" Why bring plastic roaches into the festivities? Just drink until you get warm and fuzzy and puke into your hat.  

During the boat ride, Teresa takes the uncomfortable level up a notch by leaving Richie hanging on a high five. Here's a sentence I never thought I would write again. "Teresa is angry that Richie is talking about Joe's cock." Teresa wants everyone on board to know that Joe Giudice has a big penis. She says that there is proof because she has four kids. Someone should explain anatomy to Teresa. Is that what birth control has degenerated to in New Jersey? "You can't get pregnant if the man has a small penis." Teresa, I have two kids, and I am hung like a light switch. Hell, people get pregnant using turkey basters and stirrups with potholders on them. (Isn't it amazing that as far as we have come in medicine, the OBGYN still uses freaking potholders to keep women's feet warm during a visit?!)

The boat drops anchor and every one decides to go for a swim. Greg is first in and does a splendid, super hot cannon ball into the blue water. When he stands up, we see that the water is only three feet deep. This immediately gave me chills. If Greg dove, he would have been paralyzed, and I would have had to nurse him back to health for the rest of our lives together. I would have done so happily and proudly.