Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr offers a comedian's take on Episode 3.

on May 30, 20110

Welcome back. You’d think it would be much easier for Teresa and Joe Gorga to simply sit down and talk to each other. Instead, we are treated to every other person on the show rehashing what they think the problem is, which in turn creates new problems and tensions. I’m not complaining. The more problems and arguments Bravo can juggle at once the better.

Episode 3 opens at Kathy and Richie’s house. I do not think these two have ever been filmed together while not eating. Somehow they don’t each way 300 pounds, and I resent them for this. If I have a Snickers bar in the middle of the night I blob out to over two bills. In her interview, Kathy says about Teresa at the fashion show, “You only get one chance to make a first impression.” Wait a minute. They are first cousins. Is Kathy implying that at Kim D’s (again with the Kims) fashion show her and her first cousin Teresa met for the first time? If that is the case, then yes, Teresa did blow it. But then again so did Kathy by wearing a live raccoon to The Brownstone.

We see Teresa at the photo shoot for her cookbook. The chef that is making the meals looks about as happy as Anthony Borudain if he had to cook for Rachael Ray. The food that he makes looks amazing, but Teresa seems to find a problem with all of the shots. “Shouldn’t this have a piece of parsley on it?” Yes, Teresa. Nothing moves cookbooks off the shelves faster than parsley.

In the thank God there are no second takes department -- Teresa explains to the clients and the publishers that there are too many “ingredientzes” that we as Italians never use. When asked for an example, Teresa says, “Like, um…cumin.” The people in the room politely ask, “Cumin?” Teresa seems confused like she isn’t sure if they are trying to trick her into saying the right thing or not. Teresa then says she doesn’t even know what cumin is, but since she has four children, I don’t believe her.

311 comments
belinda sauer
belinda sauer

Again--killing me, and I guess I am one of the ones that got the Bette Davis reference......Can I sue my mom for making me watch that the whole time I was growing up on then on VHS too? LOL!

I wish there was a "like" button for every sentence that slayed me, but then that might override the system!

B!

RFN.J.
RFN.J.

Jay! You made me laugh when you said what everyone was thinking... bad singing Melissa...Hello! you a singer, cumin!

Andi #400
Andi #400

Love your blog! I saw you on Watch what happens live and think you should be hosting that......not that Andy isn't good, but you are so witty!

greenlegs
greenlegs

I'm a little bothered that I got the Baby Jane reference

Lisa D
Lisa D

I knew she reminded me of someone. I have been racking my brain to think what show she was on. LOL

Jackie C.
Jackie C.

Please blog the other RHW shows your so effin funny!!!! Love love love you!

LIViewer
LIViewer

"Teresa then says she doesn’t even know what cumin is, but since she has four children, I don’t believe her."

Spoken like a man. A woman can have lots of children without ever "cumin."

Crazydaisy
Crazydaisy

Jay you are hysterical and seriously have them all down...your blogs are better than watching the show!

ItWasntMe
ItWasntMe

OMG. I was always a fan of yours! Your blog is hilariously funny. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Thank you! Your insights are dead on. After watching this episode, the only description of Joe Gorga that comes to mind is the same one the French journalist/accuser used for Dominique Strauss-Kahn: a rutting chimpanzee. Eeew.

NJHforreal
NJHforreal

Thanks for much for this blog, Jay! It's such a hit that it gives me a great excuse to watch RHONJ and still hold my head up high - after all, I have to understand your references, right?

melissaI
melissaI

Jay should host the reunion show or at least co-host. The ratings would be through the roof. Bolt down the tables!!!

cpr
cpr

I scared myself when I got the "postman, stamp" reference. I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one who thinks this way. Would love to hear you do a running commentary during episodes. Way too funny.

kitbrown
kitbrown

Jay, you are the highlight of this show!!! Keep the blogs coming!! lol

Jessica
Jessica

This was your best blog yet! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! Hilarious insights. Brilliant.

NotAuntBea
NotAuntBea

YES! Baby Jane is a family favorite in our house (are we gay?). I got kind of bored watching this season, but your blogs/recaps are hilarious! I've been a fan of yours for about a decade and this is just gold.

Jourdan
Jourdan

Awesome take on this past episode!

Karenst16
Karenst16

My favorite part of this season's Jersey Housewives. I laugh out loud at all Jay's blogs!

Paulax8
Paulax8

Keep the blogs coming. You're the only one who deserves to be on Bravo's payroll. BTW: Have you noticed that none of these megmansions have a library or a book shelf (with books) anywhere!

Gcerda
Gcerda

OMG! I love Jay's blog! Too funny! Mohr Jay!!! Keep them coming!

I'm From Jersey TOO
I'm From Jersey TOO

LOL, I've only just discovered this blog. LOVE IT! Powder blue velour with poison Cumin!! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Colleen from Buffalo NY
Colleen from Buffalo NY

Anytime you'd like to come to Buffalo(sure it's on your list of to dos)feel free to come over and watch any of the housewives episodes. Bring your dog, we'll eat snickers until we puke. You've hit me Bspot-Blogspot! Hello-someone needs to put you on payroll BIG! "Love love love" you!

sarabethr
sarabethr

Andy, give Jay a Housewives recap show....at the end of the week, so he could critique each one...come one!!! Jay, you are the best....

GuiltyPleasureViewer
GuiltyPleasureViewer

OMG, you are hysterical. I have been a big fan of yours for a long time and now I love you even more. Every time I read your blog, I am laughing out loud, keep up the great work. You are the best reason to watch the RHWONJ!lol

Najeebah
Najeebah

Jay, I was really pleasantly surprised by your blog. Not because you're not funny or because I think you're illiterate (sp?) but because I didn't know that you were on here brilliantly responding to this foolishness. I haven't been on the Bravo site in a while, Ive been trying to watch this season but it's litereally too much for a person with a small brain to handle. Yet I can't look away, why is that? The Gorga family, Theresa is included although maybe not as much, actually makes me rethink my take on reality. Can they really be for real. I mean I have a large family, 7 kids, each a little nuts so I know drama but this is another level. Look at this post of run on sentences and craziness that I'm writing! I have an English degree for crap sake! Anyway, Ive said all this to say that I really enjoy your blog, it made me laugh out loud. Like not just the lol but for reals, I laughed so loud that my daughter heard me in the next room and ran in to see if I was loosing it. So thanks for that

Cindie7777
Cindie7777

Your take on the show is hilarious. Thank you so much please keep them coming. You would be a great addition to all the Housewives blogs. Bravo would be smart to sign you up and cut you a check!!

derbygal
derbygal

Your blog is the best part of the show....

Chicago Mom
Chicago Mom

Too laugh out loud funny! Thanks, Jay.

Jen Disco
Jen Disco

I couldn't stop crying... I was laughing so hard reading your blog. This show is funny, but you make it so much more with your colorful interpretations!! Even my husband who cannot deal and has anxiety attacks when he hears the housewives on the TV.. was laughing when I read it to him!

Roe R.
Roe R.

Once again Jay your blog was awesome! I think you hit the nail on the head!!! Thank you for making me laugh!!

Viewer786868
Viewer786868

laughing so hard HAHAHAHA! LAUGHING SO HARD can barely read. this was so funny MORE please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marye7ny
Marye7ny

Get a shot of espresso and roll over.” I think I heard the same sentence once on Oz. Joe tells Melissa he needs to have sex because he is “so filled with poison.” No, Joe, that’s cumin. YOU ARE KILLING ME. KEEP IT UP!!!!!!

geminiluve73
geminiluve73

ROTFL....LMAO!!! Jay you too funny and right on point with your comments especially about Joe Gorga " I need to get this poison outta me"....Poison? Really??

TMontoya
TMontoya

Powder blue velour with poison semun!! I effin love it!! One day we will look back on the countrys Jersey obsession of 2010-2012 and wonder WHY!! Until then its funny as hell!

allisoN B
allisoN B

spot on! I spit my coffee out at work laughing so hard!

Viewer Liz
Viewer Liz

What about live tweeting during the show? It works for Howard Stern and Jeff Probst. What do you think?

Dianne007
Dianne007

Jay - Found your blog this week and LOVE it!! I am from an Italian family living in the South and believe it or not, Caroline, we actually DO NOT open a jar and call it spaghetti sauce. By the poor grammar and sentence structure that is used by most of the "housewives" and their husbands, I am assuming that they were looking for the MRS diploma (degree would be way too advanced) while in elementary school and opted out of the routine English classes where grammar was being taught. Very entertaining, though! Cannot wait for your blog next week. Please .... blog about NYC, too!!!

kwgregg
kwgregg

your observations are hysterical. thanks for the laughs

viewed
viewed

One thing you failed to mention: Caroline Manzo originally scared the 'praise bajesus' out of me with her "we-ah tick uz tieves". I have to admit I'm warming up. However, if I'm correct in my extensive research, her daughter is the youngest at 23 and Albie and Chris are JUST NOW moving out?! I'm crossing my fingers that they're twins nine months older than their sister. Even then...

Viewer CA
Viewer CA

JM - You need to moderate the reunion show!! I mean, Andy asks good questions, but you just get right to it, what we're all thinking & wanting to know! Your blog is the cherry on top of the show. We need to get you blogging on all the RH shows. Thank you for being so hilarious & cutting through the melodrama!!!

empress 05
empress 05

Great blog!!!!! You are a wonderful and funny observer of chaos. Have you noticed the lack of spoken and/or written grammar, spelling or complete thoughts? None of these people are that old, which speaks volumes to the skills of teachers in NJ. Swell.

New_Mama21
New_Mama21

Hilarious! I only want to read your blog! I wish you could come on the show at the reunion and put everyone in their place. That would be PERFECT!!!

kidpsyc
kidpsyc

Love your blogs! I can't believe you mentioned Melissa looking like one of the Mowry twins. My mother said the same thing to me after watching the show!

SMITHVILLE
SMITHVILLE

Love your blog. You are right on with everything. Keep going.

cocopoofs!!
cocopoofs!!

LOL keep it cumin JAY!! Excellent insight!

wildwoman
wildwoman

Jay! very hard to read your blogs through my tears of laughter!!! you are so dead on and funny! and Im one of the two that got the "What happened to baby Jane" reference. love your too , too funny insights!

mousewhisperer
mousewhisperer

I love how your blog inspires humor in the responses, it is just as much fun to keep reading all the puns and quips! I hope there is a lot Mohr Cumin!