Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr offers a comedian's take on Episode 3.

on May 30, 2011

Welcome back. You’d think it would be much easier for Teresa and Joe Gorga to simply sit down and talk to each other. Instead, we are treated to every other person on the show rehashing what they think the problem is, which in turn creates new problems and tensions. I’m not complaining. The more problems and arguments Bravo can juggle at once the better.

Episode 3 opens at Kathy and Richie’s house. I do not think these two have ever been filmed together while not eating. Somehow they don’t each way 300 pounds, and I resent them for this. If I have a Snickers bar in the middle of the night I blob out to over two bills. In her interview, Kathy says about Teresa at the fashion show, “You only get one chance to make a first impression.” Wait a minute. They are first cousins. Is Kathy implying that at Kim D’s (again with the Kims) fashion show her and her first cousin Teresa met for the first time? If that is the case, then yes, Teresa did blow it. But then again so did Kathy by wearing a live raccoon to The Brownstone.

We see Teresa at the photo shoot for her cookbook. The chef that is making the meals looks about as happy as Anthony Borudain if he had to cook for Rachael Ray. The food that he makes looks amazing, but Teresa seems to find a problem with all of the shots. “Shouldn’t this have a piece of parsley on it?” Yes, Teresa. Nothing moves cookbooks off the shelves faster than parsley.

In the thank God there are no second takes department -- Teresa explains to the clients and the publishers that there are too many “ingredientzes” that we as Italians never use. When asked for an example, Teresa says, “Like, um…cumin.” The people in the room politely ask, “Cumin?” Teresa seems confused like she isn’t sure if they are trying to trick her into saying the right thing or not. Teresa then says she doesn’t even know what cumin is, but since she has four children, I don’t believe her.