Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr offers a comedian's take on Episode 3.

on May 30, 2011

Back to Richie and Kathy’s house (again, eating). The family steps outside for a “family meeting,” and Richie has bought Kathy a new Mercedes and a bouquet of flowers. Sorry, Richie, but with a ninety thousand dollar whip in the driveway, orange roses sort of lose a bit of their luster. With the food burning on the stove, they drive away in the new ride hopefully to “break it in.”

We next see Jacqueline, Teresa, and Caroline with Kim D. They are at a warehouse and are going to pick up some free clothes. I only bring this up for two quick reasons. Caroline shows up with her hair slicked back like Mickey Rourke in Angel Heart, and Teresa again starts to defend herself in regards to the conversation at The Brownstone with Davey Crockett, I mean Kathy. Teresa still is mad as hell that anyone would accuse her of leaving her baby unattended during the fight. Personally I am tired of this argument. Teresa needs to look at the game tape of the fight at the manor. Teresa, I love you, but the baby was alone in her stroller. Turn the page, close the book, and we’ll all act like it never happened, OK? Great, thanks.

Back in the Gorga house, Joe is still trying like hell to get Melissa to sleep with him. It’s amazing she can resist him, since he is such a charmer. Joe Gorga says that not having sex in five days is like when you have a white head zit and you finally pop it and puss shoots all the way across the room. Make up your mind, Gorga, is it poison or puss? He is a silver-tongued fox. I don’t know why Melissa wont give him five minutes to get rid of his poison or to pop his white head so puss can shoot out of the room. Typing that last paragraph actually made me nauseous.

Jacqueline tries to help Teresa write a letter to her brother. It is alarming to watch Teresa come completely undone while writing this make up note to Joe Gorga. I felt like I was watching Bette Davis in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? I hope instead of a stamp she put kisses, the postman says that’s best to do. (Thanks to both of you that got that reference). Jacqueline is a really good friend during this meltdown and pretty much stays mellow and out of the way. She lets Teresa keep talking to herself and spin her wheels. On the drive over to Joey and Melissa’s, Teresa looks like she is driving to an execution (which in all fairness she might be). Every time Jacqueline says something kind and helpful Teresa looks at her like she is going to dump her body in the weeds of Secaucus. Teresa and Jacqueline drop the letter off at Joe and Melissa’s. Regrettably the four of them miss seeing each other by just a few minutes, because Joe and Melissa are out on a jog.