Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr is still in awe of Joe Gorga's body (and Kathy's '80s hair).

on Jun 19, 2011

Before we begin, I forgot to mention this last week. Am I the only one that noticed Jacqueline’s eight-year-old son, C.J., was playing Xbox while wearing a suit and tie? Did I dream that? Handsome guy that C.J. is.

Speaking of handsome guys, Episode 6 opens in the Gorga’s walk in closet where Melissa “Mowry” Gorga is dressing Joey up like a big boy. If I had this guy’s body, I would never wear clothes. I wouldn’t even go out. I would just stay inside with my clothes off in front of a mirror. With those beautiful eyes, it doesn’t matter what Joey Gorga wears. He is a superstar. Conversely, Melissa may be the world’s worst dresser. Everything she put on her body looks like Vanna White’s hand-me-downs. Joey Gorga and Teresa Giudice are getting ready to meet and finally clear the air. Joey rushes out of the house with half of his shirt tucked in. It looks kind of cool though. Melissa dresses him like Joey Lawrence to match her Blossom hat. Melissa yells to Joey, “Be positive!” And Joey hollers back, “Whoa!”

Something is amiss in this episode. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something just doesn’t feel right. Then it hit me. Joey isn’t wearing a hat! “Whoa!” Be careful out there Mr. Gorga. It’s a dangerous world out there to be driving around all willy-nilly and hat-free. What if your head gets cold? What if you have an idea all at once? What will hold it together? Maybe Joey can stop by Ashley’s house and see if she has any extra potholders. I’m just not sure that the world is ready for Joe’s chapeau-free pate. Maybe that’s part of Joey’s plan. Disarm Teresa and catch her off guard by showing her his bangs. By the time Teresa recognizes her brother’s head, it will be too late, and he will already be well into his Ruy Lopez Opening and setting up his Steinitz Defense to topple his sister’s king. Right? Or maybe he just forgot to wear a hat in the rush to tuck in half of his shirt.

As they settle in at their table at a restaurant in a strip mall (Is everything in New Jersey in a strip mall?) the waiter comes by and offers them wine. Perfect! Hey waiter, leave the bottle, keep the Sambuca flowing, and let’s make this a two part-er.

Joey references the letter that Melissa read for him and quotes from it. “I’m sorry if I hurt you and your family…” Then he ponders, “What did you mean by that?” Wow, waiter, make it two bottles.