Jay Mohr

Episode 18: Jay Mohr thinks the Teresa/Melissa rivalry has reached Nomi Malone/Cristal Connors levels.

on Oct 2, 20110

The New Jersey Housewives probably argue over more nonsense than any of the other Housewives. The amount of yelling and backstabbing that happens on a weekly basis over nothing is amazing. At this point I'm waiting for Jessie Spano from Saved by the Bell and Gina Gershon to show up and trip each other down the stairs. The Teresa/Melissa rivalry is worthy of the rivalry in Showgirls. Somehow though Teresa and Melissa look tackier.

We start this week with Teresa walking away from her fight with Kathy. Teresa is walking up the beach holding hands with a cement block with nipples. After all the boob jobs that have been documented and alleged on The Real Housewives, Joe Giudice might have the biggest pecs out of all of them. Apparently Teresa needs to change her bikini. I know after I get into a huge fight with one of my cousins, I always like to change into a different bikini. Teresa's post fight bikini is blinding. It's gold and shiny and tiny and looks like what people would wear onstage if Siegfried and Roy started training women. In her new bikini, Teresa looks like Persian Barbie. I am impressed by Tre's ability to behave as if nothing even happened once her new Liberace suit is on.


300 comments
kkelley
kkelley

Jay, I am one of the dover/rehoboth beach demo. Thanks for the shout out. Most people don't even know Delaware is a state! Love your blog. Please blog the reunion.

lily1234Viewer
lily1234Viewer

LOVE YOUR BLOG. YES WE DO NEED EAR PLUGS FOR ALL OF MELISSA SONGS. LOL

AmyW
AmyW

OMG, I had to stop when you mentioned Fran Drescher. My husband said the EXACT SAME THING! LOL! Totally cracking up reading your blog. You are sooooo right.

amanda hager
amanda hager

YOU ROCK!Every time i read your blogs i bust up laughing:D right on man!

Down South
Down South

I used to LOVE the RHNJ housewives but lately none of thema re very likeable. The backstabbing and trash talking among people whoare supposedly friends gets old. They need to grow up. I stilllike T and Jacqueline is okay, but Caroline and her crew have been dissappointing this year. I stopped watching but I do read this blog because it's the best part of the show. Keep up the good work Jay!

SmartJerseyGirl
SmartJerseyGirl

Four brilliant words.. TIFFANY DINER PINEBROOK INVITATIONAL ...

DD-O
DD-O

Hey Jay-o, still making me laugh out loud, which is a good thing! Just my thought...do you remember an old after-school kids show called the Winchell-Mahoney show with Paul Winchell (performer) and Jerry Mahony (puppet)? Jerry had a cousin puppet named Tessie Mahoney if you recall. Am I crazy or dosen't Teresa look EXACTLY like Tessie? Even the "Joisey" accent is the same! And the same outfits and everything. Oh and can't Juicy pass for Knucklehead Smiff? I mean YouTube this and see for yourself...LMAO just reading your column and thinking about this. Lord, I need help! Love ya, and keep it as funny as ever.

Kelpy
Kelpy

Laughed out loud. Glad you pointed out that it was lip synching. Did they think viewers are stupid and wouldn't notice? The feuding and story lines are getting old. This show is on the decline. Too bad.

garner687
garner687

How did you not comment on Kathy's sister Rosie and her glare of death?!? Theresa better watch her back! And Kathy is full of it if she thinks her "detaching from her kids" comment was not a shot at Theresa. Thinly concealed insults that you can play off as innocent are Mean Girls 101. Melissa's singing isn't spectacular, but it's not the worst thing I've heard. Kim Z from Atlanta anyone? And those Manzo boys have become pretty rude under Greg's influence. They've always been a little snarky (and funny), but now they're just mean (and unfunny).

viewer56
viewer56

I don't understand why MG was so nervous and going on so since she was lip- singing. I don't think she was any worse than the other housewives tunes. I feel badly that no one honestly told her she doesn't have what it takes to be a pop star privately so she wouldn't have to hear it publicly in not so polite terms. I think you expressed how bored we have gotten with the T&M show. I know MG thinks her husbands hot but I for one have no desire to see any part of his body not clothed. Now Jacques husband Maybe. I don't think I'm going to make until the reunion show. You know the show is going down hill when you start watching reruns of Frasier instead.

littlewitch
littlewitch

Funny all the time, funnier than my uncle Mitch. You make me laugh out loud Jay. Still smiling at your suggestion from last week that Kennedy Airport copy Dominican Airport and have break dancers and hiphoppers greet visiters at the Gates... haha. This week is so funny, Persian Barbie and referencing Liberace to describe T'S resort wardrobe. Love it. I especially appreciated your shout out to Melissa G for having the "balls" to do what 99.9% of her Twitter haters could never do. "she bloody well went out there and did it"..."she put herself out there to be criticized and analysed for eternity. Fear of going to the mall alone describes almost everyone. HAHA I though you showed grace in the end of your blog after all the joshing about Melissa G's singing. That is why the pack of harpies descending on the comment section to attack you piece for commenting on Melissa G's singing looks even more like brutes and bullies. Message to the Gorgonites, the reason Jay talks a lot about Melissa Singing this week ????? Half the episode is devoted to Mellissa SINGING IN PUBLIC for the FIRST TIME. What else would he be writing about????? It isn't Melissa's singing that bothers me. It is Melissa, as a manipulative vain idiot that bothers me. Everything she says about Teresa is a projection. She tries to seem so concerned and conciliatory but it is so easy to see through all that... to the manipulative, competitive mean- spirited phony that is Mellisa Gorga ugh. She attacks Teresa when she is down. What a tough thing for Teresa to go through a bankruptcy, to do it so publicly and on TV. So what if she tries to protect herself and put a good face on everything, I admire that.

Melissa Gorga may not have much of a singing voice, neither do a lot of people. It is her two-faced, heartless, childishness that is the problem. Her cheesy imitation of a "Nice person" is revolting . Thanks again Jay for your hysterically funny sense of irony, and your humanity. The funnier the Comedian the more the heart, deep down.

melindak
melindak

I am disappointed that you failed to point out that the Manzo boys got this big new client and are doing a launch party, and Melissa is the entertainment and that is the big talent they bring in to lip sync, and not to mention that when she was doing hair and make up, Melissa says that this is the way to start, Half-Assed. Then you and Joe Guidice give her credit for that 99.9% of the people wouldn't get up there and do that. Why not? Go on camera and pretend she can sing, and dress in a provocative outfit. She has been doing that all season. Not to mention, this would be a step up from getting on stage in skimpy clothes and strip. Who are we kidding, Jay Mohr was kind to her, there was a lot more material there. For the people who say we want more Rosie, why? Yep, we need another family member, who wears a hat all the time, that goes around passing out the dirty looks. We don't have enough of those already. Jay had at least 2 more pages of material. Too bad Andy Cohen doesn't have the balls to have had you at the reunion show, but I sure am hoping you will have a blog about it, especially if it is supposed to be epic, in Caroline's words. Good catch on the bandanna in the shower, didn't catch that one, was too busy noticing how they didn't act for the cameras that they didn't know were there. Now that was half-assed.

Viewer999
Viewer999

you rock, Jay. you just flippin' rock it out.

Reality Check
Reality Check

Love your blogs Jay and hilarious as usual. I am getting alittle tired of the jokes about Melissa's singing though,they were real funny the first few blogs but now not so much anymore. Expecially when its referenced several times in a blog. We get you have a beef with her but time to move on to something else thats more laugh worthy.

cris05
cris05

how many businesses has the manzo family plugged the past 3 seasons?

engles
engles

Do Melissa's sisters remind anyone else of the old guys in the balcony on the Muppet Show? They seem to always be in the backround clapping for little sis. It struck me when I was watching Melissa's performance and there they were up in the audience clapping away and looking old.

ARHWOG
ARHWOG

Oh my, you are hilarious and also perceptive. Love you, love your blog. I don't watch the show but come here to read you. Best entertainment to be found under the Bravo umbrella. Go Jay!

kenzie hannah
kenzie hannah

it's the truth. Jay, count me out as a RHONJ fan and almost all the others. You are the best part. There is not a whole brain between all of the housewives.

Mequon Mom
Mequon Mom

Jay,

So much funnier to read your blog than to watch the episodes! I beg Bravo to get rid of the Guidices and Gorgas -- it is so painful watching people with such limited intelligence and talent who think they are just fabulous. Hopefully they know the joke is on them!

ohio woman
ohio woman

Jay, I love you!! What happened? Your starting to sound like a house wife. Not funny. Sounds like your taking it too personal.

REAL HSEWIVE
REAL HSEWIVE

LMAO, Jay u are too funny! I really wish u would have mentioned Kathy's sister Rosie watching the whole Teresa and Kathy thing, Rosie was ready to leap out after Teresa..like any sister would or should do! We want more Rosie Bravo!!

pepa
pepa

I read the whole blog waiting for a comment of the menacing Rosie staring out the window during the Teresa-Kathy confrontation! Best shot of the night! I thought when Kathy said she loved Teresa like a sister that Rosie was going to smash through the glass to take them both out!

please read
please read

love you jay!!! cant stand gregg, BRAVO please get rid of him and the manzo kids, remember the show is suppose to be about housewives. this is turning into jersy shore!

Dudette
Dudette

Oh yeah - BRAVO give Kathy's sister Rosie her own show - love that gal! And maybe you could film it in Cairo, Antartica?

Dudette
Dudette

Dude you make me laugh out loud when i'm alone in a room, which makes me feel all kindsa self-conscious. I think you are a comic-writing genius. OK so I don't read much. Also it has become clear why Americans have the reputation amongst other countries as being "vulgar." If these are the Americans representing us in overseas travel, yep, freaking vulgar. So embarrassed by them all.

KerriK
KerriK

I was laughing so hard at this blog that I am still crying. Better than the show itself!

JAYBUG
JAYBUG

WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE REHEARSAL TO JUST LIP SYNC.. AND I LIKE HOW SHE SAYS THAT ON DISPLAY IS ABOUT EVERYDAY LIFE THINGS.. "PAPPARATZI WATCHING ME DO MY THANGGGGGG"" LOLOL SHE IS TRULLY A JOKE.... I LIKE HOW TERESA WAS NOT AFRAID TO GO INTO THE MARKETS AND TRY NEW THINGS.. THE OTHERS WERE DISGUSTING.. AS A DOMINCAN WOMNEN I THINK THEY WERE EMBARRASSING.. AS FOR KATHY...DID SHE THROW ANOTHER DIG WHEN SAYING" YOU MADE A COOKBOOD OF OUR FAMILY RECIPES".. I DONT KNOW.. MAYBE TERESA AND I THINK ALIKE

njhfan8524
njhfan8524

I find Larry David to be a douchebag.

rhwsfannn!
rhwsfannn!

You're so figgin funny. Seriously. I get all giddy when I see there are more pages to the blog! You forgot to mention when your boy greg said she looked like an Oscar and Rosie doing the stare down! Great material for you....:) When are you and Melissa going to be on WWHL together? That'd be so fun!!

marychicago
marychicago

I just spit out my coffee reading this. i love reading this blog - it is beyond funny!! your constant hits on Melissa's singing is hilarious.

can you please come to my house and watch the next show with me??

peteypie
peteypie

Thank you Jay, this was comic brilliance (as always).

J from NY
J from NY

This season seems so drawn out with EVERYONE picking on Teresa every episode. Not just her family but the Manzo's and Greg as well. She always only says how much she appreciates them. Its almost as if they are all jealous of her popularity. There is nothing wrong with her ignoring an argument and trying to stay in a positive place. Why ruin a good time.

nj Viewer
nj Viewer

she said dick chainy not bill clinton

lisa lisa
lisa lisa

H I L A R I O U S !!! You must have super powers - you are writing what I am thinking about these women. Keep up the great work and PLEASE fill in for Andy again soon in the clubhouse!

Sheila R.
Sheila R.

Jay, your blog is far more entertaining than the current season of RHONJ itself. So far it's been a real disappointment. Let's hope Season #4 is better than Season #3. And please....... get rid of Joe and Melissa Gorga and their kids!

Wine Pro
Wine Pro

Jay - you have NEVER been funnier than you are each week on these blogs! If only Bravo would make a show out of THIS. I agree with so many others; you're the best part about RHONJ. The women are, for the most part, predictable and crass. But your commentary makes them all more interesting. *Just between us? Showgirls is one of my favorite guilty pleasures so I thank you for the Nomi/Cristal joke. Who says bad movies aren't entertaining?*

MamaRose
MamaRose

Hillarious!!! Almost peed my pants!!!

BamaMama
BamaMama

Another hilarious blog Jay!!! I love them all!! Pay no attention to all of the Negative Nancys here! They are just Melissa's flunkies! They do it on twitter too!

V Sherman
V Sherman

This blog was a “laugh or I will shoot” type of a forced comedic endeavor. Sorry

ViewerA
ViewerA

Jay, You left out one important piece of information: Antarctica is home to the beautiful city of Cairo! (according to T.Mowry)

cat tree
cat tree

Omg enough about Melissa's singing. Everybody has their own opinions. Jay just keep doing what you are doing....Love it. Do wish you could be at the finale but would be scared for you.

Jdsmom68
Jdsmom68

Man, how can you forget Rosie? She was on guard when she saw Kathy and teresa walk outside. I was waiting for her to bust a move! They needed some scarey music when they showed her though.

chester-puppy
chester-puppy

Jay said Pretty in Pink, NOT Sixteen Candles. Jay love the blog as always. Hope you are blogging after the reunion show.

PeekabooKat
PeekabooKat

Come on Jay..new material please. Getting through your posts is beginning to be like watching paint dry. Snore.

aleeesa
aleeesa

Joann Whorley - Hillarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shelby2121
Shelby2121

Hey Jay love your blog as always( ; I haven't figured out if you're being ironic by loving on the Manzos, but thx for leaving it out, it messes w/ my head. Don't draw a mustache on ur baby lolol so funny. I bet he is adorbs.

Sassy_in_TX
Sassy_in_TX

Jay, I've been a fan of yours for a long time now. I can't believe some people fail to see how funny you are. Keep doing what you're doing! Your blogs are hilarious and you call it like you see it. If people can't handle your humor, perhaps they should watch other shows on tv or NOT BE ON A REALITY SHOW. Just a thought. . .

It's Funny!
It's Funny!

Love the blog, Jay! I don't get why anyone wouldn't as you do as you should- Melissa can't sing (would NEVER even have a song w/o her hubby's $ & T's success), made a big fuss & sounded terrible prior, & then LIP-SANG!?!? Most must be Melissa recruits b/c it IS FUNNY!! Thanks, again, Jay Mohr!

Bozee
Bozee

Jay, you are hilarious! You always give me my laugh for the day. Unfortunately, the show has become predictable. The cast blogs are usually a yawn and their fans are looking for SOMETHING to support, even if it means a family at war. You are refreshing and from now on I'm only reading your blog. For cryin' out loud, this isn't rocket science, it's the NJ Housewives! Lighten up, people!!

KymmieNY
KymmieNY

A couple of points I'm disappointed you didn't touch on in your blog were Rosie (Kathy's sister) keeping the Mafia eye on her sister's conversation with Teresa and the fact that Melissa got down on her knees, diamond eyelashes and all, to thank Jesus and her daddy for all she has. I was thinking this could/should have been a private moment, but I'm thinking the bandana has stopped the blodo flow to her brain. Her singing leaves a lot to be desired, but I do give props for her getting up there and doing it. LOVE YOUR BLOG JAY...LOOK FORWARD TO IT WEEKLY!!!