Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr offers a comedian's take on Episode 2.

on May 23, 20110

I was dreaming when I wrote this, so forgive me if it goes astray...

Episode 2 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey was inevitably a little mellower than the season premiere, however it was still a solid episode. It begins with Caroline Manzo saying, "It's cold. It's sticky, and it's slippery." For a moment my heart jumped, because I thought they had brought back Danielle. Turns out that Caroline was just talking about the insides of a pumpkin, which I think may be a little smarter than Danielle. Plus, you can put a candle inside a pumpkin and fill it with light. Again Caroline looks great while rocking an Hermes scarf and being the mother hen to her family and generally giving out great advice.

Teresa gives a recap of the "brawl in the hall" to Caroline, and even Joe Giudice explains his version of what happened. The best part of which was when he called Joe Gorga a "little fidget." I have always loved the old expression, "There are three sides to every story, yours, mine, and the truth." That expression never applies in Real Housewives land. In Real Housewives land there is only one side to a story -- everybody's. 

Joe and Melissa Gorga get to tell their version over dinner at Kathy and Richie's house. In retelling the story Joe Gorga almost gives himself a hemorrhoid, and Richie has to tell him to take a few deep breaths. Apparently no one told Joe and Melissa, "No hats at the dinner table." Joe is wearing his trademark knit hat, and Melissa is wearing a hat that looks like it was stolen off the set of Blossom

We move down the call sheet and settle in on Kim D. She is putting together another fashion show that will be held at The Brownstone. It seems the Housewives go to more fashion shows than Andre Leon Talley. I am super looking forward to this, because we all know how well the first New Jersey fashion show turned out. Melissa is in the Posche store trying on a few different dresses when in walks the hurricane that is Kim G.

162 comments
Inall
Inall

Hi Traci, I found your blog tohurgh a number of clicks from google. Anywho, I am a thriver/survivor and I am thrilled to see this blog.Why I never thought to google this topic is beyond me. Must be time, huh?Anyway, I'm following now. Great job on this project!

Teresa T
Teresa T

You can put a candle in a pumpkin and fill it with light...I love you Jay Mohr!!!

melissaI
melissaI

Vote for jay for the reunion host. Bolt down the tables!!

BOSTON FAN
BOSTON FAN

SHOW ME THE MONEY! Great movie, loved your TV show, GARY UNMARRIED, too.

This blogging is a great gig too. Love your unique eye. Did you grow up in a large Irish Alcoholic family? That wit has to come from some place.

You're really funny. Are you working for SNL or any sit coms now?

ClosetRHjunkie
ClosetRHjunkie

Any blog that opens with a Prince lyric HAS to be good! Funniest blog ever, keep it coming, every reference is hysterical, never stop, I couldn't bear it!

ellesirc
ellesirc

Keep on Bloggin!!! love it!!!

Viewer #2733
Viewer #2733

Absolutely love your blogs!!!!!!!! Please do a recap of the NYC housewives.

bouldermom
bouldermom

I can barely type for the tears in my eyes from laughing! I so loved the Tex Watkins reference - who knew serial killer plugs could be so funny! I agree with all the other posts, you must do this for the other shows - you have a gift!

WildCherokeeRose
WildCherokeeRose

Omg!! Haven seeing you last on a tv series that wasn't funny....forgot how funny you are off the cuff!! Don't even need to watch the show (ok guilty I o missed the Memorial Day one as I live in the land of Oz and watching TheWeather Channel due to tornadoes and 90 mph gusts of winds w/the storms...think I saw Kathy flying by my window on her bike...looked like her but wasn't sure since there weren't any clams her basket..saw two flying monkeys go by, could swear they were the two Joes...they even tried to grab my lil maltipoo Gucci! -Toto is so 1930', Oh wait maybe the Joes I mean monkeys thought they were grabbing a fashion designer named Gucci to help the Jersey girls w/ their wardrobes... Ya know as in get rid of all those furry things they wrap up in...not realizing they were grabbing a designer breed of dog who just happened to be named Gucci because his mom is awesome and though having strong ties to the south would never wear a raccoon draped around her neck. Joe G musta been pulling double duty cuz he was also a munchkin, as was G to the ia, and the rest of the kiddos... Knew I had to have fell asleep & been dreaming cuz Teresa and Melissa both were trying to tell Gucci their name was Zglenda and they were the real good witch- knew it was a dream cz isn't that Caroline? My hubby woke me up telling me I fell asleep and slept thru the storm...so I know it was a dream and missed last nights episode...but am perplexed as to the sign found on my patio, The Land of Housewives)! Sorry, couldn't resist bad weather scares me and I try (TRY) to use humour toork thru the fear. LOVE your version of every bodies story lol! Have an ostomy but if I coulda I woulda peed in my undergarment as you are so hilarious. But guess my ostomy bag springing a leak is a close similarity... Going on to read the other blogs you wrote! BRAVO would be smart if they hired you to do all the RHW shows..though I hope they have benefits (mental health insurance coverage).... First week of watching the different HWs you could easily go insane. Lol, you doing blogs is the most refreshing thing on BRAVO! Kudos to whomever came up w/ the idea! Much love, a Real Housewife of KS fighting Parkinson's Disease...

C Velasco
C Velasco

I laughed, I cried (due to the laughing), I read it twice! Keep them coming, please!!

FlameOn
FlameOn

Love your blog, it will make watching the show more bearable.

Elfrankly
Elfrankly

Sharp, witty, sarcastic. I agree with every other commentator, you sir are funny, which is nothing new, but I love your recap of the shows.

JCrown
JCrown

Jay is awesome ! Love the blog

RHONOLA
RHONOLA

Jay, PLEASE start blogging about New York. I don't care if you've got other things going on. It's IMPORTANT!

MlcG
MlcG

So glad to see you blogging on episode 2; your first blog had me rolling on the floor. I loved it so much I made my first "comment" on this website. Bravo, please keep Jay as long as you can- his wit and insights are beyond entertaining. I look forward to his future blogs and appearances on WWHL. P.S. "Mafia" is one of my favorite movies. I love Jay Mohr.

KAFMICHIGAN
KAFMICHIGAN

Jay you are hysterical! When can we see you on tv? Love your standup, your movies (xmas doover my favorite!) and enjoyed you on Last Comic.

Brenda Louise
Brenda Louise

Jay..another great blog...very very funny. You are definely BRAVO's new secret weapon!

Kim Hinnkle
Kim Hinnkle

I NEVER read the other HWNJ blogs, too self serving but yours is to die for!!!

2011RM
2011RM

Can't wait for next weeks blog....keep up the great work Jay!

MMitchell
MMitchell

LOL this is so good. You should blog every week :)

deekay
deekay

Your recap is absolutely hysterical!! Keep up the good work!!

Tisa Parisi
Tisa Parisi

You can NOT stop blogging! Andy should have you blog all the hw shows. So funny, and you really know the hw's. Thank you Thank you, love, love, love!

TishaB
TishaB

Jay, once again you hit the nail on the head, your bloggs are so much more entertaining than watching the show. Thanks again for another fine read! you really do this show justice...

janelle0374
janelle0374

Oh I hope Bravo keeps you on to recap!! Your blogs are hysterical! You should be on WWHL very often. You're my favorite guest on the show.

hsn
hsn

Please write for all the Housewives series. Please, please please. You are hilarious!

SuckedInAgain
SuckedInAgain

Jay - does writing this blog take away any "man" points from you? (I hope not because you are hysterical.)

EPHousewife
EPHousewife

Your observations are spot on and hilarious. Hey, what did you think about Theresa's mom getting into at the fashion show and yelling at Kathy? She might be the next breakout star!

midwest1
midwest1

It is so awesome to have someone with your comedic talent recapping one of my favorite shows. I really look forward to reading your truth. If only you could do the reunion shows. nah...probably would get hurt.

Dort
Dort

"Kim G, Kim D., Kim Z., Kim Chi, lil Kim, Kim Coles...." Hilarious Blog.

Viewer from Upstate NY
Viewer from Upstate NY

Thanks Jay! Your take is honest, refreshing and super funny! This will be the first blog I hit after each show! Thanks again.

The Real Jersey Girl
The Real Jersey Girl

Mohr Mohr Mohr weekly blogs from you please!! Loving me some weekly Jay!

Shelby Lynn
Shelby Lynn

"A Selina Concert"...... I just spit my drink ! On point & funny as crap ! Can't wait for you next blog .

Pamela in PA
Pamela in PA

You should get paid for this! Fabulous Blog! Made my day!

wgazfan
wgazfan

You are a hoot! I am loving RHONJ even more because of you! I am still laughing over the story you told on the View about you, your wife and the adult diapers. I love your commentary, but disagree on one point. When Kathy was talking to Theresa about what happened at the christening, I didn't think that Kathy was accusing Theresa of abandoning her kids, but that she was trying to point out that she was trying to help the situation by removing the kids from the mele. Plus, when you see the footage, you can clearly see that Audrianna was unattended at the moment. I think Theresa over reacted because she thought she was being criticized. Thank you for your funny, insightful blog! I am hooked!

Lindsey
Lindsey

Hahaha. I love that I discovered your blog today... it's hilarious. I've been a fan for a long time... all the way back to "Pauly," haha... and I think you do a great job whenever you MC at Blizz*Con (I watch online every year, but haven't actually gotten the chance to go). But you really won me over with your hilarious appearance on Watch What Happens with Andy! Loving the blogs! Keep 'em coming!

chi-chis mom
chi-chis mom

Love, Love, Love Jay Mohr!! Keep up the very insightful, and extrememly humorous blogs!!

B from North Carolina
B from North Carolina

I am loving the Jay Mohr blog. The first time I saw it advertised that he was going to be on Andy's show, I thought, "get him off; I want to see a housewife." But then while watching "Watch What Happens," I was in stitches hearing his take on the girls. He's a superfan after my own heart, and he's hilarious!

DDMac
DDMac

OMG.....this is the funniest blog I ever read. Please keep it up every week!

LisaFru
LisaFru

You're the best blogger here! Keep it up!!

Babbo
Babbo

I am with Katie...while you DEFINATELY rocked the re-cap...Audrianna as Sue Sylvester was priceless..and I've nevere watched GLEE! Can't wait till next week....:)

DeeLa27
DeeLa27

You are GREAT Jay! P.S. Love, Love, Love(Teresa voice) the Selena Reference!!

FrancesT
FrancesT

Too funny! I cannot wait until next week! Keep up the great work. You need to be on WWHL again soon!!

MOMMYV
MOMMYV

This is soooooo hilarious!! Please keep this up for the N.J. housewives. It takes a lot to make me laugh, and I'm sitting here laughing out loud as my kids wonder what's so funny on the computer.

SatchelsofJellyBeans
SatchelsofJellyBeans

Well, as much as I wish it were, it's not 1999. In any case, I LOVED your recap. These ladies are totally nuts, and, for some reason, you're allowed to say so. Keep it up! Congrats on the baby. You'll never be the same again.