Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr is starting to think Teresa and Joe's feud is just plain sad. Also, he wouldn't mind sharing a jail cell with Joe Gorga.

on Jun 12, 2011

Writing the blog this week was a like going through a divorce. Everything seems easy enough until you realize kids are involved. Thankfully, Bravo opened the show with our bright, shining superstar, Joe Gorga for the second week in a row. Joe is laying in bed and announces to his kids, “Daddy worked hard today!” Where, at the hat shop? At a Hooked on Phonics symposium? N.A.S.A.? You got to give a guy like Joe Gorga credit. When he works, he works hard, and he has always had an incredible work ethnic. From the other room we hear an odd noise. For a second I thought maybe it was a neighbor’s cat having sex with a garbage truck, but as it turns out it’s Melissa singing. If only she could have just hung the song up there in the closet and forgotten about it. Joe Gorga gets out of bed-to listen more closely. Holy smokes this guy is in incredible shape! You know a guy has a great body when you can see his triceps and lats through his shirt. I’m not gay, but if I ever had to go to prison, I wouldn’t mind sharing a jail cell with Joe Gorga. I would make sure his laundry was perfect, and I would always, always put a nice crease in his jumpsuit.

Melissa is singing “Amazing Grace,” but instead of singing "a wretch like me” she croons “...A WENCH like me.” Oh snap! Amazing Grace RE-MIX!!!!!!!!! Someone get Timbaland on the phone immediately. We’re gonna rewrite all the standards and make them dance floor hits. “Snappy Birthday” will be the B-side to “Slow, Slow, Slow Your Boat.” Damn we are all gonna get rich, rich, RICH! Maybe Jo de la Rosa can sing back-up on a few of Melissa’s future fake songs (too soon?)

Caroline and Albert are out on a brisk day playing golf. Actually, Al Sr. is playing golf and Caroline is standing in the cold watching him play golf. Albie and Christopher better get home quick. Mom is cracking up. If there is one thing worse than playing golf, maybe the only thing worse than playing golf, it’s watching someone play golf. That’s just following someone around and listening to them curse for three hours. (Or as we called it when I was growing up, shopping at Willow Brook Mall). The empty nest syndrome has really hit Caroline harder than I thought it would. Since both boys are in their mid-twenties I would have thought Caroline would have been a little more prepared for their departure. Also, they’re moving to Hoboken. They’ll be back in about a month anyway. No one really lives in Hoboken. Hoboken is a place you stay in until you have enough money to move to Manhattan. Which brings me to Ashley.