Writing the blog this week was a like going through a divorce. Everything seems easy enough until you realize kids are involved. Thankfully, Bravo opened the show with our bright, shining superstar, Joe Gorga for the second week in a row. Joe is laying in bed and announces to his kids, “Daddy worked hard today!” Where, at the hat shop? At a Hooked on Phonics symposium? N.A.S.A.? You got to give a guy like Joe Gorga credit. When he works, he works hard, and he has always had an incredible work ethnic. From the other room we hear an odd noise. For a second I thought maybe it was a neighbor’s cat having sex with a garbage truck, but as it turns out it’s Melissa singing. If only she could have just hung the song up there in the closet and forgotten about it. Joe Gorga gets out of bed-to listen more closely. Holy smokes this guy is in incredible shape! You know a guy has a great body when you can see his triceps and lats through his shirt. I’m not gay, but if I ever had to go to prison, I wouldn’t mind sharing a jail cell with Joe Gorga. I would make sure his laundry was perfect, and I would always, always put a nice crease in his jumpsuit.
Melissa is singing “Amazing Grace,” but instead of singing "a wretch like me” she croons “...A WENCH like me.” Oh snap! Amazing Grace RE-MIX!!!!!!!!! Someone get Timbaland on the phone immediately. We’re gonna rewrite all the standards and make them dance floor hits. “Snappy Birthday” will be the B-side to “Slow, Slow, Slow Your Boat.” Damn we are all gonna get rich, rich, RICH! Maybe Jo de la Rosa can sing back-up on a few of Melissa’s future fake songs (too soon?)
Caroline and Albert are out on a brisk day playing golf. Actually, Al Sr. is playing golf and Caroline is standing in the cold watching him play golf. Albie and Christopher better get home quick. Mom is cracking up. If there is one thing worse than playing golf, maybe the only thing worse than playing golf, it’s watching someone play golf. That’s just following someone around and listening to them curse for three hours. (Or as we called it when I was growing up, shopping at Willow Brook Mall). The empty nest syndrome has really hit Caroline harder than I thought it would. Since both boys are in their mid-twenties I would have thought Caroline would have been a little more prepared for their departure. Also, they’re moving to Hoboken. They’ll be back in about a month anyway. No one really lives in Hoboken. Hoboken is a place you stay in until you have enough money to move to Manhattan. Which brings me to Ashley.
Your blog is really great. I look forward to it every week. You are right on the money about Melissa. Keep writing!
Love your insights and humor...It's getting to the point where I watch the show and wonder what you'll have to say about all the insanity. Thanks for a great blog and making me laugh every single week. You're awesome.
I looked forward to your blogs! I'm always on the lookout for them after each RHONJ episode! I love your "Miss Personality" comments! Ashley is just a classic, spoiled brat, hopefully she'll grow out of it.
Thanks for being funny!
Jay, I find your details about hats, people's expressions and all the the ridiculous grammatical errors to be a riot! It would be so fantastic if you would write about the other housewives shows because your perspective is exactly the humorous reality check everyone needs. Thanks for making me laugh!
Jay, we saw your stand up several years back in Vegas when we lived there, but we loved you even before then, and love you even more now. Your blogs are the best and put a funny, yet real spin on what's going on. You should have been doing these blogs a long time ago. I would have loved to hear what you had to say when Teresa flipped the table in the first season. These are still the best housewives so far. Miami was such a yawn-fest. Please Bravo, do NOT bring these hussies back. Anyway, keep writing Jay!! We love you out here in California!!
LOVE your blogs! They're great. You need to recap ALL of the Real Housewives, I'd love to hear your take on NY.
LOVE your blogs. Why can't you blog for all the Housewives shows! Yours is the first blog I read each week. Hilarious!!
Your blog is FANTASTIC ! I can't stop laughing ! Melissa and her sisters shopping for couture clothing at a strip mall. Only in Jersey!
Jesus, J, I love reading your blogs!!!!!!! I even got my husband reading them. I, like many of the others that commented, literally laugh out loud when I read them! Please keep them cumin.....haha!
love it. can you write on all the housewives??? you are spot on and put a funny spin on it. people in my office think I am crazy laughing out loud!!!
LOL Jay. Your blog is the best!!! Keep telling it like it is...especially about that Melissa and her attempts at singing. I look forward to reading your thoughts about next week's show.
I just had to read your blog with my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't laugh out loud. You KILL ME!!! You're so on point with your assessment of everyone. This is becoming the highlight of my day.
This is very funny!!! What exactly does Joe do to have a house like that? Maybe he sells hats in bulk!!
What I love even more about your blogs, other than being hysterical, is the feeling you put into them besides the jokes. Such as being concerned about the kids and the love between Teresa and brother Joe. Thanks for intertwining the humor and the seriousness of the storylines, you do it very well. I think we all love G to the ia and it's great that you show her respect as well. I watch the episdode, read your blog, then re-watch the episode to catch the things I missed, such as the baby cribs in the Guidice's bedroom! Thanks again for another fantastic blog!!
You are HILARIOUS!!! I am crying at work bc I cannot stop laughing while reading this on my lunch..please never stop!
Your insights are so right-on and honest and hilarious. I'm really glad that you are writing this blog because it makes watching the episodes even more entertaining. Keep up the good work!
Jay, your blogs are hilarious! BEST EVER...I love the point of view and humor you put into every detail!
Jay I love reading your blog. I no longer read anyone else's just yours. You always tell it like it is...
JAY, ur talent shows in everything you do, even a little blog shows how hilarious and witty you are. Melissa is definately the cause of all the drama i cant put my finger on it but you did it for me. poor joe g he is so full of his own poison he doesn't see how much his own wife is spoon feeding him. love your blogs and i follow you on twitter now just because of them.
I have never commented on a blog before, but I had to...I am losing it over this. You are so funny! Bravo- "pay attention, puh-lease" have him blog about all of the Housewives!!!
OMG, u are so so so funny. Love love love ur recap. U must know a Melissa in real life to get her the way u do!!! And her sisters, too old for backup, hahahaha. I have to change my panties on that one!!!
Amazing Jay...How sweet the sound...when I laughed my ass off reading this blog! Thank you and may God bless...
I absolutely love reading your blog!! And the comment about Melissa's attitude was spot on.....she her biggest fan!!
Jay, your recaps are sooo funny. You are spot on with everything, especially how Joe does not see how Melissa is manipulating him! Keep them coming, I look forward to reading them every week!!
Jay, it is clear that you have many people reading your blog but... I am HOPING that the "players" are reading it as well. It is usually helpful to get a 3rd party non-biased perspective. Okay who am I kidding?!? I would LOVE to be a fly on the "New Jersey" wall when they are discussing (word used loosely) your perspective;-) My only disappointment is that I don't see your blog on the other cities housewives!!!
Jay, I think that I get more excited about reading your weekly blog than the show at times. When Melissa sang wench instead of wretch, I knew that you would catch that. I hope that Andy invites you to the reunion show. Keep up the good work!
OMG! I had to hide my computer because I am at work! I spit out my drink several times. This blog is AWESOME!
I would enjoy watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey SO MUCH more if it displayed little thought bubbles containing Jay Mohr's witty comments. Jay rocks!