Hi everyone! I had another great weekend down on the shore with Joe and the kids. This week has been crazy busy, and I am sorry I am just sitting down to write to everyone!
OK, we are almost through the holidays! It's New Year's Eve – a time for new beginnings! So in the spirit of new beginnings I decided to call Teresa for a play date, because I wanted to get the kids together since they hadn't seen each other the entire Christmas break. I wanted to just forget about all the bad times we had over the past couple of years, spend time with Teresa and the kids, and just move on. It is so selfish to let petty arguments get in the way of the kids being together so I made an effort. The play date was really awkward at times, but the kids had a great time, and to me that equals success!
Watching the episode, I can't believe Teresa said I don't cook! I cook! My husband gets a home-cooked meal five nights a week and happens to love my killer pork dish. I once made it for Teresa, Joe, and the kids when they came to my house for dinner, and no, my mother-in-law was not there. How convenient to not remember. I do call my mother-in-law often for directions on how to make certain dishes that she makes, because she is an excellent cook and I make a mean sauce, but no one can do it better than Nona! When we do Sunday pasta at Teresa's house my mother-in-law cooks, so I don't understand what the big deal is. Joe will tell you that I have to cook! LOL. He would never be happy with it any other way. Teresa knows this and knows her brother, I don't get why she would say that.
I want to be in a better place with Teresa, and you can tell that I'm actually trying, but the constant jabs and negative comments play a big part in why our relationship unraveled in the first place. When I told Teresa that I am pursuing my dream of recording an album, she completely dismisses me and says I guess anyone can sing these days. I wish she would just say, "That's great, good luck with that," rather than say she's never heard me sing and try to put me on the spot to sing for her right then and there. I wasn't going to sing for her so she could cut me down. She's heard me sing before, so I don't know why she was saying she didn't. I remember when we were driving to my wedding shower, I sang in the car and I'll never forget it, because the same song kept playing over and over! Anyway, I wanted to move on so I congratulated her on the new cookbook because I knew it was important to her. I'm glad that she is leveraging being on the show to make opportunities for herself.
However, after Teresa said that my Joe built the recording studio to make money, it was hard to remain positive. My husband is a good guy who loves his wife and he is about the dream not the money. Joe has always been a hard worker and always will be. He built the studio in our basement so that I could be at home with the kids, who are always my first priority. After I put them to bed, I go downstairs and have some time for myself in the studio. I am a very hands on mom, and that's why Joe put in the studio in the house so that I could do both. I don't know why Teresa questions my skills as a mother and a wife. I think you can see that we live in a happy home and that my kids and my husband come first always!
At the play date I was just hoping that Teresa and I could have a little bit more normal conversation, but things have been so bad between us for so long that I don't know what normal is for us anymore. Sometimes it just seems so stressful and difficult to be together. I wish it would get to the point where it could be easy, and that's why I'm trying to pick my battles. It's honestly exhausting to carry on this way and we have been at it for years! One thing about Italians, we love hard and we fight hard, but come on, this is just too much. I never said a word to Teresa about her negativity on the play date; I just ignored it and honestly I should have just called her out on it right then and there. I can see where I have made mistakes, and believe me, I'm probably not done making them, but I really hope that one day she will stop saying that she just tells it how it is and see that sometimes you need to think about the other person for a moment. You can be queen 99 percent of the time, but it is OK for people around you, especially family, to do something that makes them happy and to try to be successful too.
You see me try to mend the fence between Teresa and Kathy. I know I should stay out of it, but if family doesn't try to help get us all back together, who else will? We all used to have the best time together and honestly, I don't think they really remember why they were mad in the first place. Its New Year's… just stop already! There is so much fun to be had with all of us, and that is why I had the idea to go to Cancun together. We used to go all the time and it was a blast! Yes, the digs were still being thrown back then, but for some reason it was just so much easier to ignore them. I guess the more years I spent with Joe and the more children we had, I realized I wanted to be respected and started to fight back. But during the holidays, I made a promise to myself that I was going to try and not make a big issue out of it anymore. I'm no saint. It's hard to ignore when someone is trying to constantly cut you down and make you feel inferior to them, but there is love there as well, and I don't want to lose sight of it.
OK enough about the drama. How great were Ashley's drawings? She really is talented, and if she puts all of her energy into pursuing a career as an artist, I know she will go far.
New Year's Eve was such a great time! Wow, the Brownstone did such a great job and I was so happy that Caroline invited us so we could all be together! It was obvious that everyone just wanted to have a good time and the Brownstone knows how to throw a party! Everyone looked gorgeous. It was so cute seeing Antonia and Milania dancing together all night. They are too adorable. Poor Gino and Joey were home sick with the flu, and we were extremely grateful to my mother for spending the night with them -- she's the best!
Aren't you dying to know if we end up all going to Cancun together? We shall see!
I'm so excited that my song will be available on iTunes on Saturday the 13th! "On display, on display, on display!" Also I'm going to be performing at Beatstock 2011 on August 20th on Long Island!
I really do love you guys and thank you for all your support, you're the best!
I hope everyone has a magnifico giornata!