Cast Blog: #RHONJ

Beyond Heartbreaking

Amber Calls Out Andy Cohen

Dina: What am I Doing Here?

Amber: Is Dina Coldhearted?

Dina: "The Reunion was Very Hard to Watch"

Teresa: We Love Hard, We Fight Hard

Dina: The Ladybug Event was Perfection

Amber: I Felt I Like I Was Being Hazed

Melissa: Continue to Pray for Teresa's Family

Why Amber Shares Her Cancer Story

Dina: I Was Team Santa

Teresa: I Don't Blame Jim

Bobby's Unacceptable Behavior

Amber: Dina is Jealous

Melissa: "We are Heartbroken"

Dina Reacts to the Sentencing

Kathy Talks Kevin Jonas

Amber: Dina Was Planning a Blood Bath

Jim and Amber Were on Different Pages

Dina on Bobby's "Bizarre" Behavior

Amber Calls BS on Dina

Nicole: Words are So Powerful

Teresa: "Kudos to Dina!"

Teresa: I Love the Show, I Love My Fans

Praying for a Positive Outcome for Teresa

"Tipsy Melissa is My Spirit Animal"

Dina's Lose-Lose Situation

Jacqueline on Her Status with Teresa

Why Teresa Told Dina the Rumor

Amber on Her Cancer Scare

Teresa: There was an Agenda to Hurt My Family

Melissa: I Do Feel for Amber

Dina: Gia's Beautiful Inside and Out

Nicole: This is Not 'Jerry Springer'

Amber on Her Meltdown with Teresa

Amber's Emotional Call to Teresa

Teresa Thanks the Fans

Dina: Florida Will Be the New Scary Island

Teresa: I Wish I Never Heard the Rumor

Amber on the Shocking Rino Rumor

Victoria Gotti's Big No No

Beyond Heartbreaking

Teresa opens up about her heartbreak and shock over what happened.

I'm sorry I can't start this blog with all kinds of excitement, because I don't feel like there was much to celebrate in this first episode. It was beyond heartbreaking to watch.

To make everything easier, since there are so many Joes, I'm going to call my husband, Joe, my brother, Joey (since I call him that anyway).

I'm sure you can all see why this was a tough episode for me to watch and a tough season to film. When I signed up for this, I thought it was going to be a fun show that followed me and my friends shopping, going to dinner, and just living our lives. We never expected it would get so dark with Danielle's drama. This person we didn't know came in and tried to drive a wedge in between the Manzo and Laurita families. My heart broke for them, because no family is perfect, but to have someone come in and mess with your family dynamic on purpose is just evil. I stood by Caroline and Jacqueline, stayed loyal to their family when it was being attacked, and I always will. I love them, and I love their fantastic kids.

Of course that's not to say I don't love my own family too. Of course I do. My family is my life. It always has been, and I think it's pretty clear if you've ever met me or watched even one episode. Would I have joined the show if there was a chance it involved my family members being pitted against one another? No way in hell. I would never want my family exposed in that way. What sane person would? Who would subject their family to this on purpose? No opportunity or fun new celebrity career would be worth that trade off. Not even remotely.

My brother and I have always been close. Yes, when he got married things changed, but we were still close. We all had Sunday dinners together. We celebrated all our family events together. We were godparents to each other's kids. In my book Skinny Italian, I talked about our lives growing up -- the photo you saw of us in tonight's episode as kids is in my book. I even thanked him in the acknowledgments, right after Joe and my parents. He and Melissa were invited to and came to every single party I ever had -- on camera and off. If you go back and watch old episodes, you can spot Melissa. She put herself in the front of every shot because she wanted to be on TV. (That actually might be a fun drinking game -- spot Melissa at my parties). Just like they don't show all of Caroline's brothers and sisters or Jacqueline's brother even though they too are a huge part of their lives.

The whole idea of a full blown feud is crazy to me. I think you can tell by how shocked I was at the christening  that this was an unexpected problem. A month earlier, Joe and Melissa were at Audriana's first birthday party with us. Gabriella, Milania, Antonia, and Gino go to preschool together. They see each other every day. If we weren't speaking, I would never have gone to their son's christening.

To see what happened when I wasn't in the room, to watch my brother run after my ailing father and insult my mother -- it's just too much. My family doesn't deserve this. I'm not going to trash anyone in my family or pick through every one of Melissa's lies. I'll let her speak for herself, and you can decide whatever you want to believe.

I know who I am. I love my family. I love my friends. And I love my fans. Thank you all so much for your support. Your kind words mean so much to me. You are all my inspiration!

I'm so proud of my wonderful husband, Joe. He always stands up for me and my family, and he kept his cool. How he did this, I have no idea. He doesn't do interviews like the other husbands, because it's just not him. He's a private guy. He isn't going to sit down and whine or trash anyone else, especially not our family. And I love and respect him so much for that.

This has been a tough week. I've been traveling for my national book tour from Calgary to Chicago to Minneapolis to LA to NJ to NYC and back again, and I'm just getting started! (Philly, Miami, San Diego, I'm coming!) I love meeting you all! I have the most thoughtful, fabulous, sexy, gorgeous fans on the planet! Thank you all so much for embracing Fabulicious and my family's recipes. If you're local bookstore is already sold out, you can find it on Amazon (http://tinyurl.com/3btkogjor) Barnes & Noble.com (http://tinyurl.com/3sewplb).

Visit my website www.teresagiudice.com for my latest book signing information and photos of my kids. And follow me on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Teresa-Giudice/122688361577) and Twitter (@Teresa_Giudice). I love, love, love talking to you guys! You make me smile every day!

Tanti Baci,

Teresa xx