Family is everything to me. If my only brother was married to someone who didn't crave the spotlight, I know we'd all be a family like we always were. Before that christening -- the first time Joey and Melissa filmed the show -- my family had never, EVER been through any kind of drama even close to this. If I could go back in time, I would gladly give Melissa my spot on the first season so she could live out her dreams, and I would be happy to sit on the couch and cheer her on, with my happy, intact family around me.
I'm not even going to address all the ridiculous questions that only came my way about parts of my blog or things I said on the show. I know what I wrote and I know what I said. I stand by it all. Go back and read Melissa's blogs -- from the very first one -- and then read mine. You can decide who was mean to who.
I don't know how long I sat there on the couch while every one of them ganged up to push my buttons and make me react, but yes, I finally did react. I've always owned that. I don't attack, but I will react if you attack me. Maybe it's not the best way to be, but it's how I am. I want peace, I stay out of other people's business, but if you come at me, I am going to defend myself and my family.
I'm not used to having to defend myself -- I had no idea I was walking into a gang-up situation -- and I can only guess I looked wild and passionate on the show. (I did stay in my seat though -- aren't you proud of me?) I didn't meet with anyone beforehand to compare notes and bring little lists of things to fight about. The stuff being thrown around that room was crazy, and I just tried to keep up, but I'm guessing it was just as ugly to watch as it was to live through. I'm not proud of the times I yelled, but considering what I wanted to do, especially when they brought up my children, I'm proud of how I handled myself overall. It was not something I expected, not something I've ever been through before, and not something I'd want for anyone. Ask yourself how you would have reacted in that situation. I don't think I did too bad (you know you're in an ugly situation when Danielle is twittering that she feels your pain! Ouch!).