Cast Blog: #RHONJ

Dare Devil

Episode 15:'s Associate Editor marvels at Joe Gorga's inability to turn down a dare.

No. 3 - If the RV's a Rockin'...

Chris Laurita's been very outspoken this season, and it's been illuminating and generally delightful. Up until now. You would have though the Manzo/Laurita RV would be the quietest and most family-friendly of the three. And that seemed to be the case given all the nudity/rampant boner flashing taking place in the other two RVs.

Cut to Chris and Jacqueline conversing with Caroline and Al. Just a normal chat until Jacqueline poses the question of who's having the most sex in the RV. Now I for one expected everyone to point to the Gorgas, Giudices, or Wakiles (again, just look back at all the nudity). But Chris Laurita, in a completely serious tone, proclaims that he and Jacqueline just had sex last night.

Cut to Jacqueline taking a big gulp of her wine.

Now this wouldn't even be so remarkable normally, but he says that to his sister. Who is sharing the RV with him. You could tell Caroline had no idea how to respond to that information. No one wants to hear about a sibling's sexcapades. Ever.

But he wouldn't even let it end there. He continued on about how loud Jacqueline is in bed and how her mother probably heard her from New Jersey. Aaah! Stop! Your sister, brother-in-law, and nephew are right there!

No. 2 - The Scream

Melissa's not a big nature person. I think that was the biggest takeaway from the canoe debacle. She's meant to be poolside in her bedazzled bikini, not rowing down a river full of (GASP!) bugs and frogs.

Of course Joe couldn't resist the opportunity to take advantage of his wife's fear of the river creatures, so he tips the canoe over. Now yes, I think we all expected Melissa to scream and freak out. I don't think anyone expected her to scream for that long. The high-pitched shrieks of Melissa Gorga echoed throughout the great state of California for an uncomfortable number of minutes.

And a word about the shouting -- was she saying Joe repeatedly or was it just some unintelligible word? Perhaps it was a mix of the two. (I've certainly never heard Joe said at that octave before.)
No. 1 - Dare Devil

We already know Joe Gorga will never under any circumstances turn down a dare. Ask that man to do anything and just lead with "I dare you to..." He will do it.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

So of course when the Jersey crew is gathered round the campfire and looking to play truth or dare, Joe is the first participant. I doubt they would have even allowed Joe to select the truth option, but he goes with dare (to no one's surprise). So what does he have to do? Go to the neighbor's RV in his underwear and ask if they have any fruit. Not even a second passes after the dare has been uttered, and Joe Gorga has removed all of his clothing and is trotting over to the nearest RV on a mission for fruit.

Alas, this poor soul who was looking for some peace and serenity in the California wilderness is greeted to a nearly nude Joe Gorga. A nearly nude Joe Gorga asking him for fruit. What was running through this man's mind, I can hardly imagine. But just when you think he's going to shut the door, take a swig of his moonshine, and pretend this never happened, he says, "No, I got vegetables though."

Game on!

So he offers Joe either mushrooms or some green bell peppers. Joe opts for the peppers and returns to the crew victorious. I can only hope Joe got that pepper bronzed and has it displayed proudly in his office.

Next week get ready for the call everyone's been talking about...
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Amber: Is Dina Coldhearted?

Amber Marchese dishes on her first reunion and why Dina Manzo confuses her.

Hello Housewife friends!  Welcome to the jungle baby! My first reunion was a wild ride. Call me sick and twisted, but I had an unbelievable time at the reunion when most, I have been warned, dread it. I felt like it was “The Great Purge” and when I went home I was felt relieved of any built up tension. I don’t care if anyone has a grudge against me, my slate is clean and I harbor no ill feelings towards anyone. I love to argue my point, and I truly stood by all of my convictions this season, so I was ready to say exactly what was on my mind, and then some. 

I know the twins and I went at one another pretty hard, but that is what the reunion is all about. It is an opportunity to get it all out and potentially understand one another's position better. Then we can each make our own decisions as to where we want to go with our relationships. I am very much the type of person that can say some of the meanest things and sling mud, but hug it out at the end forgetting anything negative that was said. It just rolls off my back. I actually think it is healthier to say what needs to be said, and then move on.

One thing I did question after the reunion was if Dina actually has a heart or if I should start calling her the Tin Man. I actually have not figured her out yet. Is she really just a coldhearted bitch, or has she been hurt so many times that she has become warped and jaded. I feel I don’t owe anyone any reason as to why I call cancer “the cancer,” but I will give it once more anyhow. “The cancer” is “the monster” to me. It is a way for me to take away its power and to minimize it. “It” destroys lives, so “it” does not deserve a name. It is just “the cancer” -- it was “the monster” or “the dragon.” Although Dina claims to have an understanding of how devastating cancer is to a family, her actions and blatant lack of empathy proves otherwise.

In addition, I did not think it was appropriate for me to interject into family quarrels at the reunion; however, this is something that I feel strongly about. I have met Jaqueline and I have spoken to her on many occasions. In the very short time that I have gotten to know Jaqueline, I know and have empathy with the struggles she has caring for Nicholas. I felt that Dina’s interpretation of her nephew was callous and completely out of touch with reality. The only thing that keeps playing in my mind is, "You know nothing John Snow."  No, thank God, he is not hooked up to machines with cancer; however, what the Laurita family goes through is extremely difficult on a day to day basis that will continue on for a lifetime. It is emotionally and financially devastating. Although, Dina "visits" children with cancer, at the end of her visit she gets to go home, leaving it behind and goes on with her daily life. Since Dina does work with children with cancer, I pray that she can abstain from a self-absorbed lifestyle and become a loving, involved aunt. 

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