Jacqueline questions whether she ever really knew Teresa.
First and foremost -- Congratulations to Rich and Jaime! They have a beautiful life together, a beautiful home, beautiful friends, beautiful dogs, and a lifetime of love and happiness ahead of them. I'm so happy for them. We love them and the life they've made for and with each other. XOXO!
I know sometimes that some of you wonder why my blogs seem to center around Teresa. I think it's pretty obvious that most of our episodes do, in fact, center around Teresa. Maybe that's why. LOL! So here I go again…
It's no secret that I had a meltdown at the end this season, which was finished filming the night before the Season 3 reunion. What I am trying to give you are my honest thoughts about what was going on in my mind through the series of events throughout the season that lead to that. What isn't revealed during the season may be revealed in our reunion show. I will say that there is no one episode that led to my meltdown. It was a series of events, pressures, and circumstances that just happened to come to a head right before the reunion. I was overwhelmed by many things. Petty things just didn't seem very important to me, and I was growing tired of having to constantly be brought into these repetitive conversations that I was having with Teresa.What you need to understand is that I care for my friends very deeply, and when I see them hurting, I want to help them to get in a better place. Up until this point, I listened to and watched Teresa say and do things to her family that were hard for me to respect. Things I won't get into right now. Although I was just getting to know Teresa’s family, they never bashed Teresa to me the way Teresa would bash them to me. Her family only mentioned their concerns or said how they were trying to blow off certain behaviors of hers to keep the peace. I watched them at times trying to mend things with Teresa, but Teresa was never sincerely giving them an honest effort to resolve their differences. She was holding onto a lot of resentment towards her family and I would hear about it every morning and every evening. It consumed her so much that she became obsessed with talking about them and the conversations became redundant and mean spirited.
Trying to help Teresa became overwhelming, because I was also dealing with my own family concerns. It became difficult hearing the same complaints and her irrational thoughts about her family over and over again, when she wasn't willing to take any accountability for her own wrong doings or give an honest effort to fix things. CLEARLY her brother was and I respect him for that. He was man enough to want to go to therapy to mend things. He was man enough to be willing to accept some of the blame. He loves his sister and I could feel that. Teresa was more concerned about the way they would make her look than fixing the problem. She wanted to stay above them.
Daily Teresa would put me in the middle of her issues, whether it was to complain, gossip, ask me for advice, or to tell me what I should be doing and saying to her family (if I was her "real" friend). Very rarely would Teresa actually listen to what I was going through. I had things going on in my own life that also needed my focus and attention. As a mother, I was hurting very badly and I needed a friend to lean on. It got harder and harder to respect Teresa and her pettiness. During all of this, I was hearing through mutual friends what Teresa really thought about me. I was getting confused on whether or not I really ever knew the real Teresa, and if I had at one point in time, I wondered if she would ever be real with me again.I have been asked to be on the cover of magazines. I said no because they were articles that would have been negative about me and my daughter or about why I didn't attend the reunion. I also turned down talk shows for the same reasons. I also shot a magazine cover with Teresa where we got paid pretty well. We controlled what went inside. If more than one person is on the cover, at least one of those people is controlling the article. I know how the magazines work. Teresa told me about her cover deals. She went and strategically posed for these covers. They asked her questions and she answered them, just like she said. They wrote the articles based on her interviews. Whatever she wanted quoted they put in quotes. When she wanted to say something sneaky and untraceable, they put it in the article as a "source." The sun shines on everyone, not just Teresa. I know Teresa is under the assumption that everyone is jealous of her, but I can't blame her, that is how all narcissists think. The reality is I'd choose my life and who I am as a person over her life and who she is any day.
The article with the dog seemed a little obvious that she had a lot to do with what was written inside. These were all things that Teresa complained to me about, so that is why it was so obvious to me. Teresa said, "This is business." ("Business" = Money Earned) The article coincidently listed all the people she disliked the most. Just like she did with her book, she used her family and friends to make money doing her "business." She didn't want the viewers to like her family. It drove her crazy when they did.
If I looked perplexed when Teresa told me about her "renewal of vows" cover to put to rest all of the rumors she started about herself in her previous covers, it's because I was. She knew I was asked to do the same thing, and I was told it would be made into a big deal by the tabloids. I turned it down. It's just not me. I'm a simple girl. However, I was surprised that Teresa waited until we were on camera to tell me that SHE was going to do it. I think she wanted to hurry up and do a cover before I changed my mind and out shined her or something. I think that is why she went so over the top with her renewal picture. Her cover would come out before mine because they wanted mine to come during Season 4. It was just bizarre to me and the whole concept was so fake. (Just like the prop dog idea in the last article.) Teresa clearly knew what these articles were going to be about, because she told me about her "vow renewal" cover and what the topics were going to be in there which she said was clearing up all of the other rumors she put out there about herself. What did she think the "friends and family bullying" article would be about? I couldn't figure out why she would want to do that. I will say it again, it's one thing to put out articles about yourself, but when she would slip things in about her friends and family, that was crossing the line. I was thinking to myself, "I wish she would just tell them once and for all how she really felt instead of sending messages in magazines. Maybe then the healing could begin and she could let go of all of her resentment, forgive, and move forward." Talk about passive aggressive!
I guess I would have respected her more if instead of disregarding these articles and pretending they didn't exist, that she addressed her friends and family with some respect and apologized for the things printed and explain how they ended up in there. Why would she continue to do these covers knowing that they were mostly negative about her and her family? She allowed it.
Every other week I was reading new sob stories put out by Teresa that didn't seem to mesh with her lifestyle. I never saw her struggling and afraid of being poor. Everything was FINE! Her lifestyle never really changed. It actually got more extravagant. I was so confused as to what was really going on with her. Did she need help and was hurting or not? I couldn't tell, but when I read bad things about her, it would upset me. If you read those things about your best friend, wouldn't you be compelled to ask her how she is doing or wonder why she hasn't mentioned anything to you AT ALL about it? That is the kind of thing that me and my other best friends talk to each other about. Call me crazy, but I think anyone with a heart would be worried about their friend, if, in fact, they were a true friend.Another thing that bothered me was during the reception; Teresa announced that her book made the best sellers list. As happy as I was for her, and I always supported her on all of her accomplishments, it kind of pissed me off that she would mention that to Caroline and the family knowing full well that it was a sensitive subject between them. I just found it insensitive and not necessary. She knew exactly what she was doing.
I started seeing a different side to Teresa that I didn't respect. She was doing and saying some pretty ugly things. I really wanted my friend back. I missed her. I needed her. I wanted the fun loving Teresa that wasn't self-absorbed or consumed with "keeping up with the Gorgas" and trying to surpass them at all costs. I wanted her to understand how her words and actions were affecting the people and relationships in her life that should matter the most to her. I wanted her to learn how to view things from another person's perspective. I wanted her to know that I would still love with all of her faults, but I just wanted her to be real with me.
I knew at this point she was pulling away from me more and more. I understood the things that she was saying behind my back and where it was coming from, so I was trying not to get mad at her for that, even though it did upset me. She didn't understand that I was trying to help her. In her eyes, I was not supporting her (which was "agreeing" with her in her book). What she will never understand is that because I loved her, I was trying to help her make choices that would help her. It was never to hurt her. What kind of friend would I be if I agreed with her even if I thought she was in the wrong and encouraged her to hate her family because they all suck? That is her FAMILY! Did she really expect me to fight with them for her? That would not be right or fair. I wanted her to make peace with them for HER own peace. It would also bring peace to me and would have made filming more enjoyable. Instead every day was a struggle for all of us.Next week's episode was the turning point in my friendship with Teresa. It was something that I hurt over for a long time. While it may be entertaining for you, it is heartbreaking for me. Fortunately life goes on and I have plenty of things to focus on. I am in a good place now. Thank you all for your support always. I truly appreciate it.
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XOXO! Take care and see you next week!