It has become so easy for me to get caught up in the middle of the sh-- storm surrounding our show while it's been airing. I decided that I wanted to speak about whatever was on my mind as the show aired to help people see a little of how I got to my breaking point before the Season 3 reunion. I forgot how emotional filming had become for me this season. As I watch the show air, it brings back some pretty strong emotions (mostly negative) that I have been reliving all over again. It's bringing me to a place that is not healthy for me. My reactions are not showing me in the best light. My hurt and anger has been manifesting into bitterness with a desire to speak out against the ones who hurt and disappointed me. I don't like the feeling it's giving me. I realize that we still have to film the reunion show. I keep asking God to please give me the strength to get through it all so I can finally let all of this go and not look back. "This too shall pass" and life will go on. Things in my life have actually been going very well. I'm very happy in every other aspect of my life.
I've been feeling the desire to state my case as if I need others to validate what I'm already feeling and what I already know. It's all pointless. There will always be people that will get it and there will be ones that don't. There will always be people who like me and those who do not. I realize that you don't always know the entire story, so you draw your own conclusions based on what you get to see of our lives. You may think you know everything, but you don't know. You’re only seeing a small portion of our lives, so it's hard for you to get the whole picture. That is why I can't blame people for their conclusions, even though it's frustrating to know that some people don't know what they are talking about. I don't know why I care. I know the truth, and so do the ones that are close to me. That is all that should matter. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have a tremendous support system, so no matter what anybody says to me or about me, I know my life is good and I know I have the love and support from the people I have surrounding me on a daily basis.