Cast Blog: #RHONJ

Spin City

Jacqueline explains why she thought Teresa and Melissa's fight was ridiculous.

This blog will be hard for me to write, because although I am trying my best to be fair and see things from all angles, I have strong opinions about what I felt was going on at this point in time that I want to share with you. However I'm afraid of sounding too one-sided and anti-Teresa, but allow me anyway to break down this ridiculous debacle from my viewpoint so you all understand it more clearly.

1. Teresa hears rumors that if Melissa starts singing in nightclubs that she MIGHT just meet someone who is richer and better than her brother and leave him. I guess anything is possible.

2. Teresa feels compelled to warn her brother about this, even though she has always said he is insecure, but she really didn't expect him to mention it to his wife. She just expected him to keep his eyes open to the idea. ("in case they were closed"). When Teresa asked me my opinion about this, I told her that I didn't agree with her decision to tell her brother, and I suggested that she apologize for saying it and hurting them.

3. Joey mentions it to his wife, because...it's his wife...and they usually communicate like that. That upsets Teresa, because she didn't think he would tell her. She felt like her brother betrayed their confidence. Her intentions were still not clear to me, but Teresa explained that she felt that her warning may actually help him in some way and that she was just looking out for him. I personally couldn't see the up side in it, but that was just my opinion. 4. Melissa was clearly upset that Teresa said what she said to her husband, but was trying her best to let it go to keep the peace, even though the thought of it was beginning to boil inside of her. It was hard for Melissa to understand why Teresa would say something like that to her husband and then would act friendly like she was trying to make things better between them to her face. I think it hurt her feelings that Teresa thought of her in this way and that after seven years and three kids together she should still have to prove that she was truly in love with her husband to her sister-in-law. I think Melissa also felt like Teresa was trying to put a wedge between her and her husband. I saw it as putting a bigger wedge between all of them.

5. Melissa briefly touched on what Teresa said to her husband to us. She assumed Teresa had mentioned it already to me, which she had. Melissa was trying her best to let it go, but you could tell it upset her. I tried my best not to say a thing or get involved. I tried my best to just listen. She wasn't talking badly about Teresa, she was just trying to deal with what was said about her. I think she was also trying to feel out if we felt the same way about her as Teresa clearly did. I did not. From my viewpoint, Melissa's relationship with her husband seemed real and loving and sincere to me.

6. Although I felt bad that Melissa was hurting, I knew that if I were to give Melissa advice, Teresa would get upset with me, so I held back. If Teresa asked me what I thought about a situation and if I told her that I felt she handled herself wrong or suggested that she try to see things from a different perspective, she would get upset with me and accuse me of jumping ship. Teresa wanted me to pick a side and commit! I was expected to only see her side and agree with her or I was considered to be a bad friend. I felt like I needed to be honest with my friend. It didn't mean I was jumping ship or that I wasn't her friend. I loved her and I just wanted her and her family to stop hurting and worrying about petty things. I wanted us all to get along.7. I found it hypocritical that Teresa mentioned I was wishy-washy and wouldn't commit to picking a side when Danielle was fighting with my family. Forgive me for being my own person and waiting to judge people from my own experiences with them. Did Teresa forget that she herself didn't pick a side either? She also continued to be Danielle's friend along with me even while her best friend, Dina, disliked her until Danielle did something personally to her. Teresa also tried saying hello, just to be friendly, to Danielle at the Posche fashion show at a time when Dina and I were both having issues with Danielle. I never faulted her for that. My battle with Danielle was my own to deal with. Teresa also remains friendly with Kim D. who clearly has an issue with her sister-in-law Melissa. But that is all OK for Teresa to befriend who she wants. Is that how she defines loyalty? It upsets me, and I feel it's unfair that I am expected to follow Teresa's rules that she doesn't even apply to herself.

8. When I asked Teresa why she would say something like that about Melissa to her brother, she told me that she just "struck her as that type of girl" and that "her friends were telling her that if she started singing in clubs that she might cheat on her brother and leave him for a richer man." She never had any other explanation other than that. It really wasn't for me to try to understand. That was between her and her brother and Melissa, but when Teresa asked me for my opinion, I gave it to her.

9. My feeling is that Teresa was upset with her brother's text to her husband, that she had unfortunately and accidentally saw, which threatened Joe that if he didn't stop threatening him, he would tell Teresa that he had cheated on her. This was a fight that was supposed to stay between the men and wasn't meant for her eyes. He never intentionally tried to hurt his sister. Joey didn't go to Teresa and say that to try and cause a problem in their marriage. He was upset with Joe's actions. It wasn't a warning of something that may or may not happen. The difference in what Joey did and what Teresa did was that Teresa reached out to intentionally warn her brother of something that had no plausibility, and which could cause problems unnecessarily. 10. In my opinion, I feel like Teresa wanted her brother to hurt in his marriage the same way that Teresa was hurting in hers. I think Teresa envied the relationship Joey and Melissa have. I can only say that from what I have seen, their relationship is very real and loving. It makes me sad, because I believe that everyone has ups and downs in their relationships, but that doesn't mean that you should feel the need to take others down with you just because you are hurting. If you hold on long enough and work through your issues while staying positive, things will eventually get better. Everyone deserves to be happy.

11. Teresa didn't want anyone to use the word "jail". She would rather us say "going away" even though she's OK getting paid to say it in the tabloids. That was the word we kept reading. I guess I didn't really understand the difference between saying "jail" or "going away" because to me it meant the same thing. I understand it better now after hearing Kathy with her explanation on pride. I'm still not convinced it's a Jersey thing though.

12.Teresa always told me that people won't always believe what they read, so it's OK for her to say it in a tabloid. But if we talk about it on the show, then that makes it real to the viewers. She just wanted it to stay in the tabloids where she could profit from it without having to explain it.

13. Melissa wasn't sure where to go for Tia's solstice party, so I told her to meet us at Caroline's and we could all go together. Teresa knew Melissa was coming with us, because I told her beforehand out of respect. Teresa said that was fine, but I was given specific instructions on what I could say or not say. I liked Melissa and she had never done anything to me personally to make me feel otherwise, but I had no desire to hang out with her without Teresa, because I knew how Teresa felt about her. I kept her at an arm's length just as she kept me. Melissa respected me as Teresa's friend, and I respected her as Teresa's family.14. Teresa asks me at the solstice party if Melissa had mentioned to me what Teresa said to her brother. Teresa already had told me herself first. I didn't want to get involved in their family drama. I told her to ask Melissa that question, because I didn't want to be put in the middle of that one, and besides that my sister-in-law was involved in that conversation as well. She knows that I don't lie, so I'm going to answer her honestly. Teresa always tries to pull me in the middle, and it makes me uncomfortable. Teresa was always trying to use a middleman to communicate for her instead of just confronting the person she has an issue with herself. She's always trying to bring others into her fights, and it isn't fair. If you watched the episode tonight, you can see her trying to pull me, Melissa, Rosie and Kim D. in the middle of her conflicts. I wanted to support her as a friend without being involved. I do my best to listen and give advice when asked. Teresa wants her friends to be her soldiers in her army. My dad was an army colonel, so I recognize military tactics. I wasn't looking to get drafted.

15. Teresa has a way of spinning things. Blame shifting is talent of hers. She is the master. The whole fight between her and Melissa was ridiculous. Spin city. I don't even want to go there. If you listen to it carefully, you can figure it out and make judgments for yourself. It is too exhausting to get into it all. Geez, first the sprinkle cookies and now the children's gifts are getting thrown away. What a waste. That is sad to me and so petty.

The bottom line was that I was starting to see that Teresa wasn't being consistent with her words or her actions. Besides the pressures she was putting on me, I was also hearing from mutual friends that she was starting to resent me for not always agreeing with her. Things were starting to change between us. Meanwhile my struggles kept getting overshadowed by hers in our daily conversations. It was becoming overwhelming. Even through all of that, I sincerely still loved her and cared about her well-being and happiness and wished for everyone to resolve things so that we could all get along.

As far as Lauren goes, you would be happy to know that she looks AMAZING and has lost a lot of the weight that she wanted to lose. She now owns and is running a very successful beauty store called CafFace in Franklin Lakes. She has a lot to feel good about. She is much happier. Her family is proud and impressed. Every once in a while, her brothers like to joke around and tease, but the fact remains that they all love each other and will always be there for one another. The Manzos have a very tight bond and are very supportive of each other.

Now you have met my East coast fitness trainer Jolene Matthews. She was the pretty blonde talking to Rosie about their mutual "kinship." She is also a mutual friend of Teresa and I. She was just trying to step in and support Teresa. Jolene feels bad now for getting involved when she didn't know the whole story. She had only heard Teresa's side at the time. She likes everybody. She is the Group Fitness Director and Personal Training Manager at Sky Club Fitness Hoboken, NJ. She is a celebrity personal trainer/commercial and fitness model and fitness columnist of "The Edgewater View: Lifestyle and Trends by Jolene Matthews" so check out her website www.Jolenematthews.com or follow her on Twitter at @addictfitness. Jolene also does fitness blogs on my website www.JacquelineLaurita.com along with my West coast trainer and dear friend Jill Miller. Follow Jill on Twitter @JillFitness.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! Thank you for all of your love and support! XOXO!

Visit my website at www.JacquelineLaurita.com.

Follow me on Twitter @Jaclaurita.

Like my Facebook page.

Check out my boutique on www.thelookstore.com/boutiques/jacqueline-laurita.html. It's a new beauty superstore full of unique beauty products, celebrity pictures, beauty and style tips and trends, "how to” videos and an online magazine. I'll be doing beauty Q&As on there, as well as beauty "how to" videos. I will be starting as a beauty editor for their online magazine soon, and I am also a beauty curator for www.TheLookBag.com. Make sure to use code "JAC" when ordering The Look Bag. Check it out to learn more about it.

I will also have an exciting new acne product to tell you about soon that I would like for you to try. You will love it. It is extremely effective. Stay tuned...

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Amber: I Felt I Like I Was Being Hazed

Amber Marchese dishes on her experience this season on #RHONJ.

We made it Housewife friends! As it was my rookie season, I felt like I was being hazed in a sorority, but as hard as it was, I made it! I learned so much about how strong I am as a person and some areas that I can work on. I learned that I really do have a “no surrender, never retreat” mentality. I will go to bat with anyone, at any time, and will defend myself and my family at all cost. I also witnessed the undying love that my husband has for me and his family. He was not going to let anyone hurt me and will unleash hell if someone tries. He is truly my modern day Spartan warrior. 

I am so blessed to have shared my experience and struggles with breast cancer -- the timing of my five year mark, the photo shoot, and growing my hair for five years then cutting it for charity -- it was nothing short of a miracle that the Bravo was able to catch that all. It was just meant to be and God was truly working his wonders. Cutting my hair was completely symbolic for me, since cancer no longer defines me. I will never forget, however the pain, fear, and anxiety is in my rear view mirror now. I can sometimes look back to remind myself where I came from, but it in no way defines my future. It is my promise to all of you, I will never take that for granted, especially knowing that there are thousands struggling with cancer every day. 

On to my perspective on the season finale! I am not quite sure why the twins make it a point to confront others in front of large crowds. As Teresa said, they had two weeks to call her and speak to her about what Victoria Gotti had said to us. If they had an issue or wanted an apology, so be it, but what ever happened to being a civilized human being and picking up the phone to call? They did the same thing to me. Two weeks went by without any phone call from them. In fact, they never returned any of my phone calls or texts! They decided to make a scene in front of an entire party. Difference is, this was at a charity event with children in ear shot. Can you blame me for not wanting to bring my babies to this event? I would have absolutely loved my children sashaying down the runway, but there is absolutely no way I would EVER allow my babies to hear what went on. I spoke with Teresa and I knew the twins never called her. So I knew exactly what was brewing, so did Dina. My children come first and mama was protecting her children. Dina was brazen enough to kick Jim and me out of the Florida home for less of an offense, why wasn’t Dina kicking the twins out because they were making a scene at her own charity function for children?! Can we say double standard? Where were her “heads rolling” that she claimed would happen if someone started anything at a Ladybug event? 

I will add that I completely understand how hurt the twins are. I can understand their anger. However, I cannot understand their way of handling conflict. That level of “hot headedness,” I would think, cools down at a certain age as we tend to calm ourselves, think clearly, and with wisdom. It is a level of discernment that should happen after a certain age or experience in life. 

Dina claims to be Teresa’s friend of 25 years, but does not back up her friend at all. If that was my friend, like Christine or Angelia, whom I have been friends for just as long, the twins would not have gotten to the letter T in stupid before I would be dragging them out of the event by their ears. Dina doesn’t have to agree with her best friend, but she should also never allow someone to call her friend of 25 years stupid, at her own charity function no less. Especially knowing what her friend is going through, which pales in comparison to some stupid rumor.

Since Dina has unwarranted venom towards my husband and has completely snubbed him for his previous contributions to The Ladybug Project, I am going to thank him on their behalf for coming up with the idea of the children's fashion show, as well as the connection to East Coast Stars. Since Jim did not attend, he also made a sizable cash donation on behalf of our family. Jim had also worked hard before all the drama to make sure Ladybug even had a venue with all costs covered, including food and beverage. The venue was ultimately not chosen, but Jim had still worked hard to give Dina an option for the event. Instead she chooses to focus on Jim’s comment about her IQ after she interrogated him at an extremely inappropriate, charged moment right after his wife was attacked. Despite her inappropriateness, Jim still ended up apologizing to her. However in my opinion she should have apologized to him for being so glaringly insensitive. 

It may seem as if my perspective is harsh for an end of season blog, LOL! But it is what I was feeling at the time. I owe it to you all to give you my honest interpretation of it. However, at the end of the season, I came out having a certain amount of respect for all of these ladies. Being on a reality show is hard; it pushes us to our limits and it is nothing short of psychological warfare. I truly hope you will support all of us, equally. Teams are good, and appreciated; however, keep the hate towards other Housewives out of it. Perspective are OK, different points of view are what make the world go round, however, when your perspective rises to a level of cruelty, it takes the fun out of our jobs. Allow us to be ourselves, with the good moments and even the moments when we could have handled ourselves a little better. At the end of the day, the Housewives are girlfriends that have strong personalitiesand disagreements -- we love, we hate, and we make up. That’s life. 

I have would like to thank: Denee Lockhart, Amy Malkoff, J. Vincent Jewelers, Cate Scaglione Photography, Castle Couture, Action Media Productions, Elinet Cakes, Christine’s Restaurant, Historical Names, East Coast Stars, Zaboyon, Greenhouse Flowers, Johnny Donavan PR, Anthony Palmieri stylist, Tony Bowls evening wear, and finally, my husband Jim and my mom, Pamula Aguero. 

It was an amazing experience that I would not change for the world. I want to thank all of you for you love and support. This was a wild ride. 

Many blessings to all!

Amber Marchese

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