"I was a voracious reader from an early age."

"Here I am being the only person who could make my baby brother laugh."

"I used to reenact fabric softener and dryer sheet commercials while taking baths (no joke). My hand caressing my face is a dead giveaway that this is one of those baths. My bath partner is ashamed, because I just told her she was blocking my light in between shots."

"Here I am hiding in a giant football praying my dad won't find me and make me play organized sports."

"Didn't have a lot of friends around this age. Don't know why."

"Here I am with my best girlfriend, who loved me even when I had three chins."

"My first car."

"After I stopped eating mozzarella sticks and french fries every day, I lost weight and started tanning. Voila."

"Homecoming King (nominee) Senior Year, 2004. I tell people I won, even though I lost and went home and threw a fit in my bedroom. I probably lost because I wore a turtleneck in public."

"I already regret putting this picture on the internet."

"Dressed as the Zohan at my best girlfriend's Halloween party a few years ago."

"At a very VIP nightclub on the side of route 46 in New Jersey with Lauren."

"The first Christmas with my beloved Deloris. An alternate caption for this picture could be: I will never get laid again."