I had convinced myself for so long that I didn't want Teresa back in my life, because it became so toxic at a time where I didn't have room anymore for toxic people. I was dealing with other more important things that I needed to keep my focus on. I convinced myself that Teresa would never forgive and forget or move forward in sincere way, because I had never known her to do that before with anyone else. Why would it be different with me? I wouldn't allow myself to let her back in my life, because not only did I not trust her, but I didn't think I could be the kind of friend that she wanted me to be. I don't like disappointing people any more than I like people disappointing me. I didn't believe she really trusted or cared about me, so I no longer allowed myself to care about her. I tried to shut her out completely.
Teresa was out of sight, out of mind for a while, but once our mutual friends and family members kept putting us in situations together, it became very hard for us to continue to avoid each other. It then became hard not to slip back into my comfort zone with her, especially when we were making such an effort to be civil with each other and were no longer fighting. It felt just like old times together and for the first time in a long time, with the magic of Miraval, I opened up my heart and realized that I actually did miss her. Miraval is a magical place.