I can't believe it’s been nearly a year since I last blogged. So much has happened. Miss us?
First and foremost, last October Hurricane Sandy battered New Jersey hard. I’ll never forget walking into our Toms River shore house and seeing the destruction. We were so lucky only to lose our second home. We can rebuild. That was nothing compared to what others went through. I was born and raised in Toms River. Places I knew as a child had been swept away by the storm. We felt horrible for the victims. Joe and I had to do something! We went to Target and filled carts with diapers, baby wipes, socks, children’s clothes, blankets and sweaters -- the stuff people really needed. We brought it all to Toms River Intermediate East, my old school, which was a hub for distributing supplies to displaced residents. Alongside the principal, teachers, and other volunteers, Joe and I packed boxes of food and clothes. What became evident quickly was that the main resource that was needed was man power. They needed people to get out there, roll up their sleeves, and help their communities.
The storm definitely put the show drama in perspective. I didn’t need or want that negativity around us. I built up an emotional fortress and had to put distance between my family and those who meant to do us harm. At the time, cutting ties with the Giudices seemed like the only logical decision to protect my family. That was a year ago. Things have changed. We are in a better place now. But on the episode, I was very much in Protective Mama mode.
Teresa and I hadn’t spoken in a year. I simply couldn’t stomach listening to one more lie. The distrust was just too deep. My emotions were hard set, and they weren’t going to change overnight. As far as I knew, she felt the same way. Then Antonia sent the letter to Milania. Suddenly, Teresa was overwhelmed with missing her brother and niece. She invited Antonia to their house for a play date.
Hear it right from the horse’s mouth: I wouldn’t. I don't want Antonia exposed to lies and insults about her Mom by her other relatives. And I knew she would be. In this one episode alone, Joe called me “Horsey Face” and a “skank ass beeatch.” I don’t know which is worse. But I know it's just wrong and Teresa didn’t correct him. He even spoke to his six-year-old daughter directly when calling me a name, it's not like she just overhead them. It was also sad when I saw Teresa and Gia discussing my daughter’s supposed birthday party with Milania. For the record Antonia's birthday was in August and she did not have a party. Her first communion was coming up and we asked her if she wanted a big party for her birthday or for her communion. She chose her communion, so for her birthday she had two friends sleepover at our shore house. Why they are discussing it three months later is beyond me, but that’s not fair to tell Milania she wasn’t invited to her cousin’s party, when it’s a complete lie. To each her own, as far as parenting goes, but I try my hardest not to involve my kids in very mature matters. That’s not my style. My kids don’t have the slightest idea what’s going on with the Giudices. They’re too young to understand the complicated, ugly situation. I’d certainly never confide in my seven-year-old and ask her for personal advice, as if she were my best friend! She's a child, not a friend.
I wanted the play date with Milania to be at mutual place. I think that's pretty understandable for all the reasons I just explained. I had no idea it was going to be like pulling teeth to organize a simple play date. What you see on my face at the jewelry-making store is confusion. Why was she pretending to be nice, when she said she didn’t “give a sh-t about me?” Why was she acting like she suddenly wanted to fix things when she hadn’t lifted a finger in a year? It just felt completely insincere.
Her sudden change was so weird and confusing, I was thrown by it. I focused on helping the kids make jewelry. My OCD really came out when the kids were beading. I’m the same way about keepings things organized at home. I can’t help it! Bring on the neat.
Anyway, I want the cousins to be close. That’s how I grew up. We moved to Montville in the first place so they could go to school together. The only reason they’re not as close as they could be is because Teresa had herself involved in a lot of wrong doings that brought hurt to our family. Case in point -- the lies at the end of last season. It's not fair for her to say, “Oh, poor kids,” when she was the one involved in destroying the trust we had just started to build again. I almost had to laugh when I saw Teresa say I should apologize to her. For what, exactly? Did I miss something?
What I saw this episode is that Joe Giudice can’t control his mouth. We all know that. He is the Godfather of my firstborn child, and he called me a skank on national television. How to do I take the certificate back?
At their dinner date, all Joe and Teresa did was trash me. She says, “I love my brother. I want to fix it.” Of course she loves Joe! Everybody loves Joe. If she really wanted to fix it, she would have picked up the phone months ago, way before we could all see her "sincere heartfelt sadness." She wouldn’t trash me and undermine my relationship with her kids. She never has to worry that when her kids come over here I’ll say horrible things about her. And yet she wants to be “the bigger person.” Well, I wasn’t ready to forgive or forget. If that makes me the smaller person, so be it. There’s a lot more to come, a lot of emotional twists and turns. Being part of this family is a long, crazy journey. We’re not even close to hitting rock bottom. Wait until you see what’s coming. Buckle up. It’s going to be a wild season, but reconciliation is on the way. It's so hard to go back to this place, but without explaining where we were then you'll never understand where we are now.
Please check out my website for all my upcoming appearances and my performance schedule. I'm so excited to be performing at Red, Hot, and Boom in Orlando and I'm coming back to Splash in NY.
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