I want to wish all the beautiful and hardworking fathers out there a Happy Father’s Day! I have nothing but respect for all the daddies out there, who work hard to provide the very best life they can for their families. And to all those that have a daddy in heaven, let’s all just know in our hearts that they are looking down and proud. I’m so lucky that my kids were blessed with such an amazing father.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I reacted to certain scenes this episode, and I think I’ve figured out some things about my relationships. But I’ll get to that in a second.
Kathy and Jacqueline both asked me for workout advice and told me they wanted to get in shape. I thought the class would be great for them, so I invited them to join me. Kathy worked really hard. I don’t think she had a lot of fun, but she was a great sport. I cracked up when she said I wasn’t sweaty enough after class. When Joe and I workout together, he always says that too. He’s always drenched, and I’m always dry. I just don’t sweat a lot. It’s how my body works.
Theresa is nothing but a witch.....she needs to get over herself and let go of her jealousy of Melissa!
Melissa...My friend and I watched tonight's episode and are upset by what transpired between you and your mother and sister. You said to your mother with regard to your father's cheating that you want to make it such an incredible environment for your husband at home that he wouldn't want to look elsewhere when he's out. We found that to be very disrespectful of both your mother and women in general. You're implying that it was your mother's fault that your father cheated. Do you honestly believe that men cheat only because they don't have incredible wives? Plenty of men cheat having the best wives in the world, it's more a matter of their ego and low self-esteem. It shouldn't be the woman's responsibility to keep her man "happy" to prevent him from straying. A man is responsible for himself, his actions and how his behavior effects his wife and children. That's a terrible message you're sending to women.. When people enter into a marriage it's the responsibility of each to protect their vows and family and children. One person isn't responsible for someone else's actions. Step up to the 21st century and please rethink this. (And apologize to your mother)
I don't think you get it. Yes, it is petty of Teresa to go on and on about when you visited (or didn't visit) your father-in-law at the hospital. However, she didn't say anything about it until AFTER you lied about when you went. You made it an issue and then you ran away and lied to Joe about what actually happened. It makes me a little sad to say that this is very typical of you. A lot of the issues that Teresa has with you have little to nothing to do with your actions, and everything to do with your insincerity. You lie and twist things all the time and you do it so convincingly that it almost seems as if you believe your own lies. I find it really annoying myself and I'm just a viewer. I can't imagine what it would be like to be your SIL, and hear you spouting off lies and twisting truths constantly- especially when a lot of those lies are making me look bad and worse, creating huge rifts within my family. I'm not a fan of Teresa, but I have to side with her as far as my opinion of you goes.
@Brem Melissa's motives have always been pure egotism and self-centered. Her book should be titled "How to Manipulate Your Husband"
Melissa, It's real easy to have shut Kim D down. At Gia's party when Kim D decided to start the questioning you should have just politely & cordially said hello and walked away. Ignored her and anything more that she had to say. There can be no argument unless two are involved. You owe KMim D nothing accept for maybe an a$$ whooping. If Teresa then wanted to try to continue to engage you there with her friends then advise her that you are hear to support Gia's 12th and that since this is family business that you would be willing to talk at a discreet location with just the two of you. You owe none of them an explanation regarding when or if you go to visit your father in law in the hospital.
Theresa caught her in "another lie" for crying out loud and it pissed her off...that's ALL.Theresa wouldn't hesitate if it was HER mother-in-law!!!
Joe needs to grow up and be a men, all you have is 1 sister, and Melissa stop controlling your husband, let him use his head if he can.
Melissa, I know you want Joe and Teresa to mend their fences so you guys can be a family, but Honey it's not going happen until Teresa stops listening to her husband, those so called friends, and gets Jesus in her life, and I don't see any of that happening any time soon. What you need to do is just move yourself away from he situation and let Joe and Teresa work it out. Teresa is so jealous of you until she can't see straight. She never excepts responsibility for anything, she always wants to blame other people and play the victim. Whenever Joe is talking to her about something she did or said, she always brings you up, Crazy.... Just walk away from it and do you girl. It will work itself out. Be Happy and write your book....
they are all in the wrong. they have all had part in one way or in another in this hole thing. Teresa an her little group gossip about Mellissa, an Melissa an Jacqueline an that little group gossip about Teresa. They all need to go on this trip an confront all their problems an just make up. This fighting behind each others back is starting to get old. I cant wait to see them all confront each other to their faces an just get it all out an get along again. its all high school stuff. I like all the people on this show an its sad they all cant just get along, or at least be civil around each other. I understand fighting an then eventually working it out. They all used to be close an love each other, an I hope they can get that back!!
it's pretty funny how you don't want to talk about your mom's painful experience with your dad in your book, but you're willig to talk about it over and over on the show. I think....the cat's out of the bag.
Oh Melissa, you should have just let it go. You know you didn't go for several days after he went into the hospital but managed to make it to the gym and exposed all of your friends who have children at home to your 'broken glass' throat. so whatever. You could have just let the kids have fun at the party and you could have kept it to yourself, but you had to be a snot about it and drag it to the wolves at Ritchie and Victorias party.....WEll Done! Leave it to you to continue to spread the gossip!
Melissa, you want the same success Teresa has and instead of just putting all of your energy towards that, you bash her and keep your poor husband on edge. STOP IT! Your husband may be your best friend but stop taking female stuff to him, its down right irritating. No man is really involved like that when it comes to speaking about women and their relationships. The only thing Caroline was right about is that if you would stop running to Joe with that crap he and Teresa would be on better terms. Melissa, you want what Teresa has and you will do anything to obtain it, but the question is why? You can do your own thing such as fashion because you are always dressed nicely, or come out with a makeup line because your makeup is always flawless. Also why are you writing a book about marriage? When you are married for 25 years or more, then you should write that book! Write about something else you excel in, whatever it may be, but not about marriage.
stop all the gossip, all of you can't even go to a party that she is not in and all of you have nothing better to do than gossip about someone who is not even there...you are all at fault to some extent...own it instead of justifying your actions with " well she said" it's getting to really be a circus already and stop talking about it with people who have nothing nice to say about it...it just adds fuel to the fire and makes you look just as bad gossiping about Tre with her old phoney friends...you all need to grow up! and stop running to your husband about every little thing she says or does, if you really wanted them to make up you would stop making him hate her even more!!! you're not innocent in all of this either!!!
karen.calderonlicea Exactly. She obviously DOESN'T want Joe and Teresa to make up. Nor does she want Jac and Teresa to make up. Or Kathy and Teresa to make up. She doesn't want anyone to "make up" with Teresa. Melissa is dishonest and envious of Teresa; at least, I can't think of any other reason why a grown woman would lie and scheme to steal another grown woman's friends and family away. It's pathetic. The worst part of it is that half of the things Melissa tells Joe are half-truths or flat out lies. She ran back to tell Joe about how Teresa made her look bad by bringing up her visit to the hospital. However, she didn't bother to tell Joe that she was the one who actually brought it up to begin with. She didn't tell him that she lied about it and that was why Teresa was actually annoyed. She didn't tell him that Teresa asked her to stay for Gia and the rest of the kids. Melissa is a manipulative liar.
Melissa, I hope you will please take a moment to read this post, and consider it.
While I am glad to hear that your family is finally at a mending point, I want to give you a bit of an insight into what the real core problem is going to be for all of you. And unfortunately yes, it does center around Theresa. Theresa exhibits behavior attributable to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And I strongly feel that if you were to understand this disorder you would all have a better chance at a lasting peace.
I am not trying to diagnose her per se, but I am suggesting that it seems highly likely that she falls somewhere on the Personality Disorder Spectrum, and in my opinion she is quite likely a narcissistic personality.
The most important aspect of NPD as it pertains to Theresa is her lack of self identity and need for positive narcissistic supply. Her identity is obviously heavily wrapped up in her family, and specifically with her sibling. It is for this reason that she is unpleasant towards you, and why she accepts her husbands poor behavior. My guess is that for a very long time your husband was a solid source of narcissistic supply. When she sees you receiving his good graces and praise it deeply upsets her, as she feels entitled to this behavior from him and and has used it for many years as corner stone to her personality. Without him, she loses a part of who she is.
It is important to know that nothing will ever be more important to a narcissist than narcissistic supply. Their family, friends and children all play important roles in giving them their supply. Even her husband with his seeming disregard for her emotional health supplies her because to her "marriage" itself is a narcissist supply source. Just the fact of being married gives her a sense of belonging (which she deeply craves) and is a way of showing to the world that she can in fact be "normal". Not to get too technical here, but she will always use cognitive dissonance when it comes to Joe to keep the larger chunk of herself that she attaches to the idea of marriage.
But perhaps the biggest thing to realize about NPD is that those who suffer from it have at their core a very sad and weak sense of self. They put on a very good act at times, and in fact will overdo their confidence while internally they feel flawed, false, sensitive (which they are more so than most) and "bad".
I really urge you to look into NPD. For a good crash course I suggest looking up Sam Vankin on youtube. He is one of the leading experts on the disorder. Watch his videos and I think you will be shocked while you nod your head in realization.
Best of luck to you and your beautiful family.
@ibedelissa @Dharmalicous I have to say, Dharmalicious has the best post on the board. Lots of us have been saying for a very long time that we believe Teresa exhibits signs of a Narcissistic Personality, but this post thoughtfully and intelligently explains the reason that folks feel this way. If someone disagrees, I would love to see them use the same thoughtful logic to explain their theory. This board is the most interesting when folks add some reason and logic to their opinions. Most folks will disagree with vague arguments such as everyone is just jealous of Teresa, or they came on the show to ruin her life. Give us something else.
Dharmalicous You may have a point there actually. I hadn't thought to call Teresa narcissistic, but I did [do] think that she was [is] stubborn. Personally though, I think that Melissa is suffering from the same problem.
Dharmalicous I have to somewhat agree with Dharmlicious regarding that Theresa may possibly have a personality disorder. Although I have a bachelor's in Social Work, have taken many abnormal psychology courses and am in the process of obtaining a Master's, I'm not qualified for diagnoses. However, there are numerous red flags that suggest Theresa has some serious issues. I think it could greatly benefit Joe and Melissa to do some research and possibly even see a psychologist so they can gain some insight about what's really going on with Theresa. Best of luck!
I LOVED the episode of your husband Joe ( who by the way needs his own blog here too) didn't back down to his sister at the gym. If she can constantly dish it out... then she should be prepared to take when it comes back her way. For everything she said previously in regards to you and your family... she got it back in spades with truth she obviously couldn't handle. Walking out when the heat got to hot for her to handle. That speaks volumes about her character and maturity level, adults tend to listen and talk their way through a situation. Teresa constantly takes jabs verbally at everyone whom she calls family and then some. I loved watching Joe telling her like it really is and not unrealistic portrayal she puts on for the world. Especially when it came to her husband... who in my opinion is the biggest drama queen on the show next to his wife. he isn't a good man or husband for his treatment of his wife on national t.v. His constant comments when his daughters are around is appalling. Not to mention her brother had every right to speak about the situation since DUH! It's her brother. Who else in life is going to be there for you in the end anyway. Especially when "Juicy Joe" YUCK! runs out of juice... Like I said if you can dish it out, then be prepared to take ...like an ADULT!
Melissa you are never going to win with Teresa so don't sweat it anymore. Take some advice from someone who has seen many dysfunctional relationships in her life (I am a family counselor)- you cannot get someone to do what they don't want to do. Teresa doesn't want to mend the rift with her brother and she isn't going to until she realizes how unhappy she is. Take care of your family , concentrate on your own relationship with your in-laws and limit the time And emotional energy that you put into thinking about T. Support your husband as he is obviously hurting and please keep the kids out of it. No more conversations about the family in font of them as they already have a confusion about what family should be to each other.
Even tho the tre-huggers are out in full force, Melissa, I think the poll last night on WWHL is pretty accurate and reflects how most of us viewers feel.
Talking to Teresa is like "hello wall"!
I know you're not perfect, none of us are, yet, I have never seen you be malicious to ANYONE. Can't say the same about your SIL.
Live on your own terms. You and Joey and the kids will be great!
imarelic100 I have to disagree with you. If Melissa is anything, it's malicious. With Teresa, her character flaws are obvious (no, I'm not a tre-hugger) because of how loud and obnoxious she is. With Teresa, you get what you see and unfortunately, what you see isn't always pretty. Melissa is opposite in that she isn't obvious. Melissa is a weasel, slithering around, planting lies and half-truths here and there- saying just enough to start a fire and then escaping before things get too hot. Gia's party is a perfect, and recent, example. Yes, it was petty of Teresa to rail into Melissa about when she did [or didn't] visit her FIL. But let's not forget what started the issue to begin with. Melissa lied about visiting her FIL in order to look good in front of the other partygoers. Then, when Teresa heard about her lying, she called Melissa out on it. What did Melissa do? She ruined the night for her own children and nieces by running home to Joe. And when she got home, she twisted the situation around to make it seem as though Teresa attacked her for no reason at all. Melissa did the same thing when she baked Christmas cookies for Teresa and left a nasty card along with them. Teresa was insulted by the mean card and threw them out. And later, Melissa told an entire table full of people during a Christmas dinner that Teresa "threw out a pregnant woman's cookies" for no reason at all. Teresa may be a delusional narcissist, but I would rather deal with that than a snake.
Put your big girl panties on and STOP telling your already stressed husband all the petty crap u and Teresa keep escalating into mountains of crap.
just fess up to it you lied, even from you own mouth you count off at least 3 days. kathy even saw you were lying. if you see how much you husband is hurting from this family drama stuff may you should really think about telling him everything, i sure you have your sister or friend to tell. yes i could see joe loves his family (you and the kids) but he also need his side of the family too. not just your side. you keep playing victim, but its not working on no body but joe.
it was'nt wrong for teresa to feel that way about you when you show no respect for your husband parents. and as for your daughter she see and hear everything you say and she forming her opion about you. as for theresa husband joe is right he has no respect for his wife but to talk to his sister like that at the gym was totally wrong. I trually feel for his parents to see their kids act a fool with each other on tv. not good
Tell your husband: IT'S ABOUT TIME. I'm glad he finally gave his bratty sister a taste of her own medicine. Sometimes that's what it takes for a child to learn the lesson.
Melissa, Keep your sweetnes and don't stoop to Theresa's level. She is just so jealous of you because you married her brother. You have a loving husband and famiy, and your love shines through. I would hate to be in your place and have such a hateful sister-in-law. Ignore her but keep a relationship with your in-laws for Joe and your children's sake. Don't let anyone ruin your life. I enjoy watchng when you all get together and have a good time. That only happens when Theresa and Joe aren't included. When Theresa took her 3, 6, nd 9 year old to get their done for birthday party, it showed just how out of touch she is with reality. She needs professional help and nothing you can ever do will please her so stop trying. How many times do you have to get stabbed in the back before you realize she's not your friend?
Oh and as far as your book goes. No one wants your advice. We don't respect you so right it about something else if you must do this! Advice is something you shouldn't be giving!!!
But wait where is the singing career i mean ever since you had Chris judd teaching you a few moves you are doing your hair like jlo wearing makeup like her lol. Now you ask Caroline advised but you have the bible advised on marriage using the info on your father to sell a book how low.All the stuff that your husband said to Teresa has been the same lines that you and kathy had been saying since you came on the show about Teresa's # 1 books.If your mother in law and father in law don't speak to your husband is his own doing. Stop being a copycat .
I was so proud of Joe at the gym. He didn't raise his voice and just threw Teresa's hypocrisy and lies back at her. Teresa thinks she can convince Joe not to love his wife, but all he's shown me is he's a man of integrity who stands up for his family. He has been willing to do therapy and swallow the BS to try and get back together with his sister and all she does is "say" she wants to get back with him, but her actions don't back that up at all. Teresa says she's the one that is taking care of her parents and making them hapy while Joe and Melissa aren't, but who did they call when they had a 3am emergency? Yeah, that's right.
And word of advice....if you are going to write a book, don't write it on about giving advice. Pick a different topic. " why my husband is so happy" could be a good book.
I am a fearful of a person who wants to give advice and write a book on relationships who cant tame the ones she is in ????????
Rebecca@12 The only relationship that Melissa is having problems in is with Teresa. But, Teresa doesn't seem to be able to have a good relationship with anyone; that is except Kim D, who is a joke of a woman.
Melissa, I really like you. Given that..... it was OK for you to explain what happened to the party to Joe. But, you lost us when you talked about it in front of the children and especially when you imitated Teresa. I don't like Teresa at all. But, don't stoop to her level. She was completely out-of-line when she did that at the birthday party. Let her behavior stand on it's own. You didn't need to say anything. Take the high road. Don't imitate her or feed her. Sit back and let her dig a hole. When you try to dig yourself out of a hole, you end up digging a bigger and bigger hole.
You TRY and take on the personality of someone new EVERY SEASON! The fake JLo personality is sooooooo annoying to watch! WILL THE REAL MELISSA PLEASE STAND UP!!!!
Melissa-I cannot beleive that you said you dad was a cheater and you wondered "what your Mom did wrong for that to happen"? You must realize that you have built your dad up to be some amazing man and it looks like he was NOT. How dare you say your Mom must have done something for him to cheat.. show some respect for your Mom - you never talk about her ever - it must kill her.
maryJB I don't think you understood what she was saying. She was talking from the perspective of a young girl, who adored her dad and thought he was a wonderful father, but not such a great husband. That part resonated with me, and I would think with lots of other folks who lived the same reality. As a child, I use to think that my mother must have been doing something wrong for my father to be such a louse to her, because he was so great to me and my sibblngs. The saddest part of this type of a dynamic is how often the kids blame the innocent party (at least in their head). My dad was always fun with us, but when it came to my mom, he was angry and dismissive, and often stayed away for days at a time. I think she understands now that her mom did nothing wrong (she said that her dad wasn't a good husband), but the young Melissa didn't get it.
Teresaisnuts I did understandwhat she was saying - however - she may have felt that way as a child but must know the truth now. If her Dad went out for milk for days as a time, that means her mom held that ship together for her family and SHE should be the most amazing person in her life. Not the guy with the milk fettish!!!
maryJB I think that you completely misunderstood. Watch it again. I think that she was saying that as a little girl, she was wondering what mommy was doing wrong and that was part of the hurt. That's a reaction that's normal. Daddy's little girl is mad at mommy for making daddy go away. Then, they grow up and are pained that they thought that way. It's a part of the pain that they blamed mommy.
@maryJR I'm not surprised one bit, how Melissa added her father's "cheating" to her book. She'll ride off of the coattails of ANYONE, in order to rise to the top! If she is "all about family," and her father was the "greatest man on earth," then she should have respected her deceased father and left him out of the book....PERIOD! Why bring up the cheating now? Just to sell a book?! And why did she say "I'm not writing a cookbook, I'm writing an advice book." WHO ASKED HER THAT?! It only proved to me that Melissa is in competition with Teresa! Even Joey had the nerve to tell HIS OWN SISTER she doesn't cook, when I've seen Teresa cook MANY TIMES with her daughters! It's so obvious Melissa, Joey, and the rest of the crew are on a mission to tarnish Teresa! They are sickening!
Melissa adding her "cheating father" to her book, will not make me buy it anymore today, than I would have yesterday! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! "I'm actually writing an advice book," how laughable! I'll take advice from my 6 year old before I seek any type of advice from Melissa and Joey! They way they attack Teresa is simply DISGUSTING and I'm tired of watching them!
I didn't take it as Melissa disrespecting her mom. I felt she was saying that as a young girl and not understanding exactly what was going on, she wondered what her mom had done to make her dad stay away. Maybe she didn't realize at that time that her dad was w/other women when he was gone. I'm sure that now, as an adult, and a wife/mom herself, Melissa knows the true dynamics of the situation and doesn't blame her mom at all.
Melissa, my dad was also unfaithful & it caused a lot of problems in our family. I remember the humiliation my mom felt & even now that my dad is gone, my siblings and I still feel that resentment towards him. Frankly, though, he wasn't much of a loving dad to me so I didn't have your same situation.
I'm glad for you that you had a wonderful relationship w/your dad and that he was so good to you. Remember those times & try not to think of your dad's weaknesses. We all have our sins/shortcomings. I'm also glad that your own husband is faithful (as is mine, thank God). Enjoy your beautiful family and best wishes on your new book. :-)
its simple her dad is decrease, its not polite to bring up harsh memory of any family member, who want to remember that part of their life. And frankly i don't believe her and don't think she will be truthful. Melissa you are boring, joe i think you are a wonderful husband and father and really cute, but i pray that you and your parents and sister could mend before the wound get so big it can't heel.
I might have heard incorrectly but I thought she said she would come home and see her mom curled up in a ball crying wondering what she had done wrong. Like I said I might have heard her incorrectly but I don't think she was blaming her mother or putting her down. I believe at that age she was just confused as to why her dad was doing the things he did, she said he was a great provider and father but as a husband he wasn't the best.