Ohmmm! The Jersey 'Wives opened their third eyes and discovered that the Arizona "spa" they flew to for Melissa's birthday was more like another healing retreat than they may have bargained for. But surely this group won't have any problem enjoying quiet reflection, right?
OK, perhaps not.
As everyone got prepped and packed for the big trip (not yet quite aware of the zen-sational fun that awaited them), Teresa made sure to pack plenty of new and dazzling bikinis with the help of her girls.
Clearly they're more in favor of a less sparkly, less chuckalina-focused look. (But Teresa's no stranger to a skimpy suit as our Before They were Housewives gallery proves.)
Once they arrived (or at least once the Gorgas, Wakiles, and Giudices arrived), they were greeted with smoothies and silence.
Not exactly this group's forte.
It didn't get much better for Richie (or should we say Debbie Downer), as he whined about everyone else having a better room, leaving him in a not very calm state.
And in the spirit of serenity and peace, everyone did their best to convey to Rich that he should take it easy and relax.
Seriously, how can you have so many issues when you're on vacation? Joe Giudice managed to find a comfortable rock for goodness sake!
Although having a bat flying around in your room would be reasonable grounds for a complaint. Does all manner of wildlife just fly/crawl in? There was a serious lack of windows and doors (at least for my city dweller sensibilities). I would have taken Caroline's approach to the situation:
Then in true Housewives style, the group had a session with an energist/medium, and honestly this is probably the toughest group of Housewives to try and impress with otherworldly activities. And maybe all the skeptics led to her rather, um, rough start. Who can blame her when she looked at her audience only to see this:
But then, rather ironically, the first person she convinced was perennial wise guy Rich!
I think everyone watching shed a tear when he revealed that he hasn't even been able to look at his wedding video for 12 years because he can't bear to see his dad. (You can see some of his wedding photos here.)And then Kathy also got a cosmic message from her father, which had her shaking her hands faster than the speed of sound and Rosie making some seriously menacing faces (I was seriously worried about the medium for a moment).
But it was all good, and Kathy got some closure on some of her unresolved issues with her dad.
And then Joe and Rich put a cannoli on Al while he slept because why not?
Where did they even GET a cannoli out there?
The following day it's off for a hike (sans a very sick Melissa, who is evidently using Jersey's patented sun tan therapy to try and recover). But of course it's not your average outdoorsy hike, and it ends with a burning ceremony in the desert where they all burn the things they want to be rid of (surprisingly no one said bats).
Under the hot Arizona sun however Teresa had a moment when it was her turn and brought everyone up with her in a sort of peace offering/lets stay united and happy move, which truly was nice to see.
Maybe all the Jersey crew needed all along was a barrage of therapy sessions! Teresa even brought Jacqueline to tears in a little one on one powwow where they agreed that they missed each other.
As far as the karma comment goes, Teresa took to her blog to explain what she meant:
I do want clear up the Karma comment: I meant nothing by it, I certainly wasn't referring to Jacqueline's son, and I don't even believe in Karma.
Next week the healing continues, which means just about everyone will be in tears. (Even Al!)