Well, we are four episodes in, and the batter thickens... And what an episode it was! This episode was RIFE with double standards, selective standards, ridiculous standards…in other words: “no standards." Episode 4 was brought to you by the letter H. Used in a sentence: This Hoedown was loaded to the hilt with Handbags and Hypocrisy. Meanwhile, in Margeland, I was traveling. I love to travel for business. It’s fabulous to meet my partners face to face, visit their stores, and see the reaction to the products I’m launching. And after seeing the episode, boy am I glad I was in Vegas. I’d like to say what happens in Tenafly stays in Tenafly, but…let’s be serious. This is just the beginning…or the continuation of a three-week-long beginning that never ends.
You really got an insight into Legendary Marge Sr. and her legendary antics last week. Something did seem off with her, so I knew a little poking and prodding would unearth the reasons why she was shirking her responsibilities at work. (At least she goes in the other room to do her sexting! #sexygrandma) I guess you see where I, TMI Marge, gets it from now too, you know? Nothing like discussing with your mom how she is not afraid of, um, “things.” And she doesn’t mean big pom-pom earrings or neon-colored heels. I’ll just leave it at that. Either way, I’m so happy you guys are getting to know Marge Sr. better. She is #RandomRalph, #ADDConversation, and a true #OneAndOnly. That’s why I call her the Legendary Marge Sr. (I mean, is there a better way to put it?)
Being in business with family is super stressful—try coming to work with Marge Sr. every day—but it can also be so rewarding when your successes are celebrated with the people you love most. My life really has no sense of work/life balance as my office is in my home and boundaries are easily blurred. Making time for each other outside of working is a constant top of conversation, because it can sometimes be a constant struggle. Joe constantly complains that he has a house full of women ‘round the clock, but secretly I think he likes the idea of running his own pseudo-Playboy Mansion here in the Jerz! I had no doubt the Gorgas’ restaurant would be a tremendous success, and I’m just so happy I now get to enjoy a lifetime supply of vodka sauce on hand! Talk about #Winning! (Believe me, it’s delicious! And you know I love to mooch a meal…)
I love Melissa and Joe’s fantasy recap of how we met. It wasn’t quite the sordid introduction they imagined, but it was fun to hear! Glad they think of us as such a sexy couple! Hey, SuperJoe…we still got it, baby! Joe and I getting together was somewhat scandalous, but as I have said before, no one leaves a happy marriage. It’s also true that scandal lasts for a second, but true love lasts a lifetime. Joe and I were meant to be together, and that kind of love cannot be denied, regardless of boundaries, obstacles, and whatever gossip was and is going around. It was worth fighting for, and we really have got our Happy Ever After.
I think this episode really showed how life is hard for all moms, like Teresa struggling with parenting alone and the stresses that brings. I found it impossible not to spoil my kids. When you love them so much and they are so cute, it’s borderline impossible! I have so much love and respect for Teresa, I cannot even imagine how she keeps it together, let alone writes best sellers. Siggy is struggling with her son going to college and becoming a more independent young man in his own right. I experienced this myself. I went from a houseful of crazy kids at all hours to a quiet empty home in a matter of weeks. It was truly hard to get accustomed to, and I can empathize with Siggy on that front. Thank God I have Marge Sr. and the Macbeth girls around all the time, so the house is always full and lively…and yes, sometimes loud.
I do have a word of advice for Siggy, though: If I talked about my son's girlfriend's “cookie” that way, my son would ignore me too. And he'd probably never look at cookies the same way again. #CookieMonster much?
Can we take a moment to acknowledge that Siggy was afraid how I would treat her in front of my friends when I hosted my party? Remember that? She imagined I’d do something awful like humiliate her in front of a room of people from my world. Well, I’m beginning to understand that being ironic is one of her talents, and that’s so evident by the contrast in the way she treated her guests versus the way I treated mine. That kind of irony speaks volumes. So many volumes, in fact, it qualifies as more than irony—it’s downright sadistic. I served sliders, waffle fries, and cotton candy martinis; she served shame on Stering silver-plated platters in front of a live studio audience. And, to top it off, the dessert was loud, soggy, and served on her dining room floor. She hit that floor faster than the cake Teresa flung, but she won’t be talking about that for weeks, will she? Watching that was pretty flooring, if you’ll excuse the phrase, but only because I saw how her standards were doubling over again and again. To be honest, I am amazed Melissa stayed for the rest of the party. All that was missing was Siggy locking Melissa in a cage and having her guests pelt her with designer tomatoes. If I had been subject to a public shaming like this, I’m not sure I could’ve stayed to look at purses, handbags, makeup, and play nice. Melissa became the epitome of elegance and graciousness in that very moment.
I can’t help but wonder if Siggy would’ve found the chutzpah to do that if Teresa had been one of the many shocked bystanders in her living room. Something tells me she wouldn’t.
Once the party went al fresco, they really turned up the heat and aimed the skewers at Danielle for the next grilling. Believe her or not (I do), Danielle showed remarkable restraint and class. In the end, she was a guest in someone’s home. But, like the last time, when she wasn’t being called “trash,” she was being called worse. Elegance and poise never showed up at Siggy’s homes—not in Boca and not in Jersey.
During the scorching from Dolores, Danielle kept it calm, cool, and collected. That doesn’t smack of guilt to me—that smacks of confidence. Yes, I have no doubt Danielle’s telling the truth. Dolores’ eyes shooting wide open and that bark of hers is what seemed suspicious, if not obviously guilty. That’s something about defensive behavior that always signals truth: When someone goes into such a panic or a meltdown, like a cat in a corner…guilty. You don’t have to be a genius or a mother or a scrappy brand from the streets to see that. You just need one eye and one functioning ear to see who got their feathers unexpectedly ruffled. I was completely taken aback to see a beautiful woman like Dolores escalate into that vicious frenzy so fast. But something I’m slowly realizing is that Dolores is not quite what she seems on the surface. There’s a lot more than meets the eye, and though she may be a strikingly beautiful woman with presence, she has the trappings of a vicious vixen hidden underneath. She loves to a stir a pot, but when she sees the first challenge, her pot boileth over. I’m onto her, let’s put it that way. I see where she’s going, and it’s simply not a place worth heading. Now I see why and how she makes the friends she keeps.
P.S. Happy Halloween to you and yours and I hope you all have a blast!
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