Dear Gloria,
I love my mom with all my heart.I just wish she were stronger.
There are 4 sisters. I divorced my hub of 19 years due to his jealousy and insecurities. I was basically exiled from my sisters. They do not include me in anything. 2 of them literally do not speak to me. My ex turned my older son against me. I live withmy 19 year old and my wonderful new hub,but my heart is broken. I don't know what to do. I try to move on buts it so hard. They are bullies and my mom is intimidated by them. Help!! advice please!

Dear Gloria,

You are such a classy lady and the epitome of the Jewish mother, I just had to tell you how wonderful I think you are! I am glad to see that you had a very benign comment about what is going on between your adult daughter and another adult friend, it's a crying shame that this very personal problem is being played out on what I used to think of as a very enjoyable and entertaining tv show. I especially loved seeing Jill interact with you and her father that season in the Hamptons. I, like one of your other writers here has virtually no relationship with my mother. It's painful, more so than I can put into words, the only thing more painful is when I try to actually have a relationship with her. I have found that it's less hurtful to the both of us to "talk about the weather" and only when it's absolutely necessary. What I wouldn't give to have been born a little Jewish girl on Long Island and been raised the always classy and fabulous Gloria!
All my best to you and yours, May God Bless you all!

Dear Gloria,
I am married, have 4 beautiful step-children, and 3 grandsons born in the last 8 months. I am 51 years young. I am thrilled to be a grandmother, but my step children have refused to allow me to be a grandmother to their sons. I say that because after each birth, my husband and I drove 4 hours to see them bringing love, gifts, and ourselves. When we arrived, I was so happy and oohed and awed over their baby. I asked to hold each baby but the girls have refused. They can't give me or their dad a reason why I am not allowed to touch or hold the infants. AS you can imagine, I felt very hurt
and cried all the way home. The children spent significant time with their dad and I as they grew up. I love these kids so much. They said they loved me too. What should I do now? I am fearful of trying again and getting hurt so badly.
Please help me with your loving wisdom.
Thank you Gloria.

Hi Gloria!

My 16 year old son has moved in with my husband's 35 year old son and family. I thought that he just needed a little time away. But, it has been 2 months that he has been away. I have seen him only a few times and do not talk to him unless I call him. Most of the time, he does not return my calls. He said that he will come back home if I stop drinking wine. My husband has permitted this living arrangement and it's making me sad, depressed, and very lonely. I love my son so much. He's my everything. Yes, I probably do drink too much...but,I don't think he should give me that ultimatum. Also, My husband and I are heading for divorce very soon. It's such a terrible situation. Also, our financial situation is awful. I miss my son, but I believe that they're all against me. What should I do?

Dear Gloria,

The psychic Jennifer your daughter Jill goes to seems to be very good. Is there contact information or full name you could give to reach her?

Dear Gloria,

I don't like my in-laws and vice versa. Recently my husband's sister's daughter told my son that their grandparents don't like me. Should I confront my husband's sister about her daughter's comments? His sister is my hair stylist. Business and personal is seperate. Few years ago they called my home and played a prank on us by pretending to be another woman who is having an affair with my husband. She used her older daughter for this prank, and her younger daughter told my son their grandparents didn't like me.
When she opened her salon she didn't tell or invite me, we found out through his older sister. I guess i looked past it because I go to her now. Should I confront her or find a new hair stylist which is not easy to do?

Gloria,
How about a show of your own? You're fabulous!

Lisa - Mary Ann said it best. Her advice is sound, so please listen to it. I walked in your shoes many years ago, so I can speak from experience. Please see a counselor, so you are not dealing with anger all the time. I did, and am in a place of peace. I realized my mother would never change and never own what she put me through, and realized I had to change, and I did. Do not let this woman rule your life - own your own life. Enjoy your son like I enjoy my children, who were raised completely the opposite of how I was raised. They are both in their thirties, college graduates, in their chosen professions, happy, well adjusted, funny and compassionate people. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Dear Gloria,
During sophomore year I made the huge mistake of hooking up with a friend. Right after the incident everyone in my school found out. I was so embarrassed. People gave me nicknames and shouted them out in the hallways and classrooms when I walked by. Now, a year and a half later, people shout out obscene things to me every single day. Guys think that they can treat me however they want. I've made it clear that they need to stop, but nothing has worked. How do I deal with this problem?
Thanks,
erbear

In response to Lisa and her situation with her mother. I also had a very volatile and tumultuous relationship with my mother growing up. Much of how you describe your mother sounds like mine. I also went through 11 years of therapy that only made me feel worse when I would leave the office, because it was always stirring up those emotions. The point is to come to terms with what has happened and move on. We cannot live in the past to have happiness in the future.
The turning point for me was when my therapist asked me what I want from my mother. I said I want acknowledgment of the pain she had caused me. My therapist flat out told me I will never get that. That hit me like a brick wall. When I realized this, I realized that why I was still hurting so long after the fact was because I truly, no matter what love my mother. Only the ones we love the most can hurt us the most. I came to the conclusion that I had to accept that my mother did not have the capacity at this point in her life to accept responsibility for her actions in the past that she cannot change. I have sorrow in my heart that as a human being she for whatever reason is unable to evolve to a deeper level of insight into herself. I don't think about the past anymore, I just try to make the most of what time I do have with her. I am able to do this because she no longer has the power to hurt me. I don't allow her that power. If something hurtful is said I simply state that I have been hurt, that I love her and would like to move forward. This has been working very well for me with my relationship with my mother and hopefully I will have many years in the future to form the relationship that I always wanted with her. Accepting her for who she is good and bad.

Gloria,
You are the best! We love you and can't get enough of you.
All the best,
Ed

Hi Lisa,
I am so sorry to hear that you have been dealing with this toxic situation your entire life. As usual Gloria is right on, it will destroy you if you let it. Unfortunately you must accept your mother and her illness for what it is. You will never have the relationship you are looking for with her so don't beat your head against this wall any longer. She is not and never will be capable of it. Make peace with yourself, your mother and your past. Then set the boundary with it and her and by all means make her respect it. I know all too well what this situation and illness can do to a healthy person if you let it. Also get into counseling and stay there. You need the outside perspective on a regular basis to keep you sane. I wish you all the best and god bless you.
Mary Ann