Ask Gloria

Real Housewife of New York City Jill Zarin's mother, Gloria, responds to reader comments and questions.

Aug 4, 20090

Gloria!

Firrst of  all....You should be a housewife!

I'm wanting a  new tattoo and I'm afraid of my stupid parents. My Dad and my sister are just  kind of strict. My sister more than my father. My mother passed when I was 8  so she kind of took over. I'm 24 years old but I'm worried about what they'll  think. Still concerned about their approval. Is it time to grow up, grab my  balls and just do it? Or is the "respect" I have for them supposed to follow  me indefinatley?

Joey c. in El Paso

 

Hi, Thanks for writing. First of all, I agree with Dad. Tattooing is both dangerous and most of the time quite gross. It is an impractical thing to do, so give it a lot more thought.  I think you are angry and depressed. I understand that you are having a hard time living with dad and sis, but that is because you cannot afford a place of your own. Get a job, go to school. Become proactive in your life. There are many times in our lives when we wish we could do things differently, etc.  You are young and strong.  You can do anything you set your mind on.  Go to it!

Gloria

34 comments
martag
martag

Gloria - I had so wished I could have seen you here in Pittsburgh, but it was not meant to be. You have raised such wonderful daughters, and that is such a tribute to you!! When I see you I so miss my "Jewish Mother", but you bring back the memories. I used to like Bethenny so much, until what she did to your Jill and even more to you. The slap in your face was as hard as it was to your Jill. I cannot forgive that. Gloria, you area precious, wonderful person and Jill and her daughter will learn so much from you. Ally - how precious is she and lucky to have a wonderful Bubbe. My grandson is my life, so I know. Carry on!!!

Huera
Huera

Gloria

Didn't you teach your daughter that you can't lose a friend you never had. So if Jill judged Bethany so hard, then she really was never a true friend. Bethany can't lose something she never had!!!!!

Bethany is lucky to find out early in the game that Jill was not, and never will be a good friend. A Good friend is there through thick and thin and does not notice when one is absent without finding out the reason first. Jill should of found out why Bethany could not be there first and then understood her. We can't always be by someone's side. Also beware of Luann, I think Bethany hit the nail on the head when she called her a snake. Luann is certainly jeolous of Bethany or she would of let them hash it out, and I did not view that as an ambush. Tell your daughter to grow up, she is not in high school.

Also I ask you now, that you will be on the tour for your book, like Bethany was at the time of Bobby's illness, will you drop everything on your tour to say come to Bethany's side if she needs you? I really don't think so, nor would Bethany demand it like Jill did.

Appalled
Appalled

Dear Gloria,

Aren't you concerned about the fact that you and your daughters are perpetuating ugly stereotypes about women in general, and Jewish women in particular? The money-grubbing attitude, the disrespect for men. Aren't you ashamed of putting these ideas back out into popular culture, after people have worked so very hard to dispel them?

Skileahy
Skileahy

Dear Gloria,

I really value your advice and I'm really at a loss so I thought I'd ask for advice. I recently broke off an engagement and I am a complete mess. I feel physically sick (stomach pain, headaches, insomnia), I have nightmares all the time, and I just cry all of the time. I don't know how to put one foot in front of the other at this point. Please help :( Thank you so so so much.

Skileahy
Skileahy

Dear Gloria,

I really value your advice and I'm really at a loss so I thought I'd ask for advice. I recently broke off an engagement and I am a complete mess. I feel physically sick (stomach pain, headaches, insomnia), I have nightmares all the time, and I just cry all of the time. I don't know how to put one foot in front of the other at this point. Please help :( Thank you so so so much.

GloriaLove
GloriaLove

I loveeee you Gloria! You are such a wonderful woman. Jill is lucky to have you.

sherry griecoViewer
sherry griecoViewer

dear gloria, you're great. no wonder jill is so great. everyone should listen to your advice. i know it's nothing new; but in this world of text,twitter, voicemail,e-mail etc.. we all forget to take a moment and breathe; smell the roses count your blessings and so on. thankyou for being real. please stay the way you are.

meri tage
meri tage

Gloria You are a true "mensch". Your family is wonderful. They are warm, generous and intelligent women. I have watched the show since day one. Tonight is the first night I wrote to Jill. Bethenny and you. If Bethenny truly adopted you as her Mom. This woman desperately needs a groubded adult to help her during all of her life changes.

It is difficult to believe she is dropping the Zarins, I had a similar experience this year. A friend of 20 plus years drained me of every emotion before, after and during her divorce. I gave 900 percent. She just dropped me, when I asked what haooened,

It has been so painful. I can just imagine how Jill feels after opening her home and heart to Bethanny..It is incredulous to think that the Zarins will not attend her wedding.

Your wisdom is most apprecisatedm

Marsha damian

joann cov
joann cov

TIis is the first time i have every gone on this or any other tv blog. i adore the show and you and your daughter. From the coming attractions it will break my heart if jill and bethanny are no longer close friends. If possible are u alloewd to say if they are still friends. If they are not, I hope that you will still be a surroate mother to Bethany.

Perplexed in Philadelphia
Perplexed in Philadelphia

Dear Gloria,

I have been with my boyfriend 5 1/2 years. I am 26 years old now, and while I thought I knew everything at 20, I now realize I didn't, and still don't. I think we are growing apart, as I am not the girl that he met over 5 years ago. He had always said that he wanted to get married and have a family with me. Now, he says that we are not married because I haven't "proven" myself to him. The topic of finances is a mine field, which always results in a horrible argument. His father passed away 18 months ago, and my boyfriend is attempting to purchase the house from the estate. A year ago, he wanted me to purchase with him. When I asked him about getting married, he said that I was getting ahead of myself, and that I was "demanding". 8 months ago, I received a raise at work [25% salary increase]. He said, "Now, no one else will pay you that kind of money, so you are stuck there". In my heart, I feel that I need to leave this man. But I keep getting sucked into his warped reality. I always end up believing that everything is my fault, and that I have not tried hard enough. If I was your daughter, what advice would you give to me???

PandaMama
PandaMama

Dear Gloria, mother extraordinare, My youngest child,a lovely daughter, is a senior in high school and will be leaving for college shortly in August. What words of advice would you impart?

She has always been fortunate enought to have her big brothers around to protect her, but she will venture far and away from her family.

She endured three operations with the most recent in June and from this experience she created a social network internet support group for recovering teenagers and hosts over 245 members internationally. So she has a giving heart.

Keep up the great work! Happy Holidays! XOXO Lisa

Bubbabox
Bubbabox

I loved you on the show - when you adopted Bethenny. Jill is a great woman and its evident she had you as a mother. I love your blog and your loving caring insights.

Joey Quick
Joey Quick

Hey Glow you rock and your daughter off the show does to. You remind me of my italian grandmother that lives in flordia now. Anyway your dau..... jill is beautiful and i seen why when i watch the show when you visited her. My question is when is there gonna be a time in my life when this old country boy from wallace sc gets to meet yall beautiful funny outgoin women from new york? Anyway love the show and yall are so wonderful....yall rock love joey lee quick

mmc
mmc

Hi Gloria, You have two wonderful daughters in Jill and her sister.Even though they like expensive things(especially Jill) they have good hearts. They must get that from you .Jill always was my favorite housewife and as extravagent as she is sometimes she has a giving and caring nature with her charities and with her friends.I hope we see more of you and your Husband next season.I love most of your advice because you tell it like it is.But you do it with kindness and love. My Mother was like that, she said what she had to say, but I knew she loved me and wanted me to do my best.She died in 1995 and not one day goes by that I don't think of her.I have three grown sons now and two Grandchildren and I tell them the truth but always with love and caring.

Sharon Chicago
Sharon Chicago

wow Gloria so glad you have a blog. I really enjoyed your episodes on Bravo and your good advice to Bethany. Hope you are on more. You have a wonderful family. Blessings to you and yours, Sharon (age 63) ;o)

leslieann
leslieann

dEAR GLORIA.. YOU BRING SUCH CLASS AND BEAUTY TO THE SHOW I TRULY ADMIRE YOU WISDOM AND ELAGANCE .. JILL HAD MENTIONED IN ONE OF HER BLOGS THAT YOU SUFFERD THROUGH A BOUT OF PANCREATITIS .I JUST WENT THROUGH THAT ORDEAL MY SELF AND ALSO HAD TO HAVE MY GAULBLADDER OUT ... I HOPE YOUR FEELIN MUCH BETTER IM STILL A LITTLE WEEK FROM THE SURGERY BUT HOPE TO MAKE A FULL RECOVERY IT REALLY MADE MY UNDERSTAND NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR HEALTH WISHING YOU AND JILL HEALTH AND HAPPINESS!!!! LESLIEANN

#1 Nana from Maryland
#1 Nana from Maryland

Dear Gloria, I LOVE YOU!!! I hope and pray that Bravo realizes that you are the real star of the show...and offers you a regular spot on the Real Housewives of NYC! I Love You, Jill, and Bethany!

Hugs and Blessings

Nana

Viewer
Viewer

Dear Gloria,

Jill and her sister are so blessed to have a wonderful mom like you. You make mothering look so easy and in particular, the advice you gave to Bethany was so heartful and loving that I can only wish to learn from you and hope you will continue on the show.

Lori-Ann
Lori-Ann

Dear Gloria, Really loved you on the show. You must be very proud of your daughter.

My questions is how do I handle inlaws that call twice a year, never see their grandson or phone to see how he or their son is. When I do see them it's hard to be polite. Let me know what you think.

Thanks.

Viewer
Viewer

Um, I TOTALLY agree that Gloria is a BREATH OF FRESH AIR!! Someone like her is long overdue for the times we are currently living in. She is straight up old school. Finally somebody with some common sense. I love that you are just a simple basic woman and you are not trying to be something you're not. There are so many fake and phony things out there, and Gloria aint one of them! I'm glad someone has the decency to come out and try to give some real wisdom to a culture that has lost all touch with reality.

Did I mention how much I love Jill?!! And yes, I'm following her on twitter, lol...

California-Sandra
California-Sandra

Hello Gloria: Just wanted to tell you that Jill is my favorite out of all of the Housewives on each show. She is truly outspoken, but without Malice. She appears to be very down to earth and very blessed, YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB for she is not snooty.

Amy
Amy

Gloria,

please answer this. I have been dating a nice jewish man for 3 months. He told me he doesnt like a title as in "exclusive". We see each other every weekend and once during the week. I would like to be in an "exclusive" relationship. What should i do? He is 60 and I am 52. We are both divorced and I have 2 grown children. He is a very successful man. We have a great time together but I would like to be considered his "girlfriend". Please answer...............

lorry
lorry

Dear Gloria - I often think of the wonderful conversation you and Bethany had Jill's kitchen. It made me weep. My mother recently died and i miss her terribly. We had a challenging relationship but I loved and respected her very much. My daughter (one & only child) recently left for college and I fear our relationship has waned. Up to her departure we fought frequently and it seemed I couldn't do anything right. I am increadibly proud of her and respect her for her accomplishments. but I fear she mistakes my saddness as resentment for her departure. A mother and daughter relationship is like none other, and any advice you can offer in helping me maintain a healthy bond with my daughter would be greatly appreciated. Best wishes to you and your family, Lorry

lafil
lafil

Dear Gloria I have a friend who has had a VERY hard life. She grew up with a sick sibling (from birth), her family had very little money, and her parents often fought. She was a bit of a rebel growing up, but her parents hardly noticed (even bought her alchohol) since they were always so busy with their situation. She is the strongest person I've ever known. She is always taking care of others and never herself. She rarely shows emotion and hardly communicates if she is upset. She just bottles it up and puts away. I've seen it play out in our friendship, her marriage and basically every aspect of her life. She was basically born to be an adult. Recently her sibling passed away. I know its going to be a hard road for her. I have mentioned the idea of therapy to her before but she hasn't taken me seriously. I really think this is the time she will 100% need. How can I convince her to go and let it all out with a therapist?? This has been bottled up inside her for almost 30 yrs! Thanks!

Duane
Duane

Dear Gloria...your daughter and I both have something very special in common....we both have fabulous and very smart mother's name GLORIA! Thank you for raising such a classy woman. My question is, I met a new man this past July 4th...he is very sweet and generous but very complex. The problem is he says all the right things but his actual follow thru of his actions and words tend to never come to life. I own my own business and truly don't need another man to take care of me. I'm just looking for someone to love me and someone who has my back and will love me back as much as I love him. I send him a card that might have been a little too much about how I feel about him. Do you think I may been too forthcoming with my feelings too soon??? Please help me Gloria make the right decision. Duane

Viewer
Viewer

Hi Gloria, I hope that you and your family are doing well. I was wondering what advice you would have for someone who lacks some self confidence because of bullying/drama that has gone on in the past?

Hope to see you next season.

Viewer
Viewer

Hi, Gloria.. You are a wonderful lady and we love your family. Wish all of the housewife shows were like the NYC.. the others are getting very tacky and obscene. The NYC show is the classiest and the only one left that shows real wives/mothers/career women and their lives.. the rest are getting so crude and mean and over the top with money/gold digging young women.. I hope that the NYC will keep its high class.. esp. your daughter...

Viewer
Viewer

Hey Gloria! I absolutely adore you and your children (I included Bethenny).

My parents divorced when I was six and my father has never really been in my life. I have always been very close to my mom and my sister. My sister went to college in my hometown and she just graduated. She found a job and moved very far away. I just graduated from high school and I decided on a school about 4 hours away. However, I am very concerned about my mom. This is the first time in 25 years she'll be living alone with not even a pet as comfort. What can I do to make her a little less lonely and me feel a little less guilty?

the reef
the reef

hey gloria. just wanted to say i loved your advice to bethanny. im 22 but feel like im 30 and already got my life set because i grew up early. my mother and i have indentical personaltys.shes 50 and still is single.i feel like im following her footsteps and i feel im going to end up like her. i follow/followed her dating habbits. do you beleive that our parents realationships are a direct influence on our future realtionships?

JJ
JJ

Hi Gloria,

I have been engaged for 2 1/2 years and have no wedding plans. Every time I talk to my fiancee about it he has other projects on his hands right now and he tells me to wait a few more months... well that few more months turned into 2 1/2 years. Also, he his two sons.. one in college and one in high school and every weekend we are all together, I never get to spend alone time with my fiancee and he sees nothing wrong with this. Am I being selfish about his kids (I don't have any of my own) and when we are together they are constantly disrespecting their father and I was not raised to disrespect anyone let alone my own father. Do you think I should just hang in there and wait or should I break off this relationship and move forward?

Thank you and I just love your family!

Erika
Erika

Gloria, I absolutely adore you and wish so much I had a mother or confidant like you. The few episodes I've seen you in I learned so much!!! Thank you. I so hope to not only see more shows with the "girls" but they MUST have you in more of them!!!

Love you bunches!!!

XOXOXOXO

Erika

kimberly
kimberly

dear gloria_ you are so great on the show!!! oh and by the way i think you are such a classy lady!! i feel you and i have a lot in common! anyway i am a nurse, and ive always wanted to see new york! anyway nice talking to you!! kim smith