Ask Gloria

Jill Zarin's mother, Gloria, responds to reader comments and questions.

Mar 29, 20100

Have a question for Jill Zarin's mother, Gloria? Post your questions in the comments below and check back next week for Gloria's widsom and advice!

Dear Gloria,
Several months ago my partner of two years ended our relationship saying that, although he still loved me, he was no longer "in love" with me; I was devastated. But as time has passed we seem to have grown even closer. We live only a few minutes away from each other, so we're constantly together and always enjoy each other's company. All signs indicate that we're together again, but I'm too afraid to ask if we are, for fear that he'll say no. Should I initiate a conversation, or wait for him to make the first move?
Best Wishes,
Hopeful

Hi,
I know this answer will upset you, but you asked me for advice and I must be truthful. This young man appears to be quite selfish. On one hand, he told you of his platonic feelings, and on the other he takes up most of your time. Time that you may need to meet other people. I don't see this relationship moving forward in the direction you want. You need to reiterate your feelings and then you will find out his true intentions. For your sake, I hope that this will not hurt you again. I hope your future will be a happy one.
Gloria

Gloria, you are such a strong and powerful woman. I have been having such a difficult time with my youngest daughter it's been difficult to talk with her. Can you give any advice?
Luella

Luella,
Thanks for writing. You haven't told me your daughter's age. If she is a teenager, it's tyical for her to be secretive, uncommunicative. It goes with the territory. If, however, she is and adult, perhaps it would be appropriative to meet for the day. Ask her what she would prefer to do for the day, just the two of you. She just might open up a bit. Keep trying. She will come around.
Good luck,
Gloria

Hi Gloria,
What would you do if someone showed up for dinner at your home 45 minutes earlier than the time you had agreed on? Would you confront the situation? This happened to me recently and I thought it was completely unthoughtful on their part. Thanks in advance for your advice.
Emily

97 comments
Norma
Norma

Wise woman,lucky Jill to have you as her mom.

kathi J
kathi J

How sad that your husband"punches you like a man" to the point that the left side of your body is not healed and you refer to him as CRANKY! You dont need to see a counselor, you need to see a police officer and a lawyer. Why would you even want to attempt to salvage a relationship with a man who beats you up? It is beyond me why any woman would want to stay in an abusive relationship. When he is gone, pack a bag and get the heck out, before he permanently injures you or kills you. Then go to counseling and find out why you think you would have tried to repair your marriage.

jean smith
jean smith

Hello i am not sure why you have a blog on this website?? are you part of the house wive team??? or on the show...... I'm just not sure

Can all the housewive parent's have a blog on the bravo website??

Thank you!

jean smith
jean smith

i am not sure why you have a blog on this website??? are you on the show???

Renate Cosgrove
Renate Cosgrove

Gloria, I think that Jill is so lucky and blessed to have a mother like you!! There are so many in this world that aren't lucky.!! Your an amazing, exquisite, honorable woman!! Your also a blessed woman! I wished that my mom would have been like you! I just want to blog you and let you know what a treasure of a woman that you are and how truely blessed and fortunate your childern are to have a wise wonderful woman such as you for a mother!! There are so many in this world that aren't as luckly or blessed!! May GOD keep you, May GOD bless you, and May Gods Face shine upon you..May you have a blessed full life! You deserve it!! Also, I would love to see Jill and Bethany's friendship be mended.. them two had a really true, one of a kind friendship that are only read in books.. Gloria, you take care..May your family live full blessed lives! Thank You for taking the time to read this blog

aWRETTA
aWRETTA

Hi Gloria, I know everyone calls you vy your first name but to me it sounds disrepectful. I love your advice you are always right on the ticket, I don't know why they don't give you a spot on the show I think you would be a refreshing change, and you seem more like a housewife than any or the others, GET WITH IT BRAVO.

vic4me
vic4me

Gloria, You should advise your daughter Jill on how to behave like a Big Girl...bad behavior makes Jill look very ugly.

Viewer1234
Viewer1234

Hi Gloria,

I love my husband. I think he loves me, but he is quite cranky sometimes. Whatever I want to discuss with him, he see it as an argument or a complaint. When he got mad, he punched me quite hard physically like I was a man. My left side of my body is not quite well now. Because I am lefty, my left shoulder, my left ribs and my wrist got hurt. I worry that I am going to be disabled sooner or later, if we keep fighting like that anymore. I told him that we should see a family counselor, but he turned it down because it is quite expensive for us.

good heavens
good heavens

Gloria where have you been? Are you afraid to return to this column or just embarrassed by Jill's behavior? I was looking forward to your advice column.

tk
tk

Gloria, parents are NOT responsible for their adult children's behaviour. Too bad some people don't understand it.

Janet E.
Janet E.

Gloria, your daughter is an absolute vile person. Please help her, she needs your direction and guidance. That is, unless you have given her your advise already. Scary thought!

bmtrose
bmtrose

i love how down to earth you are ty for the entertainment. i think you should have your own show you and your daughters.

shirley from Baltimore
shirley from Baltimore

Dear Gloria,

I am so glad that Jill has you for her MOM. Yes, she is strong willed, but God love her she is a daughter to be proud of.

Shirley

Jill in CA
Jill in CA

Gloria you got so close to Bethany over the summer when you two visited with Jill. Do you still have any kind of relationship with Bethany???? Did you ever try and help them mend their relationship???

Hanging on to Mom
Hanging on to Mom

Dear Gloria My mother (79) hs lived with my husband & I for some 20years. Her home is with us. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 5 years ago. We want to keep her with us for as long as posible. At this time I am able to take her to work with me. My husband has been great about the added stress alzheimer will cause. We have worked through alot of the added problems. As time goes by my Mom looses more of herself. She can be a danger to herself and our pets if she is not watched closely. She can not ever be alone. When will I know when it would be time to give up and place her in a nursing home? Thanks Hanging on

Ms Sally
Ms Sally

Gloria Are You Judge Judy's sister and or family memeber You look just like her??

Fancypants
Fancypants

Hi Gloria, S

I have a 21 year old daughter that has decided that all of her problems in life are because of me. She used to be a really sweet girl. I have done nothing other than love her her entire life. Have I made mistakes? Sure. Do I deserve to be 'outed' by her? No way. My question is should I just back off for now? She obviously wants no contact from me. I call about twice a month and leave a voicemail that I am thinking of her and love her. She never calls me back and I end up getting my heart broken again. Should I just stop and let her take the lead.

Thanks!

SheilaB723
SheilaB723

Gloria, I had a critical illness in January. A friend of mine for several years lives in a nearby State, about 3.5 hours from my home. She has not phoned or emailed me since she found out about my illness in early February. I am hurt and so disappointed. Should I contact her and tell her how I feel or just let her go.

You will never guess who I really am
You will never guess who I really am

Dear Gloria & MyPointofVu&, I have been married for 38 years. We have two sons. The oldest is on his 2nd marriage & the youngest is 9 years younger and is single. I have come extremely close to leaving my husband because of the oldest and not just because of his two choices of what he considers a good wife. My husband has NEVER supported me n dealing with our sons. My husband has always wanted to be popular. I do not care if I was doing the popular thing, I wanted to do what was morally & legally correct. I love my oldest son BUT I do not like him at all NOR have I loved his EX or current wife. I have learned to smile and say I love you But I do not. I have learned that I can not love my grandchildren and they are not allowed to love me back w/o their jealousy. I have done everything they have asked, wanted, needed... It has caused me a brokenheart, my going w/o to give them what they want, my career in shambles, my education lacking...he does not send me a gift, not even a card no matter how small for mother's day, birthday, or christmas BUT they are always there with their hands out! I have learned the only thing I can do to stay sane and married, I stay emotionally detached as difficult as it is for me w/o being obvious. Make friends...cherish them, love them & love their children BUT keep them separate from your family so you are not embarassed by the way they act towards you. When dealing with your husband and his lack of supporting you with a daughter-in-law on a power thrill, let her have it...walk away, in fact just go packup and leave them a note, you will see them in a few days... maybe? & LEAVE on a trip to one of your friends for a few days. I actually booked a flight and flew from one continent to another to get away from my son & his wife and their abusive behavior! My son learned to walk all over me and trash me from his father. My youngest is a sweetie, calm, friendly.. he has never been abusive towards me.

MyPointofVu
MyPointofVu

Hi Gloria, I know people pop in here for advice, I was reading one in particular about a woman married for 15 yrs and is hurt by her mother in laws coldness and wonders why...well I guess I have the opposite problem and a bit of hers as well...I wanted to have an emotionally warm mother in law, but failed to have it, then I wanted to have an emotionally warm daughter in law and failed to have it...so, I have just given up on ever connecting on any level with an in-law...what I believe is that when people marry, that is not a guarantee that they have to accept their in-laws...only rare opportunities come up out there and you see unconditional love between in-laws...I realize after 8 plus years my daughter in law simply doesn't need a mother figure, a sister figure or even a friend figure...I am none of the above to her, and it has caused so much hurt...I guess the problem started when she saw how attached my grandson was to me, that is when I noticed the most pulling away..I truly believe she has tried to get distance from me and my own son and grandsons, and she has achieved this...the hurt is so overwhelming it has caused me to have continual health problems...there is no discussing it, no way to prevent further damage and I am thinking of leaving my husband because of it...he has not been supportive, as nothing I can do in his eyes are right either...it makes you start questioning your own motives when you see people turning from you in every direction, but I know I went into being a mother in law and grandmother with all the love I would have offered to a child....how disappointing...I have given my time, money, love and possessions in the hopes that I can be accepted by this woman who knows she has the hand that rocks the cradle...but no more....it is over, finished, kaput....and maybe it is time for me to move on from negative, blaming and non supportive people..I wrote this because I hope to show someone else who may be getting pleasure out of keeping a mom and grandmom from being what she truly wants to be in her family's life, how bad this can be, the damage is irreversible, so hopefully if someone else sees this, they will stop, and think, what are they really doing and why...think about how this woman is sharing dna with their own children...I hope this makes the cut for posting, as maybe it will help someone else....thank you for your time Gloria, and the best to all of your family

Cayenne
Cayenne

I think you are great! All are priviledged whom receive your personal advice and consult! We are lucky to have you on the show, however brief those moments are!

michele ;)
michele ;)

Dearest Gloria :

Please sit down with Jill and Bethany and give your words of wisdom to the both of them to mend their relationship !

They both need you right now. You had said to Bethany "Once your in my family, you stay there and that you love her like a daughter". Well, one of your daughters needs you right away. You can mend their friendship. There is a beautiful baby named Bryn now in the world who would Love to meet her "Grand Ma Gloria". She would Love to meet her "Aunt Jill" too :"(

pattyrogers in Ga
pattyrogers in Ga

Gloria,Hope you are fin.Could you tell us how do you keep you childern in line?while they are married?do you talk to Jill on the way she is to Bethenney who she say she wish they was friend again

wally's mom
wally's mom

Where have you been this season? I've missed you. You are such a sweetie pie.

Oh please
Oh please

Its obvious you love your daughters alot. You have a great relationship with them.Like any good mother you would protect them from lies and other things. Jill may behave one way when she is around you, family and Bobby but on the show her behavior is something else! Wake up and admit that Jill has caused alot of problems and maybe you show look at past episodes to see what we mean.Its okay to protect your daughter when she is right but not when she is wrong or has lied. You offer advice but you need to give it to Jill first. She says one thing, denies it later or contradicts herself on the next episode.If your gong to give advice start with your daughter first. Thanks you

Oh please
Oh please

Its obvious you love your daughters alot. You have a great relationship with them.Like any good mother you would protect them from lies and other things. Jill may behave one way when she is around you, family and Bobby but on the show her behavior is something else! Wake up and admit that Jill has caused alot of problems and maybe you show look at past episodes to see what we mean.Its okay to protect your daughter when she is right but not when she is wrong or has lied. You offer advice but you need to give it to Jill first. She says one thing, denies it later or contradicts herself on the next episode.If your gong to give advice start with your daughter first.

damuse
damuse

Okay folks, this is my first time...be gentle. The trend is showing the "Posters" feel Jill's behavoir was not acceptable. Their words were actually quite harsh. But this is supposed to be directed primarily to Gloria, a glorious Jewish mother, so here are some of my takes. Like the majority of America, I love ya, Gloria and I don't even believe you are a saint!

While a mother never completely retires and gives up title and titular responsibility of mother, once her "child" reaches adulthood she is responsible for her actions.

"Mom" probably knows that by inserting herself into her child's life and trying to "fix" the problem, she is actually doing a disservice to her child and herself. Mom's greatest and hardest role is to watch as her child makes mistakes...sometimes horrendous ones...says she loves her and will be there to listen. The most interference Mom should offer is perhaps some open and leading questions that prime the adult child to examine the pro's and con's of their words and actions.

It isn't Gloria's place to fix Jill, nor even try to arrange a sit-down with Bethenny. We already saw how well that worked with Ramona's. The people involved both have to want to meet and mend. It is on their time table, if ever, the mending may start.

I'm thinking Gloria may not be involved in this up to her neck. One of the things I've enjoyed when watching Gloria is she appears to have the gift of listening...really listening...to the other person. She asks open questions about how the other person is feeling, not how she thinks they should feel.

Finding our own way in life, hopefully with the loving arms of Mom close by, is a gift beyond measure. It's similar to when we took those first tentative steps while hanging on to Mom's arms. And before we knew what happened, we were three feet away from Mom walking on our own.

I'm hoping and betting that Gloria in all her wisdom also asks Jill what thoughts did Bobby have. A good Mom also knows how important it is for her adult child to turn to her husband (if he's worth his salt) for input.

Truth be known, we can always use a little help...help that encourages us to be responsible. To not put "magical thinking" expectations. That's when we angrily decry and rail against a friend or loved one for not "knowing" what we want and what we feel. I saw that a whole lot this season...especially from Jill...and Ramona...and LuAnn...and Kelly.

We all need to learn how to take a deep breath and listen. Sometimes to another person, even if we aren't wild about them. To truly listen and not be busy forming a response before they've even finished their sentence. Or sometimes just to be quiet and listen to the silence and our own hearts.

Well, there you go, Gloria. Not that you needed me to step in to protect you, but here I am anyway. When I was a young woman, a friend and man I was dating said that if I ever decided to go on a search for my birthmother I should start at Temple. I was made and honorary Jew many times over. Well, I did find my birth family and I'm not Jewish...except in those parts of my heart that will forever an Honorary Jew and proud of it.

kelly is a moron
kelly is a moron

Gloria,

You seem like a sensible lady and it seems like Lisa is very nice. On the other hand, where did you go wrong with Jill. I agree with all the other comments you need to cancel Jill right away. Quit this blog and devote time to Jill!

ClaireRJ
ClaireRJ

Why is Gloria even on here? Seriously. Give me a break.

Booger Red Chambers
Booger Red Chambers

I was gonna say something mean spirited and rude, but all the earlier comments to the effect that advice from you with the way your child behaves...I would turn to a jackel before I'd even as you for the time...Southern Jews got so much more class and humility that you Yankee Broads. Good Day.

Rebeca
Rebeca

you seem like a very no-nonsense lady. perhaps it would be appropriate to provide some of your advice to your daughter Jill, who seems to be acting very juvenile the past few months.

theonlylady007
theonlylady007

You give wonderful advice, but i was wondering what would be your advice to your daughter Jill about her relationship with Bethany and her behavior this season?

bunnygirl
bunnygirl

I like your advice but, why dont you teach your daughter How to be a nice human being>? She is turning into the most selfish and crule person, she is becoming a woman full of Greed, its sad she shows No compassion for anyone with her mean comments , Glad bethanny got away from her she would have destroyed that poor girl in time, I dont know if you believe in karma but, even if you dont "Kindness is Free" ,

Sela Leah
Sela Leah

Sorry I meant chiffon not taffeta.

Sela Leah
Sela Leah

Dear Gloria, I'm confused by something you said while sitting on the bed with your two daughters compiling photos and bits of wisdom for the book. You made some off the wall comment about not wearing taffeta on christmas. LOL- is that a Jewish Mother secret?

BravoFanette
BravoFanette

Hello Gloria,

I love you, I love Jill, and I love the type of relationship you have with her.

I wish you all the best!

SherriK
SherriK

Dear Gloria,

I'd like to know your perception on the following... I am 42 and I decided to break up with my boyfriend because I didn't feel supported toward the end of our 2 year relationship. Since then he has tried to come back twice. I couldn't take him back. He puts himself on those internet dating sites right away after we break up. I on the otherhand put myself in therapy. I am glad that I did that so that I can understand a few things about myself and heal. I feel that he will always reach for the next girlfriend. I am shooting for my life partner. The difference in responses to the break up just makes me feel uneasy. How do you see it? He is 46 by the way. I have never been married and want to be. My ex was divorced about 3 years ago. Lastly, I think that he does not want to get married again. However, I feel that he gets lonely and may get married just to have someone by his side. I on the otherhand believe in true love.

Warm Regards, Sherri

RichInNJ
RichInNJ

Gloria I find it hard to believe that you raised such an attention monger as Jill. Get over there and smack her back into reality! No amount of money can count for the lack of common sense she has displayed. She could co-write a book with the Countess on how to be class-less!

jvano
jvano

Gloria, would love your advice. My husband and I had friends in our neighborhood that we dined with monthly for the last five years. In addition, we both share having adopted daughters from China and mutual friends in the local community in this regard. The dining originally included 3 well-suited couples - no probs -ever. Then her husband invited a neighbor whom I have had several animal rights issues with (they are really horrible people). These people arrived late to dinner at restaurant and insisted on moving table so they would not be seated next to us (only seats left). I have never cared for these people, but I was raised better than to intentionally insult someone in a group of people. Later, I asked my friend to refrain from inviting them again. Her response was "I am not getting involved in your dispute with them. I am sorry you choose not to join us but we cannot be rude to this couple (even though they both dislike them and speak horribly about them behind their backs), and I think you are being vicious and blowing this out of proportion. We will continue to invite you and you can decide if you will come but they will be included." Am I wrong to have gone to bat for her against these same people in the past on neighborhood issues? I am wrong to feel that I, as a member of the original group of diners, have been stabbed in the back? I feel this is a defining moment in the relationship and proves they care nothing about our feelings? We have remained cordial but avoid any social get togethers? Are we wrong to be so disappointed in them? Sorry this is so long. Wish you were my mother, and I am 50 years old.:)

maremac
maremac

Dear Ms. Gloria,

You are a terrific mother and I hope as that terrific mother you can direct your daughter to be a better friend. We all have our problems and issue and I do beleive as a mother myself, I would have told my daughter to be more tolerant of others feelings. As the day atonement approached, Jill should have opened her arms to Bethany and out of respect for her own heritage, she should have been advised to do so.

With total respect to you, keep up the good advice you give to others and also your own daughters.

Maremac

Lana
Lana

Gloria,

I honestly feel you must have and still are a good parent. You have 2 daughters who are polar opposites. We all get to the point in our lives where others opinions really don't have much impact I am there lol. This morning Jill answered for you on the first question and I saw the look and heard the comment you made that only mother's can. She needs to read the book with a reflective heart. She is not 100% bad but her craving for the spotlight is tainting her image. I loved being in New York and it was easy to tell who I would fit in with.

Lana, CA

Mrs.M
Mrs.M

Ms. Gloria- can't wait to see you & Jill on the Wendy Show for the mothers day celebration.!

real housewife fan
real housewife fan

Gloria, I think your daughter Jill and her friendship with Bethany deserves a second chance. Why don't you find a way to get the two of them together and at least settle this dispute. Get them away from all the other women who are just adding to it. The whole world can see that the two of them very much care for each other. I love how much that you love your family. It's to bad that Jill hasn't picked up how much misery her new found friend Luanne is meddling and making her situation with Bethany worse.

LaLeeda
LaLeeda

I LOVE GLORIA!!! Gloria is the perfect combo of class,wisdom,and love...I wish she were my mother! God Bless Gloria.

Shabba Ranks
Shabba Ranks

Is Jon Wexler your grandson? I read about him on the message boards, oh dear!

nyc one
nyc one

I wrote this to Jill, but you should help her too. "Jill: actually i posted something earlier about your bad karma, and I think was too upset and now of course I feel bad. You were my favorite in season one, by far, and I think that is why I just cant understand what has happened to you. I know now is too late since everything has been filmed, and you shouldn't be devastated since actually everyone can fix things. Next season, please go back to Jill Season One, and you'll see how everything will turn around. Good Luck. "

Julie Elle
Julie Elle

Dear Gloria - I love your advice - I think you are such a wise woman. Here's my question - I have two lovely sons - a 7 year old and a 5 month old. My 5 month old was born with some health issues. Thankfully - it is noting too terrible, but he is fairly high maintenance (he's on four different Rx medications, he gets breathing treatments 4 times a day etc.). I work. My 7 year old is Autistic and requires a bit more assistance with many things than a typical 7 year old would (dressing, homework, bathing etc). I adore my boys, but lately I feel so run down and drained physically and emotionally from constantly caring for my little guys, working, keeping a home, and making time for my wonderful hubby. How can I manage this situation better? I feel like I am barely getting everything done each day with no time to enjoy or reflect. I feel like I am centimeters away from bursting into tears at least once a day. How did you manage it when your kids were small? Thanks! J

tami71
tami71

Hello Gloria- So did you ever imagine that you would be a "Real Housewive" a couple more cameos and you are in. 'Wholly Cat-fight' - team Gloria.

Classy
Classy

Wow, there are some classless remarks down there telling you how to raise your daughter. It makes me wonder about *their* mothers.

You've done a great job with Jill! The hardest thing in the world to be is vulnerable and she's shown her vulnerable side this season. I love her AND you!

yarhi
yarhi

You are awsome, The Jewish mother I never had...... I adore you.......