Dear Countess de Lesseps,
I have been invited to a reception and dinner at an Embassy in Washington DC. I have never attended an event such as this. What are the key things you would recommend for me?
You should call the Embassy your going to as they all have certain protocols and all have protocol officers. This way you will be dressed appropriately depending on time of day. Always be simple and elegant by staying with classic looks. Don't forget to address the Ambassador as such. Have fun!
Have questions for the Countess? Leave them below and check back next week!
Countess, Could you please explain to Kelly that if she would of followed what I believe to be the proper etiquette with Jill, then none of the drama would of happened. I believe the proper etiquette would have been to actually return Jill's phone call and just tell her thank you for including me, but I will not be able to help with the charity. Is this correct? I think Kelly did it all for some air time on the show. Thank You.
Hi Countess Just because you have the TITLE countess doesn't make you better than anyone else. You come off with the holy-than-thou attitude. You are just a regular person like everybody else. Sorry but I call it like I see it. I like to watch the show for a good laugh. Get a real life.
What have you learned from being married with a person from a diffrent culture than yours? What are a few of the things that one should overcome in a bi-culturel marriage? Thanks!
Hi Countess! I think that you are wonderful in your advice. So, my question is how happy should one be in a marriage? I've been married a year and a half, but we've been together for seven years. I've begun to feel that I have outgrown him. I like to surround myself with people that are more intellectual than I am, and he, I feel, is not capable of holding a conversation with anyone like that. He can't even have a conversation with me. I feel like we both want different things. I want to go and do things, and he just wants me to have a baby (which, I'm not doing presently, and I don't feel like I'm ready) How committed should a marriage be? Who's happiness is most important? Should he be able to talk to me anyway that he wants? Thanks
LuAnn...get over yourself. We all know by now that you are a countess and no one really cares! Quit reminding everyone that a countess is gracing their presence. Big Deal!
For once, Countess, you acted properly by not letting Kelly pull you into saying nasty things about Bethany. Congratulations, you're learning... finally.
So, LuAnn - You are the fifth wife??
Here's a tidy little matter of etiquette: In America we do not call people by titles given to them by other nations, from other times. Not even the French recognize the titles of the aristocrats from when France was an empire.
Rules of etiquette were created so that people would adopt a uniform standard of behavior and not worry about what slight, if any, someone's behaving differently might be signaling. It was to be an equalizer, for people to be able to relax and feel comfortable in social discourse, and not a means to snub or slight others.
Dear Countess, I am somewhat ambidextrous, and have always naturally used a knife and fork Continental style. However, it is most comfortable for me to use a spoon with my left hand, rather than my right. In a finer-dining setting is my natural "hybrid" style inappropriate, or is it acceptable since I'm more left-handed than right-handed?
Thank you, M
Why is it you are so quick to jump down other adults throuts to tell them how to act. Yet, you run around with someone like Kelly? Are you that blinded?
You didn't jump down her throut in that "polite" way you're so well know for, when she showed up a half hour late for a meeting. You sat there like a lump on a log! Do you pick and choice who you can quietly tell off?
Also, when Ramona commented on your husbands age, she immediatly apologized. Why didn't you let it go? You literally stomped and acted like a child. Why comment on her physical appearance?
The whole manner thing with you is totally lost.
Oh, Dear! When dispensing written advice, please be careful to use proper grammar... It's very disarming to see basic grammar missteps from a person who is telling others the proper way to behave and speak. You used the "your" instead of "you're" in your replies to "Young Mom" and "Pema." ("...your back...") and ("...the Embassy your going to...."), respectively. It's not the end of the world, but please be more mindful of the correct English usage of these two synomyms. If you are going to put yourself out there as an expert, be polished yourself! That said, keep being the arbiter of manners that this world definitely needs! It's a common mistake to uneducated folk, but we expect more from "royalty"!!
Another unfortunate typo that spell check can't catch: "and let them know you're (not your) back and want to reconnect."
But, al in all, good advices.
I'm sorry that you're going through rough time. Have faith, you will prevail.
I think its completely inappropriate that you should be giving any advice. You are a horrible excuse for someone who is supposed to have manners, you throw things out or proportion and the advice you give to others is awful. You, much like Kelly, need to get off your high horse and please keep EVERYTHING to yourself.
My husband is deployed to Iraq and I really wanted to know how you would recommend investing are money if or when is a good time. You seem like a very nice person and what charity work would you recommend going into to well I have some extra time?
For the love of God, get over yourself. Us Drs dont go around to social events introducing ourselves as "Dr" so-and-so. And as a Southern lady, your manners are way off. Visit the Deep South and learn. There's a reason the women here have a reputation for being both charming and cunning.
Hello Countess, I've always noticed that you try to be politicaly correct and won't take sides in squabbles which is not easy to do in a classy way. I understand every action you have taken and comments you've made because I think the same way, in fact I laughed so hard one episode when you said you are a Taurus, so am I 4/28. People misintepret my comments much like your Bethenny "air brush" incident. I really do mean well, but say it like it is, there's nothing wrong with that. Hopefully I can use your reaction as an example for myself in these situations. Continue to be the amazing female role model you are and prove that models can and do contribute some substance to society.
LuAnn, Darling, a little tip for you. A Countess or anyone with a title does not spend all their time making sure that all know they have a title or that they be called a certain thing a certain way. It cheapens you, and i'm sure that's not how you mean to come off. Just a tip. And for the Book, Research facts then write their form in your style, but do make sure that your style is factual, fashionable and functional. Don't ever be fake, and moreso...dont fake it. Mean what you know, Know what you mean. Say what you mean, and last and most, mean what you say. Luck and regards to you and yours, Sincerely, Sunny Valentino
I am about to host a dinner party in May. I have a friend who has declined at the last minute, for both herself and her spouse, the last two parties that I've hosted. Both times she called in a few hours before the event claiming illness. I was really annoyed the second time she pulled this stunt because I was cooking as well as hosting and the main ingredient for the entree was very expensive. The leftovers were wonderful for lunch but I could not help but feel disappointed. I should mention that this is a very old friend that I've known for over twenty years who was responsible for introducing me to my husband. Should I give her another chance? Invitations go out next week.
Frustrated in Kensington
Hi LuAnne. I would just like to applaud you for all of the charity work you do. I greatly admire people who use their status and finances to help those who are not so privileged. I lost my mom 4-28-02, she was 44yrs. old, (I was 21yrs old) to a brain anuerism and I just lost my dad 12-25-08, he was 54 yrs. old, to melanoma cancer. I do not have the funds to really make a difference, but I do what I can. However, my sister and I will be hosting another fundraiser this summer for the scholarship that's in memory of them (my dad started it when my mom passed). I would like to help raise more awareness about melanoma, do you have any suggestions? Thanks for your time.
I think Luann needs to get in the real world....She is no more of a Coutness that I am. It makes her feel better about herself to have a title. She is a nobody....and she knows it....
You know, I find her to be very kind and generous. I never feel as though she is putting on airs. Actually there was the one time with Bethenny and the driver, and even then, I feel she was being informative rather than unnecessarily didactic.
I guess "I feel her" because I find myself in circles of people who went to the most illustrious of schools, have a lot of money, and I have another story. I love my story, my parents, and I wouldn't trade my background for anyone elses, yet I have had to learn a new set of manners and protocol, appropriate to the peers I now have.
Isn't this what Luann is doing? And isn't she just trying to offer a hand up to others who might find themselves in such a situation? So, to those who are so critical of her, I have to tell you it seems to me, 'Thou doth protest too much".
Not everyone appreciates a good rags to riches story, and to rip Luann apart for simply wanting to communicate her experience and story, seems more than a tad tawdry.
Hello Countess LuAnn,
My husband and I were invited to a wedding at the Waldorf Astoria in New York in July. Since it will be the summer time, do you think it's ok to wear a short dress instead of a long dress?
Thank you, Deana
I think you are a lovely person, regardless of your title. Don't listen to ignorant brats that leave stupid comments on your blogs!!
VIEWER @ 10:16.
That was a very nasty thing to come here and say. Maybe you need to concentrate on your own life instead of casting judgment on others.
Very poor taste.
Where someone comes from has no bearing on who they are today. It’s called growing. You should try letting yourself "grow" as well.
I enjoy Luann's point of view. Thank you Luann for taking the time to express it.
I have a "friend," a term that I now use loosely, that has been in my life in various roles since high school. We were highschool sweethearts and now just friends, as I am now happily married. The issue I have is that the sweet person I knew in highschool seems to have disappeared and in his place remains a person with certain values and life choices that I do not appreciate. I am a firm believer that you should accept people for whom they are; however, that does not necessarily mean that I wish to include all types of people in my personal life. Do you think it is OK to periodically clean out your closet of friends and discard the ones that no longer fit? If so, what is the best way to do so without being harsh? Thank you for your time, Corey
Countess LuAnn, You are beautiful, elegant, smart, and savvy! I was so upset with you when you let Kelly take the gorgeous wrap dress off of you once she saw how HOT you looked in it! It was unbelievably STUNNING on you! She didn't even want to try anything on until she saw that dress on you, then she turned into a catty teenage girl who had to have it for herself so she looked like the the hot one. Either way, she can't hold a candle to you. Maybe it was editing, but really, go back and get that dress...mine should be arriving in the mail any day! Warmest Regards from the O.C.
LuAnn, Obviously the show does not reveal your real life, but you come off as a very tender and vulnerable woman. And out of place amidst all the sniping and conniving, even though much of it is staged or encouraged. It's fascinating how the truth eventually emerges. I am an actress and director and it essential to remember that when you are on stage, there is nowhere to hide.
Hello Countess, I have a question concerning the proper way of letting my man know, after 8 happy years together, that I really want to be married. My dilema in this is that we really get along the way we are, but since I am unable to have children, I really still want a "family" of my own. I want a husband. And even though I love him dearly, I might just have to walk away from this. I do not want to give him an ultimatum, I am not that type of person. I just don't know how to go about it without being confrontational. We were both married at a young age and neither lasted. He said awhile back that he would never do it again and is happy just the way we are. I thought I felt the same, but as the years go by, I am feeling differently. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
I have a friend who was recently laid off from her job. Due to her lack of income we're staying in and hanging out at home a lot more instead of going out-which I completely understand! However, she basically stopped contributing any money whatsoever when we go pick up a bottle of wine to share or get some food to cook up together. I don't want to sound petty but I don't exactly have a dispensable income either. So my question is...is she taking advantage of me or am I being an insensitive friend?
My grandmother recently passed away. Although she had many friends and family, we had a very simple, private burial for her in accordance with her wishes. My question is what do I do with the thank you cards supplied by the funeral home. Do I use them for people who sent sympathy cards, the few who attended the burial, or anyone who helped during her final days, or all of the above?
Thank you for your help,
Please advise me on this situation. When dining out is it necessary to profusely thank the server everytime they come to the table. My dining companion stops our conversations and thanks the server for just about everything they do. Therefore interupting our social time for the service person. I believe you should thank them after giving you order and then if you make a special request during the meal. Do you really have to thank them for doing their job through out the whole meal? I am really confused about the whole protocol of this - I watch your show and don't see this when you and the girls are out.
Luann, Since you keep saying your American Indian, what tribe are you from. Are you enrolled in a federally recognized tribe?
I am Native American from Santa Fe,NM where there are more than eight Indian reservations within an hour of our fair capital and I wasn't aware there were any Indian tribes left in Ct.
Hello, I am a 33 yr old mother of 3. I am getting marries in October. I want to open a small business, that I can do from home, that can help the community, and that won't cost much money to start. Do you have any suggestions??
I just want to say you are beautiful and you uphold yourself with a lot of elegance. I think etiquette and manners need to be re-taught to certain people. Clearly, people do not follow them on a day to day basis. I also think you are entitled to the way you think and hold your lifestyle and nobody has the right to judge you.
I am so upset....I just saw a very quick advertisement for the show, ET and they said that you are getting divorced. I am shocked because you, of all of the women on this show seemed to have the most maturity and didn't seem to discuss your marriage unless it was in the best of lights.....I pray you are o.k. and that all is or will be alright... Joy in Naples, Fl
Dear Countess What best illustrates insecurity? Would observing you educate me in this question?
A Native American Indian and a Baroness
Hi, While watching the show I have heard Jill and you say that you are Native American. What kind of Native American are you? I know you do a lot of charity work, does any of that consist of helping your heritage? It seem you concentrate more on your husbands family line. Thank you for your time. A fellow Native
Hi Countess, I have a very smart 9 year old and she used to have friends and now because she is in the honors program she lost friends ....and so have I because of mothers being upset their child did not......My child has been bullied most of this school year ......now then parents trying to bully me........the school is involved and trying to help but these parents are telling their kids things to tell my child so my child can tell me ....my child has no idea what they are talking about because I dont tell her all thats being said......How do I let these parents know to stop passing words through my child....they need to contact me ..... I dont speak to these women .....we used to be friends ..not anymore because I got sick of the gossip and childish behavior.... Your help would be great. Thanks H
Countess, first thank you for taking the time to review my question. How often do you socialize with the british royal family? and, can you trace back any type of relations? I have watched alot of documentaries on European royalty, and there seems to be alot of connections when you go back in history, which I find that fasinating. Also where in Connecticut did you grow up?, thank you again for your time.. Elise
I recently hired a sitter/nanny/afterschool care provider. Do you pay nanny tax? Can you recommend an agency that is reputable in NYC (that you or your friends use)in doing the nanny tax paperwork weekly, monthly, year end (or does your family account do it all for you instead)?
I just saw the clip of how you said yoga and meditation really helped you during a stressful time. I was wondering where you went in California for this relaxation. Sounds like something I could use.
A fan from CT Renee
Dear Countess, I think you're the best. You are very charming, elegant and classy - a fine example of what a respectful woman should be. It would be nice if your friends, specifically Jill zarin, would take notice and live more by your example. How can you be friends with someone that is so self-centered and even mean to you? I thought it was extremely rude of Jill to come late to the event when you were being interviewed...in addition to yelling out to the attendees. No class. I thought you gave her good advice not to go to ramona's get-away - for what purpose would it serve at that point - only her own selfish needs. You had a legimate reason for not attending ramona's get-away...but Jill couldn't leave it at that - she had to make her digging comment as always. She maybe rich but she's definitely a mean girl with no class at all...money really can't buy you class! your class really shines when dealing with all her pettiness. Hopefully she'll change because you deserve better friends than that. On a different note I love your newly recorded music, including the song you sang live on "watch what happens." Love it! Can't wait for your first cd to come out...you rock it with so much class!