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Countess

Is it proper to address the inside envelope of a wedding or graduation invitation or leave it blank?

LuAnn,

We fought a war over 230 years ago to get rid of titles and the aristocracy. Perhaps if you are so enamored with people calling you Countess you should permanently move overseas where royalty is still in vogue.

Also for someone to get on national television and gossip endlessly about her "friends" for the television cameras and cameo shots is hardly in a position to offer advice anyone on etiquette.

Sorry "my dear" you need to read your own book or better still take a page from someone else's material since you lack the qualifications to be a writer on your own.

Countess,

As an author of a book on etiquette, I was shocked to see how (in front of your other guests) you overreacted to Ramona's comment about your husband’s appearance, and your subsequent demand (in front of your other guests) for an apology from Ramona. The proper way of correcting a guest that you feel has offended you is to discreetly take them aside and let him or her know that what they said has offended you.

Sincerely,

Class with a Lady

>Mrs D :) as Rosie calls u, I agreed with Bethenny, what made u so different from the others? were u born from the royalty family? u just married to a Count honestly, I don't even know ur husband. about ur manners and etiquette advice I think that is not applicable to everybody. we all have different values, and comes from a different culture.

Dear Countess,

First let me say that I LOVE the show! I have a dear friend (also my boss) that has SERIOUS bad breath. It has not always been bad. It's only been the last 6 months or so. She is well aware of it. Her sister, husband and myself have mentioned it to her. I suggested that she contact her doctor. It might be a medical problem going on since it's only been in the past 6 months that she's had it. She is an EXTREMELY sensitive woman and in all honesty will cry at the drop of a hat. I've given up telling her because of how sensitive she is but every morning at work when she gets in she comes over to my cube to chit chat for a little bit before we start our work day. She doesn't even have to get close to me and I can smell her extremely bad breath. I just don't know what else to do at this point. Another HORRIBLE habit is she chews with her mouth open and smacks her lips as she's chewing. I know that's a big pet peeve of yours from the show. Any advice you could give on both subjects would be greatly appreciated.
PLEASE HELP,
BLOWN OVER WITH BAD BREATH

Dear Countess -
I've found it very intersting "catching up" on the Real Housewives tales. It's been an amusing distraction until the episode where you blasted Ramona at the Hope Lodge. I sat, watching your actions, in complete disbelief.

While I found it an amazing act you and your friends did (making dinner for the staff and patients staying at Hope Lodge), I find it utterly disgusting that you actually thought that night was about you. You actually made me cry.

I am a cancer survivor and was completely offended by your comments and your actions. Perhaps if you brought your head out of the clouds that you have lofted it into, you would find that others can be affected by your words and actions. You owe many people an appology, Countess.

Regards,

Yes, I am the Queen, and Countess you will address me as that. It's rather best to keep your won advice on dating and etquette to yourself, since it's rather metericious. Please....Please consult your the experts before you give any advice, or better yet, practice what you preach.

Long Live The QUEEN!

I am still baffled that your "position" as a countess gets brought up as much as it does, especially by yourself, ex: "A countess does not drink from a bottle" when you are at a gathering that looks like a night-time BBQ. My mother got remarried to a Count of the Belgian D'Ursel family, and I don't think I have ever even heard her utter the words that she is "married to THE Count" and certainly not that she is a "countess"-NEVER ....to be brutally honest, your children have more entitlement to the claim as they are in direct blood-line to "THE Count", whereas you merely married into the family....then again that would only be of significance if it actually mattered!

I am a huge fan of the show but lately on this season you have been more absorbed in your title than you have the last season. Bethany hit the nail on the head when she said that since you're a countess you supposedly have more class and more manners than an average person. Also i was very offended about the comment you said to Bethany about how men are fed up with women being equal with them. Being an independant woman myself I am aggressive because that is my personality and some men like that... but I am and I know that many other women are definatly not th ekind of people to be submissive to a man. The men in today's world do not have any more authority, any more class, any more intelligence than any of the women in today's society.

Countess,
I do believe that you do have a wealth of knowledge that is worth sharing with the masses.
It is concerning to me that you have forgotten the "Golden Rule", my dear.
Please refer to this rule often, and I will assure you that the light some people see you in will change for the better.
Good luck to you, and I hope that your first book is a success.
I wish you all the best.
Regards,
Kimberly Brandt

Goodevening Countess, it's Carmelle 25yr old black girl from south florida. Your my favorite since the very beginning never ever drama from you weather the girls bring it or not. your style is tasteful children are perfect as can be... You do a lot with cherity and that alone I admire dearly....

Keep up the good job Countess LuAnn D. as a black girl in the hood I look up to you. Thanx

School donations question:
Everyone we know and has kids comes to us when ever their kid's school does a money drive, however we never asked them to donate to our son's school. I hate asking people for money and I don't want to be asked no more, how do we handle that?

see my comment on your other blog..MOVE TO EUROPE!!

Hello Lu Ann
I find you very elegant and enchanting, you remind me of my aunt, there is nothing wrong letting people know you are a countess that is your title. But be careful not to go overboard on it. I am from europe i know manners are very important. Katherine.

Becca hit the Nail on the Head. YOU ARE MARRIED to an OLDER MAN, SO why get MAD at RAMONA, she was only stating the Truth.

I have to agree with Pam. Lu Ann is very uptight and I would never take advise from a woman like that. You give advise when asked you do not force it on anyone. That would be good manners. The arguement between yourself and Ramona because she thought your husband was old. You were so out of line and yelling at this home for cancer patients and I was really surprised at the ghetto behaviour.

Honestly, Countess please watch the episodes, you cut off the new girl talking when your cell hone rang. Then you spoke loudly and took over the conversation. You have a habit of that. You ordered around your housekeeper as soon as she walked in the door, you ask her a question and when she answered you cut her off mid sentence, as you do a lot. Your reaction to Ramona's comment on the Count, was very un-Countess. He is 15 yrs older yes maam he is an old man. My husband is 62 I'm 47, he's handsome but girl yes he’s an old man. The truth hurt you I guess. Please watch the episodes you need etiquette lessons prompto. You obviously know etiquette you just do not practice it.

We just had a wonderful weekend at our good friend's country estate outside of Manhattan. I'd like to send a framed photo taken during our stay as a thank you. I'm waiting for the developed photos to arrive now.
How long do I have to send the gift and thank you card before I'm a little later?
Thanks!

Dear Countess.

You are my favorite character on the show. Thank you for bringing elegance and style into our lives each week.

I am a college professor. I've worked hard to get my Ph.D. and I am constantly confronted by students in the classroom wanting to call me by my first name. How can I get students to address me with respect as Doctor rather than presuming to be my equal in the classroom? And how can I do this without being pretentious?

Miss Manners wrote this to a couple who wanted to wanted to direct gifts to charity or write "no gifts please":

"... there is no tasteful way -- not even any moderately decent way -- of directing present giving when you are on the receiving end. Contrary to general belief, present giving is never required. ... You must pretend that you invite people because you want to celebrate important occasions with them, and you must seem pleasantly surprised when they give you something. To act as if it is such standard payment that you can acknowledge your expectations is rude-rude-rude."

and elsewhere she wrote:

"Any suggestions from you, unless specifically requested by an individual guest, are improper. This includes a ban on stating 'No gifts' because, although less greedy than the attempt to pick one's own present, this also assumes some sort of payment is taken for granted."

hmm. advice given is often recieved not in the way
it was meant.

To "Viewer" at 03/18/2009 - 9:13pm:

I beg your pardon, but it is most certainly in poor taste and tacky to write "no gifts" on anything: an evite invitation, a baby or wedding announcement, anything!

If someone questions whether a gift is appropriate for an occasion or announcement they can contact an individual's parents (in the case of a wedding), a host, etc to inquire, and should be told at that point, "No gifts, please."

To put "No gifts" on an announcement or invitation is a huge no-no. This is according to Emily Post, the true bona-fide etiquette expert.

LuAnn,

I think you are awesome! I can't wait to buy your book.

When leaving the table for a moment, should you place the napkin beside your plate or put it on the seat?

I was married to a Swiss man. I was taught manners. what strikes me most about you when I see your kitchen. The family portrait with the Bernese Mountain Dog. My best friend was my Greater Swiss - Bear. Then I had an Entlebucher Sennenhund, Spritzy. I love your little Westie.

Countess de Lesseps,

I am both horrified and amused at the etiquette "advice" you have given in this week's blog. Were you in a hurry? Did you ask Rosie to fill in for you? You are living proof that money and a title cannot buy taste, class or grace.

Wow, I work with clients that have "real money". I have rarely ever come across such petty people that are so status conscious except for those that are "wanna be's". It is usually the customers that have the least that act the most pretentious. At least Kelly likes the people she hangs around. I think that the charity work that these people do is wonderful, keep up the good work. Personally, I wouldnt want to go to any of those parties except for the charity aspect. Would these people socialize if they werent on the show? Maybe not, the way Bravo plays it seems as if they are the "Friends" of the Hamptons.

Though, indeed, one is NOT obligated to give a wedding gift, most people feel as if they are, if only for the sake of not appearing cheap or rude. Regardless of the rules, if one gets a wedding announcement, I can assure you that the thought of possibly having to give a gift WILL cross his/her mind. I believe that is why the lady writing to LuAnn felt that she would need to be more explicit. Furthermore, politely adding that you would prefer not to receive any gifts is not "tacky". For those who do not know a gift is optional and felt they had to give one, it would be a relief. And for those who did know it was optional, it would be taken simply as a clarification, albeit unnecessary, of one's intentions.
Regardless, "The Countess" is useless when it comes to advice-giving: when a woman who is having financial difficulties asks her how she can politely decline her wealthier friend's invitations, LuAnn prefaces her reply by stating that although the woman has "a good thing going" she can go to picnics or something, if she's "uncomfortable". She's not "uncomfortable" Luann, she just cannot afford to dress up and go to events right now. And the phrase "a good thing going" is eerily opportunistic and tacky.

Etiquette faux pas (French for mistake) - eating with your fingers. Another faux pas: using there for they're. I think I'll get my manners advice from Peggy Post and Miss Manners.

What type of dog is that cute white fluffy one the de Lesepps have?

Countess, Any advice for getting a chatty coworker that quits "working" a full half hour before official quitting time to pull his weight around the office? I don't want to appear bitter or petty, but I do feel that way deep down inside...what should a hard working overwhelmed gal do? My chip is heavy on my shoulder.

There is a difference between Luann's favorite word, "privileged" and what she really is, "lucky". Privileged implies/infers a heritage or a familial history and standard, an inbred etiquette, and a natural affinity for courtesy and manners, not an affected one. Luann was not born to the manor, she lucked up on a man looking for his 5th wife. If she were, indeed "privileged", I would think she would pronounce her husband's name correctly, if it is French: "duh"- "luh" - "suhr", not "day" - "la" - "sepps". Why hasn't he corrected her? Does he squirm when she says it?

Countess,
I have identical twin daughters that are 9 years old, when is the best time to start them on proper "everyday life" etiguette? And what should I start with?
Also, will your book cover anything dealing with young ladies?

Thanks!
Katie

One does not send a wedding announcement with "no gifts" written on it; this implies one was assuming a gift would be sent, which is tacky and bad manners and defeats the whole purpose.

And one is NOT obligated to give a wedding gift.

The only times gifts are required is if one attends a shower, as the whole purpose of a such an event is to "shower" the recipient with presents.

As an event planner (specialtyevents.net) it is often hard to read or hear from those who themselves do not know the proper way to communicate a new marriage. The proper way to let everyone know is to send out an ANNOUNCEMENT stating that you just got married. Example: Mr. & Mrs. So&So would like to announce their new uniontook place on 00/00/00. Or "We got hitched" (if you want to be funny),or "Mr. & Mrs. So&So would like to announce that they were married in beautiful Hawaii on 00/00/09... There are a number of ways to announce a marriage that's already taken place (hence the word announcement) without it being tacky. If you were sending out invitations people would think that you were "trolling" for gifts, an announcemet does just that, announces, or informs one, of an event.

Oh Lu Ann can {oops my bad} may I call you by your first name? Or must I refer to you as "THE COUNTESS"?
You throw your title out there all the time like you are the Queen of England or something. What is up with that?
So you married a Count BIG DEAL! You were not born into royalty so get off your high horse and practice what you preach in the book you are writing about etiquette!
Manners are not just what you use at the dinner table they are used all day long which is something that you don't seem to realize.
You made a negative remark about Alex and her husband writing a book about raising children {and their boys are un-ruled I agree} but it isn't exactly good manners to say something about that on t.v. will not exactly boost book sales for them if they do write the book.
On the other hand with the way you act probably won't boost you book sales either.
Talking poorly about people behind their backs {on t.v no less} makes you look snide, rude and catty!
You are a New York SNOB, you want people to treat you with respect by making sure they announce your title, then you should treat others {with or with out a title} with respect as well!
What is the golden rule...treat others as you would have them treat you.
That goes for all the housewives on this show!

Before you give "etiquette advice Luann, go spend some time with the Queen of England! She'll school ya!

luann learn how to spell
your - possessive
you're - means you are

Dear Countess,
Please refrain from giving condescending advice that's badly spelled and, more importantly, not very good. "You're" is the correctly spelled contraction of "you are", not "your" (possessive of "you".) This is a typical and easy mistake to make for the rest of us; for a Countess, however, bad spelling is -as they say in French- a grande faux pas.
Also, for the poor woman asking you about how to inform her friends and family about her wedding without seeming that she's asking for gifts: I believe the appropriate thing for her to do is to send an announcement that includes a polite request that they do not send any gifts. This clearly communicates the couple's desire not to come across as "trolling for gifts" and it takes the pressure off of the recipients of the announcement, as well.

Countess,
In the scene with Bethanny on this evenings show, you were shown eating with your fingers. Is this considered good etiquette??

Lu Ann is under the illusion that she is royalty; what's unfortunate is that people of substance don't have to dictate who they are; class is silent--it will show. Take a lesson from the First Lady in Washington. Lu Ann constantly reminds EVERYONE who she's married into, she demeans the housekeeper like she's a pet, make remarks that only an ill-mannered person would make, but yet she reminds those unfortunately in her company constantly of her in-breeding. It's so sad, but she'll never "get it". Lu Ann's husband is smart; he is seldom seen in her company. The others are loud and annoying with irritating voices.

Bethany is my favorite; the others are heartless, ego-feed women that can't deliver a sincere word to a friend if their lives depended on it. Bethany, find women with less money and more heart. RUN to sane people and friends.

Alex and Simon should shop together for matching women's lingerie and spend more time with their ill-mannered children instead of trying to be an "A" lister. They're all sad... Money and Reality T.V. can't guarantee happiness.