I think one of the happiest days of my life was when the Doctor called to give Bobby the "all clear". He made a funny comment, "Let's go to Disneyland," but they cut that part out. I was hosting a Macy's Fashion Night out event the same night LuAnn was hosting Ungaro. I don't remember the details as I have the worst memory. I guess that is what gets me through life sometimes. When I saw what I said to Alex, I shouldn't have said it. No excuse. We were laughing about a lot of stuff and being silly. I didn't mean to knock their book but it came out that way. We all say stupid things by mistake. For that, I am so sorry. I actually had invited my psychic over to not only talk about Bethenny and LuAnn, but the health of our family. It was Jennifer who told us Bobby had cancer in his neck area last January. It took us until June to get it diagnosed. Last year was very challenging. Bobby had some health issues and the show was airing. We all put a lot of pressure on ourselves anyway and being on a TV show adds much more. It changes people. Bethenny changed and so did I. We grew apart. Were there specifics that happened? Yes. It doesn't seem to matter so much anymore. Bethenny has said recently to the press that the show was only a career path and that she doesn't miss me. At the time, it was the most toxic period in my life and I just wanted it to stop. So I stopped it. No more negative energy. I need to be with people who build me up and make me feel good about myself and vice versa. Nothing gives me more pleasure than helping my friends any way I can. That will never change and if I am wrong, I say I am wrong.
I had a really fun time at Kelly's house. She is warm and friendly and just wants to have "fun". She was exactly the medicine I needed at the time. I hadn't seen Bethenny since June and it was now mid-September. If we weren't filming a TV show together, I didn't think she would have ever seen me again. I knew that and just didn't want to get hurt again. It would have been easier for me to just "fake it" and pretend like nothing happened. We were writing the book at the time, Secrets of a Jewish Mother, and worked very hard on the friendship chapters. We talk about what it takes to be a real friend and when you know it's over. What you can get past and what you can't. A lot will happen over the next few weeks. It will be an emotional roller coaster for all of us. It took me months to get back to "normal" if there is such a thing. Don't be too judgmental on anyone.