Jill Zarin

Jill talks about the ambush and the toxic effects of holding a grudge.

on Apr 16, 2010

 

First, I want to say that this season has been a humbling experience. I never knew how many people really care about me and my family. A fan called me at home this morning to wish me good luck on the book tour that starts today. What can I say? I am embarrassed by some of my behavior and no matter what I say or do I can't make everyone happy. I tried that. It doesn't work. So ... I will be who I am and people will either love me or hate me, but I am the real deal. The show doesn't always portray that, obviously. The show is meant to entertain, intrigue and keep you watching to see what happens next. So, what do YOU think I should do? You will have to watch and see what happens. But if you know me, you know I will always TRY to do the right thing. I am not perfect, but who is?

Our new book Secrets of Jewish Mother is a book of lessons and stories based on the lives of three REAL women. A family. We know we're not perfect, and we know that our lives have played out in a way to teach us lessons, and we hope we can pass those lessons onto others. I hope, if nothing else, you each see how holding a grudge too long can destroy a friendship. If the friendship was real one day it will be better, if not, it was not meant to me. I can't kill myself over it. All I can do is apologize, apologize and apologize. After that, I have to move on as difficult and sad as that is. The truth is, I was mad that Bethenny only decided to talk to me on camera. After my initial shock, I asked Bethenny if we could talk privately OFF CAMERA in the bedroom. That was my test. She said no. She would only talk to me on camera. It just reinforced that this was for a TV show and nothing was real. My head was spinning. I wanted to run away, but I stayed. I was scared. I was in front of a room full of 30 people with four cameras in my face. How was I supposed to act? What do I say? I wanted to make up, but not on TV. I resented it and was not going to be a puppet for anyone. I felt "set up," "ambushed" or whatever you want to call it. I was pissed. Ramona's heart was in the right place, but I wish she had given me the heads up. I would have been prepared. If Bethenny had called me to talk off camera, things would have been different. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. We have all been there. Now let's move on.