Jill Zarin

Jill wonders why her castmates are so unwilliing to forgive her for past mistakes.

on Jun 15, 20100

 

“To err is human, to forgive divine."

Upon watching part two of the reunion this evening this saying is what popped into my head. So I ask you, where is the divinity amongst some of my castmates?

Self reflection and growth is always important. I am proud of how I came full circle this season. I realized the things I could have done better and attempted to correct them or sincerely apologize for them where I could. But I ask you, where is the forgiveness? At what point are enough apologies enough? What else can a person do to right a wrong? Why are some people’s apologies fully accepted immediately, yet mine seem to be falling on deaf ears? I feel like the first two parts of this reunion all that you’ve heard me say is "I'm sorry." While I certainly am sorry about many things, what did I do that was so egregious that these women just do not have in their hearts to forgive? Or at the very least put aside and move forward? Does it seem to you that there is more here than meets the eye?

I have received so many letters from all of you that virtually beg me to stop apologizing. Well thank you for opening my eyes. I have apologized enough. I am going to be divine and forgive them for having such closed hearts.

I have so much in my life to be thankful for and that is my focus. This experience has enlightened me and energized me. I could not have gotten through this season without all of your wonderful support. Thank you for taking me into your hearts.

Visit me at www.jillzarin.com and www.secretsofajewishmother.com and let me know how you feel.

Love,
Jill
xoxo

945 comments
AJames0672
AJames0672

Jill your my favorite housewife as you  keep it real and are genuine.  I agree you should stop saying sorry you say it once, mean it and move on. Just focus on a ll the good in your life and you'll be fine

Sasha Z
Sasha Z

People refuse to forgive you because you continue to be mean. I'm glad you are not on the show any more

GK
GK

Hi Jill,

This may be weird coming from a little 26 year old all the way over here in Los Angeles, but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. I've been having problems with my friend and I've really F-ed up. But I've also apologized multiple times, and have been seriously making an effort to better myself. But...unfortunaetly, my best friend and I are no longer. It truly is, like you said, similar to a death. When I watched the reunion show and the heartfelt dialogue between you and Bethenny, I felt like it was myself and my friend talking. This blog resenates so deeply within me...and I just wanted to let you know :)

Stay strong..and all you can do is grow within yourself, ya know? Then..eventhough the friendship may not be there anymore..at least you will know you did all you could, and you learned a lot :)

Much love,

Gio

Christina from Toronto
Christina from Toronto

Absolutely, they should forgive you! And in their hearts, they may or may not have (you say their 'hearts are closed', who really knows? not the issue). But, is this really about forgiveness? I don't think so... I think you are looking for past relationships and friendships to be restored and that is unrealistic, because this Season, they/we now see your true character. With your true character revealed, why should they befriend you again? They can't trust you - it's a betrayal, clear and simple. YES, they should Forgive you, but that's it. Their hearts are not "closed" - they see the truth, and believe that it's in their best interest not to have you in their lives. Going forward, they are only required to be civil and polite to you.

Christina Ashley
Christina Ashley

jill , keep your head up - you were a thrill to watch but i think sometimes we all forget that you ladies are all REAL people , which is what makes this show reality. you did nothing wrong. I am definitely team bethanney , but i do respect where you were coming from! best of luck in the future

TammyH-
TammyH-

I read your post on "why people can't accept your apology". I have a sister just like you, and she to has yet to learn that an apology is not a wash rag. Just because an apology was given doesn't mean the slate is clean, its an implied committment to attempt to improve and more consciencely monitor yourself without supervision. When accepting the apology it is intended to be an invitation for a second chance and implied the person giving the apology cares enough to attempt to go a bit further to ensure a better relationship is achieved. Why am I explaining this ..... because your like my sister, you think the apology is the means to end and start fresh. Although that maybe true the first few times, eventually its clear to any reasonable person it is being used as a lazy attempt to ease YOUR day. The apology is empty and eventually well known to be nothing more than an invite to have the same treatment completed yet again. Your problem is dealing with the idea that some people do not hold the same value of an apology as you do, you hold it as an easy out to a difficult situation much like a bandaid covers a unappealing wound. Others, the logical and strategic thinking people of the world hold the true meaning of an apology offered and accepted to its true purpose and meaning ... that of committing to improve, commitment to make someone feel special when they've been made to feel less than that, a commitment to provide respect in a different manner where it has not been recognized previously. All relating to admitting self improvement and admitting another persons equal importance in a circle. You don't own such thought, you don't own such a characteristic. You need to self evaluate and remember the people you've screwed over and they've continueously accepted your apologies are one of two things to you. A: they don't care and are humouring you, they have no intention of ever taking your view as being valid and just accept the apology so you'll shut up and move things along. AKA: they can make due with what they have and go home, avoid a call or two easily, and hand pick the times and places they are willing to put up with you. AKA: they can leave! B: they have to deal with you everyday for one reason or another and only humour you when accepting the apology all the while knowing its useless and of not worth the breath its spoken with. Whatever the reason their only mission is to get you to shut up and keep the piece, knowing or it being agreed they are proving to be the the more flexable and accepting person. You and my sister believe the score board is wipped clean with every utter of "I apologize"....words with out attempt are just words and an easy way out. You keep forgetting that every time even a pad of paper is written on and then the page torn out to "try it again". Each attempt to write on the paper leaves an indent from the last time it was scribbed on. After a while you can't erase the new hurt or pain ......... because the last few or hundred have left an indent and so many the new words are too distorted to read.

M in Oz
M in Oz

Jill

You were one of my favourite housewives but this season you took a turn. For the first time I could see how badly you hold a grudge, are out for your own self interests and can be a bit of a bully. You have a big heart, are smart and are clearly capable of being a good friend but things have gone to your head a little. Luanne is simply a sidekick, a yes man to your woes and I think you need to wake up a little and see things are not always about you and nor do you need them to be. You have a great family and should spend more time focusing on them then with catty little remarks and infighting with the rest of your castmates.

Garry Sydney
Garry Sydney

Jill you are fabulous, you always have been in this show. They just don't get you. You have a great heart. And respectful to everyone. Good work... You have tried so hard to resolve all the conflict.. You have been generous to a fault... Love you , your mother and your family.. And Bobby is so supportive... Cheers Garry, Sydney

Adela
Adela

I think you have done nothing wrong, anyways nothing more than the other housewives. The cycle started with all the women getting along more or less fine, going shopping, to restaurants etc. In season 3 however in every episode all if you just had something to complain about the other. So, if here and there you said something bad about one of them, it's fine, because all the women participating in this show gossiped one another at some point. So I don't know what the big fuss is about! I don't get it why they behaved like that when you surprised them on the island. I think your gesture was very nice, and obviously they are not your friends. Maybe friends of your money and connections but not of you. I think everyone should get over this small arguments. Women gossip anyways, but put a camera to record all the gossips, of course there will be tension!!

Brucerocks31
Brucerocks31

From an Adoring Fan of the Zarins

Hello Jill & Bobby,

These comments come from a happily, married housewife in Australia.

Jill you are the best housewife of them all, on the The Real Housewife's Of New York City. You seem to be very real and I only watch the show because of you!

Jill you are a beautiful person on the outside and on the inside. Beauty does come from with-in, and you are so beautiful, please don’t let anyone ever take your confidence away, you are perfect.

Bobby is such a fantastic, loyal husband and you have the most beautiful daughter!

SoniaMelbAust
SoniaMelbAust

I dont think we can really comment on what Bethany didnt do when Bobby was sick,we didnt see what happened it was only Jills word about what happened.

Pippins_Mom
Pippins_Mom

Jill, Just look at it this way... the only two that really are on your case are Bethenny who has been poisoned in my mind by Silex who is the other person who are on your case. Ramona knows that you two will always make up so she can be friends with everyone cuz she wants everyone to like her. She sure has changed. She used to hate Alex and really didn't have much to do with Bethenny but to come out looking good she tries to be on everyone's side. She switches allegiances like a traitor... which in a way she is! I think Bethenny is in a good place and just give her time. She'll remember the good stuff after she gets fed up with the hypocrisy of Alex. It will come out very soon. Bethenny use to make fun of her! What is that all about. You are a good lady. Remember... just two of the women are really mad at you. The others are on your side... Rameana when it suits her. Please stay. Hope your summer was good and that you are filming for the next season! They could lose alex and no one would ever notice. Hugs.

vcpitts
vcpitts

Jill - you're the best in my book. Thank you for always being yourself, being real, and being a Mensch. You don't owe anybody an apology and, as Mary J. Blige sings, "if love tears you down, it ain't really love." You own the show no matter how catty the other women are to you. If nobody saw your sincerity when you apologized, they should get over themselves and go back to their dens. All best your way and smiles across the miles.

Soozie
Soozie

are you for real. We must have been watching completly different episodes

LouiseD
LouiseD

Goodness, reading the comments is like a whole other series! Bottom line from here in Oz. Just keep love in your heart, at ALL times. That sounds more simple than it is. But that is our ONLY challenge isn't it? Don't look to others to blame when it isn't there. Just reflect on what is IN YOU. Discover the 'higher truth' that the situation is there to teach you. You will find your answers, love will return, you will evolve. And hopefully you'll see the situation as a gift. And love the person who gave you the opportunity to learn. Even if they can't do the same. That is their challenge, not yours. Love from within and the world and the others will respond in kind. In time. It heals all. Just be patient. We are all learning. Blessings to you and your family and the rest of the crew.

I hope you read this Jill. It might save you a lot of heartache and drama in the future. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could all try this and such a lesson to so many who watch your show. Reality TV with much better purpose. I know you have these qualities, for the slices of your 'lives' on the series you've shown you have many times. In writing this, I remind myself also what I need to do in mine more. Note to Bravo - they don't all need to be shown at their worst to keep us as fans - lighten up a bit - we like to see the joyful moments in peoples lives too you know!

Last note - if someone close to you is not ENCOURAGING you to heal your relationships then that is about their agenda, not yours. Be wary.

Viewer in Las Vegas
Viewer in Las Vegas

Hello, Lets not forget how the feud between Bethany And Jill started. When Bobby was sick with throat cancer. Where was supportive friend, Bethany? OH yeah, she was with her new boyfreind, Jason. Now that she had someone else she didn't need Jill anymore. Lets not forget that Bethany has had to deal with parental abandonment issues, and to have let go of her friendship with Jill was just as easily discarded.She was used to being alone anyway it was no big deal to her. If she would have been a true friend she would have given Jill time to heal and reflect. Jill your true friends would have been there for you during your time of need and you would have never had to go through all the nastiness you went through.

I hope you are well now.

goaliedave
goaliedave

just started watching ...love you keep it up

Uhh Umm
Uhh Umm

Umm, Youve got it backwards there. Bethany tried to patch things up and Jill rejected her time after time. I don't know what show you are watching. Obviously not housewives of Nyc!!

Uhh Umm
Uhh Umm

LMAO.. Lawyers are such liers..Too funny..

Uhh Umm
Uhh Umm

Bethany has so many fans. I think the show would lose so many veiwers if Bethany wasn't in it anymore. Me and my mates wouldn't be watching anymore. Bethany has like 10 fans for every 1 fan that Jill has.

Uhh Umm
Uhh Umm

Couldn't have said it better myself..

We don't like Jill..
We don't like Jill..

Uhh Um.. I don't think your talking about the housewives of Nyc..Must be some other show your talking about.

Lib
Lib

Jill, You feel the need to control everyone.You and your mother pass on all this "wisdom" to others yet maybe you should practice some yourself.I really did like you in Season 1 but then I saw how you behaved when people did not "obey" you.You have said horrible things about everyone and how would you feel if others on the show said horrible things about your child,yet you are more than comfortable in saying horrible things about others children.You hold a grudge and if you decide someone has crossed you,you set out to destroy them,eg ,Betthany.I am so glad Alex stood up to you cause you are a bully.

Bravo Fan
Bravo Fan

Hilarous Scuba...and so true. I think some of these people were watchng a different show. Cant stop laughng at your comment!

luisa toronto
luisa toronto

hi jill i can wait untill i see the last season in toronto we are one season behind the us i know a friend of your from canada tells me whats new and it was nice speaking what you on the phone that day thks jill for talk with me iam a great fan of yours

vinnied
vinnied

what show were you watching?

Cosimina
Cosimina

I just don't get it. All this venom toward you and the Ramona gang are angels? This season was painful to watch. Ramona was mean to everyone. Kelly got it, luann got it and you got it bad when you turned up at the island. She behaved appallingly to you. I missed what you did to Alex which caused her spiteful behaviour directed at you. Her face on the island when you turned up was so fake I wanted to smack her and tell her to grow up. Ramona, Alex and Bethenny behaved disgustingly this season towards you, Kelly and LuAnn and they can't forgive you? Enough! You have too big a heart. Forgive yourself and move on. I hope Alex and Bethenny don't cone back. I can't watch their cattiness anymore. And less of Mario please. What a jerk. Ciao from Italy!!!!

Jane Manley
Jane Manley

Hi Jill, Holy Cow! What happened? I love you soooo much and think you are a wonderful person. I also admire you. The other girls ganged up on you and at times it made me cry because there was a fair amount of bullying taking place towards both you and Kelly. I have a 1st Class Degree in Psychology (I'm from the UK) so therefore have an indication and interest in the group behaviour and responses. My symapthay lies with yourself and Kelly, beacause you have been treated unfairly - and your rections are to be expected. Please do not beat yourself up. I'll keep watching. You have my support. Jane x

Viewer1234
Viewer1234

Jill your my favourite housewife! dont stress about what alex and ramona say, its clear they're just jealous of you and your friendships you've made. Alex needs to relax and stop with the "hyperventilating", although it was pretty funny to see her do that. like was she serious?

pleasssse come back next season you make the show!

Susan/Roxanne
Susan/Roxanne

Jill - please start a spiritual study course. I think kabbalah would help you realize how much of this you brought on yourself. Your local synagogue or the Kabbalah Centre in (48th/3rd) Manhattan offers classes. You will learn to stop planting negative seeds in the first place and learn how to question your motives.

margaret99
margaret99

Jill, Listen to me, are you listening? Only take advice from Bobby!!!!!!

glenn C.
glenn C.

A mans point of view..I thought you would have a real good reason to treat Bethany like an outcast but it's apparent you didn't. I saw the episode of your mother and Bethany. Your mother is a godsend to you! Why don't you consult with her more? She is a wise commom sense women who will always be on your side. Don't forget that Jill. You are very lucky to have parents like this, what a blessing! Please read this prayer of St Francis it leaves nothing out!

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon: where there is doubt, faith ; where there is despair, hope where there is darkness, light where there is sadness, joy O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen. God Bless you Jill forever and ever!

Viewer from Maryland
Viewer from Maryland

You open with TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE DIVINE! So why could you not give forgiveness when it was asked this season. Time and again you slammed the door in Bethenny's face. Now we are to forgive you because you ask for it once? Where is your forgiveness for Alex? We are watching you to see if this new attitude is real or fake for the reunion show.

Real NY Viewer
Real NY Viewer

Hi Jill, You're still the best in every way. Alex and Bethany are in it for whatever attention they can get -- and it bugs them so much to see you being happy and having a balanced life.

Its obvious that they both are looking for any opportunity to bring you down to their level, to show that you are no better than they are -- but you ARE better than they are! No wonder why you can't understand why they hold onto a grudge so long -- you're rational and they aren't.

You can't ever please insane people. They owe you one HUGE apology. I hope the letters from your fans help to ease that 'what did I do wrong' feeling!

Hugs to you and Bobby ! I love my Zarin fabrics!

Alex is going to be doing a 'meet and greet' near me this weekend... I'm tempted to ask her to explain how you deserve her anger. Phoo on phony people!

Viewer3290
Viewer3290

“To err is human, to forgive divine."

Funny.

If Jill wants to win fans back, she should walk the talk and make up with all involved - rather than making ultimatums that cause people their jobs and dreams (i.e. Alex).

The upcoming season should feature the entire cast with the exception of Kelly and Bethany and be focused on having the wives "make up". It would be most satisfying to the viewers and would endear us to Jill once more.

christie (s.c.)
christie (s.c.)

Jill, you are the only reason we watch the show. It is so horrible how Alex has acted this year. I thought you have always been nice to her, afterall she did say in the past few years that there is nothing wrong with being a "social climber" Alex is the one that has changed, probably due to her having to take work in retail.

Allym
Allym

Jill, you are a wonderful person with a big heart. When you first met Alex and Simon in season one you offered to set an appointment with your friend who owns a preschool. You offer to help right away and you don't look to see what you can get in return. I am not sure why everyone wants to make you seem like a bad person, when you are so far from that. It was really wrong of Bethenny not to be there for you when your husband was sick, espicially since you had been there for her last season. It's like she got a boyfriend and forgot all about her friends. Had she bothered to call you to talk to you about how you are doing and how he was doing, she would have known what was going on. Even if she did call once or twice, she should have tried 30 times, she knew your husband was sick and it was her job as your friend to reach out. Hang in there and know that you have fans that love you!

Stephanie Pearton from australi
Stephanie Pearton from australi

Hi Jill, Id like to say that I think you are the most kind hearted person on the show. Yes your r right, how many times do you have to say sorry? I think the house wives need to read the book called "SUMO" which means shutup and move on !! My opinion, if they haven't accepted yr appologies, then they are not worthy to be in your life, and it's their loss, not yours. Take care Jill. X Steph

ChrisTX
ChrisTX

I don't know if your still reading these, but I'm just now watching the final reunion. I'm sure that your all nice ladies, and I just don't understand why there has been so much fighting among all of you. I just think that it's classless and tasteless for people to berate each other so much. All friends have disagreements, but my goodness, you ladies went for the jugular. I hope that everyone learned something about themselves that they can turn into something positive, and move forward. You can't change the past, but we can do better in the future, and I'm sure that you will. Best to you and your family, and if there is another season, I hope that there will be more kindness, and not so much pettiness.

Kristina4482
Kristina4482

Hi Jill-

I've been meaning to write to you for a while. I was so touched when you talked about Bobby's cancer because I too have it. I did the surgery last Nov. and the radiation in Feb. I didn't get a clean bill of health yet but hearing your husband was fine made me feel better and have hope. I'm hoping 2010 is a better year for all of us, I turned 28 and I'm planning my wedding in NYC! I'll have a nice neck scar for the pictures, but my fiancee says it adds character = ). Thank you for sharing your life with us. Love you!

friend123
friend123

Jill, I will say that the show soaring popularity is from the meanness that occurred in season three. Your insecurity masked in bitterness, help make the show a success, I know this is not a cool statement to say but we all know it rings true.

As a result, your fending of your vulnerabilty and insecurity in other means brought me to feel tenderness toward you because i saw past the mean and witnessed the frightend Jill.

I get you because there is a little Jill in all of us.

I hope next season you have some bite left in you for dramatic t.v. flair and beleive you will show a more open and vulverable side of yourself.

You were given a powerful lesson many would die for-the expereince to make that huge transforamtion we look for in life.

Find that beautiful heart you have and share it more like in the days of you and Bethenny's friendship because that is the real you.

I know you took a lot of flack and know we are behind you to see the transformation and that transformatin begins with forgiving Alex- the pretentious person that she is.

You can do it and you will.

I look forward to seeing your change next season.

kitcat
kitcat

jill its obvious to everyone i know who watches the show (which is pretty much my entire law office) that the thing with your ex-friend bethany frankel is this: you (jill) are lovely, beautiful, funny, personable, interesting, all those good things that make someone desireable to the public. Bethany is NONE of those things. She's a snake in the grass and she's very good at manipulation. She wants to be the queen bee and will go to any length to get there. Whereas you are just genuinley kind and NORMAL......and that's a compliment in my world of family law! anyway, the reason that bethany has a show of her own and you don't is simply this: ever heard the phrase "mean people get farther in life?" Jill I'd rather have my dignity than my own show and thrid rate products anytime! BE HAPPY

THE TRUTH
THE TRUTH

JILL, I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE POSTER WHO SAID THAT BETHANY COMPETES WITH YOU. I'VE HAD MANY FRIENDSHIPS LIKE THAT AND IT'S REALLY HARD TO PINPOINT BUT COMING FROM A 3RD POINT OF VIEW YOU WILL SEE IT. YOU ARE THE REASON I WATCH THE SHOW. YOU ARE REAL YOU ARE FUNNY AND YOU ARE YOURSELF. BETHANY WANTS RATING, MONEY AND BUSINESS MEETINGS TO TELL HER THAT SHE IS THE STAR OF THE SHOW. ITS PATHETIC! PLEASE JILL, DONT CRY OVER HER, TO HER OR FOR HER. SHE'S AN UNFEELING PERSON WHO THINKS SHE IS SMARTER THAT EVERYONE ELSE. BRAVO SHOULD CONTINUE TO POST SUCH COMMENTS AS NOT EVERYONE THINKS BETHANY IS SO GREAT.

Mille
Mille

Jill and to all my beautiful talented NY Housewives, please do not get like the NJ housewives. I love you all, Jill you have learned some hard lessons and Bethany does have jealousy issues regarding Kelly that is obvious, Kelly I love your whimsical way you look at life it works for you and Ramona you knocked the socks off my feet with your transformation, can't wait till next season, Sonja you are a welcoming new addition and Alex stay strong and beautiful. Love you all, after seeing NJ (they should get rid of this group)makes me proud of all your aspirations.

Martin A.
Martin A.

jill, I think you should be commended for how you handled the last season of the show. I would like to say that we all survive the betrayal of false friends! The women on this show are not your friends. I cannot believe what a pack of bitches they are. They are mean like a bunch of high school------'s. I think you did everything you could to patch things up with Bethenny,but she was not receptive to it. What a total monster she has become!!Bethenny is so horrible to everyone on her new show. Its hard for me to watch! What a completely self absorbed person she is,maybe the fact that she doesn't want to be friends with you is a blessing! :)

Billswifey
Billswifey

I remember listening to Bethanny apologize so often to Jill that I thought I would throw up....yet Jill says..."I have apologized enough!" Jill always wants from others what she herself is unwilling to give.

California Girl
California Girl

Jill,

Could it be, you cast mates haven't forgiven you b/c actions speak louder than words. You need to stop acting like you are the victim, when you clearly are not. Stop acting like a MEAN Girl in high school and GROW UP! Stop the crying too! For goodness sake, act your age. Just realize the world does NOT revolve around you. Get over it!

Lin from WA
Lin from WA

I wish everyone could get along again. The show is fun to watch, except for Kelly, she needs to leave the show. But then agian you didn't want to talk to Bethany when she showed up at Ramona's. You weren't ready. You could tell she was really hurt. I know you are hurt now that Bethany doesn't want to have anything to do with you. She's not ready right now. I hope in time things will be better.