Ramona Singer

Ramona opens up about "ugly memories" she has of her troubled childhood.

on Apr 1, 20100

 

Well, the hardest part of this episode was watching me talk to my good friend Joanie about my father. I have to tell you, I cried and shook all over again. Our conversation was so emotional and struck such a deep chord in me. I am not a perfect person, but I am trying. We are all a product of our environment. It was really difficult for me to share my past with Joanie and everyone else, even now. I have always been so ashamed and have tried to block out those ugly memories I witnessed between my mom and dad.

Even as I am writing this I am crying, crying for the love I never got from my father, crying for the way my mom was abused by my father, crying for the lost childhood I never had because of my father. Unless you lived through this, no one can begin to imagine what it's like. I thank God every day my loving husband Mario convinced me to have my father at our home over Christmas. I needed closure. It would have been even more devastating if he had died and we never made peace with each other. I encourage everyone to make peace with estranged loved ones. By spending time with my father and forgiving him, it freed me of a weight that was always so heavy upon me. I never realized what a heavy burden it was until his passing. Since his death I have been looking at everything differently. I have a calmness to me I never had before. I am trying to think before I speak, though I still have a hard time with it. I find myself constantly saying to people, "I would like to share some thoughts with you, and I do not mean to offend you," or "I hope I don't come across rude, if I did I am sorry" etc. I still have a long way to go, as you will see in future episodes. All I can say is that I am trying and I am aware.

The most important thing is that I never say anything intending to be mean-spirited or vicious, and the people who are my close friends know this about me.

 

132 comments
vickimonica
vickimonica

You are a lovely person. You HAVE changed since last season. Your genuine, caring, kind, and beautiful. I can tell that you, Betheny, & Alex have bonded. I hope that the three of you say friends forever...

stacie
stacie

Ramona your are my favorite housewife right now.Im glad you stood up for bethany,and alex. Jill didnt show up on your getaway trip for you, she went for drama.She put you down for wanting to renew your vows in the first place and shes kissing ass now because everyone seening her for what she is.Ramona your cool and im glad your on the show

Jerome Laurence
Jerome Laurence

I'm sorry to hear that Ramona. I guess don't dwell on the past as much know as ever but, it looks like you gained a lot of experience to leave it up in the air. You are very beatiful, and of what the show carries it seems like your relationship with your daughter is perfect. That kind of relationship is absolutly envious, and cherishing. I don't know what else to say you'r perfect, extremely intelligent, and thats why I like you the most. You have morals! I can't wait for your jewlery line. Even though I'm a guy I think it's going to be wonderful having something to go along with my studies in (jewlery repair and design). Well anyway hang in there, and what a wonderful family really thank-you

oma wanda
oma wanda

Yes i know how u feel i had a terrible childhood and at age sixty i am just now finding peace.

nailnana
nailnana

Hi Ramona, So weird same thing happened to me and my Dad.My parents were abusive to each other and I am 58 .For about 12 years I didn't speak to my Dad and he didn't reach out to me.Then I was invited to a rare family reunion by an aunt and Dad came and we connected in October of 2004.He called me on my December 23rd birthday for the first time in my life to say Happy Birthday,I love you! "Wow",what a birthday present. Then March of 2005 he died suddenly.By the time my brother called me to say Dad was taken to hospital,he was dead. Your honest sharing on the show really touched me and made me feel not so alone and unworthy.Makes me realize they were the sick ones . I too felt released with his passing and I am worth loving. Thank You so very much!

Anne K. Miller Duenas
Anne K. Miller Duenas

Dear Ramona,

It is so obvious how much you care about Bethenny and the rest of the housewives. You are truly altruistic and loving. Keep it up, please.

Anne

lorraine augustine
lorraine augustine

Ramona....just saw the show when you were talking about your father. It made me cry. Me and my children lived that life. I too took them several times and ran away. My ex scared my kids and myself all the time with throwing things and break things and yelling. He broke my doll collection that I had since I was four...dolls from Germany, Italy, Japan, Korea etc. from our travels when I was a child. I stayed with him for 18 yrs. and am so sorry that I didn't leave earlier...not that I didnt try but where was I going back then with no money. Finally he smashed my video camera when I was going to my sons last football game and he wanted me to tape it. That was it for me I felt my blood just drop out of my head and I said no more he is not going to kill me. That day I said I am going to a lawyer and I did. I didn't care if he killed me or not I'd rather be dead than live with him. Your poor mother was going thru hell. You can't blame her because they really make you think they will kill you. And my ex would say I killed people in Vietnam and I can kill you or I will take the kids and go to Europe and you will never see them again. He was a millionaire so this could of happened so I had my son memorize my sisters telephone number because I knew he could get away from him and call if he did kidnap them. I felt so sorry for you when you were talking. My father in law was even more mean and on his death bed he told my ex mother in law that he was very sorry for what he did. She said she wanted to slap him but just said don't worry about it. But you know Ramona I think it has made us better people in a strange way..much more stronger than others. The only problem is that because I stayed my youngest really suffered with fear and when he was 27 he became a paranoid schizephrenic. God the guilt I felt for not leaving sooner not that I didnt try because I did but he would come and get me. Do you know that my ex doesn't even come over to see my son or take him out. He has another son from a first marriage and he does the same thing to him. ONly my oldest does he care for. Very sad for my son. So you are lucky my dear that you and your mom survived all that abuse and you got the reward of him being nice to you in the end. I hope my son gets that one day too. Now your dad is gone and let those memories fade away. The pain will probally always be there but just say GO AWAY THATS THE PAST....okay enough...I love your show and try to watch when I can.

Amy Lanzano
Amy Lanzano

I'm really starting to like you a lot. You are a good person who really tries hard to do the right thing.

KB Chicago
KB Chicago

Hi Ramona I was just watching the reairing of this episode on Bravo @ 6-7pm 04/09/10. I just wanted to say I am so touched and I admire you for sharing that. I am right now in the process of reinventing myself although I am probably too old to be doing so right now. I am in my mid-20s and I still find it hard to talk to my father. He is very ill and could die any moment, so you sharing that has made me want to try and start a relationship with him. I am also a little relieved to know that this was not just something that I went through. I have to be honest I thought this was something that was only confined to one race, but to know someone rich, successful, and a race other than mine's really did open up my eyes to knowing I am not alone. You are truly an inspiration even if you don't like my people or feel comfortable around them. I still find your story inspirational and a stepping stone for me to move on with my life finally and reinvent myself. Here's to being a victor and not a victim....KB Chicago

Viewered
Viewered

Thanks for be so open. YOu are very brave.

sophie08
sophie08

Yep! You can be brutally honest in a funny way but you are never mean-spirited, except in matters of little import, such as in discussing Kelly's fake boobs! lol :) Love you, Ramona!

janiceb
janiceb

I can appreciate your statement that you are trying and you are "aware". But when you lashed out at Bethenny on the Brooklyn Bridge (in tonight's episode,) your words were critical, hurtful and frankly, abusive. I know that is probably what you heard while you were growing up. so try to break that awful cycle. Instead of saying, "I don't mean to offend you..." just don't say it at all. "I don't mean to offend you, but you appear to have had too much Botox" is still rude and inappropriate, and "I don't mean to offend you" doesn't make it okay.

Ballet1
Ballet1

Ramona, Why are you back and forth back and forth with your friendships?? You don't seem to be loyal to anyone??? What's going on? When you said that horrible thing to Bethenny on the bridge,-you could have at least held her while she was upset and closed your mouth as soon as you saw her crying.? You aren't any "friend" I'd like to have! Choose your side and stay on it! You can't be on the "fence" concerning your "friends!" Choose by the "heart condition" and remember,-"birds of a feather, flock together!" ie. Jill and Luann. Ballet1

Not Jill
Not Jill

You've got a real heart...so you're honest, big deal, sometimes we all need that.

You can actually be trusted, unlike some people...

Denise Hall
Denise Hall

Ramona,

I am really amazed that as I was watching you talking to your friend about your Father's passing 2 weeks after Christmas - the same thing happened to me a year ago (January 2, 2009).

I am 56 years old and my Dad died at the age of 78. My mom now lives with us as a result of his death. She cannot live alone. That is a whole "nother" story - but I did really relate in an almost shocking way to the words and tears coming from you.

My Dad and I had a terrible relationship all our lives. He was verbally abusive - but my Mother had just as much to do with it - so both my Mom and my Dad had narcissistic personality disorders (which I only learned the terms for in the last month when I finally decided to get some help/therapy for myself to help me deal with my new feelings since y father's death)

We also had a great Christmas - but we spent all holidays together no matter how disfunctional they became (the Southern way) The Christmas of 2008 was his last and our best.

Sometime I will talk to you more about this - if you want. Sounds like we unfortunately have some things in common. I also am a member at a couple boards for children of BPD parents. It does finally help me to know I'm not alone with the way I grew up (and my brother). We turned out pretty good - are great parents and amazingly have great relationships with our spouses.

Thanks for this episode!

Denise

WOLFFIE
WOLFFIE

Romona,

I feel for ya!! I hada very abusive mother and it was very hard to go up around that. I also found out some very shocking news about my familyyears later. It is very hard to swallow. So be thankful for your very understanding husband. Why is he not in the show very much?? I do like how you are up front with what you think,,,you tell it like it is!! YOU GO GIRL, ESPECIALLY TO KELLY,,you were right she posed NUDE, so she all worried about what people think,,,HELLO !!! You hang in there!! Bethany is a nice person and everyone seems to pick on her!!

WendyS
WendyS

Hi Ramona,

I'm going to be honest, up to last week's episode, I either found you impossibly rude or simply a comical character, but I never had a moment where I "connected" with you. However, last week you were a genuinely open, calm, soul, sharing your pain, your loss and your new found peace. I sat and cried watching that moment. It was a beautiful moment between you and Joanie (who is just GORGEOUS I must say. I truly wish you continued peace and release from all the sadness and loss experienced in your childhood. For whatever reason, the path you were given in your childhood was necessary in order for you to find the place where you are now with a lovely young lady for a daughter, a man you love and so many blessings and successes in your life. I hope peace (and more tactful ways of expressing your opinion!) continue to fill yourlife. I see you in a whole new light, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of you.

Wendy

jaimi
jaimi

I know what you are feeling, i had an EXTREMELY disturbed childhood, both of my parents were drug addicts, and my father was a child molester. I was assaulted throughout my childhood. But you have to be better than they are. Instead of being angry and upset you need to hold your head up high, and know that your child will never have to go through the same thing. Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished, granted that was a horrible time in your life, you are better because of it.

Hawaiian Girl
Hawaiian Girl

The saying is "all over it like WHITE ON RICE"....NOT all over it like white rice.

A gal from Reno
A gal from Reno

Ramona, Just watching your emotional episode with your good friend brought back some painful memories for me too - something i never admitted to anyone for the first 48 yrs of my life - this was also out of shame and im slowly realizing that we truelly have nothing to feel shameful about - we were children and had no control over the way our parents choose to act - im still somewhat ashamed about what happened to me as a child but i have found some close friends and an adult daughter that i can turn to and get my feelings out - so glad you found someone to confide in - so proud of you! Keep up the good work and the healing process - i love watching you,Mario and Avery - Forgiving my father is still a work in progress for me- my childhood remained a secret until after my father died - then i finally felt free to share it - and am learning to forgive him - thanks,,,ramona -

Jodi Kelly
Jodi Kelly

Girl. As they say in my 'hood: You ain't right. The good news is that in my 'hood, that is almost always a compliment. Now that we know why, I think we all have become even more fond of you. Having said that, "telling it like it is" is just from your perspective. Now that you're renewing yourself, I think taking a moment here or there to think about the perspective [meaning viewpoint, where THEY are coming from] of others will help you really renew yourself.

As someone who is more like you than any other 'housewife' on any of the shows, I'd just like to give you some advice: When you feel like "telling it like it is", take 3 seconds where you clench your teeth and push your tongue up against them really hard. If you still feel like saying it, then go ahead. It's only 3 seconds and it wouldn't hurt anyone. I do love ya, though.

Milka
Milka

Many of us have had turbulant, dysfunctional relationships with our fathers. Living with my father was like living with a time bomb.....you never new when he was going to go off. He wasn't a drug user and he didn't have a drinking problem, so his behavior was inexplicable. Maudlin and over atentive one minute, rabid and abusive the next. I didn't learn until decades later (about five years ago to be exact) in therapy that my father had Narcissistic Personaltiy Disorder (NPD). At 41, I was pregnant and engaged to be married (Finally!) to an individual who left me within two weeks of my miscarraige. His behaviors, and his earth-shatteringly rapid exit from our relationship, were also inexplicable.....and devastating. In therapy I learned my ex-fiance had NPD, like my father, and that the pattern of dysfunctional men in my life was less than coincidental. Ramona, you are blessed to have found a man who helped you heal. I may never find that person, but have the closure I needed after decades of not understanding what was wrong with my father. I may never completely heal, but I now know his pathology has a name. Best of luck to you on your journey toward healing.

tobey
tobey

Feel for you as an abused child myself. Love ya, tobey

Elissa
Elissa

Ramona, i want to say you have not been my favorite housewife until this season. First of all, I love your honesty. There is a difference between yours and Bethany's. She is out right looking to go for the juggler. You speak the truth and sincerely feel bad afterwards (at times). I saw you on Rachael Ray and you are so down to earth. I like that about you. You have made your own money as did Alex....Lu Anne is such a phoney and Jill is beginning to be all about money lately...usually people who have money don't flaunt it, but, not in her case. I saw that after her Sak's party. I can't wait to see you bring Bethany down a few notches tonight. I will continue to be on Team Ramona...don't let me down babe!

zero milligram (o.m.g.)
zero milligram (o.m.g.)

ramona, you make me laugh so much... you are so sweet. i want you to know the past is the past and the present is the present that is why we should treat it like the gift it is to all of us. love mario and avery as alway... i just know they love you so much. (o.m.g.)

ble
ble

Ramona,

Your expressive eyes remind me of my favorite Christian author & Bible Study leader. Check it out & God Bless You Also remember the most loving father out there is yours, Our Father in Heaven Beth Moore LifeWay Church Liveway.com

French Girl
French Girl

Ramona,

Thank you for sharing your story. That was very brave to share such pain, trust me I know. I can so much relate to your experienve. I'm a product of an affair. My father never loved me either, I was rejected at birth and until he died. It create it such a void in my life still now. I'm so glad that you're so bless to have found a loving husband in Mario. I think your daughter Avery is such a lovely and mature young woman. Continue to be true to yourself.

God Bless you and your lovely family, Empathic Viewer

ronda
ronda

Ramona my heart aches for you, I also had a troubled childhood and know the pain of growing up without knowing the love of your parents. I was lucky enough to spend everyday with my parents the last years of thier lives, and we had a chance to build a loving relationship. I am sure your father loved you he may just not have known how to show it. I believe people of that generation have a hard time expressing remorse and love.

Sharon R.
Sharon R.

I just want to say that I had a similar relationship w/my father, who never made me feel loved as a child. Primarily, what I felt was fear. He died several years ago after a 3-year debilitating illness during which time I was able to get close to him and overcome my resentment. I am so grateful that I did. Take care- SR

Viewerjen
Viewerjen

I would nener have guessed we had so much in common...blessings to you and yours...

MIchelle22
MIchelle22

Ramona: I have a friend exactly like you with the saying things so bluntly honest it can be painful. Just keep apologizing and prefacing your statements with a disclaimer--that will go a loooooooong way toward improving things even if you can't always keep yourself from saying what you think. :)

Hang in there!

M

AO
AO

Ramona- you always appear to be a fun, loving person- your good heart always shines through!- Remember- you have "overcome" your childhood- because you have demonstrated that you are a strong, smart, and blessed woman now!

monica
monica

Ramona, I so much can relate to your childhood, I am so happy for you that you have made peace. My father took his own life and I was never able to make peace with him. However, seeing you so happy, there must be a way for me to do the same and I hope I find it. I wish you and your family much joy and happiness. P.S. I love your True Faith line.

KatieDE
KatieDE

God bless you Ramona! No matter how erratic your behavior may seem (thanks to editing), it takes someone with a very strong heart and soul to walk through fire and come out the other side. I see so many of these "housewives" from the various series putting out books, but I really feel your story and experience could help so many women out there! You are a wonderful wife, mother and businesswoman. There are so many others that could be helped by your story! The first two seasons, I liked you and then I didn't and then I did and then I didn't... This season, you crack me up and infuriate me every episode, but you are becoming a favorite! I will pray for you and your family, God bless!

p.s. So proud that you have put your differences aside with Alex & Simon! They have their eccentricities, but seem like good people!

Viewer #21
Viewer #21

It really appreciated the fact that your decided to air out your past on the show. I'm sure there are many other people who found comfort and identify with your pain. Your success and vibrancy, coming from your background, is inspiring. Scars never go away, and they may show sometimes, but that doesn't mean we need to spend our whole lives staring at them. I hope you don't continue to ice Bethany in the awkward manner that you did at the bar. That was just bizarre. When my girlfriends begin discussing something I really don't want to, I just ask them not to rather then being dodgy. You of all people Ramona, tell it like it is! I do not agree that asking Kelly about her boobs was so highly inappropriate either. She is exposing them to the world and doesn't expect to get asked that? But once she said she didn't want to discuss it, I'm sure that if the Pinot wasn't in your hand you would have been more understanding. That Pinot girl, watch yourself!

Reliving
Reliving

Ramona, I love that you took this journey. I went through something similar 15 years ago. My mother was a battered woman for over 10years and I grew up watching every moment. After years of wishing things could be different I realized that he was who he was; I couldn’t change that. So, I loved the good parts and the well meaning ones too. My dad died 5 years later and Im thankful I forgave him for the parts he just couldn’t control.

Scottsdale
Scottsdale

Just a suggestion: before you say something, stop and think it you would want it to be said to your daughter, or in front of her. If the answer is no, CLAM UP and keep the thought to yourself. Love your hair--admire your business acumen:)

Diane H
Diane H

Oh gosh....I too have a story of woe.....Just recently I was sharing with my sister that I thought it would be a release from my torment once our Mom passes. I have tried to talk to her somewhat, but as you know, those walls are miles thick. She has even gone through cancer and still no lightbulb moment. Nothing. Now she just won't talk to me. So, how do you work through it when the offending parent won't participate????

I am very happy to hear of your release, peace and new found happiness. May it multiply forever more. Blessings to you and your family!

DH

kaugustson
kaugustson

Ramona, My heart broke listening to you talk about your father and now I'm lost for words for the time time ever. All I can say is God Love You, Ramona. He will give you an inner healing that you never dreamed possible. God Bless You and Yours, Katherine Augustson

Godiva313
Godiva313

Ramona,

I have a new respect for you. Making an effort to change and become more self-aware goes a long way. There's really nothing else anyone can ask for...you're trying. I appreciate the fact that you took a long look at yourself and you want to be a better person. Kudos to you!

angela glover
angela glover

How do I find the website for Ramona's jewelry line? Thank you--Angela

Kaylyn
Kaylyn

I just want to say thank you. I know you showed true emotion talking about your childhood. I have also been through a tough time during my childhood. You really never get over it and it seems its always in the back of your mind. No matter how many years goes by you find yourself still crying and feeling afraid like you felt when you were little from time to time. I give you so much credit to say what you had to say about your childhood and your forgiveness for your dad before he passed. Unfortunalty I did not have the moment like you had. This is something you didn't need to shair with the public but you did and that makes you a strong person in my eyes. Good for you ! Thanks for speaking to everyone going through a similiar situation. God bless!

Mel K
Mel K

Ramona, Thanks for sharing your story about your childhood. I too grew up with the same type of situation and it has been a difficult ride to say the least. I am glad you made peace with your father before his death, as I was not able to before my father died. Although with his dementia, I doubt if he would have understood anyway. But hey, it would have been worth a shot. And I wanted to say, I agree Kelly is always on her own planet I think! She seems to have a higher opinion of herself than anyone else. Love ya girl!

Kasie
Kasie

Ramona, I feel for you. I had the same experiences growing up. Just try to be more calm and sensitive now and move forward. thank u!

ps
ps

I think you and Bethenny could probably be good friends because you both tell it like it is. I hope you don't let those women run all over you and continue to attack you like they did last season. Stand up for yourself.

JoanneK
JoanneK

Ramona,

You have come a long way, and as a viewer, I am very proud of you! The courage to speak about the abuse in your family and the way it affected you will have a profound affect on many people. For those who have been victims of abuse, they may speak out to others about it and get help, so they can move on with life...happier, and healthier. For those who haven't been affected by abuse, your revelation will make them realize and understand how horrible abuse is. They may reach out more readily to someone who they know is abused.

No one is perfect, and the fact that you acknowledge your challenges in life is great. I wish you the best, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

All the best to you and your family!

Cathy S.
Cathy S.

Hi Ramona, During the first season, I sent you an email directly to your website, concerned about your relationships to your daughter and yourself. I am so happy to see you grow and heal through this experience, and only hope that perhaps we all had a little something to do with it. I remember you sent me a personal email back, which was very well written and thought out. I prayed for you, that you got the help you needed because it was obvious that you were hurting. I am sure you feel better, going through this journey of recovery, even though it's painful at first. Change is always painful, but it's a sign of life. Everything that lives must change, it's called growth. You are growing towards becoming whole. There are setbacks along the way, but remember just like a baby who is learning how to walk, it's two steps forward, one step back. Until you're off an running:) Be blessed!

Eca
Eca

Dear Ramona,

Thank you for sharing your stories with us. I also come from an abusive family. Although my father really loved me and never laid a finger on me, I had witnessed too many times how he used to beat up my mother and my brother. It was a very damaging experience, and it must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell your friend and viewers like us. I still have not talked about this with my friends nor my husband, but I hope one day I will find courage like yours.

MS,TING
MS,TING

RAMONA I LOVE U SOOOO MUCH U R THE ONLY TRUTHFUL ONE U SPEACL YOUR MIND I LOVE THAT KEEP ON DOING WHAT U DOING LOVE U RAMONA

J W
J W

Ramona, You seem to have some good qualities about yourself, and the fact that you can openly share something you find to be a past burden shows a strong personality. That in and of itself is a good quality to have. There is no doubt that we are a product of our environment, but I also think that you're a very smart person. With that said, I think your one biggest flaw that you should work on is your reactions to being confronted. From the views of the show, it looks like you should take a moment, step back and actually listen to what is being said to you instead of you trying to over talk the person that is trying to come to you with the problem.