Simon van Kempen

Simon talks Kelly's Playboy shoot, Jill and Bethenny's fashion show showdown, and more!

on Mar 18, 20100

 

As if to signify it’s the end of the Hamptons episodes we all get to sit in LuAnn’s backseat and be driven back to “The City” as she and Victoria head back from the Hamptons. This is a chance for a Mother/Daughter chat about Kelly’s upcoming Playboy shoot and is also an opportunity for the age difference between LuAnn’s daughter and Kelly’s daughters come into play. Victoria might only be three or four years older than Thaddeus (Teddy) but at that age her ability to deal with a naked Mom, if that was to happen, seems more assured. And so after a discussion where they hope that Kelly doesn’t get her ‘cha-chas’ out we move to a Kelly and her daughters.

So we join Kelly and her daughters as they sit and discuss the Playboy shoot and I get a little confused because Sea seems to be speaking in the past tense about Kelly “getting her boobs out." Kelly seeks some reassurance about her parenting skills and after Sea says “you work so hard for us” Kelly translates that into Kelly-speak as that “she’s too hard on them.” Fortunately it seems the apple fell very far from the tree and it’s hard to stifle a laugh as she preciously says that her Mom posed in Playboy “to entertain people with [her] weirdness” and just 5 minutes in I think Bravo has their quote of the episode. At the Learning Annex Bethenny’s up for speaking at an “educational speakers series” and I am glad she warned the audience that they weren’t going to learn much that evening as she really tried to turn it into an evening of stand up. Kathy Griffin you’re safe for awhile – a looooong while. What is interesting is that B tells us that speaking in front of hundreds of people is the reason she deals with all “this nonsense” which I take as a reference to appearing on this show; and previously The Apprentice-Martha Stewart. She must really be desperate to keep on speaking to hundreds of people as I am sure you all know she’s jumped into more “nonsense” as she’s now filming her own show Bethenny’s Getting Married. Gotta love nonsense!

As she continues her stand up routine, you have to pay props to the editors as they cut to the most prim & proper woman in the room to coincide with Bethenny’s language being bleeped.

 

86 comments
Viewer520
Viewer520

Alex and Simon are the only two people on RHONY that can write a coherent sentence. They also are the most civil and I believe live above the fray. I find their honesty refreshing and out of character for the housewife shows. It's generally a bunch of ugly backstabbing and they manage to stay out of it. Alex will tell you how she feels to your face and that is an admirable quality. The others like to do it behind one another's backs and for camera time.

JeanneQ
JeanneQ

Simon, please dont miss a week on your blog! I really enjoy reading your take on everything. You are so funny, and your blog is so entertaining!

FanFare56
FanFare56

UnSimple Simon,

It would behoove you to get a blog tutorial from Alex. She's succinct. There is no need for you to give the full rehash in an overly longggggg message. We've already watched the eps ourselves.

The one thing I couldn't believe is how the other wives treated Kelly's Playboy pix as a crowning achievement. Conversely, these same women trashed Alex relentlessly for her private nude pix being circulated. That's some double standard. You and Alex must have very forgiving hearts to overlook that or you really don't give a damn what your castmates say about you.

N1chelle
N1chelle

Way to go Pattyu. I agree with everything you said!! Simon is acting like a hypocrite that he says he dislikes.

tanaj
tanaj

Simon, you are starting to grow on me!

Viewer from Michigan
Viewer from Michigan

Your friend Derek has the sweetest smile and demeanor about him. I have NO clue how Jill found him to be scary. If you and Alex had brought the Queen of England she would have found something wrong with her too.

aintusmart
aintusmart

Simon,

First time I have read your blog, and I must say, you are spot on! I completely agree with you on most of you comments. Especially those concerning Bethanney. Good Job!

Viewer58
Viewer58

Simon,

You were one of favorites-you were alittle unique in presentation and style, but you were never mean, gossipy, or petty. What has happened-this season you sound & act just like Mario!!! You have reached new lows with your pettiness and taking sides-I thought you were so much better than that-guess not!!! Bring back the Simon of old, he was a much better human being!

Anne
Anne

haras Simon, please stop blogging you are not a housewive. I watch the show because of the ladies. ----------------------------------------------------------

Hmm. Yet YOU clicked on his blog and CHOSE to read it. I, on the otherhand love your blog Simon! Thanks for keeping it real! :o)

GPS1972
GPS1972

Simon........please please please stop recapping each episode and get to the point. The show is repeated every week, sometimes more than once, so we really don't need your play-by-play recaps. Get to the point! (said with much love and a smile :-))

Gabrielle

Southern Girl
Southern Girl

Simon,

I don't mind you blogging, but WHY ARE YOU recapping the entire show? FYI, Just write what you feel on the subjects and go on with it. I feel this blog was very very judgemental toward everyone, What up with that?? That's not playing nice!!!!!! I feel we will see "two faced" showing up this year with you guys.

tvfanatic
tvfanatic

simon, why do you feel you have to recap the entire show. scene by scene with little insight or humor. you are not a housewife, go blog on your own pages. your blog is longer than anyone elses and the most boring. i love your wife but you need to learn your place. this is the housewives of ny, not the strange husbands show. at least if you feel the need to blog, keep it short and interesting and don't go scene by scene like your audience are idiots.

SF Viewer
SF Viewer

Once again, bravo! (no pun intended)

MDVON
MDVON

Blogging is not your forte Simon, it sounds more like a play by play. But that is cool because I know you treat your wife well... Peace and Love

neo
neo

c'mon simon...give us some backstage stuff. stuff we don't see...puleeeeeese?

C
C

I like you and Alex more and more with each season. You're the most down to earth of the bunch.

Sonjja Finigan
Sonjja Finigan

Hi Simon,Im from Sydney and wanted to know what part of Australia you are from?

Viewer in CT
Viewer in CT

Simon, I have to admit that you have grown on me and I love your insights into these women and their worlds. Their selfishness and self-absorption is dizzying -- Alex seems to be the only real woman out there. Keep up the good work -- I enjoy reading your blog!

pattyu
pattyu

I hope after bashing Jill over and over, that your get a chance to read her blog and see that she sincerely appoligizes for her comment about your son. Also, when Bobby told her he was o.k. Jill began to cry and could barely talk. I really like you but when did you become the one to point out everyone's "faults" instead of their "good" area's. Back off of Kelly she is raising two amazing girls who will always remember that their Mom sought their opinion before the pictures came out. As children's memories go that's what will make them feel important! (I noticed you didn't mention Bethany posing nude) You and Alex have chosen your sides, you may want to take the High road but you missed the turn!

Sue B
Sue B

Again Simon, I love your style of writing/blogging; AH-MAZING. I find it funny, clever, witty and the best part, understandable. I can read through your blog once but unlike other blogs, I find myself having to re-read them; I guess I don't understand Kellyworld literature.

Viewer2
Viewer2

I love your blog, Simon!

And I feel so sorry for NYC RH Fan No. 27--has (s)he never had an adorable child do that classic back flip??? I LOVE to swing my niece and friends' kids by the arms and have them climb up my legs and flip them. That's exactly what you are SUPPOSED to do as 5 year old children! How is that a bad thing?

Rachael
Rachael

Simon, enjoy your blogs so much! You definitely have a way with words and you tell it like it is, good bad and ugly. I don't care if you are a "housewife" or not, I enjoy seeing you each week on TV, being a friend on Facebook and reading your blog each week. Your boys are spectacular, wonderful, funny and smart (Now, Daddy?), and Alex always makes me smile. Thank you for letting us into your home and take a glimpse at your family each week. Wish Bravo would give the two of YOU your own show!

thebenevolentdogg
thebenevolentdogg

I enjoy reading your blog because you have the ability to put into words exactly what I am thinking.

It is refreshing to know that at least one family is living in reality - not creating their own reality.

You seem to be the most accessible couple out of all of the housewives (and spouses). You definitely have grown on me. Kudos to you for continuing to be genuine.

Sarah F.
Sarah F.

I really enjoy your perspective and your blogging style. Keep blogging...so far you are the only blog I can read word for word, all the others I have to skim to get through the nonsense.

As a parent of young children I find you and Alex very relate-able. Heading over to Amazon to pre-order your book right now!

LiliSanDiego
LiliSanDiego

Hi Simon,

I always liked you and Alex and look forward to reading your blogs. I have to say, I'm shocked that Jill and Luann have this unedited way of blurting unwanted advice or information. This time aimed at your little kids and that is truly classless and crass (hey that would be good nicknames for them huh?). On another note, Alex's pizza looked absolutely delicious how about a recipe on your website. I have a 5 year old boy and I'd love to make homemade pizza like that. Does Alex have any other home recipes for kids up her sleeve? Would love to see them in a book actually. Take care and keep on being cool.

BB12-Chris
BB12-Chris

This season- what a change in edits- I am now impressed with you and Alex. Thank you for being mature and the voice of reason. YOUR BLOGS are the BEST! #1

steve lynch
steve lynch

Simon - You should have just copied the transcript from the show and pasted it here. Wow! Alot on your mind - Mr. GOSSIP!

JoRoMa
JoRoMa

As usual, right on point and very witty! I look forward to reading your take after every show and so far I am always in agreement with you. Keep on blogging!

bay girl
bay girl

Simon, you're by far one of the most entertaining Bravo characters. You have a good heart and are clever and funny--and willing to take fashion risks! I also love the way you appreciate and enjoy your wife--so rare among married couples. Stick around.

By the way, when Kelly used the word "book" to refer to Playboy--it may sound funny, but in the magazine world "book" is the standard word to describe any magazine. So despite Kelly's often-bizarre take on things in general, in this case she was just using an insider term that any magazine person would use.

nancy11703
nancy11703

Simon, I have to tell you..I look forward to reading your Blog everyweek it's better than any of the wives in any of the series..you hit the nail on the head everytime with just a touch of sarcasm to put humor into episode..Please keep them coming until next week!!

Viewer-Arg
Viewer-Arg

Team Van Kempen! Team Neutral but absolutely hilarious.

andy p.
andy p.

simon, you're my favorite housewife. i love your recaps, they're funny and well written, well aside from one spelling. bravotv.com needs get you to recap every episode of every show they have. you sir, are hilarious. best wishes to you and alex, you're both my favorite.

LGH
LGH

Simon,

While your kids may not be the best behaved, I am sure they could teach Kelly the difference between a magazine and an actual book!

Heather J.
Heather J.

Hello Simon,

Your blogs are really fun to read and always provide me a little laugh, as you say pretty much what I'm thinking while I'm watching. I have to say that Jill discussing your children's behavior yet again is out of line and very judgemental. I have three boys myself and let me say that your boys look very mild in comparison to mine. Raising boys is a crazy life and it seems that you and Alex do the raising yourselves. Kudos to you!! Ms. "I Know Everything" has one child...and a girl at that, which is way different than having more than one child and boys to boot. It certainly bothers me that she feels the need to bring that up and discuss it in front of others. It's her little way to "dig" you and Alex. Hopefully Alex will let her have it for this...I know I would. I wish she would have put Jill in her place right then and there. Best wishes to you and your family.

emily b
emily b

I love your blog- so funny and witty! Keep it coming Simon! You and Alex are my favorites on the show :)

farmerzdaughter
farmerzdaughter

Really people? You weren't there for the incident with the kid. Are you people seriously making an issue out of this? It wasn't even shown on the show--we only heard about it from the one who likes to stir the pot--who apparently has a new hobby--to bash everyone but Luann.

yummycupcake
yummycupcake

I get that unruly children are annoying and you'd rather not be around them. However, someone poking fun of someone else's child, which Jill did, is out of line. Why bring up something that happened weeks ago, when it didn't even happen to you? Mind your own damned business!

Yep, I have friends whose kids drive me up the wall. I don't mock them in front of their parents. That's really rude.

AtlantaGirl
AtlantaGirl

Keep blogging your funny as heck!!!!

Cyndi Across The River In Jersey
Cyndi Across The River In Jersey

Simon I love your blogs and look forward to reading them every week. Your sense of humour is refreshing and your interpertation of each housewife's personality is bang on!! I would love to see a show based on your and Mario's life being married to these women and what goes on in the background as these women tear each other apart on a weekly basis.

Keep it up Simon, you are a breath of fresh air in the heavy stink that floats above the Housewifes of New York and their bitching!!

ME
ME

Simon, I absolutely love your blog! This is THE ONE I look forward to reading!!! Hilarious. I really enjoy watching you and Alex, you really seem like you have a wonderful marriage and really enjoy each other. Good for you!!

Sharona
Sharona

SIMON, LOVE YOU MAN!!

Sharona

California Girl
California Girl

I love reading your blog! You have a truthful and funny view about each episode. I'd have to say out of the whole gang, you & Alex seem to be emerging as my new favorites. I look forward to seeing what you'll be wearing each episode.

Viewer from FLA
Viewer from FLA

Simon, Despite being obviously written from your point of view I always feel that your blogs are a more even handed description of the episode and therefore more enjoyable.

While I understand everyone's desire to validate their position or explain their actions, your cast mates' blogs seem more self serving and oddly, for NYC, rather provincial. I find you & Alex to be muy, muy simpatico.

Best of luck with your book (and tour). Hope you will still find time to blog for Bravo.

Love this show!
Love this show!

I have to be honest, Simon. I really didnt care for you or Alex (mostly you) in the first two seasons, but you both have really grown on me and as castmates! I thought you were 'weird' and trying to keep up with the Jones' - rather the Zarins, DeLuCepps, etc After seeing the endless drama unfold and how both of you seemed to fight battles with grace and laughter and tact while others were catty and petty about it. You are my fav couple on RHONY. Sure you are a little quirky, your kids can get very excited at times - but overall you guys are a cute family and I look forward to seeing you guys on the next episode! And to the person comparing children to dogs... Ummm NO! How can you even put the two in the same category. Sure I dont agree with all Alex/Simons methonds on raising children, but its not my place - or yours - to bash them for their parenting choices. Francois and Johan seem to be well adusted for the most part. You have to keep in mind they are fairly young/active and Im sure the cameras dont help with keeping order in the house.

nancyjax
nancyjax

Simon, You are hilarious! I love your recaps! You need to do some recaps on other Bravo shows!!! I love how LuAnn and Jill think they know how children should behave. LuAnn was really never around her children, maybe Rosie could fill the audience in on that. BTW I love your house!!!!

Eri
Eri

I love the mature way you and Alex approach the maddness of the Housewives drama. Coorads to you both!!!!

momof1
momof1

Simon, I really really enjoy your blog. You really do give yuor take on the whole show. Most of the other blogs type out a few paragraphs that say absolutely nothing. They feel as if they are being written under duress.

DanaDee
DanaDee

Simon,

I love you and Alex this season. You seem "real".

Keep up the great blogging. I love reading what you have to say.

Rosie2449
Rosie2449

Simon, I love your take on the housewives, all of them. You are by far the most interesting of all the "bloggers" Bravo employs. You and Alex came off very weird in Season 1 but I have to say, after it's all shaken out, I think you two may in fact, be the most "normal" of all the cast members. You are definitely growing on me. Keep up the great blogs. R

haras
haras

Simon, please stop blogging you are not a housewive. I watch the show because of the ladies.