Simon van Kempen

Simon recaps Bethenny's pregnancy news leak, Jill's need for "GAWWSSSSIPPPPP," and Alex's message.

on May 3, 2010


So we’re at Episode 9 and a weekend when Alex, the chums and I are taking a well earned rest from book signings for Little Kids Big City . That has meant that I haven’t had any time sitting on a plane where I could at least start this blog as I’ve done the last two weeks. So I apologize for it being a couple of days late. We do have further signings later this week in Connecticut and Massachusetts so please check out for a full list of times and places when we might be in your city. Also we are getting very close to Mother’s Day and whether you might one day have kids, still have or yours are long grown up, our book makes a marvelous present for Mother’s Day as it’s filled with anecdotes of the last seven years of Alex’s and my life both before and having had children.

Shameless plug over. Now into this week’s episode.

And we open with Perezgnancygate; another instance where information has popped up in either the gossip pages or gossip websites about one of the cast. This is just an awful scene and while I would have expected Julie to have appeared more shocked that she didn’t know, I have to say that first Bethenny’s and then later Jason’s reactions seemed absolutely honest.

I love Burberry and have a couple of their jackets that have gotten me a lot of flack, but the coat LuAnn was wearing when she arrived at Sonja’s was just a bit too brazen, even for me. Having lining in their signature fabric is one thing, but her coat just seemed like a giant billboard. Anyway, she arrives at Sonja’s to be welcomed by her staffless hostess who had had to get her coffee today "from outside." Evidently Folgers and a boiled kettle doesn’t cut it on the UES. And just what is it about dog doo doo this season? I am getting afraid it might be some subliminal metaphor foisted on us by the producers. At least Sonja didn’t accuse the Countess of wearing plastic boots; although in this instance Wellingtons might have made more sense. And I will leave it for you to decide why walking in shit made LuAnn break into French; surely, t’was not a metaphor for her ex?

Jill’s call briefly takes their minds off excrement although the way Jill dissed the evite that LuAnn had already sent her was pretty shitty. In Jill’s words “whatever." (I must give Sonja a big shout out for announcing herself on speakerphone - Jill and LuAnn please take note of her phone etiquette.) Next, what Jill says is quite interesting. First she says she’s just received a text (message) but then she says she received a Google Alert. Now despite what others have suggested she probably didn’t have one on Bethenny’s name but merely a pretty generic one on Real Housewives of NYC which usually flags any news articles about any of the cast. However initially I just couldn’t follow why she mentioned that she’d gotten a text until I hunted round and found you can have Google Alerts sent as an SMS message. Well who’da thunk that Jill is as tech-savvy as that! But I do have to laugh at LuAnn and Sonja’s reaction. After Jill says it’s all over the internet, Sonja advises us that she never has time to look on the internet whereas LuAnn complains that no one had sent her the Google Alert. LuAnn you have to subscribe and Mr. Google or rather Messrs Brinn and Page will send it to you. Remember we discussed this earlier last year when rumors where first surfacing that you were getting a divorce and I called you up after I got the Google Alert that it was being mentioned on a certain parenting blog? Funnily enough, although Jill had just been sent this text and she’s since been on the phone with LuAnn and Sonja apparently she’s already had people asking her about Bethenny’s pregnancy. And at last we get to the crux of the call. Jill called seeking GOSSIP; she needs GAWWSSSSIPPPPP. Really, just who does that and why? Anyway as the conversation gets back on to LuAnn’s charity event, Jill works hard to ensure that Bethenny’s not invited. So clearly Jill just wants the gossip and does not care to actually see whom she’s gossiping about.