So we’re at Episode 9 and a weekend when Alex, the chums and I are taking a well earned rest from book signings for Little Kids Big City . That has meant that I haven’t had any time sitting on a plane where I could at least start this blog as I’ve done the last two weeks. So I apologize for it being a couple of days late. We do have further signings later this week in Connecticut and Massachusetts so please check out http://www.McCordvanKempen.com for a full list of times and places when we might be in your city. Also we are getting very close to Mother’s Day and whether you might one day have kids, still have or yours are long grown up, our book makes a marvelous present for Mother’s Day as it’s filled with anecdotes of the last seven years of Alex’s and my life both before and having had children.
Shameless plug over. Now into this week’s episode.
And we open with Perezgnancygate; another instance where information has popped up in either the gossip pages or gossip websites about one of the cast. This is just an awful scene and while I would have expected Julie to have appeared more shocked that she didn’t know, I have to say that first Bethenny’s and then later Jason’s reactions seemed absolutely honest.
I love Burberry and have a couple of their jackets that have gotten me a lot of flack, but the coat LuAnn was wearing when she arrived at Sonja’s was just a bit too brazen, even for me. Having lining in their signature fabric is one thing, but her coat just seemed like a giant billboard. Anyway, she arrives at Sonja’s to be welcomed by her staffless hostess who had had to get her coffee today "from outside." Evidently Folgers and a boiled kettle doesn’t cut it on the UES. And just what is it about dog doo doo this season? I am getting afraid it might be some subliminal metaphor foisted on us by the producers. At least Sonja didn’t accuse the Countess of wearing plastic boots; although in this instance Wellingtons might have made more sense. And I will leave it for you to decide why walking in shit made LuAnn break into French; surely, t’was not a metaphor for her ex?
Jill’s call briefly takes their minds off excrement although the way Jill dissed the evite that LuAnn had already sent her was pretty shitty. In Jill’s words “whatever." (I must give Sonja a big shout out for announcing herself on speakerphone - Jill and LuAnn please take note of her phone etiquette.) Next, what Jill says is quite interesting. First she says she’s just received a text (message) but then she says she received a Google Alert. Now despite what others have suggested she probably didn’t have one on Bethenny’s name but merely a pretty generic one on Real Housewives of NYC which usually flags any news articles about any of the cast. However initially I just couldn’t follow why she mentioned that she’d gotten a text until I hunted round and found you can have Google Alerts sent as an SMS message. Well who’da thunk that Jill is as tech-savvy as that! But I do have to laugh at LuAnn and Sonja’s reaction. After Jill says it’s all over the internet, Sonja advises us that she never has time to look on the internet whereas LuAnn complains that no one had sent her the Google Alert. LuAnn you have to subscribe and Mr. Google or rather Messrs Brinn and Page will send it to you. Remember we discussed this earlier last year when rumors where first surfacing that you were getting a divorce and I called you up after I got the Google Alert that it was being mentioned on a certain parenting blog? Funnily enough, although Jill had just been sent this text and she’s since been on the phone with LuAnn and Sonja apparently she’s already had people asking her about Bethenny’s pregnancy. And at last we get to the crux of the call. Jill called seeking GOSSIP; she needs GAWWSSSSIPPPPP. Really, just who does that and why? Anyway as the conversation gets back on to LuAnn’s charity event, Jill works hard to ensure that Bethenny’s not invited. So clearly Jill just wants the gossip and does not care to actually see whom she’s gossiping about.
LOVE YOU AND ALEX SIMON!!!!!!!!!!! YOU JUST TELL IT LIKE IT IS. AGAIN, YOU TWO ARE THE ONLY SANE ONES. KEEP UP THE BLOGS AND GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.
Well written recap of the episode. I find it COMICAL that Jill sent a text to Bethenny. I understand completely why Alex chose that moment to inform Jill.
Jill does have a knack for conveying events and things that were said. So, Kudos to Alex. I don't think Bethenny meant anything sarcastic re: the wind up doll comment. I am happy to see that you, Alex, Bethenny & Jason, seem to have a pretty good relationship. Your blogs are getting better and I look forward to reading them. Continued success with the book. P.S.-Maybe you can refresh my memory. Kelly's blog makes a comment about other cast trying to "sell" stuff. Did she not try to sell her "jewelry" line on the show? I believe that got the big kabosh, due to another person claiming Kelly ripped off her design.
Simon...THANK YOU! You call out all of the BS that us viewers are acutely aware of, so that Jill and LuAnn are unable to fool themselves into thinking they've pulled one over on us. Thank you for that! In the spirit of puppies and poop, regarding J and L...if you don't rub their noses in it, they'll never learn.
And kudos to your gorgeous wife for delivering B's message exactly as she did, in front of everyone AND the cameras...so that Jill can't translate that into whatever she needs it to be.
Holy PR Nightmare for Jill (and poor Momma Gloria and Lisa) coming out with a book touting relationship advice while we are seeing her detonate pretty much all of her relationships, including the one with herself as she has choosen to represent herself so appallingly. It's as if we are watching her have a nervous breakdown.
Best of luck to you and Alex with your book. You write splendidly and sardonically, and it is a pleasure to read your blogs each week! Keep them coming!
I am so glad you wrote this, "Presumably there must be a whole host of people around NYC that Jill can’t stand and she can’t recall why!" It's the first thing I thought when she said it!
Simon -- your posts just get better and better! I love the way you summarize the weekly dramas - so witty! Please don't stop blogging. Now I'm off to your website to see when you'll be in Massachusetts with Alex and your book.
Another blog Spot on Old Chap!! I have been checking Bravo.com daily, worrying as each day passed and your blog had not appeared, that we would not be graced with your ever loving hilarious blogging skills this week!! I look forward to your weekly refreshing take on the antics of a mean pack of NYC wolves...umm.. I mean "sweet NYC housewives"!!
Simon you are too much and I LOVE IT!!...lol NYC would not be the same without SIMON!
Thank You Simon. Thought you were avoiding blogging like Jill does! I hope you guys never become as superficial as she is.
As always your blog put things in the right perspective...
WOW! I was still giving Jill the benefit of the doubt.
She has hosted wonderful events... WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO LIE about hosting some event she DID NOT!
She does not need to be the victim of how BRAVO is editing her! She is her worst enemy!
She can have "a terrible memory"... but this just show that she is also a lier!
Bless you and your wonderful Family,
Simon, as always, your blog is very insightful indeed. They always make me lol!! Thank you for seeing things so clearly.
You and your family have grown on me, and are now officially my favorites on the show. Thank you for staying true to yourselves and consistently putting forth an image of New Yorkers that doesn't disgust me -- you guys rock! And thank you for writing a book that actually is worthy of reading - :)
Wow, Simon, I love your blog more than any of the other blogs. You include little tid-bits of behind-the-scenes info, and I always feel like your blog is well-written. I look for your blog first! About Bethenny's wind-up doll comment -- I don't think it was meant as a dig. I think she was trying to be funny. I think Bethenny's actions (telling Alex about the engagement in person, and personally calling her about the pregnancy) show she considers Alex a good friend. But Bethenny is known for her one-liners and she does try to be funny ... and sometimes it comes off at the expense of others. She's said some nasty things about the other cast, but I really don't think the wind-up comment was meant maliciously.
Oooh, if we could be neighbors, I'd ask you sit out on the porch with me and tell me the scoop in person, Simon! You're fun and I enjoy your blog immensely.
Is anyone surprised that Simon thinks his wife did nothing wrong with the 'delivery' of the message. You would be the first to jump down someone's throat if the tables were turned and it was Jill passing on that type of message. Your wife was out of line and you should have the balls to tell her so. But - considering this is you - we all know you have no balls!!
As usual, very good recap by you.
As for Alex: I'd wondered how long she could keep up the momentum on that high road she'd been navigating. Sadly, it appears her orbit is deteriorating.
Congratulations on managing not to erode your credibility.
As always, excellent blog Simon - I absolutely love your blog and tend to agree with all of your observations! Thanks for making me laugh too! I hope you're as proud of Alex as the viewers are for standing up to Jill this season! Wishing you the best, Karen.
Okay, my comments NEVER get posted, but call me an optimist so here goes ... your blog is always a treat, Simon ... you have a wry wit we don't often see on these blogs ... reminds me of our relatives and friends in the UK. I'm ashamed to confess, we don't know anyone in royal circles there, although I'm sure Jill is probably a friend of the Queen and Camilla and of course, Prince Charles.
BTW, would it have been more accurate to have said "interstice" instead of "interstitial"? A point for you though - at least you don't need a translator to be understood, and I'm not referring to LuAnn's pretentious use of French; great catch on the connection between dog poo and her ex. Also,I read somewhere that Alex attended Northwestern; in my circles, that is something to boast about!
Simon, I have to say that you and Alex are my favorite people on this show. You crack me up! You are very honest about who you are and it's refreshing! ~Ashley~
I was waiting for someone to say exactly what I thought that night:
That Per Ez guessed at the pregnancy b/c B got engaged.
He probably figured that b/c they were only together a short time, perhaps there might be a bun in the oven, so to speak.
Love your blog. You're hilarious! Everything is right on the money with you.
Love your comments.........very well said. You have to be so proud of Alex, without fear she went up against Jill and LuAnn and held her own. Now that is CLASSY. Love your family. Please don't change, we can relate to you. Alex and you seem to do what you feel is right. You own your actions unlike others on the show. Like some on the show that are constantly saying "inappropriate", yet their actins are so inappropriate, you are who you are, Love that....
Simon for Pete's sake get to the point and shorten up your blogs. I like your sense of humor but I don't have all day. - Really, Truly I do like you and Alex. Best Regards!
Simon: I must admit you have grown on me lately. Alex also. Congrats on the really informative blog that you write. It really ties up the week well. In comparison, Ramona's is just an infomercial and Jill's has become an interview. Hmmmm..... Thanks and good luck to your and your family with the book and all endeavors.
Simon, I love your recaps! They really deliver the entire picture and differentiate between reality and reality tv.
Simon, I work far from home and have to go to bed early to get up early, so I can’t stay up till 10:00pm to watch the latest episode. I rush into work to read your blog to catch up on the happenings. Last week you didn’t blog and I had to wait to get home and watch On Demand!!! I was having withdrawal. I love your recaps and analysis. Your spot on. I’m glad that B has friends whom she can trust and respect without another agenda.
Simon! I don't know how you manage to 'do it' but you recaptured exactly what I watched with my own two eyes and heard with my own two ears. Fancy schmancy TV editing aside, facial expressions, physical reactions, and words cannot be created just shown. I forgot who said, "a picture is worth a thousand words"...I say a video clip must be worth an order of magnitude greater.
Pooch-->is it a dog, is it a tummy? Hee! Love your shameless plug for Little Kids Big City. Yay!
Come on sweetie... it is about the size of one's balls. Your wife wanted to address Jill for quite some time, but she didn't until there was another message for Jill. She stood right behind that and ran with it...NOW NOW i love your blogs but don't ACT clueless when it comes to your families behavior.
Funniest line ever: "Presumably there must be a whole host of people around NYC that Jill can’t stand and she can’t recall why!"
Thanks for the laugh! That was priceless.
I appreciate that your commentary is always even handed and fair I like your style Simon and I love that you and Alex are independent spirits that sometimes intertwine.
Great recap, as always. Can't believe you didn't mention Kelly's nutty comment about how they kill the messenger. Oh boy!
Simon, you crack me up. You are "out there" but so witty and unapologetic about who you are. I dig it to the extreme. You always give the devil his/her due. Excellent recap and dead on observations.
I'm so glad Alex told Jill in the exact manner that she did. Jill had it coming and she deserved it.
Although I am Team B - I didn't think it was appropriate the way Alex delivered the message - it was very "elementary school". But since I have no feelings toward Jill anyway, all I can do is shrug my shoulders. Moving on!
I have to say, Simon, you have a pretty good handle on all this season's shenanigans. Love your blog.
You are such a breath of fresh air on these blogs. You state the facts and nothing but the facts as you and frankly all of us viewers see them. I think you, Alex, and B may be the only ones on the show with your feet firmly planted on the ground. This is definitely the most entertaining season so far. Drama drama drama. HA!
Hi Simon, Just wanted to say not to take Bethenny's "wind-up doll" comment too seriously. I don't think she intended it to be mean, only to convey the manner in which Alex took the challenge of delivering the message. It was kind of over the top, don't you think. All she needed was a scroll and an announcement of "Here ye, here ye..." I'm not mad at Alex though, Jill had it coming.
But I do wish that people would stop taking everything that's said in the one on one interview so personally. People are allowed to share their perspectives and they shouldn't have to run it by others and get clearance before doing so. Do I think Bethenny could have made that comment to Alex's face? Absolutely! It was a joke!!! As you said, Bethenny made a casual comment and Alex took it and ran with it.
Simon, It has taken me several seasons to warm up to you and Alex, as at first you seemed a little co-dependent and socially obsessed, but you two have become the most genuine, warm people on the show. You two have shown class and honesty, when everyone else seems to be out for fame and caddiness. Thank you for being seemingly real. Please don't change.
Yu are right on. I wish B hadn't made her "wind-up doll" comments about Alex. Still ... I think she's thrilled that Alex came through for her. I hope B holds Alex's friendship dear to her. She'll never regret having an Alex in her life as a friend. I'd love to have her in my life. You're also right on about Jill trying to twist everything to make herself look good. I'm glad Alex finally was able to spit out her message. God knows everyone made it incredibly difficult for her to do it in a smooth manner. Be that as it may, I had absolutely no sympathy for Jill. I think few people do after watching her unbelievably rude behavior -- even in just that night's episode. You and Alex are good people. True to yourselves and others you care about. Love the both of you.
Haha! Simon I just LOVE you! Thought you were a little wacky in the first season but am quickly coming to realize that a little wacky is a helluva lot better than a whole lotta mean!
I can't wait until next season...Let's see who is friends with who...you gossip like a woman, by the way
I have to say, kudos to you and Alex and Congrats on the book. May you have much success and many blessings. Love reading your blog and appreciate the sardonic nature of your comments. You and Alex are now my heros for finally giving Jill and LuAnn what they are in dire need of the most...reality and the truth. No clue Kelly is sorely in need of a dose of the same.
I realize you don't care for Chihuahuas, but don't you agree that Ginger is really Jill's best asset?
I just want to say that I love this show. But most of all Alex and Simon have become my favorites. During the first season I hated Alex and Simon now they have become my favorites. They are the most normal. Simon I cannot wait for your blogs. They help to put everything in prespective. Bethany could not ask for a better friend than Alex.