Cast Blog: #RHONY

Ask Gloria: Volume II

We at Bravotv.com were just as taken with Jill Zarin's mother, Gloria, on The Real Housewives of New York City as you were. We asked you to submit your questions, and you did! See how Gloria responded:

Hey!
Just love you and the show!
I have two grandchildren. My  daughter and there father have been divorced since the children were two and  four. My daughters husband has adopted the children. He is so strict on them.  His sixteen year old daughter is here for a month, and he bends the rules for  her and not as strict, and babies her. It makes me furious! It just does not  seem fair to me. Any advice? My grandchildren are six and eight.
All the  best!

Susan


Susan,  I know you must be feeling frustrated at the unfair situation, but the reality is you do not have the power to do anything about it. Your daughter is the only one that must manage the situation. She is feeling grateful that he is helping to take care of  her children, and is careful not to make him  angry and upset. If you see the children often, you can provide lots of love and attention that they need. You can discuss the matter r daughter but be very tactful when you do.  Good luck.

GloriaGloria after being married for 35  years I realize that we are both unhappy over the fact our children are grown and leaving little for us to be involved with. My husband has decided that he needs to work even more than he did when we were younger, and has announced he cannot ever retire. My work life was interupted by an unexpected problem with my ankle, so I am not contributing financially, but I never did that much while raising the kids anyway. What kind of advice could you give about how to  get our marriage on track so that we can enjoy our lives in old age? Why do people get so unhappy with one another?


ISThisIt?


Hi, The truth is that you have been out of touch with one another for a long time, but the relationship did not who the strain until the kids left and you were alone. Depending on how you feel, maybe it is time to go on a much needed vacation — a cruise, or plane to some destination that you have always wished to visit.  Get away from you environment for a few weeks or a month.  Try to talk to each other and find each other again. The only way your marriage can work is for both of you to care for each other again. Having the "empty nest syndrome" is very difficult for all of us. You can also find your own outlet. Take up bridge or do some volunteer work when you are able to.  You will get through this.  Take care.

Gloria

I have been married to this man for 28 years. I have 2 daughters, (neither one is his) 4 grandchildren and 2 great  grandchildren. One of my daughters and one of my granddaughters and both of my  great grandchildren live with my husband and me. They do not work. They are  messy and sloppy and just a pain in the neck. We are spending money on them we  dont have. My husband does nothing but complain day and night day and night. I  dont blame him in a way. I hear him the first time her really doesnt need to  keep it up day and night. That's all I ever hear from him anymore is him  complaining. I'm getting so depressed and down I just want everyone to leave.  Do you have any advice?

Diane

Hi, you have a right to live out your years in peace. There should be no earthly reason why all of these relatives are living with you. I think you need to sit down with your children, etc. and explain that both of you are no longer able to care of I them financially or physically.  They are adults and it is time for them to move on. You will be there for them emotionally, if they need you, but you cannot continue this way any longer. If that sounds selfish, so be it! I sincerely believe there comes a time when we must think of ourselves first. If we don't, nobody else will.  Hope everything works out for both of you.

GloriaGloria,
I  just recently moved to NYC from Florida and I know no one up here short of the  people I work with. (They are all Married men.) Outside of the people I work  with I have pretty much only met men who I am not the least bit interested in  dating. I have not always been the social butterfly and I would love to go out  and enjoy the "night life" of the city but I am afraid to do it alone. I tend  to attract weirdo's and I would just feel more comfortable having a gal pal or  two. Whats a single 26 y/o to do?


Alexis


Hi, Alexis. New York can be a very lonely place.  However, because it houses so many people, there are places that you can go to meet.  Take up a sport like golf, and go to the park and take some lessons.  Try bowling, or bridge or go to church or to your house of worship and speak to the priest, rabbi, etc. who might introduce you to some members. Try to rent a house with some other singles in the Hamptons. Go to a real estate agent and explain your circumstances.  She may be able to hook you up with some other gals in your situation.  Try the internet.  I know it is not the ideal, but you never know.  I do know that you cannot become disheartened.  You will find some friends.  Good luck.

Gloria
Gloria, I could use some advice. My youngest daughter and I  always had a great relationship until about a year ago. She started dating her  current boyfriend who is 32 and she is 21. He has never been married and has  no children. He tells her he would marry her today but has never preposed or  set up how he is going to provide for her. He has been a waiter for 15 years  (his only job) and doesnt have plans to get another job. He has no money saved  and has lots of bills. We are not people of money so I dont know how they are  gong to to make a life together. I told her he isnt the one for her, he has  nothing to offer her. This has brought a huge wedge between us. I told her I  would be disappointed in her if she marries him. She said if I dont except him  I will not be in her families life. This killed me and I dont know what to do.  Help

Hi, Thanks for writing. You are facing a very common and frustrating problem. The more you are negative, the more she feels anger.  Try not to let her know how you feel. When  she discusses her situation with you, listen, and say nothing.  She will say,"Mom say something" and you will reply, "Whatever you do, I am sure it will be the right thing".  She will get very upset, but she can't have an argument when you are playing the neutral game.  She will get the message eventually without confrontations, and she will realize that he is not for her in due time.  I know this will be very hard for you to do, but it is the only way to avoid conflict.  Good luck and persevere!

Gloria


I am now the oldest on this site. I am 63 and have been living with a man for 16 years. My husband was killed in a auto accident when I was 45. I have 2 married daughters and grandchildren. My daughters are my best friends.My Mother was my true best friend,but I lost her 9 months after my Father died. I always speak to her. Since she can not answer, I am asking you my question. Should I get married? I feel there is no reason to. We. have made it work for all these years. We are terrific together.

Our love has grown with each passing year. He would like to marry.

He is  67. It is not a necessity and he will understnad if I do not want to. I  changed my life when I met him. Moved from NYC and E. Hampton to  Denver,Co..because he is an avid skier. Should I change it again?


Ann

Hi, Where are your children located?  If you feel that by marrying him, it will make your relationship stronger or that for financial reasons it would be wise, then by all means get married. If not, go on as usual. Dear  Gloria~
I wrote to you previously  about a toxic friend. Your words were succint and too true. You had faith in  me and suggested I do the same. I took your advice. I have learned one cannot  engage in a dialogue with people who do not want to hear and to politely and  graciously stand my ground with a polite attitude, poise and genuine warmth.  Thank you so much for understanding.

Your advice  rings true, came through and has done a world of good for my self beliefs.  Many heartfelt thank you's. Be well and of good  cheer.

No Toxic Friends

Thank you so much for responding.  I wish you well.  GloriaDear  Gloria,
I love my mother but she calls me at least  3 times a day just to check in and see whats going on. I dont know how to ask  her to stop doing this without hurting her  feelings.

What should i do?

Sarabelle

Hi Sarabelle, Your mother needs to have a new direction in her life.  Perhaps she isn't as social as she should be.  Encourage her to take up cards, sports, exercise, clubs, etc.  You get the idea.She would not be calling you much if she started to get active and have a life of her own.  Discuss options for getting her interested in other activities.

GloriaI have a sticky problem. while i  love my sister dearly, she is about to announce her 4th wedding and introduce  the family to her new fiance.

am i a bad sister  for not being enthusiastic for her? i don't want to meet him or attend the  wedding. i'm so tired of meeting her many boyfriends. i'm exhausted and  embarrassed that i have an elizabeth taylor knockoff for a sister. she even  looks like liz taylor!

please share your  wisdom. love you and jill!


Viewer

Hi, First of all, having doubts about your sister's  romantic life is reasonable. What is not is her inability to sustain a real relationship and that should trouble you. She obviously needs professional  counseling  and I would recommend that you have a long talk with her without being angry. Try to make her understand that her behavior is destructive to no one but herself and that you are ready to help her in any way you can.  Be a supportive sister and a good friend.

Gloria

Sonja: No Matter What I Do, I Cannot Win

Sonja talks about how hurt she is when she hears her fellow 'Wives talking about her. 

As I said in my last blog, I really felt ganged up on the last time I saw all the girls at the reunion. They seem to be coming up with strange comments out of nowhere, since we were fine when we wrapped last season, and I guested everyone at Jamie’s after the Le Cirque event (leg toss) and at the Sonja in the City Premiere Party when the show finally aired.

They were attacking me left and right about my businesses and the legal crisis I was dealing with that resulted from when I was a movie producer. I had to deal with this all while going through my divorce and no support from my ex.

Lu and Ramona have shut me out since their significant other troubles.

Dorinda says she’s never been to Ramona’s country house. As we saw in the last episode, Ramona has never been to Dorinda’s houses either. So this is a new, fast and furious friendship?! It’s like Ramona would talk to her hairdresser before me. Anyone but me, who really knows her. 

In fact, this is the first time Ramona’s moved me out of the bedroom I always stay in no matter how many guests. I was trying to be understanding, because I know Dorinda is new to the group, but that doesn’t change the fact that Ramona is definitely demonstrative in pushing me away. I don’t care what an ass I’m acting like. Who does that?

I have spent so many celebrations at the country house with Ramona, Mario, and her daughter. So she doesn’t have to feel that she can’t talk to me. Every time I bring up something that I feel is relatable between us, as fancy or flighty as it may sound when I mention these, it IS common ground for us. She just continues to ignore me, so I keep trying even harder to get her attention by bringing up more examples of what I have gone through that is similar to what she is going through. No matter what I try, I am seemingly talking to a wall. Not a good look I might add!

Dorinda brought up the fact that I live in a big house, after I brought up lower maintenance being nice. She moved from a huge apartment with her daughter to a much smaller apartment. That’s when I gave the examples of how I am scaling down. But, I’m not willing to give up my main home and the outdoors that I get with a house, because I already gave up my country house. It seems like my idea to keep my main house is upsetting the girls, and I do not understand why they are so focused. 

What adds to everything else is that Ramona apologizes to Lu for not understanding what she has been through, having not walked in her shoes till now. Yet, she hasn’t discussed this with me. She would always give me very harsh advice, saying how I wouldn’t be divorced if I did all the things she’d done in her marriage and family life. I wish she could have paid the same respect to me.

That’s exactly why I didn’t have her over when I took down my husband’s portrait. I felt Luann understood better, that no matter how well things are going, marriages do fall apart. It’s not the wife’s fault alone. This divorce should be bringing us closer, as it is with her former nemesis Luann, but Ramona just chooses not to let this happen. I don’t want to say, “I told you so.” I just want to maintain our close relationship no matter what happens.

When the psychic in Morocco said Mario was cheating on Ramona, I started crying, because I was afraid when Avery went away to school that it could happen. It does happen!  I care about Ramona very much, and I didn’t want her to go through what I’ve been through. How can she forget how sensitive I have been to her issues? I don’t really feel like she is letting me in when she is so easy to let others in, such as Lu and Dorinda. 

This gets my hair up on my back and causes me to try to get her attention even more. She says to Dorinda I’ve been on the offensive, but I feel like I’ve been playing more of a defensive role. Because of the comments she used to make to Lu and me about why we were divorced when she had the perfect marriage, perfect everything, I am acting this way. Having said that, I do seem very self-absorbed, but I wouldn’t say I’m more self-absorbed than anyone else in our group! I think I really have a thorn in my side at this point.

We see Ramona having déjà vu at the bar at Lu’s, and of course I’m sitting right next to her having mutual admiration in her flashback. That was then! I’m missing that give and take relationship. We used to interrupt each other interrupting like Abbot and Costello. There was no stopping us from getting a word in. Now I just seem to be talking to myself. It just makes me question why she is so unhappy with me.

Then you see me trying to break up the fight between Heather and Aviva in the flashback. I can’t help thinking that if Aviva were still here, then the heat would be on her, instead of me! Is that mean? Or am I just feeling like the whipping boy? LOL!

It makes me feel uncomfortable that the girls are counting my money and accusing me of pretending.

Sonja Morgan

I’m really shocked when Heather tells Carole in the ride out to the Hampton’s, that I am bull sh---ing people that I was a millionaire when I was 25 years old. I have never said anything like that. She already knows that I’ve been working and making my own money since I was 14 years old and invested in my properties with and without my ex. So, again, I feel like these comments are coming out of nowhere and with no basis. She knows how hard I have worked in the garment industry and in fashion retail since we have that in common. She knows nothing was handed to me. We had that mutual respect before. It makes me feel uncomfortable that the girls are counting my money and accusing me of pretending.

At the reunion I threw out a comment about P. Diddy being a friend, because I thought Heather was BSing too much when she was dropping the names of celebrities that she knew through business. However, I’m no stranger to dropping names either, since I make a living off my contacts. It was a heated moment, and I guess she’s having a moment of some type with me now. I was also very upset last year that she said my relationship with Harry wasn’t real. I can tell you it is very real, for both of us. 

I also don’t understand why Luann can talk about the big house in Bridgehampton she had with her husband, and I can’t talk about my yacht. I have fond memories on the yacht with family and friends. I’m not living in the past. I am very much in the moment and planning my future.  

For Ramona to say to Dorinda that I am in denial is very strange. Ramona knows better than anyone that every day I deal with the bottom line, which is frankly about the dollars and cents. I have been extremely active in protecting my assets, and I am fully advised by professionals. Many couples have remarried their divorced spouses once they settle their division of assets because of this very reason. It’s always about the money. That’s why Lu and Ramona are scaling down. No one who knows business wants to give up their real estate. You never make money selling. Only buying more. Real Estate is an investment and used as leverage. 

Ramona tells Bethenny several times that she is single. She has told me this, too, but the second I say that she is divorcing, she gets mad at me. I really can’t win. I can’t say she’s Italian, even though she was married into an Italian family and lived with her mother-in-law for 10 years, because that got her angry, too. It was an innocent mistake, yet Ramona was so sensitive about it.

BTW, when Ramona told Bethenny to breathe, it reminded me of Morocco with Alex McCord. Talk about a déjà vu!

Lu’s son is so wonderful. He’s very polite and kind. He showed me his carriage house,and it really is perfect, and he is so proud of it! I’m happy to have gotten to know him over the years. I have had dinner with Adam Kentworthy and the family when he was dating Lu’s niece Nicole. Now that he’s the chef, he is definitely off limits! Carole is a sucker for attractive men! So I wonder, what will happen there?

We see Lu’s son is drinking out of a mason jar. I love to serve beer in them with lemon and ice like in England, as Dorinda would say. I once again can’t win. I bring my own beer, which is down to earth, and now I am accused of not being Lady Morgan-like. Previously in this episode, I am being accused of not being down to earth. I really feel I’m being picked on and shut out. No matter what I do, I cannot win.

Tune in next week to see how this “docudrama” unfolds. I think you will be very surprised. What a bunch we are!

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